Tasers, slot machines and "Big Game" overload

- With all of the crime shows on TV - CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CSI: Topeka, CSI: Bismarck, CSI: Myrtle Beach - forensics and DNA evidence are a well-known part of the legal system now. Hundreds of convicted criminals, some even on death row, have been exonerated and freed from prison thanks to just this kind of evidence. So let’s say you do have your conviction overturned and are given a second chance at freedom and to restart your life? Well, if you’re Rudolph Holton of Tampa, Florida, a reprieved murderer back who was freed from death row in 2003 by DNA evidence, you violently choke your wife and get sent back to the hole for 20 years. Ol’ Rudy apparently wasn’t able to shake his old life, which included 11 (yes, 11) felony convictions. Escaping the electric chair wasn’t enough to motivate him to change, and so he finds himself back in a very familiar place.

- Imagine the following depressing, disheartening scene: hundreds of senior citizens waiting outside on a cold, rainy, foggy, overcast day just for the chance to throw away their meager income from pensions and social security at newly opened slot machines in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. What better advertisement for those, like some factions in Ohio, who advocate legalizing slots and other forms of gambling, than to have scores of elderly people on fixed incomes throwing away their money hoping to see cherry, cherry, cherry, or banana, banana, banana line up on the slot in front of them? Will gambling honks also be there to buy groceries and medication for those same elderly people when

- Your 2006 Managers of the Year for Major League Baseball, Jim Leyland (AL) and Joe Girardi (NL), were announced today. No real beef with Leyland, he did an amazing job in helping to turn the Tigers around from a laughingstock to a World Series team. The surly, chain smoking, take-no-nonsense demeanor make him an interesting character, and although I can't say as I’d ever want to play for a crotchety old man like that, Leyland deserved the award. Minnesota’s Ron Gardenhire deserved some consideration, seeing as his team did beat Leyland’s squad for the AL Central title, but the award went to the right guy. In the NL, however, I hafta take issue with Girardi. Managing a team chock full of rookies and inexperience guys is tough, especially when your entire payroll is less than what A-Rod makes for a season. But the Marlins ended up with a 78-84 record and didn’t make the playoffs. This isn't a “good job with a bunch of young players, almost had a .500 record” award, it’s Manager of the Year. Not too much to ask that it goes to a guy whose team won more than half of its games and maybe even made the playoffs. Good managing job by Joe, but the real winner of the award is Willie Randolph, who piloted the Mets to 97 wins and a division title.

- My “Tasered Pro Athlete” tally board is running out of space. Houston Texans offensive lineman Fred Weary is the latest bonehead to be tased, and predictably, it happened during the course of a routine traffic stop. Why do so many bad things happen during “routine traffic stops”? Pro athletes tend to have a sense of entitlement, sure, because they’ve been catered to since they were in high school to some extent, and so they think they’re above the law and can get away with whatever they want. But a cautionary note to all knucklehead pro ballers out there: if the cops pull you over, do what they ask. Especially if it’s a routine traffic stop, you need to follow their instructions. Things will go much more smoothly if you do what they say instead of mouthing off and resisting arrest. That’s the charge Weary may be facing, resisting arrest. So let’s review: instead of complying with the officer and getting maybe a $100 ticket, you instead got tased, arrested and you get to go to court and face charges of resisting arrest. Great judgment, Fred, I’m sure Mensa will be mailing your application to you any time.

- Today is two-for-one day in the world of idiots in pro sports……..Detroit Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen is looking to make a plea deal in the case against him for driving nude and drunk. Yes, nude and drunk, what are the odds that someone would get all liquored up and do something dumb, like driving drunk and going through a restaurant drive thru? The incident happened a couple months ago, and yesterday a judge said he would accept the plea deal if Cullen successfully completes a treatment program. Hmmm, didn’t know they had Nude Drivers Anonymous meetings. Is there a 12-step process for that one as well? Do you have to go through baby steps, such as learning to drive first in socks and underwear, then build up to a shirt, pants and shoes? For the sake of all motorists and citizens in the Detroit metro area, he’s hoping Cullen does kick his drinking habit and makes sure he is fully clothed when behind the wheel.

- How bizarre is it to continue hearing songs and see videos from artists who have passed away? Literally, I think Tupac has put out more albums since his death than he did while alive. Kurt Cobain’s music has also continued post-mortem, but the most recent example is Johnny Cash. Not knocking the “Man in Black”, he is definitely a landmark artist in music history; I even dig his most recently released single “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” and the video, featuring scores of celebrities and musicians, too many to name, although Jay-Z and Bono make appearances. But isn't it creepy to hear a “new” song from someone who is no longer with us? I understand if the person is working on an album at the time of their death and so you decide to see it through for them, but how about we drop a moratorium on doing that same thing well after they’re gone? Maybe a six-month of one-year time cap on that. Otherwise it looks suspiciously like their surviving loved ones are trying to make a last buck or two off of the deceased artist’s name and reputation.

- I’ve made a point of avoiding Ohio State-Michigan game news because I don’t enjoy over-the-top, suffocating, gratuitous coverage of sporting events, but you literally can't get away from it. That said, I’ll keep this as brief as possible: ESPN’s broadcast crew for last night’s Ball State-Toledo game should be ashamed of themselves. Here are two Mid-American Conference teams with a rare shot to play on national television, and the morons broadcasting the game use every spare second, sometimes even ignoring the action on the field, to throw up OSU-Michigan graphics, talk about the big game and even show video footage from a sporting goods store in the Toledo area that sells both OSU and Michigan swag. I literally stopped watching because I was about to vomit; I didn’t tune in to hear more about OSU-Michigan, I actually wanted to see and hear about MAC football, which was what you were supposedly showing. Next time, don’t insult my intelligence by purporting to air a MAC game and turning it into a three and a half hour love-fest for a totally different game that HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GAME YOU WERE SHOWING! ESPN, you suck and the broadcast team led by John Saunders and Chris Spielman, as well as the producers for the telecast, should be ashamed of themselves.