- When all else fails for a celebrity, especially a musician or author, nothing can raise your street cred quite like going to the “mysterious recluse” card for a couple decades. It’s worked wonders for the profile of Salman Rushdie, in fact. Now, we’ll se if it applies to a legendary funk musician. In the late ’60s, funk musician Sly Stone was a huge star with his band Sly and the Family Stone. He last gave an interview in the ’80s, choosing to spend the last two decades or so in seclusion. He briefly resurfaced last year at the Grammys to perform in a shiny, metallic jacket, a ginormous belt buckle with “Sly” spelled out in sequins and sporting a massive blond mohawk. Now, Sly says he’s returning to the studio to record a new album. “I got a lot of songs I want to record and put out,” said Stone, who clearly did not spend his time in seclusion brushing up on his grammatical skills. “I’m gonna try ‘em out on the road. That’s the way its always worked the best: Let’s try it out and see how the people feel.” It’s ironic to hear a musician notorious for flaking on gigs say that he chooses which songs to record by testing them out at concerts, but I guess you just have to show up for enough performances to test out new material and then you don’t worry about the other gigs. Either way, expect a tepid response for the new album, what with most of Stone’s fans from the ’60s being either deceased or geriatric and younger fans having no idea who he is. Good to have you back, Sly, I think……..
- Who’s ready for a Communist Winter Olympics? If that’s you, you’ll want to circle 2014 on your calendar (granted, it will have to be one of those elusive 10-year calendars, hard to come by) because that’s when the city Sochi, Russia will be hosting the 22nd Winter Olympics. Sochi is a resort town located near the Black Sea, which sounds like a bad place to have to go for the Olympics until you consider that the runner-up in bidding for the Games was Pyeonchang, South Korea. Yes, the International Olympic Committee was considering sending Olympians to a country where the Communist, burgeoning nuclear power North Koreans reside just a slight jaunt to the north. Of course, the way Russia is headed, they’ll be fully Communist by 2014 anyhow and they’re already nuclear-capable, so it’s six one way and half a dozen the other. Props to the IOC for ignoring the best of the three finalists, Salzburg, Austria. Now that’s a place the Winter Olympics should be. When I think winter sports, I think the Austrian Alps, that’s for sure. When you consider that Salzburg already has world-class sports venues in place and could have been ready for the Olympics quickly and easily, it should have been a no-brainer, but Russia managed to bribe, er, coerce, er win the IOC over with its bid and so the world’s elite winter sports athletes will be heading to Sochi in 2014.
- So Al Gore was arrested Wednesday by San Diego police for speeding and suspicion of drug possession…..oh, did I forget to mention that it was Al Gore III, the 24-year-old son of the former politician-turned environmental crusader? The younger Gore was tearing down the San Diego Freeway at about 100 mph when cops pulled him over at 2:15 a.m. The officer who stopped Gore smelled marijuana in the car and a search turned up a small stash of the hippie lettuce, along with Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall, four prescription drugs that Gore does not have a prescription for. I’d be more surprised by the possession of weed, but what do you expect from the son of a tree-hugging environmentalist? Besides, isn't it a rule that all high-profile politicians must have a child or other family member who is the proverbial black sheep and embarrasses the family with arrests and a totally out-of-control lifestyle? Bubba Clinton had his brother Roger, W. has his two alkie daughters and Al Gore has his pothead of a son. Besides, if we freak out over every young kid who is pulled over with a car filled with an assortment of illegal drugs, America will be stressing itself right into a collective ulcer several on a regular basis. However, for future reference, Gore III, if you feel the need to possess marijuana and prescription drugs that weren't prescribed to you, don’t have them loaded up in your car a 2:15 a.m. while going 30-40 mph over the speed limit on a major freeway. Stay home, watch Planet Earth on TV and alternate handfuls of Cheetos and Doritos, my man, it’s all good.
- I’ve never read OK! magazine and after hearing this bit of news, I plan to start subscribing a year after never. Every magazine or magazine-style TV show thrives on making lists to stir up debate, whether it’s most beautiful, wealthiest, most successful, more influential, etc. However, any magazine that includes a list of the “most influential” celebrities and picks the infant daughter of a deceased porn actress as one of the 19 most influential people is the biggest farce of a publication I’ve ever seen. Yes, OK! magazine has chosen the daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith, young Dannielynn. as one of the world’s most influential celebs. Are you freaking kidding me? Other than having a bunch of publicity hungry scumbags fighting to prove paternity after the untimely demise of a mother who, rest in peace, made her fame and fortune taking her clothes off and getting after it with strangers on camera, what the frak has this kid done? She can't walk, talk or write and to the best of my knowledge, she’s contributed exactly nothing to the world at large, as it the case with pretty much all infants. Who has she influenced, and what has she influenced them to do? Unless she can influence her father, Larry Birkhead, to stop being a professional slimeball who tries to exploit his daughter for attention and money, then I don’t think Dannielynn has done anything of note. Creating controversy and discussion through your inane, concocted list is one thing OK! magazine, but looking like a bunch of total ass clowns who created this list while on a painkiller/vodka/heroin binge with a tequila chaser and after suffering a series of blows to the head with the stupid stick is quite another. Not that your magazine had any credibility before, but it has less than zero credibility now.
- WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Alerting the whole eastern seaboard, you are in grave, grave danger. Hide your children, especially boys under the age of 14. The King of Pedophiles, er, Pop, is looking for a vacation home and his target is somewhere along the Atlantic coast. Apparently looking to reestablish roots in America after terrorizing the rest of the world for a while, Whack-O Jack-O has begun perusing properties on Maryland’s Eastern shore but is not limiting himself to that area. His spokesman says the Freaky One would be willing to consider locations all along the coast, meaning that literally hundreds of communities and their population of young boys are in serious trouble. If you live in a town along the east coast, you’re going to want to go ahead and establish some sort of early warning alarm and other safety protocols just in case the K.O.P. decides to go house hunting in or, heaven forbid, live in your area.
- One thing I cannot and will not stand for is acrobat abuse. The countless lives that have been ruined by horrible, thoughtless people who abuse the circus’ most valued performers are truly heartbreaking. For this reason, I could not be angrier at a trio of Las Vegas men who enslaved more than 20 members of a Chinese acrobatic team, feeding them next to nothing, paying them little or nothing to perform and confiscating their passports and visas. You Zhi Li, 38, Yang Shen, 21 and Jun Hu, 43, were arrested this week on slavery charges and made their maiden appearance in U.S. District Court on Tuesday. The reason these three nitwits were caught is that a woman who worked as a translator for the China Star Acrobats escaped from captivity in June and contacted authorities. Not that there’s ever a good excuse for kidnapping and enslaving people, but how great of Li, Shen and Hu to do that to people of their own nationality as they tried to make their way in a foreign country. Way to show Chinese solidarity, guys! Maybe no one told you, but the who slavery fad died out here in America about 150 years ago, so trying to resuscitate it in 2007 was a decidedly bad idea on your part.
- Someone needs to inform the University of Florida football team that the window for wild celebrations and disorderly conduct following the winning of a national championship is about 24 hours. You win, you riot, end of story. Except that the UF team appears intent on acting like hooligans year round, which has led to the suspension of two starters from the team, one for the entire 2007 season and one for the season opener. Offensive lineman Ronnie Wilson has been suspended for the season, while running back Brandon James is suspended for UF's season opener. Wilson, a sophomore, was charged June 14 with one count of battery and one count of discharging a firearm in a public place, both first-degree misdemeanors. He was arrested April 5 after allegedly firing a semiautomatic rifle following an argument. According to a Gainesville Police Department report, Wilson spit on and slapped a man at a Gainesville nightclub. Wilson left the club, and the man followed him as he drove away. Wilson reportedly pulled into a parking lot, removed the gun from his trunk and fired it into the air as the man drove away. James, UF’s top kick returner last year, was arrested June 11 with Brandon Powell, a reserve guard on UF’s basketball team. Each face charges of purchasing marijuana and possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana. Hmm, recklessly firing a gun into the air, rolling with a stash of weed……..sounds like a night-of-championship style party. Instead, Wilson and James have put their careers in jeopardy because they just don’t know when to say when with their hijinks and shenanigans.
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