- What
is it with animals picking up blades and coming at humans in Brazil lately? First,
it was the viral video of a colorful crab holding a sharp kitchen knife and
trying to fend off the human owner of the knife, who was pursuing it with his
phone in one hand to film and not a shred of intelligence in the other because
he could have just dropped something heavy on the crab to smash it and end the
chase. But that was nothing compared to what happened recently in the city of
Patos, where firefighters were called to a bar to deal with a drunk and
disorderly primate who downed a glass of rum and picked up a kitchen knife. According
to police, the monkey began chasing men around with the knife and one would
assume, given the greater brain power of the primate versus the crab, it’s safe
to surmise that there was a much better chance of the monkey inflicting serious
damage with its stolen weapon. Thankfully, the malicious monkey decided that it
would be just as happy attacking an inanimate object as a human and was later
captured on video using the kitchen
knife to scratch at the bar’s roof. Police and other pursuers eventually
captured the monkey and released it back into the wild, one for it to later be
found terrorizing another group of people - residents of homes along the woods.
This time, it was captured and kept as authorities attempted to decide whether it’s
safe to release the animal again or if that ability of folks to pound cheap
beer in peace or be in the yard behind their house without fear of a primate
attack outweighs an animal’s right to freedom………
- Pretty
soon, Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh is going to have either the biggest coaching
and support staff in college football or he’s going to have a slew of NCAA
rules violations on his hands - or maybe both. The kooky head coach has been a
recruiting maniac this offseason, doing everything from climbing trees to
having sleepovers at recruit’s homes in order to get the best prospects to
commit to the Wolverines, but it seems like his maneuvering didn’t end on
National Signing Day. For the second year in a row, Harbaugh has conveniently
hired a family member of a top recruit who just happened to commit to Michigan
shortly before their loved one landed a sweet new gig. Last season, Harbaugh hired
Gwendolyn Bush, mother of defensive back transfer Wayne Lyons, in a player
development role. This year, he just so happened to bring in Devin Bush Sr., whose
son Devin Bush Jr. signed with Michigan as part of its 2016 recruiting class.
Bush Sr., who is known for his playing days as a safety at Florida State in the
early '90s, and played in the NFL from 1995 to 2002, confirmed he will be
joining the Wolverines as a defensive analyst. Wait….your son is a prized
linebacker recruit and within two weeks him signing with a school, you make the
leap from Flanagan High School in Pembroke Pines, Florida, to Ann Arbor Yes, Bush
Sr. recently led Flanagan to a state championship, but this move seems tied
much more closely to his son’s commitment and the presence of another top
recruit for next year, Stanford Samuels,
on the Pembroke Pines roster. Harbuagh’s blatant nepotism-as-a-recruiting-tool
strategy also extends to coaches who aren’t related to recruits, as he also hired
Chris Partridge from Paramus Catholic high school, where No. 1 ranked Rashan
Gary attended school……….
- Quit
trying to harsh their buzz, you squares in the state legislature of Colorado. The
Centennial State was the first to legalize pot for recreational use and has
become the stoner capital of America, but not everyone has been thrilled with
the impact ganja has had on Colorado. Some of those people have continued to
peck away at the perimeter of the herb issue, such as those who have sponsored
a bill that would require medical marijuana home grows to be enclosed and
locked. Yes, because the goal is always to keep the hippie lettuce out of the
hands of children - except for the fact that if mom or dad is lighting up and
that stank is enveloping the home, then the kids are going to get a contact
high anyhow. These over-regulators seem nonplussed by the fact that existing laws
already require recreational pot plants to be enclosed and locked. Even though medical
marijuana can be grown out in the open, supporters of the bill claim that children
are picking marijuana out of backyards and taking it to school. A law
enforcement official showed a senate committee pictures of backyard medical
marijuana grows, one of them right beside a middle school and said students are
“walking through the greenbelt … and grabbing handfuls of marijuana.” Sen. Linda Newell (a.k.a. Sen. Wet Blanket),
the bill’s sponsor, is smashing her hand on the child-safety panic button hard
in this situation. “Colorado has the highest use rates of marijuana among youth
in the country,” Newell said. Opponents of the bill contend that stealing pot
from someone’s backyard is already illegal and believe the real purpose of this
charade is to curb home grows. You fight
that good fight, stoners, and don’t let them pry that prized spliff from your Cheetoh-dust-stained
hands……….
- If
ever there was a show that scream for a musical episode, “Game of Thrones”
would not be it. It’s an incredibly bloody, violent show full of brutality,
beatings and death, but it seems that at least two members of the cast would
still like to channel their inner song-and-dance. “Thrones” stars Dean-Charles Chapman and Isaac Hempstead Wright were
asked about making a musical episode of the fantasy series, a la the 2001
musical episode of “Buffy the Vampire
Slayer” and so many other shows that have tried the idea over the years and
these two believe that they and their cast mates have the musical skill to pull
of their own take on the concept. "It
would be quite dark. There'd be a lot of deaths," Wright said. “There are
a lot of musicians in the cast actually, I've got to say. I play the piano but
we've got Nat Tena, who plays Osha, who's in a band called Molotov Jukebox.
Lots of people are in bands. So watch this space, maybe there'll be a Game Of Thrones musical
episode." He plays Bran Stark on the show and hasn’t exactly had a chance
to show off his singing talents yet, so maybe this will spur a change. "I'd like to
see that. Absolutely," Chapman added. Whether or not the cast could pull
it off or not is a question mark, but give the show’s immense popularity
already, it’s hard to imagine a musical episode not getting huge publicity and
boosting ratings even further. As long as fans can have their death, deceit and
danger alongside their high notes and baritones, odds are that it wouldn’t
upset much of anyone……….
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