Sunday, February 14, 2016

MLB's dumbest pitcher, Dr. Dre + Apple TV history and IKEA conquers Africa


- A western New York postal carrier is headed to prison for a long time for turning her job into an opportunity to channel her inner El Chapo. According to police, Briana Fugate admitted to carrying boxes of drugs shipped to specific addresses and passing them to other members of a drug-trafficking ring for money. Hers might seem like a small link in a much bigger felonious chain, but she still faces a maximum penalty of 25 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. The Cheektowaga resident was arrested in October after police say they found 1,500 pieces of undelivered mail in her car, which could have just been a sign of a really lazy postal worker, but instead put her in the company of fellow postal carrier Dennis Bernhard in pleading guilty to charges in the drug ring. Bernhard has pleaded guilty to bribery and as of last week, Fugate also pleaded guilty in federal court in Buffalo to bribery, marijuana distribution and delay of mail. It’s a nice change of pace from the days when postal employees developed a reputation for “going postal” with various, violent workplace attacks, but sadly it’s still illegal and while Buffalo is a frigid, snow-covered tundra at this time of year and could use some good news, this isn't it. Then again, everyone knows if you want to ship your drugs properly, you don’t use government employees and should always go with UPS or FedEx………


- Apple TV is looking to break new ground and Dr. Dre is the man with whom it wants to do so. Dre is reportedly set to be both the executive producer and star in a new Apple TV show called 'Vital Signs,’ a project that would represent the corporation's scripted TV debut. As with many offerings on various streaming services, this one will have a short run. It’s a six-episode series that will reportedly be semi-autobiographical and focus on a different emotion (and its impact on Dre) in each episode. The many emotions of Dre could be fun and in true streaming service fashion, all six episodes are expected to be released at once in order to provide maximum binge-watchability. Sam Rockwell and Mo McCrae are also reportedly part of the cast, but Dre is the obvious name value here and he has a legit history in terms of movies, having produced 'Straight Outta Compton' alongside Ice Cube last year, as well as appearing in  'Training Day', 'The Wash' and 'Set It Off.’ He’s been getting back to work of late and released his first album of the 21st century last year, 'Compton,’ which he has also said will be his last record. He routinely partners with Apple through his Beats 1 radio show 'The Pharmacy,’ so this would be an extension of that relationship. If it happens, Apple's first scripted TV series and it would be a doozy, featuring a dark vibe and (reportedly) at least one orgy scene. Then again, Dre has never really been about good, clean entertainment fun………


- Sweden’s greatest conquering force is expanding its empire in Africa, but the quest to take IKEA to literally every corner of the globe hasn’t come without a fight. That fight is centered in the northwest corner of the continent, where Moroccan authorities have given the furniture giant approval to open its first store in the North African kingdom after months of uncertainty. Morocco’s first IKEA store was due to open near Casablanca in September, but instead was hit with a last-minute notice saying the company lacked the proper certificate of conformity. That was actually code for Morocco being pissed over what it said were Sweden's plans to recognize the independence of Morocco-controlled Western Sahara, leading the Moroccan government to announce a potential boycott of Swedish products. Although these woes for IKEA, founded by a Swede though now Dutch-based, were seen as linked to the diplomatic tensions, the issue lingered. It wasn’t until last month that the Swedish government decided it would not recognize the territory's independence and in one of the most amazing coincidences imaginable, just weeks after that announcement, IKEA received the necessary certificate to open. A company spokesperson announced the good news and now that the bureaucratic red tape has been cleared up, the company plans to announce an opening date for the store soon. That means Moroccans will soon have the chance to buy unnecessarily complicated, assemble-yourself furniture that lacks both personality and originality………


- Now-former New York Mets pitcher Jenrry Mejia is three kinds of stupid and for that reason, he made baseball history Friday, becoming the first player to be permanently suspended by Major League Baseball after testing positive again for a performance-enhancing substance. You might remember Mejia as the flame-throwing closer who was originally handed an 80-game suspension in April for a positive test for stanozolol, an anabolic steroid. He served that ban and made his return in June, but a mere three weeks and seven appearances into his comeback with the Mets, he was suspended 162 games for testing positive for both stanozolol and boldenone. That the second positive test actually occurred while Mejia was still serving the first suspension made it all the more galling for the Mets and anyone else who supported this cheater, but it seemed clear to anyone paying attention that Mejia had no excuse for not getting the message this time. Yet here we are, with pitchers and catchers set to report to spring training sites in just a few days, and MLB has announced that Mejia tested positive for boldenone and that the right-hander also is permanently suspended from playing both MLB minor league baseball. Sure, he can apply to commissioner Rob Manfred for reinstatement in one year, but even then he would have to sit out a minimum of two years before being able to pitch again in the majors. Mejia has vowed to fight the ban, but the reality is that his time pitching with Licey in the Dominican Republic during winter ball may be the extent of his baseball for now because MLB suspensions are honored by affiliated leagues in other countries, such as in Japan, South Korea and Mexico. He could choose to play in an independent league in the United States, but at this point, he seems to have bigger issues to worry about……..

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