- An era has ended and American sports will never be the
same. If you didn’t notice, you’re forgiven because 99 percent of American
sports fans have no idea and never will. For those unaware, Saturday was a
heartbreaking day in the always-ignored world of U.S. professional soccer.
Major League Soccer, which is either 15th or 16th on the popularity list for
professional league in these here United States, has lost an aged-out soccer
icon who has failed to raise the sport to any real level of importance in this
country. Yes, David
Beckham has played his final MLS match and he went out on top as the Los
Angeles Galaxy defeated the Houston Dynamo in the MLS Cup, winning its second
consecutive MLS title. Beckham announced prior to the game that it would be his
final one in MLS and in his six years in the league, he raised it from an
irrelevant sport no one cared about to an irrelevant sport no one cared about
that also had one of the best players in the world – once upon a time anyhow – in
its ranks. Beckham was clearly washed up by the time he arrived in L.A. and at
age 37, he has been mostly invisible for the Galaxy this season. Sure, there
was the occasional flash of what he used to be, but there was also the soap
operatic nature of his relationship with teammate and top American player
Landon Donovan. That some fans headed to The Home Depot Center to see Beckham
try (and fail) to bend it one last time is swell, but the Galaxy didn’t win
their second straight championship because of his presence and with him gone,
it isn’t as if MLS’ popularity will take a nose dive because the dozens of
people who follow the league will continue to do so with or without him present
and short of Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa all coming back
to life and suiting up for an MLS team, nothing is going to stoke the fire of
soccer interest for the average American sports fan. Telling soccer to head
back to the shallow end of the pool because of Beckham’s departure just doesn’t
make sense because it never left……….
- How much less interesting would the world be without
delusional kooks like Bigfoot enthusiasts? More sane, sure, but definitely less
interesting. That’s why the world must stand and applaud the bogus research by Texas veterinarian Melba S. Ketchum,
allegedly confirming that the legendary Bigfoot is a human relative that arose
some 15,000 years ago. A release issued by a company called DNA Diagnostics
detailing Ketchum’s work is an effort of incredible fiction, as its contents
lay out an alleged study suggesting that cryptids had sex with modern human
females that resulted in hairy hominin hybrids. "A team of scientists can
verify that their five-year long DNA study, currently under peer-review,
confirms the existence of a novel hominin hybrid species, commonly called
'Bigfoot' or 'Sasquatch,' living in North America," the release claims. "Researchers'
extensive DNA sequencing suggests that the legendary Sasquatch is a human
relative that arose approximately 15,000 years ago." Ketchum allegedly obtained
three "whole nuclear genomes from purported Sasquatch samples” and used
genome sequencing to compare Sasquatch mtDNA to modern Homo sapiens. She allegedly found that Sasquatch
nuDNA is a novel, unknown hominin related to Homo sapiens and other
primate species." Therefore, the North American Sasquatch is a hybrid
species created by males of an unknown hominin species crossing with female
Homo sapiens. Of course, these claims are wholly unsubstantiated and Ketchum’s
work has not appeared in any peer review journals for confirmation. In fact,
this nut bag has refused to let anyone else see her evidence. It’s weird because
there are never unsubstantiated, unproven claims of miraculous Bigfoot sightings
or discoveries. Those claiming to have seen or encountered a Sasquatch are
never lying or making up what they saw. If Ketchum’s claims are true and
Bigfoot ancestors had sex with women about 15,000 years ago and created a
half-human hybrid species currently hiding across North America, then the
legions of Bigfoot-believing kooks clogging the bottom of society’s drain will
surely grow. There is also the obvious chance that the samples were
contaminated, but Ketchum probably doesn’t have time for nonsense theories like
that. Instead, she went big by requesting that the U.S. government immediately
recognize Bigfoot as "an indigenous people and immediately protect their
human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical
and cultural differences a 'license' to hunt, trap, or kill them." Sure
thing, kook………
- Long before Ellen Page uttered the phrase “Dream big!” in
the movie “Juno,” former French emperor and current top contender for the title
little person of all-time Napoleon was dreaming much bigger than he had any
right to. As his empire was burning to the ground and the legacy he had built
was being torn down brick by brick, Napoleon sent one final communiqué that
officially went up for auction today: "At three o'clock in the morning, on the
22nd I am going to blow up the Kremlin." It is a single line written in
secret code and was Napoleon's desperate, last order against the Russians. Of
course, by the time Paris received the letter three days later, the Russian
czar's seat of power was in flames and the diminished French army was in
retreat. Still, the elegantly calligraphic ciphers show the famed general at
one of his weakest moments. "My cavalry is in tatters, many horses are
dying," Napoleon says in the letter. The note was written at the tail end of
his calamitous Russian invasion, which halved his army and it is dated Oct. 20,
1812 and signed "Nap" in the emperor's hand. Penned in numeric code
and a curiosity for history buffs to be sure, the letter went for more than
$220,000 at auction Sunday at France's Fontainebleau Auction House. The numeric
code was used only for top-secret letters when the French emperor was far from
home, a tactic designed to prevent enemies from intercepting French army
orders. One impressive aspect of the letter’s history is the fact that it only
took three days to travel 1,540 miles across Europe and reach France's interior
ministry. "This letter is unique. Not only is it all in code, but it's the
first time we see this different Napoleon. He went into Moscow in 1812 at the
height of his power. He returned profoundly weakened. In Moscow, the Russians
had fled days before and burnt down the city. There was no victory for
Napoleon, nor were there any provisions for his starving, dying army," said
auction house spokesman Jean-Christophe Chataignier. Of course, in light of the
French’s less-than-stellar performances in the first two world wars, the idea
of a French leader desperate, panicked and beaten down is anything but
surprising. Back in the day, a cryptic text ordering the burning of Russia's
government buildings and signaling the end of Napoleon's glorious empire would
have been shocking. His "Grand Army" once numbered 600,000, but met a
disastrous end trying to battle the Russians and the brutal Russian winter……….
- Lower earnings and a smaller margin of victory
notwithstanding, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2” held the top spot
at the weekend box office once more, edging out “Skyfall” for the top spot for
a third straight weekend. With $17.4 million, the hunky vampire/werewolf movie
fended off the latest James Bond flick, which settled for second place with $17
million. “Twilight” also has a slight edge in overall earnings, $254.5 million
to $246 million for “Skyfall.” Daniel Day Lewis’ “Lincoln” remained third with
$13.6 million and has flown under the radar thanks to the two films in front of
it but has managed to crank out $83.7 million in domestic earnings through four
weeks. “Rise of the Guardians” placed fourth for the second time in as many
weeks, making $13.5 million for a two-week haul of $48.9 million. That was
enough to stay ahead of “Life of Pi,” the fifth-place movie for a second
straight week thanks to its $12 million effort. After two weeks, “Pi” has
earned $48.4 million domestically. On its heels and in sixth place was “Wreck-It-Ralph,”
with $7.1 million and an overall bank roll of $158.2 million in five weeks of
release. The top six remained unchanged from last weekend and the first
alteration was “Killing Them Softly,” the new mob-themed project for the star
of the creepiest Chanel ads of all-time, one Bradley Pitt. “Killing” raked in
$7 million in wide release in its debut, making for a thoroughly disappointing
performance for a much-hyped movie. “Red Dawn” dropped one spot to eighth in
its second weekend with $6.6 million and in two weeks, the movie has made $31.3
million. “Flight” also fell one spot and ended up in ninth place with $4.6
million, good for a five-week tally of $81.5 million. Horror movie newcomer “The
Collection” claimed the final spot in the top 10 in its debut, bringing in a
mere $3.4 million in its opening weekend. “Silver Linings Playbook” (No. 11)
and “Argo” (No. 13) both fell out from last weekend’s top 10………..
- Add this to the list of sh*t that is only going to happen
in the plastic, materialistic, superficial world that is Southern California. No,
it isn't about Botox or breast implants, but it is about an overpriced entity
that only rich people would ever throw money away buying. Yes, caviar is the
topic of the moment because there are now vending machines at three L.A.-area malls –
Westfield Century City, Westfield Topanga and Burbank Town Center –dispensing
the prized roe, as well as truffles, escargot and mother-of-pearl spoons. The
prices range from $5 all the way up to $500, which will get you one ounce of
Imperial River Beluga Caviar. Who would create something so absurd? That would
be Kelly Stern, who co-owns Beverly Hills Caviar – a gourmet food supplier
located in the upscale SoCal community. Stern believes that rich customers in snooty
areas of the city may not have sufficient access to caviar and others simply
may not be exposed to it regularly enough to know what they are missing. All my
friends and family knew about this for a year-and-a-half and no one wanted to
tell me that I was crazy, but I could see it in their eyes,” Stern said. “I did
not know what was going to happen when people saw it.” She shopped around to find
the right kind of vending machine, one that would accept both cash and credit
cards and keep the caviar cold and have a touch screen, an Internet connection
and an attractive display for its gourmet contents. When she couldn’t find what
she wanted, she bought parts from seven different countries and assembled the
machines herself in L.A. Each machine contains a whopping $50,000 worth of
inventory when fully stocked. The caviar is sold in jars and thanks to the
machine’s design, it stays fresh for about a year. Stern is delusional enough
to believe that she can franchise her caviar vending machines and place them in
major cities around the United States. It seems logical because in a
downtrodden, impoverished city like Detroit or some other Rust Belt city,
cash-strapped citizens will totally burn their entire paycheck for the week
just to buy some fish eggs from a vending machine at the mall……….
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