- Commitment to excrement, baby! Just lose. The Oakland Raiders have been consistently atrocious the past several years thanks to the fact that they are run almost entirely by an egomaniacal, overbearing, controlling, deluded dictator who is old, senile and fires everyone who might dare to oppose his decisions. Basically, Al Davis runs his NFL franchise like I run my fantasy football team, the key difference being that Davis’ team is worth hundreds of millions of dollars and is real, not existing exclusively in an online world. Yet Davis fires coaches on a whim, holds press conferences to attempt character assassination on those coaches, hands out absurd, bloated contracts to overrated players and cuts those players just like he fires coaches - all while looking half-alive and wearing white leather jumpsuits that went out of fashion at least three decades ago. So with the Crypt Keeper’s team off to a familiar 2-6 start, Davis decided that the best way to react was to release cornerback DeAngelo Hall and wide receiver Javon Walker, both of whom the Raiders paid a high price to get just this past offseason. The Raiders have paid Hall $8 million for eight games because of his bloated contract, and they also traded second-round pick for him. Yes, waiving Hall now helps the Raiders avoid paying Hall $16 million worth of injury-guaranteed bonuses in his contract, but $8 million for eight games AND a second-round draft pick? Dude, that’s just too quick of a trigger and a total microcosm of what is wrong with Davis’ running of the team at this point Releasing Walker is also a problem, what with him being signed to a big free-agent deal and being handed a ginormous signing bonus by the Raiders. Memo to you, Crypt Keeper: the problem is not Hall, Walker or fired coach Lane Kiffin. The problem is you, making dozens of poor personnel decisions and having the patience of a petulant two-year-old. You make impetuous personnel decisions and then when they predictably don’t pan out, you become enraged and blame everyone but the real source of the problem: you. Your team sucks and will continue to suck until you are no longer running it, Crypt Keeper……
- I guess Ali Kordan is Iranian for “George O’Leary.” You may remember O’Leary as the football coach who was hired and fired by Notre Dame before coaching a single game because he blatantly fabricated major pieces of his resume. Not good when one of your highest-ranking government officials is impeached for the same offense, eh Iran? Yet there is Iran's parliament, voting Tuesday to impeach Interior Minister Ali Kordan for listing a fake doctorate degree on his resume. And as you’d expect from a prominent public figure whose life and career were about to go up in flames, Kordan delivered a lengthy speech during the impeachment debate Tuesday morning, suggested the Israeli news media had organized the campaign to discredit him. Awesome, just awesome. I love a good conspiracy theory, and what’s a better conspiracy theory than suggesting that the media of a country that is your most bitter enemy engineered a scandal to wreck your legacy. Also, bonus points for claiming to not realize that your purported Ph. D. from England's Oxford University was not real. I had to laugh for a solid 15-20 minutes after reading Kordan’s claim that He someone duped him by saying he could earn the degree by writing an article. My man, you are either a total liar or a moron, maybe both. You cannot seriously tell me that you would believe someone who told you that you could earn a Ph. D. by writing an article. Can I earn one too for reading a picture book? Might I be able to become a heart surgeon because I was good at the board game “Operation”? Nice try, though. Sounds like Iranian lawmakers didn’t buy your explanation either, because when the vote took place, there were 188 votes for impeachment, 45 against and 14 abstentions. At least President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who promoted Kordan to be the interior minister in August, is pretending to back his subordinate. “I do not care for a torn up piece of paper (degree). What I care about is my ministers' job performance and experience,” Ahmadinejad said. Right, Mahmoud. Something tells me that like it or not, it’s time for you to find a new interior minister, and this time you might want to do a more thorough background check……
- An interesting mayoral campaign wrapped up this week in the city of Sacramento, where voters overwhelmingly handed the reins of their city to an ex-NBA player with no government experience and a whole lot to prove. Former NBA star Kevin Johnson, who played most of his career with the Phoenix Suns, won the most expensive mayoral race in Sacramento's history, ascending to a post that wasn't even a full-time job until about six years ago. He swept into office as voters opted for the change that an unproven Johnson represented, even though he’s an ex-jock who has never held a government office. From the start of the campaign, Johnson didn’t shy away from his background in sports. His campaign was founded on issues like improving school systems and fighting crime and made use of his connections to current and former NBA stars Shaquille O'Neal, Charles Barkley and Magic Johnson. Because of the backing of his famous friends and his own personal wealth (Warren Buffett, among others, contributed to the campaign), Johnson was able to outspend his opponent by a 3-to-1 ratio in a race that cost nearly $2 million total. By the time it became official on Tuesday night, Johnson’s opponent, Mayor Heather Fargo, was dejected and appeared to be in disbelief at the massive 57 percent to 43 percent margin in the final vote tally. The result didn’t come as a surprise to Johnson, who campaigned confidently in spite of his lack of experience. He promised to use his notoriety to elevate Sacramento's public profile and end its tenure as a mere stopover between San Francisco and Lake Tahoe. Well, and as the capital city of California, if you didn’t know. Best wishes on your new challenge, KJ, and best wishes to the people pf Sacramento as well. I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into…..
- Speaking of the state of California and Election Day, the voters of the state have spoken and clearly, gay marriage advocates don’t want to listen. Screw democracy and the will of the people, because those who feel that homosexuals have the right to have their unions recognized in the same way that straight couples do have filed a legal challenge in California's state Supreme Court to the initiative known as Proposition 8. After being approved Tuesday by voters, Prop 8 will overturn the state Supreme Court ruling earlier this year that legalized gay marriage. Maybe you didn’t pay attention, gay marriage advocates, but the court ruled on this once before and their decision was turned down by the people of the state. That’s how democracy works, sorry if you don’t like it. So the legal challenge brought by advocacy group called Equality California and six same-sex couples might be alive legally speaking for the time being, but don’t expect it to be successful. The passage of Proposition 8 means that California will amend its constitution to specify that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized. Just because you don’t like the way voters decided on an issue doesn’t make their votes invalid; it makes you in denial. Plus, your state isn’t the only one to shut down gay marriages: Arizona and Florida has similar issues on the ballot. Voters in both states passed measures to amend their constitutions to specify that only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage. In Florida, the standard for passing the ban was 60 percent to pass and still, voters pushed it just past the threshold to 62 percent. Again, this is the system we live in, democracy. The people have the right to vote and decide issues like this and the majority rules, like it or not…..
- Duct tape use, 1,105,021: an airline crew on a flight from Puerto Rico to Chicago used everyone’s favorite do-it-all product, duct tape, to keep an unruly passenger in her seat. Maria Esther Castillo allegedly fought with flight attendants and grabbed other passengers, causing such a disruption that the pilot was forced to land the flight in North Carolina. Castillo, a native of Oswego, N.Y., is charged with resisting arrest and interfering with the operations of a flight crew aboard United Airlines Flight 645. In a move that some people would just see as foreplay, Castillo, 45, struck a flight attendant on the buttocks with the back of her hand during the flight. Additionally, she stood up and fell onto the head of a blind passenger before eventually pulling the person's hair. The air marshal on the flight tried to restrain her using ankle cuffs, but the cuffs kept slipping off Castillo so the flight crew and two passengers were busted out the duct tape. The flight finally made an emergency landing at Charlotte/Douglas International Airport, where a suddenly calmer Castillo again became disruptive again when authorities boarded the plane to remove her. Hmm, wonder what could cause a person to behave like an absolute animal and be a danger to herself and fellow passengers…..I’m going with…..alcohol? Yup, because one report from a fellow passenger alleges that Castillo was having drinks in an airport bar before boarding AND bought another drink on the plane. Dude, you know you’re drunk off your ass if you’re going to pony up the $6 bucks they charge for a drink on your flight. Only a drunk person with severely impaired judgment would fork over that kind of cash for one small drink. Flight attendants finally clued in to her intoxicated state and stopped serving her alcohol, but it was too late. Ah, the joys of flying the friendly skies…..
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