- Never saw this one coming…..oh wait, yes I did. A Nashville high school teacher accused of having an affair with one of her students has disappeared along with her two children after she was released from a mental hospital. Erin McLean has been missing for a week and a half now, as have her two songs, ages 11 and 8, after she was released from the nuthouse. How could she have custody of her children after all she’s done and been through? Well, if you remember her story, her husband is accused of killing to boy she was having an affair with, so by comparison she is the more fit (or available) parent. Look, I know that finding good teachers is hard, but is the situation so dire that standards have to be lowered to allow mentally unstable, pedophiliac, criminal individuals to be in the classroom? Call me crazy, but something like that should come up somewhere along the way and be a clear indication that maybe this person isn't someone you want teaching the children at your school. I just hope that someone finds McLean and her sons so they can be taken far away from her and her husband and raised by people who give them a semi-realistic show to grow up somewhat normally.
- I’m not sure you heard (pun intended), but world famous mime Marcel Marceau has died. I was trying to think of my favorite Marcel Marceau quote, but honestly I couldn’t come up with a single noteworthy thing that guy ever said. However, I’m sure that the mime community is devastated by his loss and that they’re all busy crying their imaginary tears. I do wonder, though, will they bury Marcel in an actual coffin, or will that fake box that mimes are always stuck in suffice? Also, will all of his mime friends ride their imaginary bicycles to his funeral? Will there be a moving tribute at the ceremony wherein all of Marceau’s mime pals climb their imaginary ropes together and bid their silent friend a silent farewell? Will everyone be required to wear white makeup over their entire face in order to attend, and what if you don’t have one of those funny-looking black berets to wear? Marceau was 84 years old, so his death couldn’t have been a surprise to him. If he had seen it coming, he would have said something, right? Also, you may not know this, but we can also thank M. Marceau for inspiring the King of Pedophiles, er, Pop, Michael Jackson, to invent his famous “moonwalk,” because the Pedophiliac One borrowed the idea from an M. Marceau skit, “Walking Against the Wind.” Here’s hoping that the same imaginary wind isn't blowing at your funeral, Marcel, that way those who loved you can pay tribute to you without fear of being blown away.
- This week’s Entrepreneurial Spirit Award goes to…..Jereme James, 33, of Long Beach, Calif., a man who put his prosthetic leg to good use instead of using it as an excuse. While many people with artificial limbs look for special treatment or accommodations, James put his synthetic leg to use by using it to smuggle iguanas from a nature preserve in Fiji and then selling them for a tidy profit here in the U.S. For some reason, the federal government doesn’t share the same appreciation of James’ business smarts that I have, because he’s been indicted on one count of smuggling, a charge that could land him in the hole for five years if he’s convicted. Yes, I understand that people bring foreign, exotic animals into this country without them being screen or approved by the established federal agencies poses some problems, but can we not give the man credit for turning what many would view as a liability into a successful asset? Jereme James saw what he wanted and he took it – then incapacitated it, shoved it in his prosthetic leg and transported it covertly to a foreign country where he sold it for a profit. He carpe’d the diem, if you catch my drift. Sadly, our government rarely sees the courage, industriousness and tenacity of talented entrepreneurs like James, so he’s going to face some jail time most likely, but don’t think I’m not busy printing my “Free Jereme James” t-shirts as we speak.
- Damn, now how are tens and tens of people going to make their way from the Alaskan town of Ketchikan, on one small island, to the town’s airport, located on another small island nearby? Gov. Sarah Palin has ordered state transportation officials to abandon the so-called “bridge to nowhere” project, ending one of the shining examples of wasteful, pork-barrel spending that the federal government is often ridiculed for. The $398 million bridge would have been one of the most expensive projects ever to help such a small number of people in such unnecessary fashion, but for some reason the governor wasn’t down with it. Instead, those wishing to go from Ketchikan to the Ketchikan Airport (and who isn't looking to make that trip) will have to continue to travel by ferry. Actually, what’s amazing is not that a political official had the kahones to put a halt to this kind of wasteful project, but rather that someone was willing to earmark nearly $400 million for an unneeded bridge in our nation’s coldest, most unlivable state. Thanks for that, Congress, glad you’re doing such a solid job keeping our nation’s finances on the straight and narrow!
- Not even when our un-esteemed leader W. goes abroad and returns home after he leaves office is he going to receive the kind of reaction former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori received upon returning to the country he once governed. Well, W. should receive a similar reaction but he won't, so let’s get that straight. But Fujimori was extradited Saturday from Chile back to Peru to face charges of corruption and authorizing death-squad killings. The ex-presidente fled Peru seven years ago when his government collapsed under the weight of the scandals he (allegedly) created. He was taken directly from the airport to a police base until a permanent detention facility can be prepared for him. Like I said, W. should get a similar reaction once he leaves office but he won't. He too has been responsible for the deaths of thousands, albeit soldiers fighting in a war he created and perpetuated, and he too has run a corrupt, dishonest, scheming, lying government that has left his country decidedly worse than it was when he took office. Now if only we could find a way to pressure W. into fleeing the country…..
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