Wednesday, July 08, 2015

Shaggy v. ISIS, Pope Frank v. indigenous people and Matt Bonner v. Siri


- Even the pope can't travel somewhere new in the world without offending the locals. Pope Francis, a native of South America, hit up his home continent to start off the week and within 48 hours, he had Ecuador's largest indigenous association complaining that it was left off his agenda. Pope Francis is now the target of rage from the Confederation of Indigenous Nationalities, a group that has been at odds with President Rafael Correa for months. The head of the organization, Jorge Herrera, said Roman Catholic Church officials never responded directly  to the group's request to meet directly with Francis during his three days in the country. "It seems we're not being permitted a direct voice," Herrera said. That claim stands in direct contract to the pope’s stated mission of outreach to indigenous people during his three-nation South American tour. The native of Argentina has said on numerous occasions that indigenous peoples are the most vital stewards of the environment and the group most hurt by the ravages of deforestation and contamination by petroleum and mining industries. But if that were true, wouldn’t he want to meet with this confederation, known by its Spanish initials as CONAIE? The group does come across as pompous and self-important when it demands that Francis should grant it privileged status during his three days in Ecuador and it also ignores the fact that, though a lector at Tuesday's papal Mass in Quito, the papal one delivered a reading in its dominant native tongue, Quichua. CONAIE just seems to be the sort of disagreeable group that wars with everyone and it has been at odds with nearly every Ecuadorean government since it was founded in 1986. Ecuador's 18 indigenous groups — dominated by the Quichua to which Herrera belongs — comprise at least a third of the country's 15 million people, but 0 percent of the pope’s official agenda this week……….


- Any time you start to think that professional athletes are somehow better or different than the rest of us, remember the cautionary tale of the White Mamba. The White Mamba is, of course, San Antonio Spurs forward Matt Bonner. Bonner is an 11-year NBA veteran who has carved out a niche as a 6-foot-10 ice berg of a man who cannot job and can barely run, but who has hit 41.4 percent of his 3-point shots during his career. Yet last season, he was decidedly off his game, making just 36.5 percent of his shots from beyond the arc as his team bowed out in the first round of the playoffs. He battled an injury to his left (non-shooting) elbow for a two-month span from early December to the All-Star break and yet, there was no single play or incident on the court that seemed to cause his malady. So the question becomes how one of the best athletes in the world snipers his elbow so badly that he loses 5 percent off his marksmanship from behind the arc. Now, we know. Bonner says that upgrading to an iPhone 6 is the reason his elbow was hurt and blamed the large-screen smartphone for what ailed him entering free agency. “I hate to make excuses, I was raised to never make excuses, but I went through a two-and-a-half month stretch where I had really bad tennis elbow, and during that stretch it made it so painful for me to shoot I’d almost be cringing before I even caught the ball like, ‘Oh, this is going to kill,’” Bonner said. “When the new iPhone came out it was way bigger than the last one, and I think because I got that new phone it was a strain to use it, you have to stretch further to hit the buttons, and I honestly think that’s how I ended up developing it.” Dam straight, bro. You get a new phone with buttons further apart and you’re going to be banging the wrong spot on the screen and straining to reach the right spot for months. The iPhone 6 gas a 4.7-inch display and the iPhone 6 Plus has a 5.5-inch display, both apparently large enough to affect an NBAer’s effectiveness from 23 feet out……….


- You do NOT want to deal with a group of angry polygamists. First off, you have no way of knowing whether all of them are married to one another or who is whose spouse, so you risk offending five different dudes if you insult just one of the women in the group. Oh, and if they come to you seeking more water for  their remote South Dakota compound and you dare to question their request, they take it very personally. Enter a polygamist sect that wants to block discussion of its faith and members’ personal details during a hearing with regulators that will decide the fate of its request. This group has some cult name value, as Seth Jeffs, brother of imprisoned sect leader Warren Jeffs, is a key figure in the group. He and his fellow multi-spouse-havers are represented by an attorney who argues the information on beliefs and personal data isn't relevant to the application to the South Dakota Water Management Board. That and so much more evidence regarding faith be excluded will be considered before the board addresses the group's application for more water at a hearing Thursday morning, with those on the other side of the issue arguing that the group's raise secrecy and history concerns about how many people live at the compound and whether more are coming. Seth Jeffs is on record in documents submitted to the court as saying that to his knowledge there aren't plans to bring in more people than wastewater permits allow. You can believe him because polygamists are known for sticking to laws and rules, so if this cult claims that they are only asking for the amount of water they should legally be allowed to have, then give them what they want. Heck, give them multiple water sources so they can partake from a different one every day of the week because in case you hadn't noticed, that’s sort of their thing………


- Shaggy is right. The auteur of 'Mr. Boombastic' and 'It Wasn't Me' is known for his distinctly quirky singing voice that sounds like how you’d talk if you stuck your tongue to the roof of your mouth and tried to mimic Kermit the Frog and he has some great insights on how to fight the global threat of terrorism. Don’t bother asking how a reggae artist whose lyrics aren't exactly probing new philosophical ground plans to solve a problem that heads of state in charge of the best militaries in the world because one or two verbal salvos from Shaggy and all will become clear.  "If you're able to cut a man's head off, you're sick. But right, music evokes emotion," Shaggy said of terror groups like ISIS. "So if they're listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they're not going to want to cut somebody's head off." Suggesting that music - specifically your own - has the power to bring people together and end the conflicts which lead to violence is a bold move, but step back and consider the facts. People who listen to Shaggy tend to be extremely influenced by something other than extremist beliefs, namely ganja. They’re so stoned that carrying out senseless acts of violence against people who merely fail to subscribe to their extremist points of view is just too much effort to make after they roll out of bed at 2 p.m. and settle in for a breakfast of Pop Tarts and Yoo-Hoo on their friend Steve’s basement couch. So maybe it is time to see if we can stop the bombs by pumping a little “Mr. Boombastic” through the world’s speakers………

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