- Like, OMG, WTF is she doing? Doesn’t Whitney Port know that she is a key character in one of the most played, tired reality series concepts in the history of television? The Hills has never been fresh or interesting mostly because it’s a spinoff of Laguna Beach, a series that was interesting for all of one season and then became relly tired really quickly. Yet there was MTV, following Laguna cast member Lauren Conrad, to Hollywood for her very own reality show, of which Port became a part. Now, MTV is making another moronic leap by spinning off of the spinoff and giving Port her own reality series, The City. Her new show will air near the beginning of 2009, and it will follow Port as she works for fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg. Right, because we don’t have enough shows, reality shows and movies about fashion right now, we are in desperate need of another one. And look at Port, releasing a statement like she’s an actual celebrity and someone we should give a damn about. “I am thrilled and honored to be in New York City,” she declared in a statement. “Not only working for one of the most renowned fashion designers, Diane Von Furstenberg, but to be able to mature as a young woman both professionally and personally.” Great, I wish you all the success in the world…I just don’t know why it needs to be on television……
- Aliens were invading on last night’s episode of Smallville - well, to be fair it was one alien, but a badass one at that. Maxima, an invader from the planet Omichron, came racing to Earth when new LuthorCorp CEO Tess Mercer and one of her scientists performed a sonic pulsation test on the Kryptonian crystal found in the Arctic Circle near the spot where Lex Luthor disappeared. Maxima teleports to Earth and begins her search for the owner of the crystal, whom she believes is her soul mate. Unfortunately, her trial-and-error search brings death to every human male she kisses, increasing their adrenaline and endorphin levels to points that bring on a heart attack. The only one who can withstand her kiss is Clark Kent, but before the two cross paths, Maxima kills a half dozen men stretching from Metropolis to Smallville. In Smallville, she appears at the Luthor mansion to and confronts Tess because the mansion is where the crystal’s signal originated from. After assaulting Tess, Maxima takes a mystery man’s invitation for Tess to meet for drinks at the Ace of Clubs in Metropolis and goes on her own. There, she zeroes in on the despondent Jimmy Olsen, who is seemingly the only guy in the room not with a date. Jimmy is down because while moving in with fiancée Chloe Sullivan, he found the love letter Chloe wrote to Clark way back during their high school days and read to him when Clark was seriously ill and in a near-coma. When Jimmy finds the note, it stirs up all of his insecurities about Clark’s relationship with Chloe. That leads him to a night of tequila shots at the club, ending with dancing and making out with Maxima. Clark arrives just in time to save Jimmy and rush him to the hospital, but Maxima spots him in super speed and realizes Clark is the guy she’s looking for. She tracks CK down at the Daily Planet and the two get hot and heavy in the elevator after Clark succumbs to her other-worldly charms, just before Lois happens on them hooking up while she’s waiting for the elevator and the door opens. She flips out and Clark goes after her despite Maxima’s protestations, putting Lois in Maxima’s crosshairs. On the street outside the building, Maxima waits for Lois, tosses her car several stories in the air and then goes after her once the car lands upside down on the next street over. Clark zooms onto the scene in time to stop the attack and in a nearby alley, he manages to resist Maxima’s advances and claims that they are soul mates and that he should return to her planet with her. When she’s rejected, she is zapped away in some sort of teleportation, leaving Clark in her wake. As for Chloe, troubles with Jimmy aren't her only concern. She’s also approached by Tess with an offer to use Chloe’s new power of a brain on par with a supercomputer to crack the mysteries of the computer-like crystal that signaled Maxima to begin with. Tess believes it may hold clues to finding Lex, but Chloe has no desire to work with anyone associated with Lex after he ratted her out to the feds last season for computer hacking crimes. Chloe’s stance changes and episode’s end when Clark tells her that he believes that by using the crystal, he may be able to recreate the Fortress of Solitude, bring back his Kryptonian father Jor-El and in the process, find a way to remove the BRAINIAC-instilled power that Chloe has been given, a power Clark fears may harm her long-term. However, when Chloe goes to the Luthor mansion to tell Tess about her reversal in thinking, Tess informs her that the crystal has been stolen. The identity of the thief is unknown, but Tess receives a taunting email, showing a pic of the crystal and asking if that’s what she’s looking for. Text in the message then says, “You aren’t ready - X.” Who is X? My guess is that X is the signature of Doomsday, the character that is the secret identity of show newcomer Sam Witwer, also known as paramedic Davis. That mystery will be solved in the weeks ahead, as will the mystery of where Lois will live now that Jimmy moving into the apartment above the Talon with Chloe has booted her from her home. Clark offers her a place to stay at the Kent Farm, where there are plenty of empty rooms and where Clark has been feeling alone (especially after finding Lana Lang’s old meteor-rock necklace in a kitchen drawer at the episode’s outset), but Lois declines. This offer comes after several moments during the episode where there was clear chemistry and connection between Lois and Clark, one of which was Maxima telling Lois that she could see a clear connection between the two, even if Lois couldn’t admit it yet. So there are definitely a couple of things to keep an eye on going forward, but until next time…..
- For me as a (soon-to-be former) Chicago Cubs fan, the Major League Baseball playoffs ended when the pathetic, choking Cubbies were swept out of the playoffs in the first round by the Dodgers despite entering the postseason with the best record in the National League. That being said, not being interested in the remainder of the playoffs hasn’t made me immune to the scourge that is a non-stop, overwhelming and really, really irritating barrage of Frank TV ads on TBS, which has rights to early rounds of playoff coverage. The same thing happened last year and I wrote the same damn thing last year, that I cannot stand Frank Caliendo, I don’t think he’s funny and I don’t care how many impressions of W. or John Madden he does, he doesn’t make me laugh. Yet here is TBS, trying to cram Caliendo’s crap-tacular show down our throats because they seem to think it’s funny even when virtually no one else does. Look guys, I know you put money into this piece of crap and would like to see a return on your investment, but it’s time to throw in the towel and admit that the show just blows. You can run five commercials for it during every commercial break on your network, every hour of the day, but that isn't going to win us over, it’s just pissing everyone off more to the point that sooner or later, viewers are going to start FedEx-ing explosive devices to your offices just to put an end to this. So I’m begging you, for your own safety and our sanity stop the commercials, pull the plug and allow us to get to work on moving past this whole unfortunate situation…..
- While there may be nothing funny about the putrid state of the U.S. economy as the dollar bottoms out, companies go under, stocks plummet and banks are going bankrupt because of bad lending practices, I have managed to find something to laugh about in relation to our current economic woes: the daily pictures of despondent Wall Street traders on various news websites. Seriously, every day there is a picture of one of these suckers in an expensive suit, power tie and wearing a look like his dog just go ran over, his wife left him, his favorite bar closed and he just found out that he’s adopted. It doesn’t matter that we don’t know the identity of these suckers because they’re all the same guy in the same pose, thinking the same semi-suicidal thoughts. I may not be oerly familiar with the workings of the DOW Jones Index and what it means when the DOW drops below 10,000 or 9,000, but that doesn’t prevent me from eagerly anticipating the next CNN picture of Joe Trader, head in hands, staring despondently off into space, the loneliest and saddest man in the world. I’m starting to wonder if these are even candid shots or if the photographers go around and solicit a different guy every day to strike the “depressed stock trader” pose. Work with me….show me depression….yes…yes, that’s it, give me despondence….show me your forlorn look….good….beautiful! It may be a small silver lining in an otherwise bleak time for our economy, but at least it’s good for a laugh, which we all need right about now….
- I can see where, if you think one of the candidates for president might die before completing his term in office, that might affect how you vote. That’s a concern very much on the minds of many Americans, according to a new CNN/Opinion Research Corp. Poll. Republican Sen. John McCain is 72, and while he may be a skin cancer survivor and have made it through five years in a Vietnamese prison, 47 percent of Americans surveyed are concerned that McCain would not finish a four-year term as president in good health. Honestly….I have to agree with them. McCain would be the oldest man sworn in for a first term as president, plus the inauguration ceremony would take place right around the same time as his customary mid-day nap. On the flip side, his opponent, Democratic Sen. Barack Obama, is 47 and the fourth-youngest major party nominee. In response to those concerns, McCain has allowed reporters to look through more than 1,100 pages of his medical records, although their time was limited and the records could not be taken out of the room where they were being kept. Also, McCain's personal physician, Dr. John Eckstein, released a letter saying there is no medical reason “that would preclude McCain from fulfilling all the duties and obligations of the president of the United States.” Hmm, wonder if the good doctor would have any reason to throw his support behind his most well-known and powerful patient…..perhaps. Those steps by McCain haven’t made the issue go away in the minds of voters, because in the CNN/Opinion Research Corp. Poll, conducted in late September, 29 percent of those polled said they are “very concerned” about McCain's ability to complete a first term and another 18 percent are “somewhat concerned.” Vote however you want, America, but the deciding factor for me won't be McCain’s health, but rather his idiotic comment that he would be willing to stay in Iraq for 100 years and perpetuate the most disastrous abortion of a war in our history if need be…..
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