- I know admission standards are down for the U.S. military, but is the same true for the Secret Service? I ask this after hearing the news that while visiting Argentina, President Bush’s 24-year-old daughter, Barbara, had her purse and cell phone stolen while being guarded by the Secret Service. What went unsaid is that it probably happened while she was at a rager or a club, dancing on the bar, but who needs those details? It is disturbing because if someone can get close enough to steal a purse and cell phone, I am fairly sure that they are close enough to kill someone. And we trust these men and women to guard our most important political figures? I have a feeling the agents on B. Bush patrol in Buenos Aires might soon be guarding the door at a local dance club in your area soon instead of keeping an eye out for the President’s daughter……
- Who else out there realizes how cool it is for a Russian cosmonaut to hit a golf ball out into space in a promotion for a golf equipment manufacturer? Yeah, it’s thrilling, I know. Look, it was fresh and funny back in 1971 when American astronaut Alan Shephard hit a golf ball on the moon. Now, it’s just a lame attempt to grab pub for a golf equipment company whose name I won't mention. Question is, what’s par if you’re playing in space? Does the lack of gravity give you a few extra strokes for your handicap? Can you walk in the line of another player’s putt, seeing as there’s no actual ground to disturb? Hey cosmonauts, stick to doing actual scientific experiments, flipping over and floating around inside the space station and doing TV interviews. Let’s save the shameless promotional shilling for those who are firmly planted on the terra firma.
- The world has a new biggest loser/most likely to die a virgin candidate, Steve Milton, 26, of Eugene, Oregon. Stevie has set a new world record for the world’s biggest ball of rubber bands, a ball 5 ½ feet high, 19 feet in circumference. Aren't 26-year-old guys supposed to be bar hopping with their buddies, picking up chicks and going to football games? How many chicks can you pick up with, “Hey, you should see the size of my ball……my rubber band ball, that is. It’s huge.”? Maybe if you’re a 75-year-old man who needs a hobby you decide to try to build a giant rubber band ball, but if you do so and are in your twenties, it’s a good sign that you aren’t likely to have a girlfriend in the next few years, or ever for that matter.
- Stupid people can’t stay away from Internet scams. They’re like moths to a flame, Star Wars dorks to a George Lucas autograph signing…….and now Internet scam suckers are being lured in by, you guessed it, the prospect of tickets to the Oprah Winfrey show. Maybe thinking they have a shot to win a car or see Tom Cruise hop like a sugared-up six-year-old on Oprah’s couch, these people are responding to emails soliciting their personal information, confirmation of financial information or the wiring of money to a third party for tickets to the talk show. The problem? Tickets are thankfully free, all you have to do is make a reservation and get on the list. I say thankfully because I’m not sure why anyone would be eager to attend an Oprah show, with the possible exception being women in the 35-60 age bracket who have no hobbies. But the fact that anyone at all still responds to spam emails that request any sort of personal information is amazing, and it makes you realize why there are still so man scam artists out there, and also makes you a bit sad that you aren’t a low enough life form to run a scam of your own.
- It’s gotta be a bad feeling being the quarterback of an NFL team, going into a game knowing that after this game, you are going to lose your starting job. Losing your job is bad enough, but now you have to go out and play in big game knowing that you’re not going to be starting after this anyhow? That’s the dilemma facing Denver Broncos QB Jake Plummer. Now The Snake has played absolutely awful football and deserves to lose his job to rookie Jay Cutler, that’s not the issue. I just figure head coach Mike Shanahan could have kept this one under his hat until after the Kansas City game. Nothing like being a lame duck quarterback and playing a game knowing your team doesn’t have enough confidence in you to keep your job and that you’re only starting because it’s a short week (Thursday game) without enough time to work in a new QB.
- I don’t share the apprehension and skepticism about the new Rocky movie that many people do. Most of the Rocky movies were out before I was born or before I was old enough to appreciate them, and I’ve never been inclined to sit down and watch them nowadays. Still, I don’t hold out a lot of hope for the new Rocky Balboa, despite the presence of one of my favorite actors, Milo Ventamiglia (Gilmore Girls, Heroes). If Sly Stallone was too old and not longer spry enough to pull off a good portrayal of a boxer in the last Rocky movie, how are several years and many more miles going to help? How is it going to be at all passable or believable for him to stand toe to toe with actual boxer and champion Antonio Tarver in this movie? Yes, we do suspend our disbelief in a lot of movies in order to accept the plots and thus enjoy the film, but this is just getting to the point of ridiculousness. Let the Rocky genre be, move on to something new, Sly.
- The current Guns N’ Roses tour isn’t going well, nor is the production of the decade-in-the-making Chinese Democracy album. Already on this tour, Axl Rose has been arrested in Sweden for biting a guard, crowds have been noticeably smaller and a gig at the Cumberland County Civic Center in Maine was cancelled, due to either the band not being allowed to drink alcohol on stage (the club’s story), or the fire marshal promising to crack down harshly and vengefully on the band and its fans during the show (the band’s story). But Axl and his multi-time reformed and reshaped GNR posse are still churning along, although based on the inability to complete the album and the fate of past tours, including 2002’s aborted trek across the country, it would shocking if this one didn’t end in disaster.
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