- God bless you, Pacman Jones. You are one thing in this world I can count on, something I know will provide an endless string of controversial and idiotic incidents to rip even when avoiding said incidents is the only way to save your lucrative NFL career. Since being traded to the Dallas Cowboys during the offseason and being reinstated by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell following a one-year ban for continued run-ins with the law, Pacman has been under 24/7 surveillance by special security hired by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to ensure that he remains on the right side of the law. It seemed like a good idea….right up to the point that Pac got into a fight with one of his security guards at a downtown Dallas hotel on Wednesday morning. Initial reports indicated that Jones was involved in an altercation at the Joule Hotel in Dallas, damaging a bathroom. Dallas Deputy Chief Vince Golbeck stated that police were called to the scene at 1:30 a.m. this morning. No police report was filed and no one will be arrested or charged in the incident, which isn't surprising. If Pac is brawling with the security guards the team put in place to keep him out of trouble, of course they’re not going to press charges; they are there to do whatever it takes to keep him on the field, which in this case means keeping their mouths shut. No one is commenting - not the Cowboys, not the NFL and not Pacman’s attorney. One source confirmed that NFL Security has been notified and is investigating, so this thing isn't over yet. Ironically, today was also the day that Goodell visited Cowboys players at their Valley Ranch training complex, which he does with every team in the league prior to each season. Before he met with the Cowboys, Goodell told reporters in San Antonio: “Adam knows how much emphasis I put on making sure that he makes good choices going forward, that he avoids situations where he can reflect poorly on himself, the Cowboys or the NFL. So far he seems to have been able to do that very effectively.” Yeah, he did that for all of a month or so, commish, but I think we all knew that it was a matter of when, not if, the real Pac would resurface. Anyone who believed Pacman when, at the time of his reinstatement on Aug. 28, he said: “I know my responsibilities to the NFL and I'm going to hold my own and do what I need to do to make sure I stay where I am right now, which is reinstated. I work hard every day to make sure I don't make the same mistakes. Can I say I would never ever make the same mistakes? No, I can't say that. I'll make sure I put myself in way better situations than I have put myself in the past.” Either that or you were a ticking time bomb waiting for your next explosion of violence, one or the other. Just be glad that this time it was directed at someone who has no choice but to look the other way…..
- Never let it be said that the good folks at Google aren't looking out for your best interests. In addition to providing Google Earth so you can snoop with aerial pictures of the back yard of random people, perhaps searching for hidden marijuana gardens if your supply is running short, but they are now offering Mail Goggles, a feature designed to prevent you from making those drunken, late-night emails that you later regret. By using Mail Goggles on your Gmail account, you are forced, at preset times on nights and weekends, to completed a series of simple math problems in order to gain access to your email. They aren’t complicated problems; simple addition, subtraction and multiplication. If you can complete them in the time frame allowed, you gain access to your account. If not, you receive a message telling you to sleep it off and try again in the morning. Very nice of Google to use simple arithmetic to help people from drunken missives at 2:15 a.m. after a night at the bar or a kegger, but just a question: what if people are just too stupid to answer the math problems correctly, even when sober? Are there different levels of difficulty here, like first grade math for idiots, high school algebra and proofs for the smarter among us? Either way, props to Google for trying to do something to help the drunken idiot out there, since I guess installing a Breathalyzer lock on computers like repeat DUI offenders must install on their cars wouldn’t work……
- So what does the “most romantic night of the year” on ABC Family’s Greek look like? Depends who you ask. With every Greek organization on campus gearing up for formal season, everyone had their own take on the ritual. The Kappa Tau house chose a name at random to organize their formal, with Rusty Cartwright drawing the honors. He worked hard to plan a great formal because he didn’t get to attend his high school prom (no date, been there), but after scouring decoration stores, picking the perfect music and arranging a date, Rusty shows up at the KT house to find that the formal has been canceled and the funds allotted for it used to throw an “informal” complete with bounce pits and “man boob contests.” Disheartened, Rusty stops by the Zeta Beta house to ask if he can borrow his big sis Casey’s car to return his tux. He runs into her BFF Ashleigh, who thinks she has a better solution: finding Rusty a date from among three ZBZ sisters who don’t have one for the ZBZ formal. But when each of the three balk at going with Rusty, Casey suggests that Ashleigh, is also dateless, go with him. Ashleigh agrees and ends up with Rusty as her date, while Casey goes back and forth on whether she should bring new beau Max to the formal. Since it’s election time for sorority president and she needs to politic and schmooze the sisters and Max can be a bit awkward and odd, she worries if he will fit in. That leads to Max initially saying he will just stay home, but once he hears Rusty talk about how it’s supposed to be the most romantic night of the year on the Greek calendar, he reconsiders and rushes over to the ZBZ house to tell Casey he wants to go. Casey spends plenty of time prepping Max, even making flash cards to help him better know the sisters of ZBZ so he can schmooze right alongside her. Schmoozing is also what Casey’s rival for president, Frannie, has in mind. She uses new boyfriend Evan Chambers’ Omega Chi brothers to serve as dates for ZBZ sisters to curry favor, a ploy that seems pretty successful. Her run of success hits a snag at the formal when Max takes to the dance floor and catches his watch in her hair, tangling to two up and ruining her ‘do. Rusty has problems of his own at formal, problems that start with he and Max arranging for a horse-drawn carriage to take them and their dates to the event, which was a problem because the formal was eight miles away and the carriage ride remains a decidedly un-speedy means of transportation. When the four of them arrive, Rusty is taunted by Evan, who ridicules him for being a pity date for Ashleigh who doesn’t deserve to be with a beautiful girl like her. Rusty responds by trying to put some moves on Ashleigh, who is taken aback. Her reaction sends Rusty running, left to chastise himself in a storage room. When Ashleigh finds out what has gotten into Rusty, she asks him to dance and right in front of Evan and Frannie, she and Rusty share several long kisses. Casey has a reaction of her own, confronting Evan, telling him what a tool he is and informing him that the reason he hates Rusty is because Rusty has known all along what a jerk he is. After that, Casey and Max head out in the carriage, with Max taking a minute to tell Evan that he doesn’t understand how he could have let Casey get away. Speaking of getting away…..Cappie and Rebecca Logan may have broken up at the beginning of the season, but that doesn’t mean they’re clear of each other. When they run into each other while Cappie is in front of the KT house working on his car, they start to argue but end up getting after it in the back of his car. The same thing happens when Rebecca decides not to go to the ZBZ formal and stays at the house. Cappie shows up to return her toothbrush and instead the two end up having sex in nearly every room in the house, which is actually a little creepy and disgusting. But at the end of the night, Rebecca realizes that she needs to street totally clear of Cappie in order to get over him and move on, which means no more sex and not even being friends for the time being. It was actually a really good episode, not the least of which is due to the fact that the über-annoying Dale had only a short amount of screen time, only being on long enough to mock Max for not wanting to go to formal with Casey and hoping Max’s absence would be his chance to go with Casey, clearly a Dale pip dream. This was the fourth-to-last episode of the season, which is sad, but it has been a great Season 3 and I’m looking forward to next week, as I’m sure you are as well……
- Should anyone really have to tell you that touching a dead, wild animal is a bad idea? Clearly the answer to that question is yes, otherwise 90 elementary school students in Stevensville, Montana would not be starting a series of rabies shots after a parent let them touch a dead bat that was later confirmed to be diseased. The idiot in question is mother of two students at the school and gave presentations in five classrooms, allowing the children to touch the dead bat. Obviously those presentations weren’t on the importance of not picking up roadkill or handling dead, wild animals that could possibly give you rabies. Perhaps the school needs to first verify that those giving presentations to elementary school students are in fact smarter than said students. The women did add a nice, albeit futile, touch when she offered each student who touched the bat a sanitary wipe. Now those lucky children will not only get a sanitary wipe, they will also receive six shots of anti-rabies vaccine. For future reference, sanitary wipes are what you get at a restaurant to clean food from your face, especially messy things like pasta sauce. You use them on your child to clean off marinara sauce, not to clean your hands after touching a dead animal that may be carrying rabies. Stevensville Elementary School officials say they will use liability insurance to pay up to $70,000 for the exposed children to be vaccinated, with the overall cost possibly surpassing $150,000. Additionally, the school has since set a policy requiring that anyone visiting the school obtain a visitor pass, but sadly no IQ test will be implemented for visitors as part of the new policy…..
- This is not what I would call a hopeful development for a struggling U.S. economy. The National Debt Clock in New York City, built by late Manhattan real estate developer Seymour Durst in 1989 to draw attention to what was, at that time, a $2.7 trillion debt, has run out of digits to record the amount of the deficit. When it became apparent that the sign was running out of spaces, a short-term fix of replacing the digital dollar sign on the billboard-style clock near Times Square to a number -- for the time being, the "1" in $10 trillion - was put into play. But like Rosie O’Donnell loosening the waistband on her ginormous pants to accommodate her ever-growing girth, it was a band aid on a broken dam. Just as Rosie is bound to grow too fat for any clothing she owns, the debt was bound to become too large to be contained by the Debt Clock. It has served us well, reminding Americans of the ginormous debt our nation is racking up (I’m guessing spending tens of BILLIONS of dollars a month on an unjustified, fraudulent war in Iraq every month for six years hasn’t helped), but this particular clock has gone as far as it can go. Thankfully, the Durst Organization says it plans to update the sign next year by adding two digits, which will make the clock capable of tracking debt up to a quadrillion dollars. That’s awesome, but I have to ask, what are we going to do in 2017 when that clock can no longer contain the debt? This may be a battle that the principles of mathematics and digital sign technology are no match for…..
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