Kind Rock ruins birthdays, "Scream" becomes a TV show and Alex Fraudriguez returns

- America’s national nightmare is finally over. Thanks to the long overdue end of the Major League Baseball season Wednesday night when the San Francisco Giants rode the left arm of the tallest redneck in baseball to their third title in five years, Alex Rodriguez's one-year suspension officially ended when San Francisco Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval caught the final out of the 2014 World Series. Madison Bumgarner’s third dominant performance of the series not only put his team atop the MLB mountain, but it also allowed A-Fraud to escape baseball's restricted list and be reinstated to the Yankees' 40-man roster. No one missed him and the Yankees could have been equally mediocre with or without a 39-year-old third baseman with declining skills and more career baggage than even the most corrupt politician. Rodriguez missed the entire 2014 season after being suspended following MLB's investigation into the Biogenesis case, continuing a career-long connection to performance-enhancing drugs and further sullying a reputation that can only dream of someday being in tatters. What has A-Fraud been doing with his free time? Well, two weeks ago he was on the field for the Dallas Cowboys-New York Giants game at Cowboys Stadium and nearly got trucked by Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. He’s clearly not been planning a splashy re-emergence to baseball because his spokesman said at present, A-Fraud has no formal plans to address the media. As for the Yankees, they’re undoubtedly feeling apathetic toward a player with three years and $61 million remaining on his contract and the declining production not to match his lucrative deal. The team has pitched the idea of A-Fraud and his surgically repaired hips moving to first base where he can do less defensive damage, trying to mitigate the impact he can have on games……….

- Where’s the gratitude, wife of late Serbian despot Slobodan Milosevic? Mirjana Markovic, who was granted political asylum in Russia with her son Marko when he dictator husband was forced from power, should be grateful that the European Union has decided to lift a 15-year freeze on assets of the former Serbian strongman, but instead she’s b*tching about the move not mattering because the family has no property outside Serbia. Any good dictator knows how to hide his assets and squirrel them away for a day in the distant future when they and their family can pull out their hidden wealth and start living the life of luxury they squeezed out of a conquered and beaten-down people during their reign. As for the EU, it announced earlier this week that it had dropped its sanctions against Milosevic's family and several of his former political associates, saying they no longer represent "a threat to the consolidation of democracy" in Serbia. The response to the decision was not a warm one, as Mirjana Markovic reportedly laughed when she heard about it and said "neither me, nor my husband nor my children had or have any property in the EU countries." One could ask how her husband feels about the change in policy, but he died in 2006 while on trial at a United Nations war crimes tribunal. Believing Mirjana Markovic would be easier if not for the sneaking suspicion than she and her son will at some point walk into a Swiss bank in mediocre disguises and pull stacks of cash out of a safety deposit box to go with the fake passports they’re going to use to go start their new lives……….

- It’s been 18 freaking years, so it’s about time someone got around to turning one of the most overwrought, overdone horror movie franchises into an equally lame television series. Yes, “Scream” is coming to the small screen – aside from the 8,516,148 times one of the 75 editions of the movie franchise has aired on basic cable – and bringing the 1996 horror joke to a new generation. What network is pathetic enough to grasp at this particular straw? That would be MTV, which has officially approved the project from horror master Wes Craven and “Stalker” mastermind Kevin Williamson, who were both involved with the film franchise. This bad idea in the making has been in the works since the summer of 2012 and MTV has given a strong commitment of….10 episodes? That’s it? You can't give it even a 13-episode short season? Its short initial run notwithstanding, the series already has several key cast members on board, even if very few will have any idea who Willa Fitzgerald, Bex Taylor-Klaus, John Karna, and Connor Weil are. They certainly aren't Jamie Kennedy, who was the sort of top-of-the-marquee icon that anchored the original “Scream” movie. The details of the show are still in development, but there could be one very famous face from the film that is nowhere near the six-episode stint that will unfold before freefalling ratings force MTV to pull the plug on it quicker than anything this side of “Buckwild.” That would be Ghost Face, the killer from the original film. According to the company that holds Ghost Face’s rights, MTV did not want the rights for the character. That could be the first of many fatal mistakes for this soon-to-be dumpster fire……… 

- When is a surprise birthday present not really a present? When it features one of the biggest gas bags in recent musical history showing up in a Rust Belt city to party with a guy who deserves much better? The gas bag would be Kid Rock, who used to be a wife beater-wearing white rapper/faux rocker and is now a guitar-toting wannabe country singer who isn't good in either genre.  The guy who deserves much better is Toledo resident Dan McGurk. McGurk has Down Syndrome and recently celebrated his birthday in unusual fashion. Back in August, he posted a video to YouTube showing his Kid Rock shirts, posters and other memorabilia, and inviting the Detroit singer to his birthday party. McGurk’s family and friends, being the nice people they are and not wanting to let him know that he could aim so much higher with his musical fandom, joined in on the effort and urged Kid Rock to make the two-hour commute to their city to be a part of the event. Amazingly enough, there wasn’t an arena full of 20,000 people waiting to hear him perform on Monday night and so the Kid was free to show up for the party. "I've been waiting for this ...Kid Rock finally came to my birthday," McGurk said. "He came in singing happy birthday and my face light up and I as so excited to meet kid rock." Ouch. That had to be the worst rendition of “Happy Birthday” ever, but it was mitigated by gifts of signed pictures, swag and an autographed book for McGurk. "He told me if I be good to my family and all my friends at work I get free tickets to every Kid Rock concert,” McGurk added. Here’s hoping your next birthday is much better, D………

Bon Iver's hipster festival, Riot Watch! Benin and the Lakers' tragedy begins

- What has Denzel Washington been up to lately? Other than starring in Hollywood blockbusters, going to red carpet events and hanging with fellow A-listers, of course? Funny you should ask, because it turns out that a massive movie star also likes to hang out in hellhole college towns in Tennessee doing bong rips in cheap apartments and lying to the police about who he is. Such is the story from Murfreesboro, Tenn., where police arrested a man claiming to be Washington after responding to a noise complaint at an apartment on Huntington Drive. When they rolled onto the scene, officers had to be stunned to smell the scent of marijuana smoke because no one ever does anything remotely stupid when they’ve spent the night getting high with friends. Actually, stoners having enough energy to make sufficient noise to register a complaint is somewhat curious, but the officers figured something might be up and called for backup. When the legal posse went inside, they found the drugs they had sniffed out earlier and began to process the scene. Everyone inside the apartment reluctantly identified themselves to the officers, but one man offered up a name that seemed to be a potential lie. He identified himself as Denzel Washington, but officers weren't buying it and did some digging. Stunningly, they learned that Denzel was not Denzel at all, but rather Justin Seay. Seay then added a charge of criminal impersonation to go with the drug and parole violations he was already facing, making it a “Harold and Kumar”-worthy night that should be up for consideration in the Stoner Hall of Fame………

- How is the season going to go for the Los Angeles Lakers? Try asking rookie forward Julius Randle, the team's top draft choice in June, and make sure you can understand him through the weeping and tears coming from his hospital room once they wheel him out of the operating room. Also, pull up a chair and get comfortable because he’s going to have plenty of time to talk, what with his right tibia being shattered less than one game into his NBA career. In a double-digit home opener loss, Randle went down and the team has already announced that it expects him to miss the rest of the season. "It is heartbreaking, because I saw him all summer," coach Byron Scott said. "I saw the work that he was putting in. I saw the progression that he was making, the steps that he was taking to get better. And his first game, he goes down.” The injury could actually be a positive for both Randle and the team, because he doesn’t have to be directly involved with what’s going to be the worst season in franchise history and the team can suck even worse than it otherwise would have thanks to missing its prized rookie, therefore increasing its odds of winning the top pick in the draft lottery. According to players near Randle went he went down, there was an audible popping sound and he held his leg for several minutes while medical officials tended to him. Randle went off on a stretcher and the Lakers went down by 18 points as aging superstar Kobe Bryant fought with former teammate Dwight Howard over a cheap shot elbow. The Lakers couldn’t stop anyone, surrendered 50 free throw attempts and saw their offense look every bit as punchless as expected. In short, it was a horrifying preview of what the team and its celebrity fans can expect in the months ahead and this could be the most terrifying horror story in Hollywood in a long time………

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Long overlooked in the African and Middle East dissidence scene, Benin is getting into the mix thanks to the opposition's call for local elections and the willingness of some 30,000 supporters to take to the streets and demand the change their government is unwilling to give them. The massive crowd gathered in the capital city, Porto-Novo, to support the call for elections that were supposed to take place in March 2013. They have been repeatedly postponed due to alleged issues with electoral lists and despite showing no actual inclination to hold the vote, officials continue to insist that the elections will take place before the end of the year. Not satisfied with those lies, opposition parties called the rally to make sure the issue could not continue to be back-burnered in the West African nation. Opposition leader Oswald Homeky said the country is at an impasse and reiterated claims that the opposition will not back down until its demands are met. President Boni Yayi was elected in 2006 in a landslide vote and won re-election in 2011, but he’s locked in as the leader of the country through 2016, so changing local leadership is the next best option for those seeking change. The drama became even more intense last yet due to a surprise government reshuffle and that sparked a growing protest movement accusing Yayi of seeking to remove term limits to increase his time in power. Should that be his dastardly plan, he has nearly two years to execute it and if that means two more years of angry uprisings featuring increasing levels of violence and dissidence, then it’s a win for the world………

- Let the hipster condescension begin. Bon Iver's Justin Vernon is arguably the most pompous indie rocker in a world full of people who like things ironically and believe they’re cooler than you, so one can only hope that Vernon hosting his own festival will bring out the fake-glasses-wearing, flannel-rocking, obscure-band-loving tools to celebrate with one of their icons. The Eaux Claires Music And Arts Festival will take place next summer on Foster Farm in Eau Claire, Wisc. which is normally not a place anyone would ever want to go without a gun pointed to their head, but it is Vernon’s hometown and therefore deemed worthy of such an event. The plan is for a capacity of 25,000 and for the event to take place July 17-18, with acts playing on two stages and in one large tent. Because he loves him some spotlight, Vernon will curate the festival line-up himself. There is no lineup as of yet, but Vernon is a sure bet to play either as a solo act, with Bon Iver or with his side project, Volcano Choir – maybe all three. He hasn’t exactly been busy of late and his last public move was releasing a new Bon Iver song earlier this year. That track, “Heavenly Father,” featured on the soundtrack to Zach Braff film “Wish I Was Here.” It was the first new Bon Iver material from Vernon since his self-titled 2011 album and it put Vernon alongside fellow indie favorite like The Shins and Cat Power.  Summer time is festival time and tossing another one onto the heap will hardly overload the concert scene, but the idea of the a-holes who like and support Vernon gathering in one place for two full days is either an opportunity to quarantine them all from the rest of society or a surefire way for any non-hipsters in attendance to reach a breaking point in their tolerance for flannel……..

NBA owner bigotry, logic v. Halloween and "Better Call Saul" goes dramatic

- Keep it up, jailed Venezuelan opposition leader Leopoldo Lopez. Lopez is fighting a tyrannical, fascist regime that refuses to give any oxygen to dissenting voices and has kept him in jail for his role in the street demonstrations that shook the socialist Latin American nation this winter and spring. The government seized upon Lopez’s willingness to speak out against its heinous and corrupt means of governance as a chance to charge him with inciting violence. The charge incensed the right-thinking free world and the United Nations has used its total lack of power and influence to request Lopez’s freedom. The case was supposed to move forward Tuesday, but Lopez boldly refused to appear in court in an attempt to pressure the government to respond to the U.N. request. Instead of a scheduled court sham, er, appearance, Lopez refused to leave the military prison where he is being held, citing the court's refusal to respond to U.N. demands for his freedom. The U.N. Working Group on Arbitrary Detentions totally sounds like a made-up entity in an Austin Powers movie, but it appears to be a real group and it has called on Venezuela to immediately release Lopez and other jailed government opponents. Last week, the U.N.'s top human rights official joined the chorus against Nicolas Maduro’s regime and its stance on the issue, but the government has continued to ignore logic, common sense, fairness, justice and the toothless U.N. by keeping Lopez and his fellow dissenters right where they are……

- The particulars of the “Breaking Bad” spin-off “Better Call Saul” are coming into focus courtesy of Bob Odenkirk and Vince Gilligan and despite previous intimations that the show would be full of laughs, the actor and show creator are suggesting that it will skew in a different direction. Odenkirk will reprise his role as Saul Goodman in the new series, which is expected to launch in 2015 and said the show will be more dramatic than most fans suggest. The expectations of laughs came largely from the way he played Saul on “Breaking Bad,” but it seems Saul has different gears to his personality. Gilligan furthered than notion and said fans should keep an open mind. “It's total drama, man. It's 85 percent drama, 15 percent comedy," Gilligan said. Believe it or not, Odenkirk is actually looking forward to this character shift and believes it will be fun to delve deep into the mind of Saul. "One of the cool things about playing Saul now is that I get to have those moments [of depth]," Odenkirk said. "I've certainly gotten a chance to dig deep in Better Call Saul." Comedy or drama, the show will explore the origins of “Breaking Bad” protagonist Walter White’s lawyer Saul Goodman and when the new show debuts, Sail will be going by the name James McGill and doing legal work with fixer Mike Ehrmantraut. The show will be set in 2002, a full six years before Saul and Walt fictionally met. The first season will hit the air in February with 10 episodes, to be followed by an already-commissioned second season of 13 episodes……….

- Boom and boom.  Riverside, Calif. was a town in need of someone to step up and shut down a display that was ruining Halloween for so many and thankfully, the powers that be took care of the problem. For the second time this decade, a gaudy and oversized homage to a fake holiday has been shut down, leaving its creators and some neighbors crushed and everyone else not-so-secretly pumping their fists in joy. Kevin Judd said police officers told him that the show at the home on Deercreek Drive violated a noise ordinance and  given how loud and obnoxious that sh*t was, they were right. “They sat and watched for a while and then they waited until it was over,” Judd said. “And then they came over, told us pretty much we were done.” His wife Amber claimed the display was “just purely to bring happiness and cohesiveness to the families and friends,” seeming to ignore the fact that wasting electricity and putting up tacky decorations is the surest way to bring down anyone who has to look at it. The over-the-top coordination of lights and music was a collaboration between two families, so blame can be spread equally between the Judd family and their neighbor across the street, Mark Betty. Betty allowed the Judds to use his home, which is across from a park, as a space for families to gather an enjoy the lights. “The crowd was sitting in the grass area. We weren’t blocking traffic or leaving trash or anything,” Kevin Judd said. Oh, and this arrangement was a blatant attempt to circumvent the law because two years ago, the Judds had a similar display and were told to shut it down. Maybe this time the message will get through………

- Memo to all NBA owners and executives: If you have any thoughts, remarks or observations that may be considered racist, bigoted or otherwise may stereotype a specific group of people in any way, go ahead and run them by someone much smarter than you before putting them in a memo, email, fax, letter or text message. Men and women smart enough to make the amount of money it takes to own an NBA should probably know better, but after Golden State Warriors co-owner Peter Guber wrote to team employees to say that he regrets if anybody was offended by his unintentional use of "hoodish" in an email, it’s worth pointing out. Guber joined soon-to-be-former Atlanta Hawks owner Bruce Levenson, who announced last month that he would sell his controlling interest in the and apologized for expressing racially offensive views in an email in August 2012. Levenson said the Hawks struggle with attendance because "the black crowd scared away the whites and there are simply not enough affluent black fans to build a significant season ticket base." Guber likewise went full-on idiot when he listed "hoodish" as one of the languages he planned to learn as he replied to a team email praising the franchise for having five international players on this season's roster. He tried to cover up his mistake by saying as a Jewish man, he intended to type Yiddish. The message came after Warriors vice president of communications Raymond Ridder forwarded a news release from the league to team employees letting them know that the league's 30 teams will have a record 101 international players from 37 countries and territories. Guber responded to the email: "I'm taking rosetta stone to learn Hungarian Serbian Australian swahili and hoodish This year. But it's nice." Nice try, P. Autocorrect snipers a lot of people and maybe it really did happen here, but if hoodish isn't a real word, then why would your phone or computer be trying to change whatever you typed to it………..

Runner v. David Cameron, Staind v. National Anthem and TCU v. limited fireworks

- This is what college football boosters were created for. The entitled rich a-holes who believe their deep pockets and sizeable net worth entitle them to damn near anything they desire when it comes to following and gaining access to their favorite program won't donate money to help the needy and homeless in their own community. What they will do is scratch a six-figure check to make sure that the new weight room has state-of-the-art equipment for the future multimillionaire NFLers-in-the-making who cycle through the program at good ol’ State U. They will also pony up the cash necessary to buy fireworks so State U can make it go boom every time they score a touchdown during a home game after State U fails to order enough pyrotechnics to match the point-making proficiency of its prolific offense during a record-breaking season. Such is life for TCU, which has the highest-scoring offense in the country and showed its potency in Saturday’s 82-27 home victory over Texas Tech. The game was exhilarating for TCU and its fans, embarrassing for Texas Tech and a nightmare for Extreme Pyro TCU's fireworks provider. Drew Martin, TCU's assistant AD for marketing and licensing, acknowledged that the shool had burned through its season supply of fireworks and is working with Extreme Pyro to determine how many more incendiary devices they need for the Horned Frogs’ final two home games. Initially, the athletic department ordered enough ammunition for TCU scoring 30 to 40 touchdowns at Amon G. Carter Stadium. The touchdown total now stands at 45 and the supply of things that go pow ran out with TCU leading 68-27 in the fourth quarter. Crews radioed Martin to say they were almost out. "He said, 'Just want to let you know, we've only got enough pyro to shoot one more touchdown,'" Martin said. "Sure enough, we scored two more times." The Horned Frogs’ remaining games Kansas State and Iowa State should yield plenty more points, so it’s time to start hitting up the high rollers for donations………

- Props to the hilarious, hijinks-loving traveler who caused mayhem aboard an American Airlines flight headed from Los Angeles to London over the weekend. Flight 136 seemed like any other flight, full of business travelers, vacationers looking forward to a few days of fish and chips and delightful British accents and Londoners returning home from a visit to the United States. However, things went haywire when an alarmist passenger on the flight noticed a Wi-Fi hotspot with a name that portended obvious doom for all aboard. The passenger found a Wi-Fi network called "Al-Quida Free Terror Nettwork" (sic) and rather than realize that someone who couldn’t spell Al-Qaeda or Network probably wasn’t a terrorist mastermind capable of hijacking a plane or blowing it out of the sky, this loser informed the flight crew. Oh, and what the hell happened to turning off all wireless devices once the plane pushes away from the gate? Way to follow the rules, you alarmist ass hat. Regardless, the crew kowtowed to fear and the plane then returned to the terminal building where "passengers were kept onboard for several hours amid (an) investigation" by authorities. The flight was originally scheduled to depart LAX at 7:50 p.m., but it was pushed back to Monday afternoon even though airport police said that "no crime was committed and no further action will be taken." An American Airlines spokesman confirmed London that the aircraft returned to the gate after a passenger expressed "security concerns." Next time, maybe give the world’s former top terrorist group a little bit of credit for being smart enough not to give away free Wi-Fi access to anyone in coach with enough technological know how to guess its wireless password………

- Where has Staind frontman and solo country singer Aaron Lewis been for the past decade and more importantly, how soon can he go back there so none of us has to hear him sing ever again? Lewis, who fronted one of the most forgettable and mundane of arena rock bands a few years back before fading into the sort of obscurity such a middle act deserves, showed up to mangle "The Star-Spangled Banner" before Game 5 of the World Series on Sunday, delivering a monotone opening stanza before totally omitting the line "at the twilight's last gleaming," instead singing, "were so gallantly streaming." His singing would have been bad enough on its own, but deleting entire lines from a proud and storied song that represents an entire nation is a problem. It became a bigger problem when a video from a 2011 concert surfaced showing him trashing singer Christina Aguilera for a recent performance of the song. "I don't understand how people that sing the national anthem can be so f--- self-obsessed that they would try to change that f--- song," he b*tched in the video. Yeah, people who change the national anthem are a-holes, Aaron. If only he had remained dedicated to his prolonged search for that elusive “e” from his band’s name and said no when whoever was ignorant/stuck in 2003 enough to think of him as a viable anthem option called, then this entire catastrophe could have been avoided. Instead, the crowd at the game grumbled over the oversight, Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum snickered to a teammate about it and Twitter took all of .2 seconds to light Lewis up. That led to him issuing a lame apology in which he lamed the mistake on a case of shaky nerves. "All I can say is I'm sorry and ask for the Nation's forgiveness. My nerves got the best of me and I am completely torn up about what happened," he said. "America is the greatest country in the world. 'The Star-Spangled Banner' means so much to so many, including myself. I hope everyone can understand the intensity of the situation and my true intent of this performance. I hope that the Nation, Major League Baseball and the many fans of our national pastime can forgive me.” Forgive you? We’re still bitter over that crap you and that other guy and that one dude and the other one cranked out during your insufferably long run as Staind. Now put the mic down, slowly back away and allow us to start forgetting this ever happened………

- Runners take enough sh*t from the world…now they’re getting arrested just for logging a few miles and accidentally running into a total sham of a prime minister who steps into their path on the street? That’s exactly what happened to Dean Balboa Farley, who rocks a sweet name and a pair of running shoes well and was arrested after he allegedly collided with British Prime Minister David Cameron as Cameron left the Civic Hall in Leeds.  Farley was chugging along through the city when Cameron stepped out of the building and a collision ensued. Police moved quickly to diffuse the threat that did not exist just in case a dude in running clothes was really a gun-wielding assassin intent on creating anarchy by offing the prime minister and not waiting for Nov. 5 to do it in honor of Guy Fawkes Day. Cameron was quickly driven away from the scene after the encounter and the entire incident is now under police review. At least Cameron had the typical dry, sardonic British sense of humor about the situation and later told the House of Commons: "I was speaking to a group of city leaders... John Prescott was in the room. As I left I the room I thought the moment of maximum danger had probably passed. Clearly that wasn't the case." Hey oh, prime minister. Maybe you can share some of that dry wit with the police before they turn Farley’s life into a living hell just for doing some distance work ahead of his next big road race……..

Movie news, selfie-thieving cops and Army football recruits the right way

- Hey Egypt, how’s it going with that whole not being an oppressive, totalitarian regime than tramples the basic rights of your people and crushes any voices of dissent under the unforgiving heel of its combat boots? Good, you say? Let’s take a closer look. How about we start with an Egyptian court doing some work on the weekend and convicting 23 activists, including prominent rights campaigners, of staging an illegal demonstration and sentencing them each to three years in jail? That sounds like some great tolerance, right? But wait, there’s more. The Cairo court also fined the defendants, who include eight women, a robust 10,000 pounds (about $1,400) each. Making matters even more sketchy, the case stems from a peaceful demonstration the defendants had allegedly participated in last summer near the presidential palace in Cairo's Heliopolis suburb. Yes, a PEACEFUL protest. Sure, it came in protest of a law adopted late last year severely restricting the right to stage street protests, but no Molotov cocktails were thrown and no dumpsters were set afire. The defendants did face made-up charges like damaging public property and assaulting policemen, but proof for those charges isn’t exactly overwhelming. The conviction is alarming as it is the latest in a government crackdown against liberal pro-democracy activists, many of whom were leading figures of the popular uprising that forced longtime ruler Hosni Mubarak to step down in February 2011. Hundreds of Islamists have died in the years that have followed and now well-known activist Sanaa Seif, who hails from a family of longtime rights campaigners, and prominent rights lawyer Yara Sallam are headed to jail. The defendants can appeal, but one can surmise that their odds for victory aren’t overwhelming………..

- Getting top football players to commit to the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, New York ain’t easy. Signing on with Army means a) getting your ass kicked much of the time because you have weight limits and fitness restrictions that non-military schools don’t have and they are therefore bigger and stronger and b) committing to serve in the military after graduation. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that the school is in the midst of a mini-crisis for treating recruits to a party, dinner with female cadets, cash from boosters and VIP treatment on a party bus that included cheerleaders and a police escort in January. The school has disciplined 20 cadets for promoting underage drinking and has self-reported a football recruiting violation to the NCAA stemming from the incident and yet the players involved, including starting quarterback Angel Santiago , are expected to play in Army's next game against Air Force on Nov. 1. "Although seen as a minor infraction by the NCAA, the U.S. Military Academy takes this very seriously," West Point said in a statement. "We adjudicated this under Article 10 of the Cadet Disciplinary Code and all cadets appeared before the Commandant's Disciplinary Board." Blah, blah, blah. Compared to what most schools do to pull players – extremely attractive female student hostesses, under-the-table perks and benefits including cash and travel, expensive dinners – Army is swimming in the shallow end of the bribery pool. Big ups to Lt. Col. Chad Davis, West Point's director of football operations, who allegedly recruited cheerleaders and players on Army's women's basketball and volleyball teams to act as dates to recruits in February. Guys like hot chicks and the guys Army is trying to recruit will someday put their lives on the line for the United States, so a fun evening with an attractive lady is the least we can do for them……….

- Being arrested is generally enough to ruin a person’s day. The law probably doesn’t need to pile on by prying into that person’s smartphone and seeing if the woman they just arrested has any titillating pictures stored in the cloud. That’s apparently how the California Highway Patrol rolls, at least when it comes to certain officers within the CHP’s Golden Gate Division. Avery Browne, chief of the division in question, addressed reports over the weekend that officers shared explicit photos stolen from female suspects’ cell phones. Browne condemned the actions following reports that at least two officers assigned to the CHP’s Dublin office had exchanged crude text messages about the bodies of two women one of the officers took into custody during his patrol. “The allegations that have been brought forward are disappointing,” Browne said. “The callousness and depravity with which these officers communicated about women is dehumanizing, horribly offensive and degrading to all women.” If only there were some sort of law in place preventing that sort of behavior and if only those involved somehow knew and understood said law….but we digress. The first scumbag in question is CHP Officer Sean Harrington, who took a look-see into the phone of a 19-year-old woman as she was undergoing X-rays after being involved in a DUI crash in Livermore in August. “Taken from the phone of my 10-15x while she’s in X-rays,” Harrington allegedly texted fellow Dublin CHP Officer Robert Hazelwood. The term “10-15x” is police speak for a female arrestee and in an equally classy response, Hazelwood replied, “No f— nudes?” Well played, officer. The suspect figured out what happened when she looked at her iPad, which is synced to her iPhone, and saw the photos that had been accessed. She may have been a DUI suspect, but she was sober enough to hire a lawyer and notify the district attorney’s office, investigators said. Coincidentally and in no way making up for what she went through, the woman escaped any DUI charges because of Harrington’s alleged conduct. For a cop, Harrington isn't too bright because he failed to realize that his phone records would show that he had exchanged texts about women’s photos with at least Hazelwood and another officer who is being considered a witness in the case. At least he isn't dragging the case out by feigning innocence and has already admitted to stealing the photos in what an affidavit says he called “a game.” Prosecutors are still deciding whether to press charges, but Brown said it was “disturbing to have an individual describe that misconduct as a game.” The lesson here is clear: If you’re going to go out, get drunk and drive, make sure you increase the security on your phone before you get pulled over on the way home……….

- Numbers were down across the box office board, but newcomer “Ouija” conjured up enough spirits from the other side to bank $20 million and win the earnings race in its debut. Fellow newcomer “John Wick” ass-kicked its way to $14.2 million and an underwhelming debut for Keanu Reeves’ latest (Spoiler: He still can’t act!) and those were the only two new movies to crack the top five. The defending champion, “Fury,” slid to third place with $13 million and has battled its way to $46.1 million in its first two weeks. Fourth on the list was “Gone Girl,” which continues to overwhelm and added $11.1 million to its domestic total for a four-week haul of $124.1 million and counting. “The Book of Life” snared fifth place with $9.8 million and its disappointing run has yielded a mere $29.9 million in two weeks at local multiplexes. “St. Vincent” made a big jump as it expanded from limited release, bringing in $8 million – a 1,110 percent increase – for a three-week bank roll of $9.2 million. “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” continued a run in the top 10 that will likely be shorter than its interminably long name, sliding four spots to seventh place in its second weekend with a scant $7.1 million. In those two awful weeks, it has earned $44.5 million. “The Best of Me” was close behind in eighth place with its $4.7 million weekend, giving a film with little buzz just $17.7 million in its own first two weeks. Robert Downey Jr.’s latest ranked ninth for the frame as “The Judge” acquired $4.4 million and upped its domestic tally to $34.3 million. “Dracula Untold” locked down the last spot in the top 10 thanks to $4.3 million and has hauled in $48.3 million in total since it dropped three weeks ago. “Annabelle” (No. 11), “The Equalizer” (No. 12) and “The Maze Runner” (No. 13) fell out from last weekend’s top 10……..

Riot Watch! Rome, building-scaling mayors and Beady Eye is D.O.A.

- J.R. Smith is an unapologetic gunner. Arguably the biggest black hole in the NBA by a wide margin and a man so shot-happy that he’s likely to fire up a 45-footer rather than pass the ball to a wide-open teammate alone under the basket for a dunk, he’s also the person most likely to hate the implementation of a system predicated on ball movement and smart sharing of the rock. Enter new New York Knicks coach Derek Fisher and president Phil Jackson, who came to Manhattan this offseason with their triangle offense in tow and a team-first concept that might as well have been written in Mandarin for Smith to read. Sure enough, the regular season hasn’t even started and Smith is already lamenting how much of “a struggle” it has been to adjust to the new look of his old team. "Yeah, absolutely," Smith said. "I mean, believe it or not, being the type of player I've been, it's a struggle. I'm not going to lie. Trying to think about the rest of the team over myself or my scoring is something that I never really had to do before.” How beautiful is that? Having to think of teammates ahead of yourself is a totally new concept to the point where you’re fighting to do it. "I've always been in a situation to score, [now I'm] in position to take my time and let the game come and let my teammates succeed more than myself, I think that's the ultimate win,” Smith added. Uh huh, sure. It’s the ultimate win until your destined-for-mediocrity squad is losing four straight and you’re getting six shots a night and find yourself buried on the bench because you refuse to pass and cut rather than step back and bomb. In the preseason, Smith is averaging 8.5 points and shooting 39 percent from the field in six games. His coach admitted the process could take a while and from the looks of it, the real win will be anyone who enjoys seeing a tortured gunner stumbling under the weight of a new system he neither grasps nor likes………

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Rome is a popular destination any time of year, but it just became a must-visit locale for hundreds of thousands of enraged protestors who have been packing the streets of the historic city to voice their anger at labor market reforms, one of the main building blocks of the government of Prime Minister Matteo Renzi’s policy. Up to 1 million people flooded the streets of the Italian capital on Saturday, according to protest organizers, with as many as 300,000 additional participants were set to arrive in Rome throughout the weekend. This isn't exactly a humble, grassroots movement built on the bare-knuckled rage of the common man, as those coming in to participate arrived via means that included a boat and two chartered planes from Sardinia. Still, an uprising is an uprising and this one is spearheaded by CGIL, Italy’s biggest labor union. The union organized the march and rally in Piazza St. Giovanni, with protestors toting red balloons and waving red union banners. They are upset that Renzi wants to change employee protection rules. It’s the ages-old, cross-cultural dynamic of lazy workers being protected no matter how incompetent they are by unions that fight to the death for five coffee breaks a day and workers’ right to remain employed as long as they don’t actually murder someone while on the clock. In September, Renzi’s plan was approved by his party, but critics argue the amendments would result in companies not hiring enough staff and creating the risks of chronic economic weakness. "We want work for everyone, and work with rights. This is a demonstration for those without work, without rights, those who suffer, who have no certainties for the future," Susanna Camusso, head of the CGIL, told protestors. The union also opposes European Union austerity measures being implemented as Italy endures increasing public spending cuts to cope with the EU budget restrictions. Maybe a chartered plane to Brussels to rage against an even bigger machine is next……..

- That ended abruptly. Liam Gallagher’s latest band that’s not nearly as important as he thinks it is has gone the way of the dinosaurs after just three years, but this time the split is noticeably more amicable than his last band breakup. Gallagher and his brother Noel were the driving forces in the split of Oasis back in 2009 and haven't stopped blasting each other publicly since, even if most stopped paying attention to their sniping long ago. After the dissolution of Oasis, Liam Gallagher and the other non-Noel members of the band formed Beady Eye, which quickly cranked out a mediocre first album titled “Different Gear, Still Speeding.” They chased that with their second album, “BE,” in June and that second album will also be their latst after both Gallagher and guitarist Andy Bell confirmed on Twitter that Beady Eye was finished. Gallagher tweeted that the band are "no longer" and thanked fans for their support. “Beady Eye are no longer. Thanks for all your support. LGx,” Gallagher wrote. During their short run, Beady Eye were a fairly middling lot as a band and the more interesting aspect of Gallagher’s life has been his contentious split with both the band’s manager and his former girlfriend, Ghorbani. Ghorbani, a journalist for publications including Elle and The Wall Street Journal, had a brief relationship with Gallagher after she interviewed him for the New York Times in 2010 and subsequently gave birth to a daughter, Gemma, in January 2013. At the time of the girl’s birth, Gallagher was living with wife Nicole Appleton, the mother of his 12-year-old son Gene. Ghorbani’s lawsuit and child support payment negotiations have been intense and maybe Gallagher can use his newfound free time to focus on his legal matters before he decides what his next endeavor will be. For a man who loves him some him, a solo career might be the best option and a nice way to avoid ever having to announce that his latest musical outfit has ceased to exist……..

- Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter is not well-liked by a big chunk of his constituents. That’s a given for most every elected official and it’s why voters have a chance to elect someone new every two, four or six years. It’s also why politicians do goofy stunts in the name of buying good will and support, er, of supporting wonderful causes that they are happy to lend their political support to. Nutter knows the drill and that’s why he spared a few minutes of his time to ride the elevator up to the 31st floor of the One Logan Square building and scale the remaining distance to the roof, a total of 418 feet above street level. Once on the roof, the mayor joined a group of 130 people who hooked into safety harnesses, grabbed hold of a sturdy rope and rappelled down the side of the building. “Tremendous trust in the organization. You have to trust your gear, and, you have to trust yourself,” Nutter said upon reaching the ground and sounding very much like the hybrid of a cheesy office motivational poster and a grandstanding politician who knows he just pulled off a quality photo op like nobody’s business. The event was in support of scholarships for Philadelphia Outward Bound School programs and the executive director of the organization’s Philadelphia chapter was also among those who climbed down the side of the building. “It’s a personal growth experience. I know I was talking to myself up there,” said Katie Newsom Pastuszek. “Our students learn that nothing is insurmountable in life.” Yes, nothing inspires quite like adrenaline junkie badasses going into the great, wild beyond that is downtown Philadelphia and traversing the tricky surface of a big office building………

Golf goes third grade, Death Cab for Cutie Fights back and Austria apologizes to Nazi deserters

- Death Cab For Cutie are fighting back. On the verge of releasing a new album with a new lineup for the first time in band history, the indie rock favorites are describing their new release as "sounding like Death Cab For Cutie, in the best way" and say it’s part of an effort to "win back" fans lost with the release of 2011’s “Codes And Keys.” The album is due out next year with frontman Ben Gibbard saying working with producer Rich Costey was "incredible" and "a valuable resource.” "Rich isn’t the kind of person who might hear your demo and then come back to you saying things like, 'I’m imagining a wall of strings here and a drum machine and we’ll get Janelle Monáe to sing backup!' No, he was not like that," Gibbard explained. "He wasn’t trying to make us sound like Muse. He was trying to help us sound like Death Cab For Cutie, in the best way." Gibbard, a favorite among emo nerds over the years, said he believes the new album is superior to “Codes and Keys” and added that if the record “turned anybody off, I feel pretty strongly that this one could win them back. There are threads in this one that connect back to our earliest stuff that people love." When the album drops, it will mark the official start of the band’s life minus guitarist and producer Chris Walla, who played his last live show in September and leaves the group after 15 years. Walla produced Death Cab's first seven studio albums and announced his departure in a post that read in part, “I think I long for the unknown. It might be that simple. I will miss being a quarter of this band, and will support whatever course Death Cab for Cutie chooses from here. I am profoundly grateful to Ben, Nick, and Jason, for the experiences that define my adult life. Truly grateful, beyond words.” A new producer, a new lineup, yet a return to familiar sounds. Should be interesting………

- Anyone who thinks the Third Reich, Nazism and the Holocaust are simply historical entities in the distant past for the world should probably reconsider in light of the fact that Austria is still trying to right its past wrongs when it comes to how it handled the aftermath of one of the largest genocides in human history. The central European nation unveiled a massive stone memorial this week honoring those who had fled military duty rather than serve under the Nazi regime. A fairly heavy and dry ceremony, it was attended by municipal dignitaries and some of those who had deserted the Wehrmacht. They came to see the official debut of the grey stone monument, just steps from the presidential offices, which is the first of its kind in the Austrian capital. The memorial feature a large “X” on its surface to represent the tens of thousands of deserters who were executed under Hitler and in his remarks at the ceremony, President Heinz Fischer apologized for his country's treatment of soldiers who deserted Hitler's army during World War II as traitors. Fischer, making a fairly obvious public relations ploy, explained that labeling the Austrian deserters that way for decades after the conflict is "something for which one has to apologize and shame himself." The term himself is something of a misnomer, as the president is far from the only person to refer to the deserters as such, but doing it publicly at a ceremony in Vienna is a nice way to get the ball rolling. Now, if Austria could only apologize for being the country that actually gave noted Jew murderer and world’s worst human even Adolf Hitler, it could really gain some positive traction………

- Count Chocula is a damn good cereal. It may not be Booberry Crunch, but it’s definitely a step ahead of Franken Berry in the General Mills cartoon cereal world. It’s also a cereal in demand in one Colorado City, even if the people selling their entire stockpile of the marshmallow-centric breakfast bowl filler didn’t know why boxes were flying off the shelves. Boxes began disappearing from two Albertsons stores in the city at a rapid rate and mystified store officials were at a loss to explain their departure. The mystery became clear at the end of the week when local craft brewer Black Bottle Brewery stepped up to explain why it has been procuring as much Count Chocula as possible. According to the brewery, it is buying the cereal in order to make a small-batch beer. Black Bottle General Manager Steve Marrick said the brewery’s “Cerealiously” beer series will include the choco-holic cereal, following the same path as brews built around other cereals such as Golden Grahams, Reese’s Puffs and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. “We put the cereal into a hop back so it doesn’t get into the beer,” Marrick said. “We did it as a joke at first, but the beer turned out well.” Cerealiously Count Chocula will hit store shelves for its limited run on Oct. 30, one day before Halloween. That makes perfect sense for a beer made with a cereal featuring a vampire-like count who jives well with the spirit of the non-holuday. Black Bottle plans to continue its series in the months ahead with Lucky Charms for St. Patrick’s Day and Cap’n Crunch for another occasion, so maybe an enterprising citizen will think ahead, buy all of the aforementioned brands and attempt to sell them back to the brewery at an increased cost. The good news for the locals is that the brewery only bought all of the Count Chocula from the two Albertsons stores and the cereal is still available at other grocers around town………

- Golf is about to fade even further into irrelevance than it does at any point in the year, with the PGA Tour season all but over and the stars of golf heading into winter hibernation. So while it might seem bad that the PGA of America president is acting like a snot-noted fifth grader bullying some dork who knocked over his books in the locker room after gym class, just view it through prism of keeping the sport sort of relevant and see how the world changes. Enter PGA president Ted Bishop, who lit up Ian Poulter with a very mature crack back after Poulter ripped Nick Faldo and Tom Watson as Ryder Cup captains. Faldo, who with six majors is regarded as Britain's greatest player, was the last European captain to lose in the event back in 2008 and Watson and his eight major titles oversaw the U.S. getting curb-stomped at Gleneagles last month. Poulter has been a rock star in the Ryder Cup with a 14-2 record and he just so  happens to have a new book, “No Limits,” to promote. Aside from its wholly unoriginal title, the book contains little of note but it is big propped up by its author ripping two of golf’s legends for their losing Ryder Cup tactics. That was enough to set Bishop off and he tweeted to Poulter, "Faldo's record stands by itself. Six majors and all-time RC points. Yours vs. His? Lil Girl." Because that wasn’t enough bashing, Bishop added a longer message on his Facebook page in which he wished that athletes who had "lesser records or accomplishments in a sport never criticized the icons." He wrapped up his message with another classy reference to Poulter as a girl: “Really? Sounds like a little school girl squealing during recess. C'MON MAN!" As so many public figures find out when they post something opinionated on social media, Bishop allegedly "realized that his post was inappropriate and promptly removed it,” according to the PGA of America. Poulter, on his way to an event in China, replied on Twitter, "I guess we can only have opinions if you won a major or 6. Is being called a 'lil girl' meant to be derogatory or a put down? That's pretty shocking and disappointing, especially coming from the leader of the PGA of America." Good to talk about you one final time this year, golf………

Scumbag Welsh thieves, Ethan Hawke's new role and discounted Michigan football tickets

- University of Michigan fans have been seeing plenty of worthless football in recent years. If athletic director Dave Brandon has his way – and if he’s still gainfully employed by UM next year – the price to see that worthless football will at least more closely match the actual price printed on the tickets that people are trading away for cases of beer and kegs. Brandon, trying to make amends with the Michigan student body, announced a significant drop in student football ticket prices for the 2015 season. Students are currently ripped off to the tune of $280 for a season pass, but next year it will drop down to a still absurd $175. Sadly, non-students won't see their ticket prices drop in correspondence to the quality of the product on the field. "A nearly 40 percent reduction in ticket prices is, I think it's fair to say, unprecedented," Brandon said. Hey Dave, know what else is unprecedented? Michigan being a perennial also-ran in a so-so Big Ten and struggling to amass enough wins to qualify for even a lower-tier bowl game. High ticket prices are among fans’ many beefs with Brandon and have been a chief complaint among those calling for his head on a pike being paraded through campus. Online petitions, campus protests and public appeals to the university's Board of Regents are just a few of the avenues the student body has used to demand the firing of the embattled athletic director. Lowering ticket prices is a better idea than Brandon’s previous pitch to hold regular open forums where students can ask him questions and submit ideas in the future. Giving angry, jaded college students with hangovers and little sleep an open, public forum to make snide remarks to you is rarely a brilliant idea………..

- Americans making fools of themselves abroad is something of a standing international tradition and two American priests studying in Rome are keeping that tradition alive and well with a viral dancing effort not as terrifying as ebola, but embarrassing nonetheless. Rev. David Rider of Hyde Park, N.Y., and the Rev. John Gibson, of Milwaukee, Wisc. first rose to Internet fame thanks to a video that surfaced online showing them during a fundraiser at the North American College, the elite American seminary up the hill from the Vatican. Rider warmed up the crowd with an awkwardly awesome tap-dance routine, but his time in the spotlight came to an end when Gibson elbowed his way in with a fast-footed Irish dance. What followed was a one-upmanship battle that left the crowd wondering what bizarro universe they had just stepped into. Someone broke out their smartphone and filmed the dance battle and that someone was Joan Lewis, who filmed the entire dance and later posted it on YouTube. "All of a sudden the numbers started rising and rising," Lewis said of her seemingly inauspicious post. The video has garnered more than 260,000 views and drawn comparisons to Sr. Cristina Scuccia, who won the Italian edition of "The Voice" in June with a series of unadorned pop song performances, in full habit. Scuccia has since scored a recording contract and h er first album features a cover of Madonna's "Like a Virgin." Sadly, no YouTube post can exist without haters bashing those responsible and trolls have dared to suggest that the priests shouldn't have been dancing under a crucifix and a painting of Pope Francis, calling it "disrespectful." "We would just refer them to the Bible," Rider says, "where the Lord tells us to live with joy." Way to fight back, weirdo………

- Ethan Hawke, you’re next. Hawke becomes the latest actor to channel is inner wannabe recording artist by portraying a musical legend on the silver screen. He will play jazz trumpet legend Chet Baker in the forthcoming biopic “Born to be Blue.” Only hardcore jazz fans will know the story of Baker, who rose to fame and fell just as spectacularly in the 1950s before making a comeback two decades removed from his time playing with the likes of Charlie 'Bird' Parker. Landing Hawke is a coup for Canadian filmmaker Robert Budreau, who has already begun production in Ontario with a cast that also includes Carmen Ejogo (The Purge: Anarchy) and Callum Keith Rennie (Fifty Shades Of Grey). "The story will chart his comeback in the late 70s and the tumultuous love affair that changed the way he played music and helped him on the road to redemption after his self-destructive ways had seemingly destroyed his career,” Budreau said of the picture. Baker, like musical icons such as Johnny Cash and so many others, spent time in prison and battled addiction throughout his life. Telling his tale is something of a passion for Budreau, who also made a short film about Baker's passing, “The Death of Chet Baker.” Again, like many musical icons before him, Baker died while on the comeback trail and returning to the peak of his powers. At the age of 58, he was found dead in his hotel room in the Netherlands and his death was deemed accidental after it was discovered he had taken a combination of cocaine and heroin. Drugs and Amsterdam never go together, so seeing that one coming was nearly impossible. Having Hawke on board in the role of Baker could be a disaster or a home run, with the odds of anything in between slim at best……..

- The smartest people are rarely pulling off the dumbest crimes. Enter Welshman Alan Knight, accused of stealing more than $64,000 from the bank account of an elderly neighbor with Alzheimer's disease. Yes, dude capitalized on someone losing their mental capacities and memory and somehow did not immediately have a lightning bolt from God strike him dead. After his thievery, Knight went double-d-bag by impersonating a handicapped person in order to avoid arrest. He pretended to be quadriplegic and sometimes comatose for two years to avoid the long arm of the law. Police began investigating and that’s when Knight began faking paralysis, claiming to be quadriplegic and so sick he sometimes fell into a coma. Knight, a resident of Swansea, Wales, checked himself into a hospital to avoid court appearances, saying he was having seizures. His wife, Helen Knight, claimed her husband had obtained a doctor's letter certifying he was "quadriplegic and in a comatose condition, bed-bound at home" after a neck injury. "We've been through absolute hell and we're still going through hell," Helen Knight claimed. Yes, YOU are going through hell, scumbag. Alan Knight may have continued to fend off the tentacles of justice if not for security cameras that caught him driving and walking around supermarkets shopping for groceries. Police were tipped off when they tracked Knight’s use of his supermarket card and that allowed them to track him down and prosecute the hell out of him – which is probably where he’s headed. Heck, this d-bag even arrived at Swansea Crown Court in a wheelchair and neck brace. He was summarily convicted of 19 counts of forgery, fraud and theft and will be sentenced Nov. 7 to a jail term that will surely fall short of actual justice for his heinous crimes………

NBA tanking lives on, Bible thumpers v. ganja and Chance the Rapper's free album

- Hey, remind me again why you don’t stand atop a 15-foot-high border fence that was never designed to hold the weight of a few hundred human beings….go for it, African migrants trying to force their way into Spain's North African enclave of Melilla. According to Spain’s Interior Ministry, nine of these desperate souls were treated for injuries as some 200 tried to scale border fences separating Melilla from Morocco. According to the ministry, the nine – who should have sustained some serious breaks, ruptures and bruises if karma were real – only e sustained minor injuries in falls during the border rush. Hundreds of migrants attempted to scale the barricade and when it became clear they weren’t exactly going to vault over it gracefully, around 70 of them remained perched high atop the fence for several hours. In even worse news that will surely embolden the next wave of kooks who try the same asinine stunt, about 20 of the fence jumpers eventually managed to cross the border and enter the city. That brings the total to 2,000 migrants who have made it across the border fences in roughly 60 attempts this year and for the math-challenged, that comes out to about 33 migrants per attempt. As anyone in the advanced metrics community knows, that’s far too high a BJCBAF (Border Jumpers Clearing Big-Ass Fences) ratio for a developed nation, so the city's temporary migrant accommodation center has been overwhelmed for much of the year. Those who reach the center are eventually repatriated or let go, their dreams of reaching Europe and begging tourists for money, er, making a better life dashed in the process……….

- Chance The Rapper is feeling mighty munificent. He has let the world know that he plans to release his next joint for free and that it will drop before the end of the year. The album, titled “Surf,” is an album he recorded with his band The Social Experiment and as U2’s much-maligned new album proved despite the rampant bitching over its release strategy, folks like free music. They should like Chance’s offering even more after he revealed that he has been in the studio with Pharrell Williams, Frank Ocean and Rick Rubin among others. As he tells it, “Surf” is "the first Social Experiment project" and not the successor to his 2013 mixtape “Acid Rap.” Why it makes a difference is something of a subjective issue, but Chance believes it’s an important distinction. "'Surf' is the first project, which is coming out before the end of 2014. It's the first Social Experiment project. It's a big step for all of us all putting our heads together and letting Nico [Segal, a.k.a Social Experiment member Donnie Trumpet] hold the reigns and carry it,” he said. “There's a lot of great instrumentation. A lot of input from cool writers." Chance went on to lay out those he worked with on the album and in addition to Williams, Ocean and Rubin, he included Migos, J. Cole and Emily King. To hear Chance tell it, there was a revolving door to the studio and there was always someone new wanting to join the party. “There's been a lot of just people in the studio watching us work almost like a house band. People come in just to watch us jam out,” he concluded………

- No way. Small town residents who are ardent Bible thumpers don’t have the utmost tolerance for the hippie lettuce? Beaumont, Tex. is a place firmly entrenched in the Bible Belt way of thinking and that’s not helping Faith Bodle, whose name implies she has a relationship with the almighty but whose church membership status is currently lacking. Bodle is a former member of Beaumont Seventh Day Adventist Church, with the emphasis on former. As Bodle tells it, she was cast out of her church because of her appearance on a local television broadcast as an advocate for medical marijuana. She appeared on the station and said she uses cannabis extract, an oil derived from marijuana, to treat illnesses like degenerative spine disease, congestive heart failure and arthritis. She claims that fellow church members at grew concerned after seeing her support the use of ganja and detailed a campaign of upright, uptight peer pressure aimed at getting her to ditch her support of the dank. Her pastor allegedly sent her a letter calling on her to stop using and promoting marijuana and six weeks later the congregation decided to revoke her membership. One of Bodle’s misdeeds was appearing at the arraignment of Jeremy Bourque, who is facing trial on marijuana charges. Her son, Jason Falconbridge, claims that smoking the sticky icky is the one relief from pain his mother can find and is heartbroken that the church cannot understand her situation and show an ounce or two of compassion. Even a letter from Bodle’s doctor confirming that she “takes the extract for medicinal and not recreational purposes” did nothing to sway the church. As one would predict from such caring, loving and upstanding beacons of Gods light, no one from the church has stepped forward to comment on the situation. Way to live out the love of the Lord, haters……..

- Sucking isn’t quite as abhorrent to NBA owners as we all thought. Despite widespread expectations that an effort to reform the Association’s draft lottery process would easily accrue the necessary 23 votes to become law, the measure failed miserably and as a result, the concept of tanking is alive and well. Essentially pushed to the forefront by the Philadelphia 76ers long-term, unannounced-yet-very-real plan to suck every year for the next decade in order to rebuild through high draft picks, the plan would have discouraged such efforts by giving the league's four worst teams identical odds (around 11 percent) of winning the top pick. Currently, teams have a certain number of assigned combinations of ping pong balls that are drawn to assign picks and the worse their record, the more combinations they receive. That leads to teams trading good players and giving more court time to bad ones in order to secure a higher spot in the lottery and having teams trying to be less competitive is generally viewed as bad business for a league as it often offends the paying customers and sponsors. Yet a plan to reduce the odds of the league’s worst team getting the top draft pick fell well short of the 23 votes needed for passage. Owners voted 17-13 in favor of the reform, clearly stating that they want to be able to bottom out when necessary without having to sacrifice their chances for the first pick. The irony is that since the league's weighted lottery system was adopted for the 1985 draft, only four teams with the worst or tied-for-worst record have earned the top overall pick. It hasn’t happened since 2004, when the Orlando Magic finished finish with the NBA's worst record and landed the No. 1 overall pick, which they used to select Dwight Howard. For now, the team with the worst record will continue a 25 percent chance at the No. 1 pick and the 76ers will once again be a leading candidate to break the league’s record for highest-ever losing percentage………

Rock stars v. broccoli, Macedonian corruption and NHL domestic violence

- Some parents need to remove their head from their ass and realize that they cannot shield their children from the real world forever. Sometimes, kids need to grow up and enjoy things that might otherwise be deemed above their head and never has that been more apparent than in the fight between dying toy store chains Toys R Us and Florida mother Susan Schrivjer. Schrivjer, who lives in For Myers but appears to have left her brain elsewhere, is enraged at one of the best toy offerings ever to hit the shelves of any store. She’s peeved that Toys R Us is selling a Walter White doll, based on the iconic protagonist of AMC’s late hit drama “Breaking Bad.” White was a chemistry teacher turned meth dealer and he spent five seasons boldly evading the law and building his career as a drug kingpin. That alone should make him a hero to the masses, but Schrivjer is missing the point entirely. This total square has launched a petition to have all "Breaking Bad" action figures removed from Toys R Us and even more disturbingly, her joke of a petition has received more than 2,000 online signatures. Oh, and she doesn’t have the balls to post her petition under her real name, going with Susan Myers instead. "Toys R Us is well known around the world for their vast selection of toys for children of all ages," she wrote in her post. "However their decision to sell a Breaking Bad doll, complete with a detachable sack of cash and a bag of meth, alongside children's toys is a dangerous deviation from their family friendly values." Blah, blah, blah. Dangerous deviations and vast selections and honestly, people stopped listening to your blow-hardery two words in. If you don’t want your child having a toy glorifying a meth dealer, then don’t buy it. Besdies, “Breaking Bad” wasn’t exactly a show geared toward kids and it’s off the air now, so it’s unlikely that any 10-year-old brats are begging for a Walter White or Jesse Pinkman doll this holiday season……….

- Domestic violence among athletes: It’s not just an NFL thing. Other athletes in sports built heavily on contact and violence have trouble containing their rage to the field of play, as evidenced by the fact that Los Angeles Kings forward Slava Voynov was arrested on domestic violence charges and has been suspended indefinitely from the pending a formal investigation by the NHL. Not surprisingly given the shady nature of the incident, the arrest took place at 12:45 a.m., when Redondo Beach police took Voynov into custody. The investigation is ongoing and the case is still in its infancy, a fact made more complicated because the victim in this case was offered an emergency protective order against Voynov, but declined. Like so many battered women, she chose not to pursue the protection she needed and because of that, there is no legal reason to prevent the victim and Voynov from living together or remaining in close contact. Oh, and a child witnessed the incident and now has some great memories of two adults in his life who are supposed to be examples of good behavior and respect beating the holy hell out of one another. Officers responded to a house in Redondo Beach around 11:25 p.m. after a neighbor called police, saying a woman was screaming for "the past 20 minutes and could now be heard crying," according to the Redondo Beach Police Department. When officers arrived, there was no one home, but 90 minutes later the victim showed up at Little Company of Mary Hospital for "injuries that were possibly received during a domestic violence incident." Voynov was taken into custody at the hospital and a delightful evening got that much better………

- Oh, eastern Europe, you never fail to amuse and entertain while simultaneously reinforcing the notion that humanity is a corrupt and inherently devious species. Today’s prime example of a moral-free public official and his co-conspirators accepting sh*t they shouldn’t in exchange for political favors comes from the city of Skopje, Macedonia, where police have arrested a former Defense Ministry official and eight others for allegedly embezzling $2.8 million from the government by filing fake expenses related to a helicopter maintenance program. That’s right, fake helicopter maintenance expenses. Nothing conjures up the cash quite like claiming you did expensive and complicated repairs that those you’re asking to pay don’t really understand and wouldn’t be able to identify if you jammed their head into the engine of a helicopter and marked the repaired parts with sticky notes. The suspects — all Macedonians — were arrested following an investigation into the maintenance of six helicopters bought by the Macedonian military from Ukraine. The scam allegedly involved flying the helicopters back to Ukraine for maintenance between 2004 and 2009. The embezzled money was then forwarded to companies registered by the suspects in Cyprus, Britain, Bulgaria and Macedonia. The ingenious thinkers allegedly response for this scheme are facing trial for various fraud-related charges, as well as forming a criminal association. With these people in custody, the clock is now ticking on the next band of dishonest scumbags to step up and hatch their sinister plot to take over the world/deplete its financial resources for their own personal gain……..

- Folks are increasingly health conscious these days, always keeping in mind that they need to monitor what they eat and whether they’re getting enough exercise for their personal good.  Just don’t bring that health-conscious sh*t to Kasabian guitarist Serge Pizzorno, because he’s of the opinion that there is at least one profession where eating healthy and taking care of oneself is a ridiculous idea that belongs in the same category as crop circles and saying Keanu Reeves can act. In Pizzorno’s world view, there is nothing more depressing than seeing a band come off stage "and just flip their laptop open, at online shopping. And have some chicken and broccoli." That’s right, chicken and broccoli. Sadly, Pizzorno did not spell out what rock stars should eat or when, electing to leave that open for debate as long as the conclusion of that debate does not end with people eating something green and leafy or a versatile piece of poultry. "I won't expose any bands but there's nothing more depressing than seeing a band come off stage at a festival, go back stage and just flip their laptop open, at online shopping. And have some chicken and broccoli,” Pizzorno fumed. “I'm thinking, 'Are you not gonna have a drink now? Cause some carnage?' And they're like 'Naw mate, gotta watch the weight'. F*ck that, you don't deserve to be doing this job." Wait….one has to want to get hammered the instant they get off stage and not be hungry in order to be a true and deserving rocker? Why can't a dude have a piece of grilled chicken, a side of broccoli and three Irish car bombs as a way to celebrate a good show? Open your mind, Serge……….

Panamanian corruption, drunk footballers in the drive-thru and female superhero movies

- The equality movement is coming to the silver screen. With the tsunami of superhero movies drowning the cinematic world and no shortage of comic book icons waiting to be transformed into movie heroes, not everyone is happy with what DC Comics, Marvel and their ilk have brought to bear. Count Marvel executive producer Victoria Alonso among those who are demanding change in order to better represent women’s ability to unleash their totally made up and not the least bit realistic abilities on CGI-ed worlds. Alonso, delivering the keynote speech to the Visual Effects Society Production Summit in Hollywood, joined the chorus of people demanding both more women in the visual effects industry and more female-centric superhero movies. "You've got to get the girls in here, boys. It's better when it's 50-50,” Alonso said. "This a tough road for women, not because it is a world of men, but because it takes a certain amount of time to be in a supervisory position, and by that time you are having to make a decision about having children or not. Which means you have to take a break. So as you take this with you, please remember that it's OK to allow the ladies in. They’re smart, they’re talented. They bring a balance that you need." She was later asked why Marvel hadn't joined the femi-Nazi parade by scheduling or releasing a movie built around a female superhero and replied, "If it were up to me, it would be today.” Hey Vicky…..maybe give a standalone movie to Scarlett Johansson's “Avengers” character Black Widow because everything superhero turns to gold these days………..

- Panama: It’s not just canals and bitchin’ hats anymore. There is also (allegedly) rampant judicial and governmental corruption going on, depending on whose story you believe. What we know at present is that a Supreme Court justice close to former President Ricardo Martinelli has been suspended over charges of corruption. What we don’t know is whether Judge Alejandro Moncada bought two luxury apartments incompatible with his $10,000-a-month salary and valued at over $1.7 million by legal means because he’s a fiscal wizard or if he did so by unethical means. The judge has been battling accusations for weeks that he profited from his ties to Martinelli, but it wasn’t until a top aide leaked documents showing the alleged misdeeds that any action was taken. Moncada is now the target of a legislative probe and as one might be inclined to do when a man is allegedly the sort of fellow who might take huge bribes and may have accrued a massive net worth due to his general lack of integrity, the court overseeing the case ordered the judge to turn over his passport and remain confined to his residence. Most legal experts have called the case a watershed in Panama's fight against corruption, but if you believe Moncada, he is innocent of any wrongdoing and has become nothing more than the scapegoat in a textbook case of wrongful political persecution. Should he be booted from his gig, it would be the first time since democracy was restored in Panama in the 1990s that a high court judge has been removed from the bench………

- It isn't college football season if scholarship athletes aren't ending up in inappropriate places with a massive buzz courtesy of loads of cheap alcohol. This week’s entry belongs to a pair of Oklahoma State football players arrested early Sunday morning after allegedly falling asleep at the wheel in the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant. Anyone want to guess the odds of redshirt sophomore receiver Jhajuan Seales and true freshman cornerback Juwan Offray sitting in a running vehicle passed out at 4 a.m. in the drive-thru at the local Whataburger if they were sober? According to the police report, Seales was allegedly asleep at the wheel with his foot on the brake while Offray was in the passenger seat when the law rolled up on the scene and roused them. Officers indicated that Seales and Offray "seemed very lethargic and confused" after they were awakened and one officer reported a "strong odor associated with an alcoholic beverage coming from the car." No way, guys. The only real shocker here is that the two players were only drunk and not high as well. An arrest for public intoxication wasn’t enough for Offray, who was also cited for hampering an officer after reportedly giving a false name initially before admitting his real name at the Stillwater jail following his arrest. Maybe the duo were drinking and fast-fooding away their sorrows after the Cowboys were curb-stomped 42-9 by TCU on Saturday, but their team shouldn’t exactly miss the fifth-leading receiver – Seales - on the roster and a backup cornerback who has recorded a whopping three tackles in 2014………

- Who’s up for alleged government corruption, Part Two? This case is domestic, with speaker of the Alabama House of Representatives and state Republican Party leader Mike Hubbard in possession of a shiny new indictment by a grand jury and charges on 23 counts, including using his office for personal gain and soliciting things of value. Hubbard reported to the Lee County Jail and booked, which means he’s now staring down a maximum penalty of two to 20 years in prison and up to $30,000 in fines for each count. It’s a far cry from his bold charge leading an historic Republican takeover of the state legislature during the 2010 election. The laundry list of charges is impressive, including: four counts of using of his office as Chairman of the Alabama Republican Party for personal gain; one count of voting for legislation with a conflict of interest; 11 counts of soliciting or receiving a thing of value from a lobbyist or principal; two counts of using his office as a member of the Alabama House of Representatives for personal gain; four Counts of lobbying an executive department or agency for a fee and one count of using state equipment, materials for private gain. Read that list and drink in the  23 class-B felonies, which stem from Hubbard allegedly soliciting favors from individuals such as former Alabama Gov. Bob Riley, Business Council of Alabama CEO Billy Canary, Hoar Construction CEO Rob Burton, Great Southern Wood CEO Jimmy Rane and former Sterne Agee CEO James Holbrook. In response to the charges against his client, Hubbard's lawyer, Mark White, issued a vague and extremely legalistic retort. "We'll be ready to fire back," White said. How very cryptic of you, counselor……..