Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Footloose v. reality, China plugs a cash leak and Josh Hamilton nears a free footlong


-  One more and Josh Hamilton qualifies for a free knee surgery….either that or a free footlong sandwich. The veteran outfielder, back with the Texas Rangers after a massive cash grab contract with the Los Angeles Angels that saw him leave Texas to ink a five-year, $125 million deal only to see his numbers dive as his health declined, prompting the Angels to trade him back to Texas two years later. Unfortunately for the 2010 AL MVP, he didn’t rediscover his health in Texas and now, he’s undergone his 11th knee procedure, having some damaged meniscus cartilage in his left knee repaired. The arthroscopic procedure on his balky left knee means Hamilton has zero chance of making the Rangers' opening day roster even though there were no issues with the surgically repaired ACL in that knee. It was clear there were issues when Hamilton had left spring training in Arizona and returned to Houston for the second time in less than a week to be examined by Dr. Walt Lowe, and even more so now that he’s undergone a whopping three knee surgeries since he last played in the majors in 2015. The ratio of knee procedures to games played in a one-year span shouldn’t be 3-0 and at this point, it really doesn’t matter that Hamilton was a five-time All-Star as an outfielder because it’s going to take six weeks of rehabilitation before he will be able to start running again. He can continue learning to play first base all he wants, but if he punches that 12th entry on his frequent knee surgery customer card before he suits up for the Rangers again, his chances to ever be a legit big leaguer again will be as shot as his creaky legs……….


- China has a big leak and now, its oppressive, communist government is looking to plug the dam. In other words, the country’s policy ministry says more than 800 people have been arrested in a crackdown on unlicensed banking operations as authorities try to stop the outpouring of money from the nation. According to the communists who make the laws, more than 380 underground banks that handled transactions totaling more than 900 billion yuan ($130 billion) were broken up in the crackdown launched last year and if you think underground banking sounds like a shady story made up by the government as its latest excuse to shamelessly trample basic human rights and freedoms, you could be right. The official story is that communist leaders allow informal finance to support entrepreneurs, but work hard to terminate any activity that threatens the state-run banking system, supports crime or helps people violate foreign exchange controls or other regulations - but mostly the part about it negatively affecting their interest and ability to keep complete control over their realm. The reason these (alleged) underground banks (allegedly) popped up was to help companies and small investors move money out of China starting in late 2015 amidst widespread fears that the yuan would take a nosedive, and in response, Beijing tightened foreign exchange controls. Now, the government is waging its war against freedom on the latest front……..


- JK Rowling knows how to shamelessly pander to her target demographic. Rowling has seamlessly transitioned from cranking out Harry Potter novels and corresponding movies to her spin-off franchise of Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them and she’s teasing her adoring masses once more with the sequel film for that series, sharing a picture of the its script on Twitter. The second Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them film is due out next November and the third one two years after that, but perhaps the most exciting news for the franchise is that after a brief cameo in the first film, Johnny Depp will become a full-fledged cast member this time around alongside returning stars Eddie Redmayne, Ezra Miller and Zoë Kravitz. Rowling knows she’s taking some heat for her cash grab/decision to turn the Fantastic Beasts saga into five movies, ensuring maximum earning potential for herself and the studio - so she has a well-written explanation handy. “I think, when you realize what story we’re really telling, you’ll understand that it can’t possibly fit in one movie,” Rowling said. “There’s a natural arc to five. You’ll see.” Yes, you’ll see when you pay out $15 to see each of those movies, lining her pockets with money on stop of the dollar-laced linings she already has in every one of them thanks to the endless string of Harry Potter revenue that continues to flow in on an annual basis, making her one of the most profitable authors and writers of all-time…..


- Cue the “Footloose” jokes, summon the spirit of Kevin Bacon and kick off your Sunday shoes in celebration, because a town bizarrely stuck in 1950 has finally eliminated a legal anachronism by making dancing legal in all its tiny confines. Welcome to Henryetta, Oklahoma, where city leaders have voted to abolish an ordinance on dancing in certain segments of town. There was an anti-dancing ordinance prohibiting any from busting a move, teaching someone how to Dougie, doing the Wobble, practicing the Electric Slide or even flapping to the Chicken Dance at a dance hall within 500 feet of a church or public school - with a massive $25 fine hanging over anyone who dared to spit in the face of this ridiculous rule. The agent for change is resident Joni Insabella, who decided last month to host a dance above her store, which is within 500 feet of a church. In response, the city’s chamber of commerce posted on social media about the event, taking the exceedingly childish and petty step of a Facebook post that labeled Insabella a rule breaker and accused her of getting special treatment, because of her husband, who's the city's attorney. "We wanted just a good, clean, fun event. As I said, we know we're in the Bible Belt. We weren't having alcohol or anything. We just wanted it to be fun for the community," Insabella said. Wanted is the key word there, because the event was canceled, but it achieved a greater purpose as Mayor Jennifer Clason decided review the ordinance. Score one for lady politicians, as the city's first female mayor recognized the fact that the dance ban infamously tied her town to "Footloose," which tells the story of a small town banning dancing and rock music. She admitted that prior to the cancelled event, she'd never heard of the ordinance preventing dancing and noted that dances have been held at the city's churches and schools without repercussions, meaning the city essentially did away with a moronic law that no one was enforcing anyhow - other than the colossal ass hats at the chamber of commerce………

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