Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Portland(ia) Runs the Jewels, Christmas scumbags and Pro Bowl evasions


- As long as you say you’re innocent, that’s all that matters, eh Milan Mayor Giuseppe Sala? Sala, the embattled mayor of one of Italy’s largest cities, voluntarily suspended himself from the job last week after media reported he was a suspect in an investigation around the Expo 2015 World Fair, which Milan hosted. Yet after sitting down with prosecutors, Sala concluded he could properly do his job and after boldly, self-servingly and meaninglessly declaring his innocence over that probe of construction contracts, he’s back at work as if nothing is wrong. Not only that, he declared his innocence via no less a venue than social meda, posting on Facebook that he was going back to the job "certain about my innocence." Nothing slams the door on suspicion quite like a bold Facebook page, topped off with a thank-you message for some 400 Italian mayors and fellow Milanese citizens who urged his return. All of this heated up when Sala's name was added to a list of suspects after a judge rebuffed a prosecutor's request to shelve the case. Despite that effort to duck the assigned job of dishing out justice, this case will move forward, although Sala is trying to move on, including a visit to the German consulate in Milan to express solidarity following the attack on a Berlin Christmas market. While the mayor tries to pretend all is well with the world, he does so with this massive black cloud hanging over his head……..


- Cincinnati Bengals tight end Tyler Eifert is merely saying what everyone else is already thinking. Eiffert, who could be selected for the Pro Bowl for the second straight season, wants voters to know that he’d love to be selected for a second Pro Bowl, but he has zero interest in actually playing in the game. Like all of his peers, he’d love the recognition of being tabbed as one of the best players at his position in the NFL - and the salary bonus that comes with it as per his contract - but he doesn’t want to put his healthy in jeopardy by actually stepping onto the field during the week between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl.  "I'd like to make it, but I'm not going to go if I got asked," Eifert said. For a guy who suffered an ankle injury in last season's Pro Bowl that required surgery and put him out of commission for the entire offseason, skipping the Pro Bowl going forward just makes sense. Ironically, he’s saying all of this even though he’s played in a mere eight games this season, catching 24 passes for 394 yards and five touchdowns. Those numbers pale in comparison to last year, when he enjoyed the best season of his career, catching 52 passes for 615 yards and 13 touchdowns. Saying this now could merely be an effort to gain attention, win votes and earn bonus money for being selected, yet Eifert said even prior to the season that he would never go back. He’s sticking to it.  "It was one of the best experiences I've ever had," he said of last season's Pro Bowl. "But it's just not worth it." Oddly enough, he could be speaking not only for himself, but all of his peers and fans……..


- Every year, there is no shortage of scumbags around the holiday season. This year, one of the biggest among them is Tammy Strickland, an Eagle Lake, Florida woman who is staring down a mountain of criminal charges after sheriff’s deputies said  she illegally attempted to collect more than 100 toys from Toys for Tots. According to the Polk County Sheriff's Office, this scam involved Strickland using 140 fictitious children’s names and 28 fictitious adult names on falsified Toys for Tots applications. She carried out the scam by picking up said toys, loading them into a trailer at the Toys for Tots warehouse and hauling them away. For that, she faces charges of grand theft, 28 counts of providing false statement to obtain property, obtaining property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing counterfeit /fictitious identification.   "Children in need. Toys for Tots. These things are synonymous with Christmas," Polk Sheriff Grady Judd said. "Sadly, in this case, so is The Grinch. Tammy Strickland spent a long time filling out fraudulent applications for nonexistent children to receive toys. Now she’ll be spending a lot of time in jail." Ah, a wannabe wordsmith sheriff trying to invoke children’s literature references and sound like he’s auditioning for his own reality series in the process. Police received a tip that Strickland had submitted a large number of applications requesting assistance from Toys for Tots on behalf of dozens of children and was listed as the contact person on each of them. A deputy called her posing as a Toys for Tots volunteer, setting up a meeting at the Toys for Tots warehouse in the Eagle Lake area. Strickland and her idiot posse of family members arrived, loaded the trailer and she soon recorded her fourth arrest since 2006. All in all, proof that scumbags and a-holes are one of the holiday season’s most abundant commodities……


- They’re two irreverent entities, willing to use their word skills to slice and dice their enemies…and now, they’re going to unite. Run The Jewels, a pair of hard-edged hip-hop rebels, will guest star in the next season of “Portlandia,” the cult favorite IFC comedy starring Sleater-Kinney‘s Carrie Brownstein and Saturday Night Live alumnus Fred Armisen. The show debuted in 2011 and has chugged along with vast appreciation for those who admire a good, cheeky comedy with a quirky point of view. It’s sixth season is set to debut on Jan. 5, with a guest spot from RTJ. “Portlandia” uses the wide variety of alternative lifestyles in the notoriously liberal northwestern city of Portland, Oregon as the base for its laughs and its unique style has drawn in a wide range of guest stars from the world of music including Jack White, Aimee Mann, Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy, Queens Of The Stone Age frontman Josh Homme and No Doubt. The star power will keep flowing in Season 6, as  rockers The B-52’s have also been announced as guest stars for this season. The end is in sight for the show, as Brownstein and Armisen have said it will end with its eighth season in 2018. The guest appearance comes at a wonderfully conveneit time for RTJ, who announced earlier this month that they will return in January with third album ‘RTJ3.’ To mark the “Portlandia” announcement, the rap duo shared a new song, “Legend Has It,” so maybe they’ll perform it on the show……..

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