- Finally. At long last, the “I’m too fat to execute” defense has been defeated and Ohio death row inmate Richard Cooey was put to death Tuesday. His last-ditch effort was turned down after the Supreme Court rejected his last-minute plea that he was too overweight to be put to death. Cooey was pronounced dead at 10:28 a.m. ET, said Andrea Carson, spokeswoman for the Ohio Department of Corrections. Additionally. the execution went as scheduled with “no problems whatsoever.” So I guess that by the very fact that things went according to plan, we found out that Cooey was not, in fact, too fat to be executed. As you might expect, Cooey went out the way you’d expect a convicted killer and despicable human being to go out.
Asked if he had any final words, Cooey snarled, “You haven't paid attention to anything I've had to say for the past 22 years, so why would you think that I would think you're going to pay attention to what I have to say now?” Sounds like someone was a little bitter after the Supreme Court rejected the stay his execution and turned down the opportunity to address larger constitutional claims over when a convicted person is medically unfit for capital punishment. Thus, this world is a better place without that 5-foot-7 and 267 pound tub of goo Cooey. Every court in every step of the appeals process shut him down, so finally the families of the two women he and an accomplice kidnapped, raped and killed got some justice. The lone highlight of Cooey’s stay on death row was when he tried to escape in 2005, when corrections officials said he tried to go all MacGuyver and engineer a ladder from magazines and bed sheets in an effort to scale the barrier around an outdoor recreation area. So long, R. Cooey, you won't be missed……
- Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, it really got out of hand. It jumped up a notch. It did, didn’t it? The NHL season had barely begun and I had barely begun ignoring it, as I always do with hockey, when
the Chicago Blackhawks decided they needed a new coach and fired Denis Savard just four games into the season. Replacing him will be NHL coaching veteran Joel Quenneville. Because of the change, the team canceled its Thursday practice and held an afternoon news conference to announce the move. “I'm disappointed but I guess it's the nature of the business,” Savard said today. “I know I was doing a good job, I'm dedicated to my work. Obviously they felt they had to make a change, so what can you do.” Clearly someone felt you weren’t doing a good job, Savard, otherwise they wouldn’t have fired you. Hockey teams are notorious for changing coaches like no other sport, but even for them a firing after four games is a quick trigger. Savard was in the last year of his contract, but this morning he was contacted by GM Dale Tallon with the bad news. Nice timing, though, as the dismissal came hours after the team won its first game by beating Phoenix 4-1. But it’s hardly surprising from a team that has fallen on hard times in recent years and become one of the worst-run franchises in all of professional sports. However, I’m sure that this move will console and inspire confidence in fans who were already bracing themselves for another crap-tacular season, good times…..
- Kevin Smith never fears pushing the envelope with his movies, whether it’s Clerks or one of his more forgettable efforts like Clerks 2, dude doesn’t shy away from bathroom humor, raunchy jokes and a totally crass, lowest-common-denominator approach to film making. But this time he may have gone too far, making a movie with such a controversial title that he can’t even place ads for it in some places. Many newspaper, TV and outdoor ads for Smith's new comedy “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” have been rejected because of their content or because the word porno is attached to the title, said Gary Faber, head of marketing for the Weinstein Co., which is releasing the film. Among those refusing to carry the ads are 15 newspapers, TV stations and cable channels. One such example was when commercials for the film during Los Angeles Dodgers games on Fox Sports were dropped at the team's request. One complaint came from a man watching a September game in with his young son and while trying to explain to the boy what a squeeze bunt was, then had to explain “what does porno mean.” On the other side of the country in Philadelphia, city officials refused to put up "Zack and Miri" posters at bus stops. Ironically, "Zack and Miri" stars Seth Rogen, who sparked (pun intended) controversy with another recent film, “Pineapple Express,” because of it’s marijuana-centric plot. Some ads for “Zack and Miri” were forbidden by the Motion Picture Association of America, which labeled the ads "highly sexually suggestive and not suitable for general audiences."
Weinstein countered with posters using stick figures to represent the actors, but those too were rejected.
Rina Cutler, Philadelphia deputy mayor for transportation, said that the decision to reject the stick-figure posters came because even though they were cute and clever, they were still unacceptable for bus shelters where schoolchildren would see the word “porno.” All in all, sounds like political correctness run amuck, but
this may not be the worst thing for Smith and the studio. This is one of those situations where controversy should be good, because it will stir up interest in a movie that otherwise most people would likely avoid. People will hear about this movie and be curious, so they’ll see it just to find out for themselves what all of the fuss it about. Makes you wonder if Smith and Wesinstein Co. didn’t know what they were doing in the first place…..
- I see what you’re doing, Detroit Lions, and I like it. No, scratch that, I LOVE it. Already 0-5 and looking every bit bad enough to make my dream of an 0-16 NFL season a reality, the Lions have traded their best player, wide receiver Roy Williams, to the Dallas Cowboys for first, third and fifth-round picks in 2009 draft. This is great news because 1) it makes the Lions a worse team this year, giving them a better look at 0-16. Coupled with news that starting quarterback Jon Kitna is out for the year with an arm injury, losing Williams makes the Lions’ offense significantly worse and thus ups their chances to run the table in reverse. Combine that with a brutal schedule that includes games with Jacksonville, Tampa Bay, Chicago, Tennessee and New Orleans, all playoff contenders, and things are looking good for my dream of Lions not doing what it takes to win for 16 straight games. I know it’s a long season and I shouldn’t get ahead of myself, especially in light of the Dolphins firing out of the gate 0-13 last year and winning their one and only game in overtime in Week 14 against Baltimore thanks to Greg F’ing Camarillo, but I cant help it. The Lions are unquestionably bad enough to get it done, and I’m going to be seriously pissed if they don’t. Heck, their own general manager said, prior to trading Williams, that trading him would signify that the team was giving up on the season. Well, they did trade him so I am going to assume that the Lions have officially given up on the season. Clear path to 0-16, check. The lack of talent to get it done, check. So make it happen, Lions, don’t let me down…..
- So it turns out that you can’t actually sue the Almighty. A judge in Lincoln, Nebraska has thrown out a Nebraska state legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served because of an unlisted home address. That does tend to be a problem, serving God with a lawsuit. Dude never answers the door even if you do find out where he lives. Who is the numb nuts filing such a ridiculous suit, you ask? That would be state Sen. Ernie Chambers, who filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God. It is Chambers’ contention that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." Woah…..didn’t know that the legally insane could be elected to the legislature in Nebraska. Either that or Chambers was peaking on PCP and just really, really paranoid and tripping when he filed the suit. He claims that he filed it to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor. Huh? That is the most bizarre line of reasoning I have ever heard from an insane state legislator attempting to sue God. My man, you didn’t make your point with this charade, you just made a point for anyone who demands that a mental health exam be part of the prerequisites for anyone running for office in your state. Thankfully, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law, a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward. “Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant, this action will be dismissed with prejudice,” Polk wrote. Good call there, Your Honor. A very tough legal decision I’m sure, but you made the right call. but leave it to armchair judge Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, to believe that he's found a hole in the judge's ruling. “The court itself acknowledges the existence of God,” Chambers said Wednesday. “A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience. Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.” Riiiight. Amigo, you lost. And to quote Ron Burgundy, you might want to sit this one out, just stop talking for a while. You may legally have 30 days to decide whether to appeal, but your decision should already be made. While you ma not returning to your seat in the legislature next year because of term limits, there is no reason to make yourself an even bigger punch line than you already are by continuing to pursue this. We get the point, you aren’t a big fan of God, as evidenced by the fact that you skip morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians. Point made, now shut your hole and serve the rest of your term in silence…..
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