- So much for homecourt advantage being such a huge asset in the 2009 NBA Playoffs. The playoffs began yesterday and of the four games that were played, the road team won three. That number included an absolute stunner for the Boston Celtics, who lost the first game of their series against the Chicago Bulls, 105-103 in overtime. The loss continued a downright crappy weekend for the Celtics, who were forced to admit on Thursday that star forward Kevin Garnett would likely miss the playoffs with a lingering knee injury and found out the same day that president of basketball operations Danny Ainge had suffered a minor heart attack. Yesterday, it was Bulls rookie Derrick Rose who broke the Celtics’ hearts with a 36-point, 10-assist outing in the first playoff game of his career. Still, at least the C’s kept it within single digits, because the Portland Trailblazers did no such thing against the Houston Rockets. The Rockets led by double digits most of the first half, led by 18 at halftime and b*tch-slapped the Blazers in the second half to coast to a 108-81 victory. Rockets center Yao Ming made all nine of his field goal attempts for 24 points and was able to sit out the entire fourth quarter because his team had such a ginormous lead. The third road team to win was the Dallas Mavericks, who went into San Antonio and staged a big comeback on the Spurs to seize Game 1 behind 25 points from confirmed stoner Josh Howard. For all those who theorized that the Spurs would flounder in the playoffs without injured super-sub Manu Ginobli….looks like you may be correct. The only home team to win was Cleveland, which did enough to coast past a lifeless Detroit Pistons team by a 102-84 count. The game may have not been the Cavaliers’ most dominant effort, but it was clear throughout that the Pistons just don’t have enough offensive firepower to threaten them at all. Ultimately it’s just one game and these are best-of-seven series, but that doesn’t mean that this trend of road success can’t continue…..
- Somebody is itching to start World War III and that somebody is none other than everyone’s favorite rogue state, North Korea. With pretty much the entire civilized world on its case for launching a rocket in violation of U.N. rules earlier this month, the North Korean government isn’t back down an inch from those who want them to cease and desist their missile-launching ways. North Korea said Saturday any sanctions or pressure applied against it following the rocket launch earlier this month will be considered a "declaration of war." The announcement was made in state-run television and the primary focus of the statement was that the country is prepared to step up efforts to develop nuclear weapons and poised for a military response to any moves against it. “The revolutionary armed forces of the DPRK are always keeping themselves fully ready to go into action any moment to mercilessly punish anyone who encroaches upon the sovereignty and dignity of the DPRK even a bit,” it said. As a quick aside, I still get a solid 1.75 laughs every time North Korea - one of the world’s most repressive dictatorships - referred to itself as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. Just as long as you realize that no one, especially not your own people, believe that gloss is true, North Korean government. The United States seems to be leading the charge to condemn the missile launch, labeling it a "provocative act" that violated a 2006 Security Council resolution prohibiting Pyongyang from conducting ballistic missile launches. Pyongyang counters that the April 5 launch was a successful mission to place a communications satellite into orbit, not a weapon-based initiative. Either way, the rocket launch looks like a failure because its payload did not reach orbit. But I’m certain that North Korea must be absolutely terrified that the 15-member U.N. security council voted unanimously for a statement by the council's president demanding the country make no more launches. Oh no, not a strongly worded statement! Anything but a written, non-binding condemnation! Let’s see what the North Koreans had to say about the possible retribution for their missile launch. “The Korean People's Army will consider sanctions to be applied against the DPRK under various names over its satellite launch or any pressure to be put upon it through 'total participation' in the PSI (Proliferation Security Initiative) as a declaration of undisguised confrontation and a declaration of a war against the DPRK,” the announcement on state TV said. Allow me to sort through all of that political rhetoric and decode what the “DPRK” is trying to say: We’re ready, eager and willing to bomb the sh*t out of someone, anyone and everyone. Please, please, please provoke us so we have a quasi-legit excuse to nuke somebody’s ass……..
- Let this be a lesson to all politicians out there who would rip off the music of an aging, past-their-prime bunch of country/hillbilly rockers and use it for political gain. As always, if you f’ with Don Henley, Don Henley will f’ you right back. Henley, a founding member of "The Eagles," is suing Charles DeVore, a Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate, claiming the candidate is misusing two of his popular songs. The suit filed Friday in federal court in California claims is using Henley's hit songs "The Boys of Summer" and "All She Wants to Do Is Dance" without authorization. DeVore allegedly posted two campaign videos on YouTube with Henley’s songs as his soundtrack. Nice music taste, DeVore. Way to show that you’re relevant and not at all out of touch with your constituency - assuming your constituency is all over the age of 60 and comprised entirely of people who like mediocre, mellow rock that blends the worst of light rock and country. In one of the videos, DeVore's campaign changed the words of "All She Wants to Do Is Dance" to lyrics that attacked Sen. Barbara Boxer and changed the name of the song to "All She Wants to Do Is Tax." Ahhhh…..so clever. Just a question…..you risked a lawsuit and all of this trouble to rip off two crappy songs by the Eagles for a YouTube video? If you’re going to plagiarize someone’s music, at least shoot higher than the Eagles. Go for the Beatles, the Who, Pearl Jam or someone like that. Now, you’ve got Henley and Mike Campbell, who co-wrote "Boys of Summer," is also named as a plaintiff in the lawsuit. “Don Henley and Mike Campbell brought this action to protect their song, 'The Boys of Summer,' which was taken and used without their permission,” Henley's spokesman said. “The infringers have vowed to continue exploiting this and other copyrighted works, as it suits them, to further their own ambitions and agenda. It was necessary to file a lawsuit to stop them.” Maybe this was an intentional play on DeVore’s part, I don’t know. After all, he is a member of the California State Assembly and he’s running against Boxer, a Democrat and well-known political figure in the state of California, in the 2010 election. The best part of this showdown may just be DeVore’s response to the lawsuit, posted on his campaign website. “We're responding with a counter-claim, asserting our First Amendment right to political free speech," the site said. "While the legal issues play out, it's time to up the ante on Mr. Henley's liberal goon tactics. By popular request, I have penned the words to our new parody song.” Liberal goon tactics? He just asked that you not rip off his music and use it to promote your campaign. That’s what the rest of us like to call protecting your intellectual property, DeVore. You may want to brush up on those issues if you ever hope to become a United States senator…..
- I’m calling dibs on this right now, a TV action series detailing the crime-busting heroics of two shapely Hooters waitresses as they seek to make their rural Georgia town safe again. Call it “Charlie’s Angels: Dirty South” if you want, but just know that it’s my idea. I was inspired to come up with it after hearing the tale of two Hooters girls in Wayne County, Ga. who decided to hit up the local Wal-Mart to do some shopping. They parked their car and headed inside the store, but their friendly neighborhood pervert was about the throw a wrench in their evening. Christopher Childers saw the two girls walk into a Wal-Mart to shop and while they were in the store, he allegedly got into their car. Childers found pictures of the girls in their Hooters uniforms and placed them in his truck before getting back into their car and waiting for them to come out of the store. The exact details of the altercation that occurred when the girls got back to their car aren’t known, but the police report states that one of the girls slammed Childers’ leg with the car door and the other called 911. By the time police arrived, employees from Wal-Mart came outside to assist the two females and the group held Childers inside the vehicle until the cops arrived. Childers was still inside the victim’s vehicle when police arrived. The answer he gave the officers when they questioned him as to why he would hop into the car of two women he didn’t know and wait for them was freaking hilarious. According to Childers, he was waiting for the girls because “they looked easy” and he had a conservative girlfriend. Ah, the old “they looked slutty and my girlfriend won't give it up” reasoning, how many times have I used that for hiding the back seat of some woman’s car and trying to ambush her……right around zero. Here’s a thought for you, C. Childers: if they looked easy, how about trying to pick up on them the normal, non-criminal way - by talking to them. Hiding in the back seat of their car just comes off as, I don’t know, stalker-ish. Also, talking to them can't result in much worse than them blowing you off, whereas hiding inside their car can lead to you being charged with felony entering of an automobile. As always, I’m a deep reservoir of helpful information and all you need to do is ask……
- This is EXACTLY why I don’t give any credence or serious thought to ridiculous music charts like the Billboard Hot 100. I could point to any one of dozens of exhibits to make my point this week, but let’s go with the fact that the soundtrack "Hannah Montana: The Movie" boasts six of the soundtrack's songs on the Hot 100 and the Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow" is the top song. Yes, a teeny bopper singing some hack country-pop blend and a group of bubble gum hip-hop poseurs are dominating the chart. Miley Cyrus' "The Climb," which moved up two spots to No. 8 AND made the week's greatest digital gain, with downloads up 37% this week. " Other classic tunes from the soundtrack in the top 100 are “Hoedown Throwdown” and "Let's Get Crazy." I could list a lot of other garbage songs in the top 100 (Lady GaGa's "Poker Face" at No. 2, Flo Rida's "Right Round" at No. 3, Soulja Boy Tell'em feat. Sammie's "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" at No. 4, Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain's "Blame It" maintaining at No. 5, and T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake's "Dead and Gone" at No. 6 to name a few), but let’s just say that this list is filled with a bunch of over-produced crap sung by people with little or no musical talent and lyrical depth rivaling that of a drop of spit. Meanwhile, I can guarantee that albums like Manchester Orchestra’s “Everything to Nothing,” which will drop this week and is the latest work by a phenomenal indie rock band, will have exactly zero songs in the top 100 any time soon. As I always say, just because a song, TV show or movie is popular doesn’t mean it’s good. A lot of people out there are morons with poor taste in entertainment and they just don’t know quality when they see it. I wish I could reeducate those people and help them out, but changing the world starts one small step at a time and I’m doing what I can……
No comments:
Post a Comment