- This could either be brilliant self-promotion or sheer
deluded arrogance at its apex. Either way, Courteneers frontman Liam Fray is
probably the only person alive who believes his band are the best in the world right now.
Prior to a sold-out show Manchester's MEN Arena earlier this month, Fray said:
"We're the best band on the planet right now." Maybe the combination
of having Liam Gallagher’s first name and the last name of The Fray causes this
tool to be possessed with irrational confidence, or maybe he’s saying
ridiculous sh*t to get attention for his no-name band. "I don't need
anybody to tell us that I'm doing a good job, because they (the fans) are,”
Fray added. “We're not here to make up the numbers. We know how important we
are to them." He went on to ruminate about how young fans may have to pick
and choose which bands to see because they can’t afford to buy tickets to all
of their favorite artists’ shows. "They'll get maybe one, two or three
gigs (a year) to choose from," he said. "They chose us back in
August. There's nobody else who gets that (fan reaction). The Libertines got
it, The Smiths got it and The Courteeners get it." Listing bands better
than the Courteneers would be futile because it would be thousands of words
long, but anyone wanting to judge for themselves can catch the supposed best of
the best on their 18-date UK tour that
commences Feb. 21 at Nottingham Rock City and continues on to Leeds,
Liverpool, Glasgow, Bristol, Cardiff and Oxford, among others, before finishing
up at London's O2 Academy Brixton on March 16……….
- Toxic nocturnal monkeys are a barrel of fun for everyone. The slow loris
is a prime example of this reality and not only because this slow, small
primate is really adorable. The loris is also lethal and unique in that it
possesses a toxic bite to ward off predators. Because they are nocturnal and tend
to live in hard-to-reach places, such as the rainforests of Borneo, very little
has been known about them until recently. In fact, scientists had lumped all
the slow lorises (Nycticebus)
into just two species. Recent research has led to three more species—including
the Bornean loris (N. menagensis)—
being recognized. A new study has uncovered one entirely new species, which has
even “longer, fluffier body hair,” according to a research team led by Rachel
Munds, of the department of anthropology at the University of Missouri,
Columbia. Her team examined color photographs and museum specimens of the
Bornean loris that had associated collection location information and
discovered interesting aspects of the loris’ existence. “Although the number of
recognized species of primates has more than doubled in the past 25 years and
our understanding of what defines a species has improved, some species,
particularly the nocturnal ones, remain hidden to science,” the researchers
noted. Specifically, the researchers focused on mask-like markings on the
lorises’ faces. This allowed them to identify the exceptionally fluffy N. kayan, a creature whose specimens
are housed at the American Museum of Natural History in New York and were
collected in 1935 by Baron V. von Plessen. Munds’ tam noted that “the
fluffiness of hair is not attributed to seasonal responses, as museum specimens
observed in this study were collected throughout various times of the year.” Bornean
lorises are currently listed as “vulnerable” by the International Union for
Conservation of Nature and with their natural habitat (rainforests) under
threat of destruction, the animals are in danger. Another threat is kooks who
are taken by how cute lorises are and capture them to keep as pets – albeit after
pulling out the animal’s front teeth, which can cause infection, excessive
bleeding and premature death. Their toxic bite is a primary weapon against
predators, fueled by a gland on the loris’ arm that produces toxins containing inhibitors
that render the toxins inert. However, the animal’s saliva breaks down these
inhibitors so that when the animal licks the gland, the toxin is activated,
giving it the potential to harm potential predators. Cute? Yes.
Potentially deadly? Yes again……….
- Roger Goodell may not be a great commissioner, but he’s
also not a total idiot. His league is reeling from multiple tragedies in the
past two weeks, including the death of Dallas practice squad linebacker Jerry Brown,
who was killed when police say Cowboys defensive tackle Josh Brent was speeding
and flipped his vehicle early Saturday in Irving, and Kansas City Chiefs
linebacker Jovan Belcher fatally murdering his girlfriend before driving to the
team complex and shooting himself in front of his coach and general manager.
Mix in Goodell’s predecessor, former commissioner Paul Tagliabue, overturning Goodell’s
suspensions of four players involved in the New Orleans Saints bounty scandal,
and it’s been a dark year for the NFL. Like any smart person facing a mountain
of negative publicity, Goodell is looking to run some misdirection. He first tried
to throw fans and the media off the scent by floating an absurd idea to
eliminate kickoffs from the game and instead have teams that score keep the
ball in a fourth-and-15 situation from their own 30 yard line with the option
to either punt or go for it. When the outrage over that moronic idea died down,
Goodell needed something else to shine a bright light of distraction and now,
he has it. Goodell revealed Wednesday at the NFL's owners meetings that the
league would spend the next few months exploring playoff expansion. "Of course, something that we discussed
in the past is expanded playoffs. That is something that we teed up (at the meeting Wednesday)," he said.
"We will probably be looking at it with the committee over the next
several months. We will look at probably 14 or 16.” Uh huh, sure you
won’t. The current format has been in place since 2002, when the NFL added the
Houston Texans and realigned the league into eight four-team divisions. Twelve
teams make the playoffs, the lowest percentage of teams to make the postseason
in any major American professional sports league. Enigmatic Minnesota Vikings
defensive lineman Jared Allen provided the perfect response to Goodell’s latest
idea, saying, “It's
stupid. I think it's a dumb idea. The reason our league is so much better than
other leagues, I think, is because of that competition. Every game means
something. And I think you damage the sport if an 8-8 team [has a greater
playoff chance]. You know what I mean?” We do know, Jared, and we agree, all of
us………
- Never mind the financial cliff, America. Forget all of
our debt, national security and global warming issues because none of that is
going to matter once the United States gets its own freaking Death Star. For
the non-dorks out there, the Death Star is a (for-now) fictional moon-sized
space station and superweapon capable of destroying a planet with a single
destructive energy beam. Until now, it has existed solely in the world of the “Star
Wars” movies and expanded universe…but that will change once the
25,000-plus kooks who signed an online petition to compel the government to start
building a real-life Death Star. The need for one has been glaring and an
unsightly blight on America’s public image for some time, but now that a petition to
"Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by
2016" has reached the 25,000 signatures-in-30-days threshold to get an
official White House review and response, the problem is about to be resolved.
"By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and
weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the
fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and
strengthen our national defense," the petition reads. Lest anyone think
this is some practical joke that went viral and a bunch of people half-assedly
signed it knowing that its inherent absurdity would kill any chance of actual
Death Star construction, the petitions site says that "If a petition meets
the signature threshold, it will be reviewed by the Administration and we will
issue a response." What better legacy could Barack Obama leave for his
time in office than giving America the weapon of world annihilation that it
always wanted……….
- Eff you. That loud and wonderful message was delivered by
Amsterdam Mayor Eberhard van der Laan Wednesday in response to the forthcoming
implementation of a new policy in the Netherlands banning foreigners from purchasing
cannabis at the city’s famed coffee shops. In a nation known for its liberal
policies and viewpoints, nothing is more inspiring than Mayor van der Laan
announcing that Amsterdam police will turn a blind eye to foreigners buying
cannabis in its famous "coffee shops" when that ill-advised national
ban comes into force next year. By making his proclamation, van der Laan ended
months of anxiety for stoners around the world who flock to Amsterdam to get
baked legally in coffee shops that have absolutely nothing to do with coffee. "It
has been decided that Amsterdam law enforcement authorities will not attach any
priority to enforcing the local residence requirement," van der Laan wrote
in a letter to the current government. It is important to not that the ban on
foreign visitors buying chron at the shops was introduced this year by a Dutch
national government coalition which has since collapsed, which could either be
a fantastic example of karma in action or an indicator of a flawed regime that
collapsed for a good reason. The regime was a Liberal-Christian Democrat
coalition that enacted the ban on the bogus grounds that coffee shops attracted
crime and unwelcome visitors. In Amsterdam, there are more than 200 coffee
shops that are are a major source of income. According to the mayor, an
estimated six to seven million annual tourists visit Amsterdam each year and "around
one in three of them visit a coffee shop." Van der Laan argued those
tourists might start buying their ganja on the street, causing another set of
issues. Two other parts of the new law mandate that coffee shops be at least
250 meters from schools and may also prohibit use in public playgrounds. Yes,
the times, they are a-changin’ and not for the better……..
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