- This is what college football boosters were created for.
The entitled rich a-holes who believe their deep pockets and sizeable net worth
entitle them to damn near anything they desire when it comes to following and
gaining access to their favorite program won't donate money to help the needy
and homeless in their own community. What they will do is scratch a six-figure
check to make sure that the new weight room has state-of-the-art equipment for
the future multimillionaire NFLers-in-the-making who cycle through the program
at good ol’ State U. They will also pony up the cash necessary to buy fireworks
so State U can make it go boom every time they score a touchdown during a home
game after State U fails to order enough pyrotechnics to match the point-making
proficiency of its prolific offense during a record-breaking season. Such is
life for TCU, which has the
highest-scoring offense in the country and showed its potency in Saturday’s
82-27 home victory over Texas Tech. The game was exhilarating for TCU and its
fans, embarrassing for Texas Tech and a nightmare for Extreme Pyro TCU's fireworks
provider. Drew Martin, TCU's assistant AD for marketing and licensing,
acknowledged that the shool had burned through its season supply of fireworks
and is working with Extreme Pyro to determine how many more incendiary devices
they need for the Horned Frogs’ final two home games. Initially, the athletic
department ordered enough ammunition for TCU scoring 30 to 40 touchdowns at
Amon G. Carter Stadium. The touchdown total now stands at 45 and the supply of
things that go pow ran out with TCU leading 68-27 in the fourth quarter. Crews
radioed Martin to say they were almost out. "He said, 'Just want to let
you know, we've only got enough pyro to shoot one more touchdown,'" Martin
said. "Sure enough, we scored two more times." The Horned Frogs’
remaining games Kansas State and Iowa State should yield plenty more points, so
it’s time to start hitting up the high rollers for donations………
- Props to the hilarious, hijinks-loving traveler who caused
mayhem aboard an American Airlines flight headed from Los Angeles to London over the
weekend. Flight 136 seemed like any other flight, full of business travelers,
vacationers looking forward to a few days of fish and chips and delightful
British accents and Londoners returning home from a visit to the United States.
However, things went haywire when an alarmist passenger on the flight noticed a
Wi-Fi hotspot with a name that portended obvious doom for all aboard. The
passenger found a Wi-Fi network called "Al-Quida Free Terror
Nettwork" (sic) and rather than realize that someone who couldn’t spell
Al-Qaeda or Network probably wasn’t a terrorist mastermind capable of hijacking
a plane or blowing it out of the sky, this loser informed the flight crew. Oh,
and what the hell happened to turning off all wireless devices once the plane
pushes away from the gate? Way to follow the rules, you alarmist ass hat.
Regardless, the crew kowtowed to fear and the plane then returned to the
terminal building where "passengers were kept onboard for several hours
amid (an) investigation" by authorities. The flight was originally scheduled
to depart LAX at 7:50 p.m., but it was pushed back to Monday afternoon even
though airport police said that "no crime was committed and no further
action will be taken." An American Airlines spokesman confirmed London
that the aircraft returned to the gate after a passenger expressed
"security concerns." Next time, maybe give the world’s former top
terrorist group a little bit of credit for being smart enough not to give away
free Wi-Fi access to anyone in coach with enough technological know how to
guess its wireless password………
- Where has Staind frontman and solo country singer Aaron Lewis
been for the past decade and more importantly, how soon can he go back there so
none of us has to hear him sing ever again? Lewis, who fronted one of the most
forgettable and mundane of arena rock bands a few years back before fading into
the sort of obscurity such a middle act deserves, showed up to mangle "The
Star-Spangled Banner" before Game 5 of the World Series on Sunday,
delivering a monotone opening stanza before totally omitting the line "at
the twilight's last gleaming," instead singing, "were so gallantly
streaming." His singing would have been bad enough on its own, but
deleting entire lines from a proud and storied song that represents an entire
nation is a problem. It became a bigger problem when a video from a 2011
concert surfaced showing him trashing singer Christina Aguilera for a
recent performance of the song. "I don't understand how people that sing
the national anthem can be so f--- self-obsessed that they would try to change
that f--- song," he b*tched in the video. Yeah, people who change the
national anthem are a-holes, Aaron. If only he had remained dedicated to his
prolonged search for that elusive “e” from his band’s name and said no when
whoever was ignorant/stuck in 2003 enough to think of him as a viable anthem
option called, then this entire catastrophe could have been avoided. Instead,
the crowd at the game grumbled over the oversight, Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum snickered
to a teammate about it and Twitter took all of .2 seconds to light Lewis up. That
led to him issuing a lame apology in which he lamed the mistake on a case of
shaky nerves. "All I can say is I'm sorry and ask for the Nation's
forgiveness. My nerves got the best of me and I am completely torn up about
what happened," he said. "America is the greatest country in the
world. 'The Star-Spangled Banner' means so much to so many, including myself. I
hope everyone can understand the intensity of the situation and my true intent
of this performance. I hope that the Nation, Major League Baseball and the many
fans of our national pastime can forgive me.” Forgive you? We’re still bitter
over that crap you and that other guy and that one dude and the other one
cranked out during your insufferably long run as Staind. Now put the mic down,
slowly back away and allow us to start forgetting this ever happened………
- Runners take enough sh*t from the world…now they’re
getting arrested just for logging a few miles and accidentally running into a
total sham of a prime minister who steps into their path on the street? That’s
exactly what happened to Dean Balboa Farley, who rocks a sweet name and a pair
of running shoes well and was arrested after he allegedly collided with
British Prime Minister David Cameron as Cameron left the Civic Hall in Leeds. Farley was chugging along through the
city when Cameron stepped out of the building and a collision ensued. Police
moved quickly to diffuse the threat that did not exist just in case a dude in
running clothes was really a gun-wielding assassin intent on creating anarchy
by offing the prime minister and not waiting for Nov. 5 to do it in honor of
Guy Fawkes Day. Cameron was quickly driven away from the scene after the
encounter and the entire incident is now under police review. At least Cameron
had the typical dry, sardonic British sense of humor about the situation and
later told the House of Commons: "I was speaking to a group of city
leaders... John Prescott was in the room. As I left I the room I thought the
moment of maximum danger had probably passed. Clearly that wasn't the
case." Hey oh, prime minister. Maybe you can share some of that dry wit
with the police before they turn Farley’s life into a living hell just for
doing some distance work ahead of his next big road race……..
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