- Council Bluff, Iowa: irony and hypocrisy live here. Yes, I also thought that irony and hypocrisy made their homes elsewhere, but news out of the heartland seems to indicated otherwise. When you think of drunk driving and the police, you get mental pictures of cops pulling over hammered motorists, running sobriety checkpoints and administering field sobriety tests, right? I’m guessing that none of you thought of a police officer being the one getting plastered and driving, but allow me ton introduce to you Council Bluffs police officer Terry Cozad. It seems Officer Cozad likes the drinky drinky a little too much, because he has been on paid administrative leave following his arrest Sunday night by a Mills County sheriff's deputy for suspicion of drunk driving. That tends to happen when you are driving erratically and refuse to take an alcohol breath test when you are pulled over. Adding to the irony is that Cozad, who has been with the Council Bluffs police department since 1999, was named officer of the year earlier this year. Wow, if that’s your best officer, I’d hate to see some of your lesser ones. This is a case that has to be offensive to all of us, because cops are the ones always talking about the tragedies they see out on the roads as a result of drunken driving, and here’s a guy who has seen that for nearly a decade and yet he still has the total deficit of intelligence, responsibility and judgment to get behind the wheel all boozed up? Well done, T. Cozad, well done…..
- For some inexplicable reason, Curb Your Enthusiasm has been a celebrated, respected show for nearly all of its six seasons on the air. I’ve never been a fan and have gotten precious few laughs from the show when I have watched it, but maybe that’s just me. It is a distant second in Larry David-led projects in my book, light years behind Seinfeld, but for those of you who do enjoy it, Curb will be back in no time. HBO is looking at a December start date for production on the seventh season of the series. It won't be a long season; the new campaign will consist of 10 episodes and premiere next year.
Rumor is that the producers are shooting for a return to air at the beginning of 2009, which would make for a 24-esque 18 month hiatus since Season 6 wrapped up. However, when you compare it to the 21-month drought between the fifth and sixth seasons, it isn’t so bad. Were this a show I actually liked and followed, I would probably be really upset to have to wait that long between seasons, but like I said, Curb Your Enthusiasm has never inspired much enthusiasm in me….
- College football recruits receive all sorts of mail and communication from coaches, schools and sometimes even fans of programs that are recruiting them. But it’s not often that a prized recruit receives a letter from someone in the pokey. Prison inmates don’t tend to be a vital part of the recruiting process for obvious reasons, what with being convicted criminals, being confined to small cells most of the day and not having that much of an active role in the day-to-day operations of college athletics programs. To be fair, many inmates are former athletes who have gone knucklehead and ruined their lives and careers by going thug at the worst possible time, but even those guys tend to be far removed from the recruiting process. Thus, it had to come as a major surprise to a couple of highly ranked football recruits in Arizona, including Devon Kennard, son of former Wolf Pack player Derek Kennard, when they received multi-page letters from an inmate in the California State Penitentiary system. And who was this convicted felon urging them to sign with? That would be the University of Notre Dame. Yup, Charlie Weis and staff are getting a nice boost from California inmate #5409101. I’m sure Coach Weis is ecstatic to have a prison inmate thousands of miles away besieging some of his recruits with letters. “Dear Devon, I realize that you do not know me and I am a convicted felon living in another state, but bro, you need to sign with Notre Dame. It’s a great school and you’d like it there….and oh yeah, at some point I’m going to get parole and if you don’t sign with them, I know who you are and where you live…….”
- See, this is what happens when you put an idiot in the spotlight of a major political campaign. No, I’m not talking about W., although this could definitely apply to him as well. Joe Wurzelbacher, a.k.a. Joe the Plumber, the most famous drain un-clogger in America thanks to John McCain and Sarah Palin, has seized upon his 15 minutes of fame to score a spot on conservative talk radio host Laura Ingraham’s show Friday and used his undeserved platform to announce that he's considering a run for Congress in 2010. And where would a totally unqualified, unfit individual run for Congress? That would be against longtime Democratic Rep. Marcy Kaptur for Ohio's 9th district, which includes Toledo and Sandusky. “I'll tell you what, we'd definitely be in one heck of a fight, Marcy Kaptur definitely has a following in this area,” Wurzelbacher said “But, you know, I'd be up for it.” Would you, Joe? Awful magnanimous of you, what with you having no qualifications to run and only saying this because you’ve gotten the mistaken impression that because of s chance encounter with a presidential candidate that was caught on camera, you’re an important person. Also, very big of you to say that it’d be a a heck of a fight, considering it would be no fight at all because you wouldn’t even be chosen as your party’s candidate. Just appreciate the moment in the sun you’ve been given after challenging Barack Obama on his tax plan earlier this month and don’t push it. Doesn’t help Laura Ingraham’s credibility much when she says that she would immediately volunteer for his campaign and help him with campaign advertising and PR. Not that I know who you are or care, L., but you want to throw your support behind some dude who spends most of his days snaking drains, yanking hairballs from sinks and unclogging toilets, that says nothing good about you. So make the most of what remains of your 15 minutes, Joe the Glorified Handyman, and then just go away……
- We’ve all been here. Who among us hasn’t lived next to or near that neighbor with the uber-annoying pet, usually a dog, that causes nothing but trouble and annoyance for everyone in the neighborhood? Whether the dog digs in your bushes, poops in your yard, runs out of its yard to try and bite you when you walk by or just barks incessantly at all hours of the night, the bottom line is that the pooch is a nuisance that needs to be dealt with. But almost inevitably, the owners of these dogs seem either oblivious or indifferent to the trouble their pet causes. So I’m going to go contrarian here (shocker, right?) and side with Diane M. Brown of Hemet, Calif. after she was arrested and accused of stealing her neighbor's noisy dog and abandoning it 15 miles away. According to Riverside County Animal Services officers, a notoriously untrustworthy group, Brown had filed multiple complaints about her neighbor's dog, saying “Spike” was too noisy. Predictably, The Man didn’t have her back, with a Riverside County judge ruling that the barking dog claims were unfounded. So what’s a person left to do when the law won't do its job and take the necessary steps to silence an annoying pet? The answer is that you have to do, namely make the fluffy, white Maltese disappear. Brown’s mistake wasn’t (allegedly) taking the dog and dumping it; her error was dumping the dog without taking the dog’s collar and ID before dumping it and also dumping the dog in an error where THERE WERE SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS!!! You don’t need to be a criminal mastermind to know that you need to dump the dog in as secluded, wooded area with no one around, Diane. But no, she stopped in the town of Beaumont, took Spike out of the trunk of her car and leaving the dog by the Cherry Valley Water District building before driving away. Not only that, she forgot to remove Spike’s collar the first time around and a surveillance camera caught Brown when she returned to the scene to remove the collar. After that, a local veterinarian called the dog's owner, Lora Young, saying they had Spike. Looks like I need to make this another one of the available courses at my upcoming seminar for aspiring criminals striving to overcome subpar IQ’s: How to successfully disappear an annoying dog……..
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