Thursday, February 04, 2016

Noel Gallagher: Still an ass, vampires in New Zealand and man misses girlfriend, shoots dog


- While it may seem like Thomas Callen Jr. had a terrible day earlier this week, it could clearly have been much worse. On the one hand, dude had an alcohol-fueled fight with his lady friend and that fight ended with a ker-slammered Callen reaching for his gun and squeezing off a few rounds. He was jailed on charges including attempted homicide, aggravated assault and cruelty to animals, but had he managed to hit his intended target, the day would have been so, so much worse. According to Pennsylvania authorities, when Cullen tried to channel his inner Annie Oakley, he aimed the gun at his girlfriend and tried to shoot her, failing most likely because he was a drunken moron whose motor skills were seriously impaired.  State police say the shooting occurred at Callen’s home in Fawn Township, where this extremely stable couple argued after returning home from several bars. The woman then made the mistake of going to bed rather than staying up to argue with her inebriated significant other, laying in the bed with the dog's head resting on hers. At that point, Callen entered the room and told the woman, "I'll kill you" before he fired, hitting the dog in the head. According to police, the woman claimed that Callen told her, "I meant it for you." The fate of the dog is unclear, but given the state of the two people responsible for caring for it at the time of the shooting, it’s not hard to imagine that the night did not end well for the canine on any level……….


- The parade is growing. It’s still a small gathering, but more and more players at the highest levels of football are walking away from the game because they’re seeing firsthand the effect that concussions, head injuries and the general violence of the game have on their bodies and lives. Players such as Chris Borland have left profitable, promising NFL careers rather than continue to risk their long-term health in search of a big paycheck and the trend has filtered down to the college level, where University of Texas-San Antonio (UTSA) quarterback Blake Bogenschutz is giving up football because of lingering concussion-like symptoms.  Bogenschutz missed the final seven games of 2015 after sustaining a concussion against UTEP and his decision to give up football came after team doctors advised him to quit playing. "As much as I love football, I respect the doctors' decision to end my career,'' Bogenschutz said. "Despite my strong love and passion for the game, I have come to peace and realization that my health is more important than a game. I find peace in that I played every down with all of my heart and always left everything I had out on the field." While Bogenschutz can't be painted as a star passing up on a potential Hall of Fame career, he did have six career starts and finished with 1,179 passing yards and four touchdowns. The good news is that he will remain on scholarship and be a student assistant coach until he graduates, so football will still bring good things to his life even though he’s done playing. At least now he’ll be able to better enjoy life after football and not worry about things like memory loss, headaches and CTE……..


- It may not fit with the world’s zombie infatuation, but something freaky is going on in the Southern Hemisphere and reality is biting hard in New Zealand. The island nation has seen a number of people injured during a series of vampire-like biting attacks on its North Island. In the span of two days,  a woman was accused of biting a man’s neck so hard her teeth cut through an artery, while another woman was arrested after allegedly chomping on another woman’s ear. Those are two extremely violent attacks and in a possibly scary development, the two incidents were unrelated. “It was a fight between three females and during the fight one of the females has bitten another one’s ear and drawn blood. She hasn’t bitten it off, but quite badly so she needed some medical attention,” a Hawke’s Bay District Command Centre spokesman said in an official statement. Within hours, police were called to a separate biting attack at a Napier pub after a woman became involved in a brawl at The Thirsty Whale and bit a man on the neck. Her victim lost so much blood he was taken to hospital in a serious condition, the Hawke’s Bay District Command Centre spokesman said, but the pair of vampirish happenings in less than 24 hours is enough to make one ask what the hell - other than lots of cheap alcohol - is going on with the Kiwis. According to Thirsty Whale bar owner Chris Sullivan, the individuals who participated in a near-death battle at his establishment were not locals or regulars, which is probably reassuring because no one wants to believe that their area is a happy home for vampires. Then again, earlier in the week another person was bitten during a family violence incident, so don’t bury that rise-of-the-vampires theory just yet………


- Has anyone wondered lately what former Oasis guitarist and serial brother despiser Noel Gallagher has been up to in his wacky life? Odds are few give a damn, but in case you do, just know that the egomaniacal rocker “remains f*cking totally awesome.” That come’s directly from the horse’s ass’ mouth as Gallagher gave the world an update on his next album and plans for the year ahead. He and his band, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, released their most recent album 'Chasing Yesterday' in February 2015 and previously hinted at a new release some time this year. Gallagher has now confirmed that recording sessions are ongoing. "I'm in the studio at the minute," Gallagher said. "I'm in the middle of f*cking about. I'm doing some stuff that, this time in particular, will get really, properly ignored in America.” Ah, playing the martyr already and trying some very public self-pity as a passive-aggressive way of getting people to take notice of him. But ever the sarcastic ass, the frontman explained that it’s actually his goal to be ignored. “I don't just mean ignored like the rest of 'em. I mean properly ignored. That's what I'm aiming for: total, total anonymity,” he snarked. “I'm sick and tired of being in New York and being pestered by one person a month. That's gotta f*cking stop." Ah, rock and roll sarcasm, it’s the best. Gallagher also hitched his new project to a recently fallen star, saying there is a David Bowie influence on the album in the form of a track that borrows from Bowie's 'The Jean Genie.’ On a larger scale, Gallagher said his plans for 2016 are built around the fact that, “ "I remain f*cking totally awesome,” which impeccable hair and general awesomeness that means he’s f*ckin' thriving.” Thanks for sharing, you pompous ass……….

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