Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pervs in animal costumes, Riot Watch! on Trinidad & Tobago and Tom Morello finally finds something to do

- The Sacramento Kings may not be able to win basketball games, they may receive only the fourth best pick in the NBA draft lottery despite having the best probability of winning the top pick and they may not have a single player whose name the non-diehard NBA fan would know, but at least Kings players care about their fellow citizens. Kings' forward Donté Green was out boating with some friends Monday near Discovery Park in Sacramento and around 7 p.m., they decided to go home. A woman onboard was pulling up the ladder when the driver put the boat in gear, sending the woman flying off the back of the boat and into the chilly waters. "All I hear is somebody yelling, I hear a big splash," Green said. He was able to spot the woman and although the boat Green was on was turning around, he saw several other vessels in the way and decided to dive in. Plunging into the chilly waters of the American River, Green dodged some boats to get to the woman, then latched onto a life preserver that someone threw out to help keep he and the woman afloat. "I honestly don't even think I was thinking -- I was just reacting," Green said about jumping in after the woman. "I was pretty confident in my swimming abilities. It was only a minute, but it felt like a lifetime. It felt like it took forever. Once we got to the boat and everything, I was pretty happy.” Thankfully, unlike this past season for the Kings, the woman didn’t need serious medical attention or to be revived. She was fine, thanks to Green’s quick thinking and solid swimming skills. It’s nice to know that even if fans can’t count on the Kings to give them a good performance on the court, they can count on the players (at least one of them) to come to the rescue in times of danger……

- What to do on a nice early summer day when you and one of your girlfriends are laying around the pool in your bikinis, tanning and talking about the latest episode of The Hills? How’s about casing the nearest parking lot for unlocked cars so you can break in and thieve whatever is inside? Sounds like a lot of fun, if you ask me. It also apparently sounded like a lot of fun to two teenage girls in Lafayette, Louisiana. Early last week, Lafayette police released video of two bikini-clad chicks burglarizing vehicles in one apartment complex. The two can be seen wandering around the parking lot of an apartment complex off East Martial Avenue in Lafayette, pulling on car doors to see if they're unlocked. They are stoned over and over by people who actually remember to lock their doors, but finally the two amateur thieves find a vehicle that is unlocked. In quick succession, they find two other unlocked vehicles and clean out all three. They get away with a number of items including a GPS system, sunglasses and a wallet. Unfortunately, breaking into anything - vehicles, homes, businesses - while dressed only in a bikini doesn’t give one much chance to conceal their identity. As such, police were able to track down one of the thieves within a few days. A 16-year-old girl was arrested and charged with three counts of simple car burglary, while police are still looking for her accomplice. What, you’re having that much trouble getting some 16-year-old thief to roll on her companion? It can't be that hard to get her to talk, just take away her BlackBerry, ban her from watching Gossip Girl and threaten to tell all her friends that she shops for her “designer” clothes at the thrift store unless she gives up her accomplice. What’s actually sad about this story is that you just know there are a lot of dudes out there who would be so focused on two hot chicks in bikinis walking around the parking lot of their apartment complex that it would take them a solid five minutes to turn their eyes away and go call the cops. Why does something like hot chicks in bikinis robbing cars never happen where I live……..

- Maybe you’re asking yourself what the heck Tom Morello has been up to since Audioslave broke up. If you’re an Audioslave fan like myself, odds are that you’re still a little bent about the breakup and wonder if you should be tossing any blame Morello’s way. I can’t answer that definitively, but I can answer the question about what Morello is (and has been) up to. After being a part of great bands like Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, the Nightwatchman and the Coup's Boots Riley, Morello is stepping into another band with none other than Trent Reznor. The band is Street Sweeper Social Club, started when Morello and Reznor. came together for a tour. “We were finishing mixing our record when Trent called up and said, 'Hey, want to do the (Nine Inch Nails/Jane's Addiction) tour?',” Morello recalled. "So all of a sudden the leisurely mixing process became, 'We gotta get this out right now! We've got to start rehearsing for the tour tomorrow!'” Morello also explains that both bands are friends from back in the day, so they have a good rapport. Street Sweeper Social Club was born in 2007, after Morello and Boots Riley played "innumerable" shows together, including benefits and Nightwatchman tours that featured Riley as the opening act. During the NIN/Jane’s Addiction tour, Reznor joined Morello, Riley and company on stage for a rendition of the MC5's "Kick Out the Jams” (an awesome, awesome song, by the way). “When Audioslave broke up, we had dinner and I made him an offer he couldn't refuse," Morello remembered. "I told him, 'We're in a band. It's called Street Sweeper Social Club. It's revolutionary party jams.' Then I handed him a cassette tape of 24 song ideas and said 'Write to this.' He was given no choice in the matter -- and to date, he hasn't said 'yes.' But it's been going very well.” Whether you’ll like the "Street Sweeper Social Scene" album, which comes out June 16, depends on whether you’re a fan of Morello’s Audioslave sound or Reznor’s Nine Inch Nails sounds. The album features 11 songs with an overtly political slant and a style that’s a blend of rap and rock that's closer to Rage Against the Machine than Audioslave. Also appearing on the album are Galactic's Stanton Moore (drums), Tony Award-nominated David Gibbs (guitar) and Carl Restivo (Satellite Party, Freedom Fighter Orchestra) on bass. According to Morello, the group is planning a late summer/fall headlining tour of North America. Clearly a workaholic, Morello will continue playing with the Coup, his work as the Nightwatchman and with Rage Against the Machine. Right, because one or two bands would just be slacking off……..

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Today’s edition takes us to a place we’ve never been before: the small SOUTH Atlantic island Trinidad & Tobago. Formerly, T&T was known as the home of former Olympic sprinter Otto Boldon and little else, but no more. When angry prisoners stage a riot at the San Fernando Magistrates' Court and cause enough of a commotion that Crime Suppression Unit and Guard and Emergency Branch officers are called to subdue them and return them to prison, you’ve got something to talk about. As with all good prison riots, this one started because prisoners felt they were being treated inhumanely by the court system. And as always, I’m going to side with anyone who is lashing out at The Man. In this case, I’m going to do that, but I’m also going to stand a safe distance away from the rioting prisoners, mostly because in the course of the riot, they smeared feces on themselves. Yes, you read that right: dudes smeared solid human waste on themselves. I suppose they figured that the cops wouldn’t want to actually touch them if they were covered in crap, but that wasn’t all these rioting prisoners did. They also smeared feces on the walls of the holding bay, then tore down electrical fixtures and wires and used them as weapons to ward off riot officers. Resourcefulness….check. Anti-authority slant to your riot….check. Property damage…..check. Given the constraints these guys were working with, I’d say they scored a solid 7.5 on a scale of 1 to 10 on my Riot-O-Meter. The man most responsible for inciting the riot is Deputy Chief Magistrate Mark Wellington, who presides in the First Court. Inmates felt that Wellington failed to address complained that holding cells at the facility were too cramped. Obviously, I don’t care what the complaints and problems are, just as long as they’re enough to cause a riot. So well done, prisoners of the San Fernando Magistrates' Court in Trinidad & Tobago, riot on……..

- Be advised, this next story is revolting to the nth degree and not something to read if you’re likely to hunt down and do horrifically violent things to freaky, disgusting pedophiles who attempt to seduce young boys into sexual encounters involving animal costumes. Oops, did I give away too much? May as well proceed at this point and tell you about the freak that is Alan David Berlin. A.D. Berlin worked as a member of an Allegheny County state legislator's staff and had worked in the Senate about a decade, including the last several years with Sen. Jane Orie, R-McCandless. According to Pennsylvania Attorney General Tom Corbett, Alan Berlin allegedly had computer chats with a teenage boy about dressing in animal costumes and having sex. For some odd reason, Orie “immediately and indefinitely suspended" Alan Berlin with no pay or benefits when she learned of the allegations. Why? Just because dude was accused of being a pedophile, the lowest possible class of criminal in this or any other society? “As a former ten-year veteran prosecutor who specialized in prosecuting child abuse and child sexual assault cases and successfully convicted numerous sex offenders, I was shocked and appalled,” Orie said in a statement. “I fully and staunchly support the actions of the Attorney General's Office in investigating and prosecuting all child abuse and sexual assault cases -- including the work of the AG's Child Predator Unit.” Harsh words, senator, harsh words. So how exactly did Alan Berlin go about his freakery? Well, he allegedly used the chat name "alan_panda_bear" and talked about various sex acts with the teen, including the idea of traveling to Harrisburg and having sex in the boy's back yard while his parents slept. Sorry, but I just threw up in my mouth, give me a moment…..okay, back….no, I need to go throw up again……okay, I’m good. Are you freaking kidding me? You sick, sick, sick freak. Not only are you such a perv that you want to dress up in animal costumes and have sex with a kid, you get some sort of sick thrill from doing so while the kid’s own parents slept nearby? I know there are a lot of twisted freaks out there, but Alan David Berlin appears to be a match for any of them. “Berlin is also accused of attempting to arrange a meeting between the boy and another adult, and offered to get them a hotel room if Berlin could take photos of them having sex,” according to the criminal complaint. Hooray, another dimension of this guy’s revolting perversion. He also gets off from taking pictures of other people engaging in statutory rape, goodie. Thankfully, the boy's parents found the sexually graphic messages on his computer and contacted authorities. Oh, and the talk of animal costumes was apparently something that Alan Berlin was totally serious about. Investigators from Corbett's office found a wolf and cat-type costume in Berlin's home. He was arrested, arraigned before District Judge George Zozos and taken to the Dauphin County Jail on $250,000 bail - not nearly enough. I know people always say that inmates are especially cruel to anyone who harms children, but hopefully the inmates at whatever prison Alan David Berlin goes to are especially sadistic and receive a full briefing on just what sort of aberrant, horrific acts he was involved in……

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