- Memo to my main man Dennis Franchione: if the majority of your school’s fan base already wants you fired because you annually fail to win the big games and take the team to an elite level, don’t do something so blatantly shady and underhanded as sending out a weekly booster newsletter containing injury updates on your players and critiques of upcoming opponents – after those boosters have given $1,200, money which went to fund your website, coachfran.com. For one, it looks like (and is) a greedy, sleazy play on your part to get more money for yourself and capitalize on your role as Texas A&M football coach to make money off of your team. Second, you tool, how do you know that those boosters giving that money aren’t actually supporters of, or associated with in some way, opposing teams? Yeah, you may not have been sending out PDF copies of the playbook, but any information you sent out had value in the wrong hands, otherwise why would these boosters pay that money if they weren’t getting something the average fan doesn’t get? Franchione was under fire before this news even more than he usually is, so you can only imagine how much gasoline this is going to pour onto the fire to get him, well, fired. I would say that I feel sorry for you, coach, but when you do stupid things like this and do them for the self-serving, greedy reasons you did them for, you deserve and get no sympathy.
- Myanmar isn't the only country around the world where rioting dissident groups are demanding the overthrow of the government. In Georgia (not the state, the western Asian nation), protestors numbering in the thousands assembled Friday in the capital city of Tbilisi to demand the resignation of President Mikhail Saakashvili after the arrest of a former Georgian defense minister who accused the leader of being involved in a murder plot. What, Georgians, you have a problem if your leader, the man charged with governing your country and helping to uphold its laws, is blatantly violating those laws and plotting to have people offed? Can I interest all of you in a leader swap, our warmongering, IQ-deprived tool of a president for your murder-plotting, lying president? It could be similar to two pro sports teams making a trade involving players who are disgruntled and need a change of scenery, so the teams swap their proverbial problem children for one another and see if a new home will have a positive effect. Let’s face it, even a murder-plotting president can’t f’up our country any worse right now, and you live in Georgia, so even W. might not be able to negatively impact the quality of life much there. On second thought, it is W., so you really can't rule it out. How’s about if we throw in Dick Cheney and free season passes to Six Flags, would you make that deal? Call us, Georgians, we’re standing by the phone…..
- I made a mistake talking about new shows that have been or will be canceled soon and what’s the worst new show on this fall. While Reaper is bad, ABC’s new “comedy” Cavemen, premiering this Tuesday night, is worse. While I’m not willing to write Reaper off in the race for worst new show (or just worst show period) on this fall, I think it has incredibly fierce competition from the moronic Cavemen. Remember, this is a show whose first try at a pilot was so bad that the network literally made the show’s producers go back and redo it. Unfortunately, this premise and idea are so bad that I don’t think any number of retries could make it into a watchable program. I’ve seen a few commercials this week trying to build the premiere up as some sort of man-targeted event, but if ABC thinks that this is what appeals to me as a man, then I am extremely offended. I don’t know who the network got for its focus groups on this one and how they got good enough feedback to allow Cavemen to make it on air, but everyone involved with the decision needs to be fired and then subjected to stringent psychological evaluations, as well as being banned from ever working in television again. I guess it’s only fitting that the show will premiere on Tuesday nights, what I have affectionately dubbed “a desolate wasteland of abominable crap.” I don’t care what else you can find to do on Tuesday nights this fall, unless it involves a violent, bloody death or having dinner with Rosie O’Donnell at an all-you-can-eat buffet, it is without a doubt a better use of time than watching anything on network TV on this night of the week…..
- Wow…..there hasn’t been a more upside-down college football weekend than this in a long, long time. Half of the top ten teams in the country lost, seven of the top 13 went down and the top-ranked team almost suffered the same fate. Things got started Friday night when West Virginia went to South Florida and saw the Bulls cement their status as an elite team by knocking off the fifth-ranked Mountaineers by a 21-13 score. The upsets then came fast and furious all day Saturday, with #3 Oklahoma the first to go down, 27-24 at Colorado on a last-second field goal. OU’s Big 12 rival, Texas, with whom the Sooners have a matchup next Saturday in the fabled Red River Shootout, didn’t bother pushing their opponent to the end Saturday, instead receiving a 41-21 drubbing from Kansas State. Later in the day, #4 Florida lost to SEC rival Auburn for the second consecutive year, 20-17. The Gators tried the new favorite tactic of football coaches, calling a timeout milliseconds before the opposing team attempts a crucial field goal, but not only did Auburn’s Wes Byrum make the field goal that didn’t count because of the timeout, he made the kick again after the timeout to down the Gators. I personally loved what he did after the game as well, mocking the über-annoying “Gator Chomp” motion that UF fans and athletes have made so annoying the past few years (yes, you, Joakim Noah). Last year Florida lost to Auburn and it ended up being their only loss on the way to a national championship, but I don’t believe that same fate is in store for them this time around. The fifth team from the top ten to lose was Rutgers, which fell 34-24 in a non-conference game to Maryland. When you mix in 11th-ranked Oregon’s loss to California and #13 Clemson’s boooooring loss (13-3, where’s the offense?) to Georgia Tech, it was definitely not a banner day for college football’s highest-ranked teams. Capping off the day with USC’s narrow 27-24 win at Washington made for a great end of an exciting day of football, thanks in part to the fact that UW has the most beautiful setting for a college football stadium in the country. USC survived the loss of two offensive linemen to injury on a single play, but when you have blue-chip recruits two deep at every position, those losses are less impactful than they would be for other teams. Besides South Florida, another team making a name for itself is Cincinnati, which won't end up the season on a hot streak because it plays in the rugged Big East, but the Bearcats are 5-0 and have a beast of a defense. By the time the weekend ends, the Bearcats and South Florida Bulls will be climbing way up the polls, while the seven teams from the top 13 who lost will be slip-sliding down, some out of the polls entirely, others just a few spots. Oh, and the quiet, workmanlike win by LSU, 34-9 over in-state rival Tulane…..on a chaotic Saturday like this, it might be enough to sneak them to the top of the polls, just wait and see…..
- Tensions are mounting in Myanmar and as a result, all of my Buddhist monk buddies in the country won't be able to read my postings….unless they can find a way to hack into an underground Internet connection. That’s because the country’s ruling military junta has cut off all public Internet access and has also sealed off the nations Buddhist monasteries. The heavy hand of the military was evident in the capital city of Yangon on Saturday, with regular patrols stamping out the public pro-democracy demonstrations that had been taking place daily prior to the crackdown. Troops fired warning shots and tear gas at the few brave dissidents who did venture out and about, with a nice smattering of beatdowns via clubbing mixed in. The scene of military violence and oppression prompted one unidentified resident of the city to cry, “Bloodbath again!” Coincidentally, I believe that is the new tourism slogan for Myanmar, a place of joy, magic and dreams coming true……assuming your dream is brutal oppression and restriction by an overbearing, despotic, dictatorial government looking to stamp out any vestiges of democracy and individuality. The monks who have been the driving force behind this revolt are now sealed inside their monasteries, with troops outside keeping them in. I actually find myself in the unusual position of agreeing with the White House on this one, but the administration’s stance of putting increased pressure on the government of Myanmar is absolutely the right call. Give the people back their Internet, let the monks out of their monasteries, stop shooting, tear gassing and assaulting people and give them their f’ing democracy, military junta of Myanmar, or things are going to continue to get worse for you.
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