Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Rock stars v. broccoli, Macedonian corruption and NHL domestic violence


- Some parents need to remove their head from their ass and realize that they cannot shield their children from the real world forever. Sometimes, kids need to grow up and enjoy things that might otherwise be deemed above their head and never has that been more apparent than in the fight between dying toy store chains Toys R Us and Florida mother Susan Schrivjer. Schrivjer, who lives in For Myers but appears to have left her brain elsewhere, is enraged at one of the best toy offerings ever to hit the shelves of any store. She’s peeved that Toys R Us is selling a Walter White doll, based on the iconic protagonist of AMC’s late hit drama “Breaking Bad.” White was a chemistry teacher turned meth dealer and he spent five seasons boldly evading the law and building his career as a drug kingpin. That alone should make him a hero to the masses, but Schrivjer is missing the point entirely. This total square has launched a petition to have all "Breaking Bad" action figures removed from Toys R Us and even more disturbingly, her joke of a petition has received more than 2,000 online signatures. Oh, and she doesn’t have the balls to post her petition under her real name, going with Susan Myers instead. "Toys R Us is well known around the world for their vast selection of toys for children of all ages," she wrote in her post. "However their decision to sell a Breaking Bad doll, complete with a detachable sack of cash and a bag of meth, alongside children's toys is a dangerous deviation from their family friendly values." Blah, blah, blah. Dangerous deviations and vast selections and honestly, people stopped listening to your blow-hardery two words in. If you don’t want your child having a toy glorifying a meth dealer, then don’t buy it. Besdies, “Breaking Bad” wasn’t exactly a show geared toward kids and it’s off the air now, so it’s unlikely that any 10-year-old brats are begging for a Walter White or Jesse Pinkman doll this holiday season……….


- Domestic violence among athletes: It’s not just an NFL thing. Other athletes in sports built heavily on contact and violence have trouble containing their rage to the field of play, as evidenced by the fact that Los Angeles Kings forward Slava Voynov was arrested on domestic violence charges and has been suspended indefinitely from the pending a formal investigation by the NHL. Not surprisingly given the shady nature of the incident, the arrest took place at 12:45 a.m., when Redondo Beach police took Voynov into custody. The investigation is ongoing and the case is still in its infancy, a fact made more complicated because the victim in this case was offered an emergency protective order against Voynov, but declined. Like so many battered women, she chose not to pursue the protection she needed and because of that, there is no legal reason to prevent the victim and Voynov from living together or remaining in close contact. Oh, and a child witnessed the incident and now has some great memories of two adults in his life who are supposed to be examples of good behavior and respect beating the holy hell out of one another. Officers responded to a house in Redondo Beach around 11:25 p.m. after a neighbor called police, saying a woman was screaming for "the past 20 minutes and could now be heard crying," according to the Redondo Beach Police Department. When officers arrived, there was no one home, but 90 minutes later the victim showed up at Little Company of Mary Hospital for "injuries that were possibly received during a domestic violence incident." Voynov was taken into custody at the hospital and a delightful evening got that much better………


- Oh, eastern Europe, you never fail to amuse and entertain while simultaneously reinforcing the notion that humanity is a corrupt and inherently devious species. Today’s prime example of a moral-free public official and his co-conspirators accepting sh*t they shouldn’t in exchange for political favors comes from the city of Skopje, Macedonia, where police have arrested a former Defense Ministry official and eight others for allegedly embezzling $2.8 million from the government by filing fake expenses related to a helicopter maintenance program. That’s right, fake helicopter maintenance expenses. Nothing conjures up the cash quite like claiming you did expensive and complicated repairs that those you’re asking to pay don’t really understand and wouldn’t be able to identify if you jammed their head into the engine of a helicopter and marked the repaired parts with sticky notes. The suspects — all Macedonians — were arrested following an investigation into the maintenance of six helicopters bought by the Macedonian military from Ukraine. The scam allegedly involved flying the helicopters back to Ukraine for maintenance between 2004 and 2009. The embezzled money was then forwarded to companies registered by the suspects in Cyprus, Britain, Bulgaria and Macedonia. The ingenious thinkers allegedly response for this scheme are facing trial for various fraud-related charges, as well as forming a criminal association. With these people in custody, the clock is now ticking on the next band of dishonest scumbags to step up and hatch their sinister plot to take over the world/deplete its financial resources for their own personal gain……..


- Folks are increasingly health conscious these days, always keeping in mind that they need to monitor what they eat and whether they’re getting enough exercise for their personal good.  Just don’t bring that health-conscious sh*t to Kasabian guitarist Serge Pizzorno, because he’s of the opinion that there is at least one profession where eating healthy and taking care of oneself is a ridiculous idea that belongs in the same category as crop circles and saying Keanu Reeves can act. In Pizzorno’s world view, there is nothing more depressing than seeing a band come off stage "and just flip their laptop open, at online shopping. And have some chicken and broccoli." That’s right, chicken and broccoli. Sadly, Pizzorno did not spell out what rock stars should eat or when, electing to leave that open for debate as long as the conclusion of that debate does not end with people eating something green and leafy or a versatile piece of poultry. "I won't expose any bands but there's nothing more depressing than seeing a band come off stage at a festival, go back stage and just flip their laptop open, at online shopping. And have some chicken and broccoli,” Pizzorno fumed. “I'm thinking, 'Are you not gonna have a drink now? Cause some carnage?' And they're like 'Naw mate, gotta watch the weight'. F*ck that, you don't deserve to be doing this job." Wait….one has to want to get hammered the instant they get off stage and not be hungry in order to be a true and deserving rocker? Why can't a dude have a piece of grilled chicken, a side of broccoli and three Irish car bombs as a way to celebrate a good show? Open your mind, Serge……….

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