- It never ceases to amaze me how many people are carrying around their friends’ or family members’ drugs in their pockets or vehicles. Seriously, when was the last time someone was pulled over or arrested by police, found to have drugs on them and openly admitted to being the owner of said drugs? Every time, especially when the person in question is a celebrity or pro athlete, the individual goes to the, “They’re not mine, they belong to (friend/family member),” card. Lindsay Lohan is merely the latest to read from this tired script, trying to spin her arrest on misdemeanor driving under the influences, driving without a license and felony cocaine possession charges. She maintains her innocence on the drug charges, but I haven't heard her deny the driving-related offenses, which is good. After all, it is hard to deny driving without a license when you currently have your license suspended and were pulled over while driving your vehicle. But I’ll be fascinated to hear how someone else’s drugs magically appeared in your pocket, L. After all, drug users aren't known for being the most trustworthy, lasseiz-faire people when it comes to their drugs. They generally don’t hand their coke, weed or X over to someone else - they tend to want it in their possession so they can use it and don’t have to worry about someone else having it and ripping them off. But no worries, because someone who is clearly a stable, mature and responsible individual, as Lohan clearly is, should have no trouble beating a rum rap like this. That is, of course, assuming she can find time in between her continual trips to and from rehab to appear in court and defend herself.
- Internet squatters are one of the lower life forms on this planet, mostly because they look to buy up domain names they know companies and organizations will want in the future and then try to extort massive payments out of those companies and organizations in exchange for the rights to those domain names. In other words, they’re trying to earn a lot of money for doing nothing other than being a greedy weasel. That level of low-lifeness was taken even lower by Keith Malley, a man from New York who pirated the www.thesimpsonsmovie.com IP address, used it to divert people to a porn site and his own personal perverted site and then tried to bilk Twentieth Century Fox out of $50,000 for rights to the name. The World Intellectual Property Organization, a U.N. agency dealing in these types of matters, ruled that Malley must turn over the domain name to Fox and cannot force the company to pay him for it. Too bad for you, Malley, but you got exactly what you deserved: nothing. Just because Fox is a massive international company with deep pockets doesn’t mean you get to rip them off. Next time, come up wit a better scam, one that doesn’t involve you funneling unsuspecting Internet users to sites promoting sexual freakery.
- You’re going to be floored by this next piece of news, so brace yourself. Documents acquired by senators investigating Alberto Gonzales litany of lies, misdeeds and misconduct as attorney general directly contradict statements ol’ Alberto made in a hearing just a few days ago. Where have I seen this before…..oh right, last time Gonzales testified before Congress. He doesn’t seem to be able to tell the truth much in these kinds of settings or in any other settings for that matter. Actually, Congress might want to hit Alberto with a heavy dose of sodium pentathal before he testifies again, otherwise the lying is likely to keep on going. The new documents given to senators show that eight congressional leaders were briefed about the W. administration’s terrorist surveillance program on the eve of its expiration in 2004, directly contradicting statements Gonzales made before Senate committee earlier this week. At that hearing, Gonzales repeatedly insisted that the meeting in question had nothing to do with the surveillance program, but rather focused on an ambiguous, undefined intelligence program that he refused to discuss or elaborate on. Right, because that sounds soooo convincing. “No guys, that meeting was about a double-secret, top-level classified intelligence program that I really can't talk about.” How convenient for you, Mr. Gonzales, and by convenient I mean it was a blatant and obvious lie designed to disguise more of your own illegal and unethical actions. This isn't going very well for you, A., so maybe you should stop lying for a while and just shoot straight with the senators and the American public. I know it’s a new concept and it’s scary, but it’s your best option.
- I’m thankful to see that Cleveland Browns draft pick Brady Quinn has his priorities in order. While holding out from training camp and demanding that the Browns pay him like a top-five pick even though he was picked 22nd because he believes he was a top-five talent and the team had him rated as such, Quinn is busy appearing at area malls, signing autographs for $75 and also appearing on local sports talk radio shows. Instead of signing a rookie contract in line with the spot where he was picked, Quinn and his representatives continue to demand that he be paid for how talented they think he is and where they think he should have been picked. Sorry guys, but that’s not how this works. The NFL isn't a league where you can tell people how much you think you deserve and they blindly follow along even when there’s direct, contradictory evidence right at hand. Furthermore, Quinn looks like an idiot for holding out when he could very well have had a shot at winning a starting job if he had been in camp on time and performed to the high level that he thinks he should be paid at. Browns fans are tired of having a crappy team and they’re not going to have a lot of sympathy for a guy who could help their team but elects to put his own bank account ahead of getting on the field and being part of that team. The reality is that if Quinn is as good as he and his stool pigeons say he is and his performance on the field reflects that, then he’ll get the money he’s after - he just needs to prove it.
- Missing your flight sucks, period. For a traveler, there’s no worse feeling than rushing to get to the gate in time, only to realize that you’ve missed the plane and now you’re not going to get where you need to go on time. Sometimes you miss a flight and it’s your fault, sometimes it’s circumstances beyond your control, but either way, throwing out a bomb threat for the plane you were supposed to be on and missed is an unacceptable way to deal with the situation. This incredibly intelligent, thoughtful plot was hatched by an unidentified man at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport who missed a departing Northwest Airlines flight on Wednesday. What exactly are you hoping to accomplish by doing that? Like you’re going to force the plane to turn around and come back, then admit you were kidding and say, “Hey, since the plane is back, just go ahead a let me on board?” Bad news, you ginormous tool, when you make a bomb threat, whether it’s legit or fake, there’s one place you’re going and it’s not aboard a plane - it’s jail, moron. Perhaps this dude was looking to exact some revenge on the airline for having its flight take off on time when he was running late. If so, he sure showed them, eh? They brought the plane back and then sent it on its way, while this guy gets to face criminal charges for his brilliant bomb-threat plan. Sounds like an even exchange to me………..
- For those pointing to NASCAR driver Greg Biffle as the first “pro athlete” to speak out in condemnation of Michael Vick and his alleged involvement in a dog fighting ring, I have to say that you are all dead wrong. To make that statement is to make one critical assumption that is in fact very, very inaccurate: that race car drivers are in fact athletes. For the one millionth time, sitting in the driver’s seat of a car, pressing the gas pedal, turning the steering wheel and going around in circles with a bunch of other losers does not make you an athlete. A glorified motorist with a colorful jumpsuit, yes; a legitimate, well-conditioned professional athlete with actual athletic skills, no. Biffle is certainly free to say what he wants, so long as he realizes that his opinion doesn’t matter - at least no more than any person you’d talk to on the street. I value the views of the neighborhood butcher, the crossing guard outside the local elementary school or the guy who fixes my lawnmower as much as I do Biffle’s thoughts on the Vick case. Now if G. Biffle wants to weigh in on what the best kind of spark plugs are or how often I should rotate the tires on my car, I’m all ears. Otherwise, Biffle, know your role……AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
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