- America’s national nightmare is finally over. Thanks to
the long overdue end of the Major League Baseball season Wednesday night when
the San Francisco Giants rode the left arm of the tallest redneck in baseball
to their third title in five years, Alex
Rodriguez's one-year suspension officially ended when San Francisco Giants
third baseman Pablo Sandoval caught the final out of the 2014 World Series.
Madison Bumgarner’s third dominant performance of the series not only put his
team atop the MLB mountain, but it also allowed A-Fraud to escape baseball's
restricted list and be reinstated to the Yankees' 40-man roster. No one missed
him and the Yankees could have been equally mediocre with or without a
39-year-old third baseman with declining skills and more career baggage than
even the most corrupt politician. Rodriguez missed the entire 2014 season after
being suspended following MLB's investigation into the Biogenesis case,
continuing a career-long connection to performance-enhancing drugs and further
sullying a reputation that can only dream of someday being in tatters. What has
A-Fraud been doing with his free time? Well, two weeks ago he was on the field
for the Dallas Cowboys-New York Giants game at Cowboys Stadium and nearly got
trucked by Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. He’s clearly not been planning a
splashy re-emergence to baseball because his spokesman said at present, A-Fraud
has no formal plans to address the media. As for the Yankees, they’re
undoubtedly feeling apathetic toward a player with three years and $61 million
remaining on his contract and the declining production not to match his
lucrative deal. The team has pitched the idea of A-Fraud and his surgically
repaired hips moving to first base where he can do less defensive damage,
trying to mitigate the impact he can have on games……….
- Where’s the gratitude, wife of late Serbian despot Slobodan
Milosevic? Mirjana Markovic, who was granted political asylum in Russia with
her son Marko when he dictator husband was forced from power, should be
grateful that the European Union has decided to lift a 15-year freeze on assets
of the former Serbian strongman, but instead she’s b*tching about the move not
mattering because the family has no property outside Serbia. Any good dictator
knows how to hide his assets and squirrel them away for a day in the distant
future when they and their family can pull out their hidden wealth and start
living the life of luxury they squeezed out of a conquered and beaten-down people
during their reign. As for the EU, it announced earlier this week that it had dropped
its sanctions against Milosevic's family and several of his former political
associates, saying they no longer represent "a threat to the consolidation
of democracy" in Serbia. The response to the decision was not a warm one,
as Mirjana Markovic reportedly laughed when she heard about it and said
"neither me, nor my husband nor my children had or have any property in
the EU countries." One could ask how her husband feels about the change in
policy, but he died in 2006 while on trial at a United Nations war crimes
tribunal. Believing Mirjana Markovic would be easier if not for the sneaking suspicion
than she and her son will at some point walk into a Swiss bank in mediocre
disguises and pull stacks of cash out of a safety deposit box to go with the
fake passports they’re going to use to go start their new lives……….
- It’s been 18 freaking years, so it’s about time someone
got around to turning one of the most overwrought, overdone horror movie
franchises into an equally lame television series. Yes, “Scream” is coming to
the small screen – aside from the 8,516,148 times one of the 75 editions of the
movie franchise has aired on basic cable – and bringing the 1996 horror joke to
a new generation. What network is pathetic enough to grasp at this particular
straw? That would be MTV, which has officially approved the project from horror master
Wes Craven and “Stalker” mastermind Kevin Williamson, who were both involved
with the film franchise. This bad idea in the making has been in the works
since the summer of 2012 and MTV has given a strong commitment of….10 episodes?
That’s it? You can't give it even a 13-episode short season? Its short initial
run notwithstanding, the series already has several key cast members on board,
even if very few will have any idea who Willa Fitzgerald, Bex Taylor-Klaus,
John Karna, and Connor Weil are. They certainly aren't Jamie Kennedy, who was
the sort of top-of-the-marquee icon that anchored the original “Scream” movie. The
details of the show are still in development, but there could be one very famous
face from the film that is nowhere near the six-episode stint that will unfold
before freefalling ratings force MTV to pull the plug on it quicker than
anything this side of “Buckwild.” That would be Ghost Face, the killer from the
original film. According to the company that holds Ghost Face’s rights, MTV did
not want the rights for the character. That could be the first of many fatal
mistakes for this soon-to-be dumpster fire………
- When is a surprise birthday present not really a present? When
it features one of the biggest gas bags in recent musical history showing up in
a Rust Belt city to party with a guy who deserves much better? The gas bag
would be Kid Rock, who used to be a wife beater-wearing white rapper/faux
rocker and is now a guitar-toting wannabe country singer who isn't good in
either genre. The guy who deserves
much better is Toledo resident Dan
McGurk. McGurk has Down Syndrome and recently celebrated his birthday in
unusual fashion. Back in August, he posted a video to YouTube showing his Kid
Rock shirts, posters and other memorabilia, and inviting the Detroit singer to
his birthday party. McGurk’s family and friends, being the nice people they are
and not wanting to let him know that he could aim so much higher with his
musical fandom, joined in on the effort and urged Kid Rock to make the two-hour
commute to their city to be a part of the event. Amazingly enough, there wasn’t
an arena full of 20,000 people waiting to hear him perform on Monday night and
so the Kid was free to show up for the party. "I've been waiting for this
...Kid Rock finally came to my birthday," McGurk said. "He came in
singing happy birthday and my face light up and I as so excited to meet kid
rock." Ouch. That had to be the worst rendition of “Happy Birthday” ever,
but it was mitigated by gifts of signed pictures, swag and an autographed book
for McGurk. "He told me if I be good to my family and all my friends at
work I get free tickets to every Kid Rock concert,” McGurk added. Here’s hoping
your next birthday is much better, D………
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