Saturday, July 18, 2015

"Jersey Shore" spreads to the world, don't f*ck with siestas and a world-class felon in Rhode Island


- Fenway Park has long been rapped for being too small and lacking space for the expected amenities at a modern Major League Baseball stadium. If there isn't room to expand and add in more restrooms and bigger clubhouses, though, at least the Boston Red Sox can make better use of the space they have to go green - and not just with the park’s famed Green Monster wall in left field. Now, the Sox are growing vegetables and herbs in a rooftop garden and using the produce in food and cocktails sold at the concessions, at nearby restaurants and in the team's flagship restaurant that prepares meals for about 40,000 people during home games - all at a substantial markup, of course. Yes, that lettuce may have cost less than 50 cents to grow, but each leaf of it is going to sell for abiut 100 times its actual cost, just like every other food item in an MLB park. The garden, which measures 5,000 square feet and is located on the third-base side of Fenway, was planted in a previously unused part of the historic stadium and interestingly enough, it is not the first garden growing in a Major League Baseball stadium, according to Chris Knight, manager of facilities services and planning for the Red Sox. Fans have responded well to the sight of  a lush, green garden on the third level of the stadium. It’s an odd garden because its crops are grown in milk crates, making it possible to move the farm if needed. A company called Green City Growers is responsible for planting and maintaining the garden and it uses intensive methods, including drip irrigation and planting fresh crops right after others are harvested. So far, the garden has yielded more than 2,000 pounds of tomatoes, cucumber, eggplants, all sorts of peppers, rosemary, basil, dill, parsley, tarragon and kale in the first three months. Sadly, not quinoa so far……..


- Anyone who has ever traveled to Spain knows that you do NOT f*ck with the siesta. The Spanish take their midday napping seriously and some places elevate simple snoozing to a science - places like Ador, a small farming town in eastern Spain. Perhaps it’s a ploy to get international attention, maybe it’s sheer laziness or it could be something in between, the in Ador, every summer day sees a local police officer read out a town hall proclamation recommending that locals observe the traditional siesta period between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. In exactly the fashion you’d want to receive a suggestion that you lay down, close your eyes and cease with being productive for a few hours, the advice is blasted over a loudspeaker system. It encourages people to keep children indoors and turn down the volume of TV sets and music equipment and while that may sound like what the crotchety old man down the street demands those damn kids do after getting off his lawn and pulling up their sagging pants, Mayor Joan Faus said the town hall strongly recommends they stay indoors because "at that time of day it is dangerous to be outside" because of the summer heat. Faus, who noted that locals are not legally required to observe the siesta period, claimed that town authorities and other nearby municipalities have been issuing the recommendations for years. It’s fitting that government officials are urging people to be as unproductive as possible because it makes them look less lazy for doing the same on a regular basis, so credit to Ador’s leaders for finding a subtle way to mask the inefficiency of their slacker regime……….


- Somewhere, Snooki, The Situation and Ronnie are fist-pumping, downing another Irish car bomb and looking for someone to punch out of sheer elation. “Jersey Shore” may have died a long overdue death in 2012, but MTV’s concept of jamming six or seven appearance-obsessed ass hats with precious little self-awareness into a beachside house and putting a drink in their hand from the time they wake up until they pass out drunk and half-clothed in the middle of the boardwalk is alive and well and now it’s going to the place where the rich, privileged and foam-party-loving of the world travel to get their drug-fueled freak on. Yes, MTV has announced plans to make an “Ibiza Shore” reality series. It will be a sort of all-star show uniting cast members from several international versions of MTV's popular 'Shores' franchise, including Spain's “Gandia Shore,” Mexico's “Acapulco Shore” and "surprise arrivals from Italy and Brazil.” In other words, all of the usual drama of people too old for college but not old enough to feel bad about contributing nothing of worth to society but with the added possibility of racial and cultural tensions added in.  "Everyone knows Ibiza is one of the party capitals of the world, so we can't wait to see what happens with this unique mix of characters, personalities and cultures," MTV executive Tiago Worcman said in a statement. The network is reportedly  “excited to…take the Shores franchise to the next level.” It may be next level, but it will never be able to match the magic of “Jersey Shore,” which launched the franchise in 2009 and immediately made everyone who saw even two seconds of an episode lose 50 IQ points before they could find the remote and change the channel. You’re welcome, world, for America’s greatest cultural contribution now infecting the rest of the planet……….


- Some men accomplish more in three decades of life than the rest of us will get done in three times that many years on this planet. Brandon Hayes of Central Falls, Rhode Island is one of those men and sadly, it’s likely going to cost this rebel without a cause a lengthy prison sentence. That tends to happen after your 41st arrest, an arrest that came when Hayes was in a car that was pulled over for traffic violations on Interstate 95 in Warwick, state police Col. Steven O'Donnell said. O’Donnell performed what he thought would be a routine traffic stop when things turned shady on account of Hayes, a passenger in the vehicle, stashing three bags of marijuana on his person. Oh, and the trooper also found out that  as the vehicle was pulling over, Hayes removed a loaded handgun from his waist and put it under the passenger seat. Weed and a gun? That’s not a recipe for success when you already have more than three dozen arrests on your record. O’Donnell located the 9mm pistol along with drug packaging material in the trunk and Hayes was subsequently charged with several drug offenses and with being a felon in possession of a firearm. This multi-state felon has racked up  38 arrests in Massachusetts and two in Rhode Island, including gun and drug charges, state police said. The last time Hayes was behind bars was 2012, when he served 18 months for an assault conviction. It should be good for him to be back home and he’s likely to be there for a long time, as a conviction for his latest gun charge could mean up to 10 years behind bars. That’s sad mostly because it’s going to seriously impair his pursuit of that impressive 50-arrest rap sheet……….

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