- You and your damn tiny houses, America. You’ve made
something goofy a craze that has its very on TV series on HGTV and you have
downsizers around the country clamoring for 150-square-foot domiciles with
combination bathroom/kitchens and loft beds that boast all of three feet of
overhead space for sleeping. So thank God someone out there is combating this
phenomenon by striking fear into the heart of every man, woman and recluse who
buys a tiny house and slams it onto a postage-stamp-sized parcel of land in the
middle of nowhere. The identity of this anti-hero isn’t yet known, but his or
her heroic deeds are after Malinda Crichton's new tiny house in West
Sacramento, California. "The victim called us and said her tiny house had
been stolen," said Sgt. Roger Kinney of the West Sacramento Police
Department. The thief took the tiny house in the dark of night, stealing away
with a home Crichton bought for a specific reason. "This is for me to live in so that I
don't have to worry about rent. I don't have to worry about mortgage. I'm a
singer and a musician, so this is going to allow me to follow my
passions," Crichton said. The whole scenario is suspicious; the house is
nearly complete and Crichton is shopping for a place to put it because her
current landlord doesn't want it on his property. A padlock and chain on the
trailer hitch attached to the home wasn’t enough to prevent the theft, but
hours after the house went missing, Crichton found it sitting in a shopping
center parking lot in West Sacramento. The total cost of her home is about
$50,000, so grand theft domicile could now become a thing if stealing tiny
houses catches on……….
- As deftly as he’s handled opposing blitzes and last-minute
audibles at the line of scrimmage, perhaps nothing shows better the extent to
which Philadelphia Eagles rookie quarterback Carson Wentz has mastered the art
of being an NFL star than how he handled his run to a local sports bar when
visiting home during the Eagles’ bye week. Wentz headed back to North Dakota
and hit up Herd & Horns Bar and Grill in Fargo, where he likely spent
plenty of time during his college days at North Dakota State. The difference is
that back in college, he and his buddies probably made sure to go on Dollar
Beer Night, when they could get a lot of alcohol for a low price and not feel
obligated to leave a big tip. This time around Wentz and his friends ran up a
$1,000 tab while playing darts and shooting pool. Knowing that he could afford
that bill as the No. 2 overall pick in this year’s NFL draft, Wentz picked up
the tab and left a $500 tip. Tipping 50 percent is a habit not enough
professional athletes pick up even when they make seven figures annually and
could easily chip off a few extra dollars for people in the service industry. Herd
& Horns Bar and Grill owner Brent Tehven confirmed Wentz’s generosity when
the story got out and this underscores the fact that if you’re a public figure and
you either tip really well or really poorly, someone is going to post it on
social media and you’re either going to look like a total boss or like an über-cheap
scumbag who gives a $2 tip on a $500 meal at a premium steakhouse…….
- Stifling the release of information to prevent your administration
from looking bad? African dictators NEVER do that. So for all those accusing South
African President Jacob Zuma of seeking to block the release of a preliminary
report on whether a wealthy business family sought to influence the selection
of some Cabinet minister picks, check yourselves. Zuma, one of the continent’s
oldest and most thoroughly corrupt despots, is going to court to prevent the
release of the report by Public Protector Thuli Madonsela, head of the state
watchdog agency - or so the haters say. What’s not disputed is that Zuma
previously asked for an opportunity to question witnesses who testified for Madonsela’s
report and when that didn’t didn’t happen, he apparently moved on to the next
page in the African dictator’s playbook for stifling dissent and quashing any
opposition to his tyrannical rule. Zuma has kept his hold on power even though
he should have long ago vacated office and allowed someone else to rule the
country - you know, assuming this is an actual democracy and not a malevolent
dictatorship where those who want a fair, non-corrupt and honorable government
can demand accountability from those who rule over them. Madonsela is
investigating links between Zuma and the Guptas, an Indian immigrant family
accused of meddling in politics, and while both sides deny any wrongdoing,
questions persist and should continue to do so even though Madonsela is
completing a seven-year term and will be replaced by lawyer Busisiwe Mkhwebane
on Saturday……….
- Look what the Clown Apocalypse hath wrought. Not only are
children and communities across America living in fear over creepy ass hats who
think dressing like a clown and peeping in strangers’ windows or trying to lure
children into the woods with candy is amusing, but Slipknot percussionist Clown
is suffering too. Yes, Clown, real name Shawn Crahan, is self-aware enough to
understand that at a time when the clown has become a symbol of terror (as
opposed to a symbol of simple creepiness as it usually is) and in the wake of
the clown attacks throughout America and England, he’s temporarily changing his
stage name to steer clear of the mayhem. Crahan has announced he will now be
known as Mime “until the coast is clear,” which likely means until kooks in
clown outfits stop wielding knives, invading privacy and attempting to kidnap
children. “Even our dear Clown has downgraded himself to Mime, in order to
distance himself from these hedonistic doppelgangers until the coast is clear,”
Slipknot lead singer Corey Taylor said in announcing the decision. “Remember, a
real clown doesn’t need a knife to intimidate – just a bat and a good cold
stare.” Ah, a jovial line about the good old days when a clown wielding a bat
and playing drums for a rock band was considered acceptably menacing…..though
Taylor did make it clear that he was angered by the clown attackers’
intimidation. How about we just get rid of clowns entirely in all walks of
life, just to be safe……..
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