- Wow, ABC must really be starved for programming, because I really cant think of any other excuse to make the premiere of Dancing With the (D-List) Stars an “three-night event.” Look, I know thousands and thousands of women in the 18-49 age bracket will watch this show because for whatever reason, women are more inclined to like dancing than men. Of course, that still doesn’t explain why anyone likes this bomb of a show, with people who are so far removed from being actual stars that not even a compass, map and GPS could get them in the same time zone as stardom. Calling it a three-night event doesn’t obscure what a joke your show is, nor does it lend it any legitimacy. The premiere of Lost will be a television event, the start of the NFL season was an event, but a bunch of hack D-list celebs all looking to jump start their acting careers that are deader than W.’s chances of being remembered as our greatest president ever, getting together and doing lame ballroom dances is not an event. Again, I ask how you morons cancelled a show like Traveler and yet you fill your hours of programming with this drivel? Why is it that the dumbest people in television are the ones making the schedule instead of the ones serving the Jell-O in the cafeteria?
- It was absolutely awesome to hear the news that Buffalo Bills backup tight end Kevin Everrett is likely to walk again after suffering a catastrophic neck injury in Sunday’s game against Denver. Originally the prognosis for Everett had not been good, with his doctor doubtful that he would ever make a full neurological recovery. Yet as the day progressed on Tuesday and updates began coming out, optimism that Everett would walk again soared. His doctor revised his prognosis and said that once Everett was allowed out of his heavily sedated state, he began to show major signs of improvement, moving all of his extremities voluntarily. I am thrilled to hear that he will make a full recovery, because his injury happened on such a normal looking play that you would never expect anyone to be hurt this seriously during it. Why is it, by the way, that the plays on which guys suffer serious neck and spinal injuries seem to so often look benign and harmless, yet the plays where a guy really gets blown up or hit hard don’t seem to be the ones resulting in such serious injuries? I’m sure as Everett went in to make the tackle, the idea that something like this could happen never crossed his mind. I don’t know if he’ll ever play again (I would doubt it, but you never know), but even if he doesn’t, simply by walking again he’ll have made a heroic effort. I also hope that the Bills, the NFL and the players’ association take care of him financially and medically if his career is indeed over, because he deserves all the those three can give him. Get well, Kevin, we all hope to see you back on your feet (literally) soon.
- There are few (possibly none) things you can point to, say “That’s wrong,” and have everyone agree. The world just doesn’t work that way because we’re all different and diverse – except for when it comes to the situation I’m about to mention. There is no way this is ok or acceptable on any level at any time, period. It happened recently when Brian Christopher Thomas, a University of Texas fan, walked into a Henry Henderson’s Pub in Oklahoma City, which is a bar normally packed with fans of the University of Oklahoma, Texas’ biggest rival. Thomas was sporting his burnt orange UT gear, which he had to know was going to cause some trouble. However, when I say “some trouble,” I don’t mean that he should have known that another bar patron would grab him by the package and slam him to the ground, all the while refusing to release his kung-fu death grip on Thomas’ junk. Yet there was 53-year-old Allen Michael Beckett, trying to perform his own unofficial sex change operation by removing Thomas’ bag, even as other patrons tried to break it up. Far be it from me to tell people what they can or can’t do for fun, but if you’re a 53-year-old and you still want to frequent sports bars and hang with the college crowd, the least you can do is not act like a drunk 19-year-old. What’s worse is that based on police reports from the incident, Beckett was the instigator, talking smack to Thomas as soon as he entered the bar and keeping it up even as Thomas paid his tab and went to leave. What Beckett did is wrong on so many levels, I wince in pain just thinking about it. You can get away with a lot in a bar brawl – gouging the eyes, elbows to the stomach, knee to the midsection, sucker punch – but you absolutely, positively can not, EVER, grab another dude’s package and pull on it. It’s wrong, period, and I hope that the judge in this case stands up for guys everywhere and levies the steepest penalty allowable under the law to one Allen Michael Beckett.
- I’m going to start encouraging everyone right now not to buy Rosie O’Donnell’s upcoming book, Celebrity Detox. There is absolutely no need to perpetuate the continual farce that is O’Fat’s existence and to make her believe that anyone cares or wants t ohear what her fat a** thinks. Do not put any more money in her pocket to buy her massive supply of Ho-ho’s, Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, doughnuts, cupcakes, brownies, pies, Moon Pies, Snowballs, Cheetos, pork rinds, Oreos, etc. The fact is, based on her idiotic and ill-reasoned opinions, reading her book would be a waste of time. Besides, enough of the more interesting tidbits will come out in the public anyhow, so that will give us plenty with which to mock O’Fat. Take, for example, her take on Barbara Walters. Babs needs to hang it up, according to O’Fat, even though at the the age of 77, Walters is still a thousand times sharper and more intelligent than O’Fat. “At some point, a person gets tired. It’s inevitable,” O’Fat writes in her book. Hey Rosie, the reason it’s inevitable that you’ll get tired is because at some point during the day, you’ll have to lug your fat a** up more than two stairs and you’ll end up winded and gasping for air. “Barbara Walters is almost twice my age….at some point it becomes necessary to step back. Everyone has to go. Going is part of the gig,” reads another excerpt from the book. Umm, O’Fat, here again you are showing that you aren’t smart or, as David Beckham might say, too good with the maths. See, you are 45 years old, Walters is 77. Twice your age would be 90, so no, she is not almost twice your age. Almost twice your age would be anyone 85 or over, but nice try. Also, on the part about stepping back and going away…..why don’t you try stepping back from the buffet line first, you fat cow. Second, isn’t it amazing that you wore out your welcome in less than a year and you were the one who had to leave, while Walters is still around and still doing ten times the job you ever did. No one likes you, no one respects you and no one thinks of you as anything other than a flabby, big-mouthed, crass, rude loser and you’re the one who needs to go away permanently. Do I need to pull out one of Donald Trump’s world-class verbal beatdowns of you to shut you up. “Rosie is disgusting, both inside and out,” quoth the Donald. “Rosie is a loser.” Well said Donald, well said.
- We all need to be thankful that the Kid Rock-Tommy Lee fight backstage at the MTV Video Music Awards went down the way it did. Two rail-thin, middle-aged dudes swinging at each other is not a big deal, and it could have been a whole lot worse. Both Rock and Lee are exes of Pamela Anderson, which probably had a lot to do with the fight. But just imagine if every musician or celebrity who had ever f****d Anderson had been involved in the brawl, do you know how bad that would have been? It would have made most prison riots seem small and tame by comparison. Be glad that only two or her former paramours (and two of the less physically imposing ones) were involved, but also be sad because I wish Pam had been there to step in and try to break things up, only to have her top ripped off in the process……but I digress. Bad blood and near-fights have been a part of the MTV Awards for as long as they’ve gone on, ever since the Guns N’ Roses v. Nirvana showdowns in the early ‘90s. Personally I would have rather seen the fight on stage in place of the train wreck that was Britney Spears and the worst lip-syncing effort of all time.
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