- I hope you’re happy with yourself, America. For a second straight weekend, you’ve made a subpar film about a talking Chihuahua the country’s top-earning movie. Yes, Disney's alleged comedy “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” was the No. 1 flick for the second-straight weekend with $17.5 million. That raises its 10-day total to $52.5 million. Coming in second for the weekend's was the horror film “Quarantine,” which debuted with $14.2 million. It’s plot might not be stellar - a contagion that turns an apartment building's tenants into flesh-hungry monsters - but it’s better than the movie ahead of it this weekend. As it turned out, the stellar trio of Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe and director Ridley Scott could only muster a third-place finish with their new film “Body of Lies,” which had a $13.1 million debut. Other new releases didn’t fare so well for the weekend, with Universal's football drama "The Express" and the family flick "City of Ember," starring Tim Robbins, earning $4.7 million and $3.2 million, respectively. Here’s how the top 10 shook down overall: 1) "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," $17.5 million, 2) "Quarantine," $14.2 million, 3) "Body of Lies," $13.1 million, 4) "Eagle Eye," $11 million, 5) "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist," $6.5 million, 6) "The Express," $4.7 million, 7) "Nights in Rodanthe," $4.6 million, 8) "Appaloosa," $3.34 million, 9) "The Duchess," $3.32 million, 10) "City of Ember," $3.2 million. Overall, “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist is probably still the best move of the top 10, but it’s no match for the power of a talking dog……
- What is it with this rash of crimes committed by naked people? First, a woman walking her dog in a park in South Bend, Indiana gets jumped and chased by a naked man who she says watned to rape her. Now comes news of an incident Saturday night in Pasadena, Calif. wherein a naked woman led police on a 28-mile chase last night before losing control of her car. The whole ugly (I’m assuming it was ugly, because let’s face it, pretty people don’t drive naked) incident began on the 2400 block of Mohawk Street, where police responded to calls of a disturbance in a parking lot. According to policed reports, the naked woman had been breaking the windows of a car parked in the lot, but took off when she saw police and the chase was on. The mystery naked woman led officers west on highway 210 to highway 134, then west to highway 170 north. Making matters worse, she was driving without her lights on at speeds of over 100 mph. Well duh, of course she was, she didn’t want anyone to see her driving naked. In the end, the woman lost control of the vehicle, crashed on the side of the highway and was taken to a local hospital with minor injuries. Still no explanation as to what she was doing breaking car windows and why she was naked, but now she and I are going to have to cancel our date for this weekend…..just kidding…..I think…..
- Every year I get my hopes up and every year I receive a swift, forceful kick to the junk. I root, I cheer, I wish and I will as best I can for an NFL team to complete the dream season, a perfect year - in reverse. I’m talking 0-16, 16 straight weeks of not doing what it takes, of not doing what is necessary to win and not looking like a capable NFL team. Back in 2001, the dream had a real shot when the Detroit Lions opened 0-12 before inexplicably winning Dec. 16 vs. Minnesota thanks to the maddening efforts of backup quarterback Mike McMahon. And yes, I still hate you, McMahon, you bastard. You didn’t even use those efforts in 2001 to springboard into a successful NFL career; you’re out of the NFL now. But that was nothing compared to the letdown I experience last year, when the Miami Dolphins absolutely crushed my spirit by looking positively crap-tacular for the first 13 games in firing out to an 0-13 record that had all of us reverse perfect season dreamers in a state of ecstasy. However, that fateful day of Dec. 16 reared its head again, with the ‘Fins losing focus and stumbling into a 22-16 over Baltimore in TO when journeyman wide receiver Greg Camarillo caught a long pass in overtime and sprinted past the Baltimore defense for the winning touchdown. I can still remember sitting there dumbfounded when I heard the news, unable to think, speak or feel. So it is with great trepidation that I view the miserable 0-5 start by the 2008 Detroit Lions. They have scored 76 points and allowed 159, and on Sunday, they showed the kind of determination and lack of focus it’s going to take to make my dream a reality. When they somehow found themselves ahead late in the fourth quarter against Minnesota and my dream was slipping through their fingers once again, the Lions dug deep and kept on not doing what it takes to win, coming up with a key pass interference penalty that gave the Vikings a chance to kick the game-winning field goal and win 12-10. Up to this point, the Lions hadn’t been tested; they’d lost every game by double digits, so they hadn’t had to find a way to lose close games. It’s good to know that they can, because over the course of a long season, you aren’t going to be able to get blown out every game, you have to find a way to squeak out those close games you should probably win. So far, so good, but I still have a sinking feeling my heart is going to get crushed again this year…..
- Just let your feeble argument die so the state of Ohio can get on with the business of killing you, Richard Cooey. After the Ohio Supreme Court rejected Cooey’s feeble claim that he was too fat to be executed because physicians couldn’t find a vein in his flabby arm, Cooey’s attorneys have taken their moronic appeal to the only remaining outlet: the Supreme Court. Cooey is scheduled to die by lethal injection Tuesday, but his attorneys have tried every desperate tactic in the book and were forced to take their case to the highest court in the land after Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland earlier Friday denied the 41-year-old prisoner's clemency petition. In hearing the case, the justices are expected to decide whether he should receive a stay of execution, as well as whether to address constitutional claims over when a convicted person is medically unfit for capital punishment. If you believe Cooey’s lawyers (which would make you a tool), he is "morbidly obese," and has gained about 70 pounds since his incarceration at age 19. Prison food and confinement in his cell for 23 hours a day, limiting his opportunities for exercise, contributed to his weight problem, his legal team said in recent court filings. Additional feeble arguments in the motion include claims that Cooey takes regular medication for migraines that will weaken the effectiveness of an anesthetic used in the a three-drug cocktail administered during execution. This is a saga that has been dragging on since 2003, one day before Cooey was scheduled to die. At that point, a particularly inept judge stopped his execution on issues unrelated to his health claims. Things have dragged on until now, when a federal appeals court ruled Thursday that Cooey waited too long to raise the medical issues. But hey, I’m sure to families and friends of Wendy Offredo and Dawn McCreery, the students at the University of Akron that Cooey and an accomplice killed in 1986, don’t mind. Why would they want to see justice administered to a man who tossed concrete slabs onto Interstate 77, one of which struck Offredo's car, and who then took their loved ones to a remote field and subjected them to 3½ hours of rape, torture, stabbings and fatal bludgeonings. Make no mistake about it, Richard Cooey is a sick bastard and the world will not be worse off when he is gone. Now if we could just get around to making that happen…..
- U.S.A! U.S.A.! I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but dammit, this is amERICA and gluttony lives here! Reinforcing that message once again on Sunday was my hero, my main man Joey Chestnut. Two years running, Chestnut has kicked the culinary keester of former world hot dog eating champ Takeru Kobayashi of Japan in the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating contest on Coney Island, and on SuNDAY he did America proud again by downing 45 slices of pizza in 10 minutes Sunday to win the first-ever Famous Famiglia World Pizza Eating Championship in New York's Times Square. To prepare for his big day, the San Jose, California native says he fasted for more than a day. He also folded and squeezed the slices to make them easier to swallow. Whatever works, my man, whatever works. Not a bad year for Chestnut, beating Kobayashi again, then traveling down to Tennessee last month and winning another contest by cramming down 93 Krystal hamburgers in 8 minutes. Joey, you rock. Your digestive system may be screaming for mercy, but you give it none and keep pushing yourself and doing this nation proud in the process. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!..........
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