- Set your standards low - or maybe high - and you won't be
disappointed, eh Seattle Seahawks? Now that the reigning NFC West champions
have literally taken one of the biggest gambles of the offseason by signing
portly free-agent running back Eddie Lacy, the process of giving their new
running back a wide berth when it comes to his girth is underway. Lacy, who was
a 1,000-yard back in his early career with the Green Bay Packers, went downhill
- and lost his ability to run downhill with the football - when his weight
ballooned by 40 or so pounds and he began sending out late-night tweets
expressing his hankering for “China food. He tried to get in shape last
offseason by training with P90X creator Tony Horton and appeared to shed quite
a few pounds, only to score zero touchdowns and average 5.1 yards per carry in
the first five games last season before a left ankle injury in Week 6 ended his
season. He went under the knife and post-surgery, he was placed on injured
reserve. The Packers understandably decided to move on from him this offseason,
but Lacy has landed - with a thud, no doubt - on his feet in Seattle, where
he’s reportedly inked a deal for $5.55 million, with $3 million fully guaranteed.
That was surprising because he reportedly weighed in at 267 pounds for a team
he visited last week and that’s bad news for a dude who was listed at 235
pounds last season and whose weight was an issue with the Packers in 2015. But
Seahawks coach Pete Carroll is determined to make it easier for Lacy to meet
the team’s standards. "He's a big back. He's a big guy. Ain't nothing
wrong with that," Carroll said, adding that the Seahawks want him in the
240s. That may be an easier mark to hit than the 230 he should be playing at,
but for Lacy, it’s still a big ask……..
- Most pointless promotion ever? Probably, but that didn’t
stop online adult video reservoir Pornhub from trying its best to get the
message out to the good people of Boston this week when a massive (and wholly
unwanted) winter storm blew through town and dumped piles of snow on the city.
Bostonians were once again deluged with the frozen mess of winter’s white wrath
and with many of them trying to figure out a way to get out of their driveway and
get to work, the store or anywhere else they needed to go, Pornhub made the
offer to help anyone who “wants to get plowed.” According to the company that
runs the site, it boasts two dozen trucks fitted with snowplows and is willing
to answer anyone who calls for assistance in Massachusetts, New Jersey and New
York. “The Pornhub team understands that by this time of year, most cities have
run up their budget in snow removal,” Pornhub vice president Corey Price said,
“and we thought we’d lend a hand in getting our fans plowed.” Hey oh, CP.
That’s a clever one-liner, but is there really anyone out there who wants porn
but doesn’t know where to find it? Anyone who wants to peruse a library of
videos playing to their varying desires and fetishes knows exactly where to go
and is fully aware of the best places to find the video or photographic filth
of their choice. Find one dude who didn’t know about Pornhub before this and is
now aware and a devoted user of the site and it will be more shocking than
finding someone wearing a Speedo walking through Times Square right about
now……..
- Don’t do it, Daltrey and Townshend. You may not be taking
a massive payday to become the latest musical sellout to turn lounge act in Las
Vegas by having a long-term residency in Sin City, but doing it for a week or
twoor so is still a bad look. Yes, The Who will follow in the shoes of musical
hacks and has-beens like Celine Dion, Rod Stewart and Britney Spears,
performing at Caesars Palace from July 29 up until August 11 for a run of six
shows. The veteran rockers have long since passed the point where they’re
relevant, fresh or have their integrity intact by virture of avoiding all
appearances of being corporate sellouts, but taking millions of dollars to
perform for drunken tourists with fanny packs who decide to take a break from
the nickel slots long enough to enjoy a rousing rendition of “Pinball Wizard”
is a new low for an iconic band. What makes this whole scenario even sadder is
that The Who are the first rock band to play a Caesars Palace since the concert
venue opened in 2003 and maybe you don’t want to be the first one on that list.
Leave it to pop acts like Mariah Carey or Elton John to share the city with
Sigfried and Roy, Blue Man Group and Stomp. There is no amount of Pete
Townshend slashing guitar windmills or trademark Daltrey falsetto vocals that
can rescue The Who from this poor career choice, but they could always make it
worse by extending their run for a longer term………
- Maniacal President Rodrigo Duterte has turned his country
upside down with all manner of nonsensical statements, threats and bluster
since taking office. But his latest chicanery may be his craziest yet, as he’s
hold his military to assert Philippine ownership of a large ocean region off
the country's northeastern coast where Chinese survey ships were spotted last
year. That discovery was a jarring one for Philippine defense officials, so Duterte
said he ordered the military to assert ownership of Benham Rise - but only in a
friendly way because, "I cannot match the might of China.” Yes, the world
is so bat-sh*t insane that Crazy Rod Duturte, who has spoken about a homicidal
war on drugs in his country and hurled profanities at then-President Barack
Obama, is claiming that diplomacy is his only option. "My order to my
military, you go there and tell them straight that this is ours, but I say it
in friendship," Duterte said when asked about the issue in the waters
facing the Pacific Ocean. His country has a separate long-running territorial
feud in the South China Sea west of the Philippines, but this off-kilter despot
has somehow manage to calm tensions between the two since taking office in June
and reaching out to China. He’s played nice in the territorial dispute mostly because
he’s brown-nosing for Chinese trade and
economic aid, but something had to be done after the Philippine military
spotted the Chinese survey ships crisscrossing the Benham Rise waters
suspiciously from July to December last year. Defense Secretary Delfin
Lorenzana laid out the Philippines’ position last week, claiming the government
is considering an increase in patrols and the building of territorial markers
in the offshore region. So far, diplomacy has included asking China through its
embassy to clarify what the survey ships were doing in Benham Rise, but one has
to wonder, even while badly outgunned, how long Ragin’ Rod Duterte can take the
polite path………
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