- Millions
of metal guitarists in the world would commit actual violent crimes for the
chance to shred with Metallica. Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine is not among
them and it’s not simply because he already has a solid gig with an equally
successful - perhaps not in the area of being a commercial sellout - metal act.
No, metal historians will remember Mustaine was the original lead guitarist in
the legendary thrash-metal band before he was fired in 1983 because, in an
ironic twist given how top bands of that era operated, he had major troubles
with alcohol abuse and clashes with his fellow members. Metallica scarcely
missed a beat as Mustaine was replaced by Kirk Hammett, who has remained with
the group ever since. In a great case of both parties in a less-than-amicable
split ending up benefitting from their divorce, Mustaine later went on to form
Megadeth with bassist David Ellefson and his career has been impressive in its
own right. The idea of returning to the band from whence he was fired came in
the dicey, always unpredictable (and usually disastrous) wasteland that its
celebrities hosting question-and-answer sessions on Twitter. Mustaine settled
in with his laptop and some queries from the great unwashed and early on, he was
asked whether he would be interested in rejoining Metallica if asked. Mustaine
replied: "I would be honored [to be asked], but I would not." Not
content with that answer, another fan asked about a possible collaboration with
Metallica on a one-off basis and he dodged that one easily before
characterizing Metallica frontman Lars Ulrich as “a friend.” Sounds like the
metal maniac is well-versed in the politics of music………
- Nice
try, Roman security officials. After the sh*t hit the fan following last week's
funeral procession for reputed mafia chieftain Vittorio Casamonica, police took
massive public hit for allowing such an elaborate event in honor of someone who
(allegedly) spent his life flouting so many rules and laws. The funeral
included a gilded horse-drawn carriage and the "Godfather" theme
music, along with a helicopter that swooped down to shower rose petals during
the church funeral. It was a decadent event befitting someone who wasn’t
responsible for the deaths of many and as such, it deeply embarrassed Roman
officials. That left Prefect Franco Gabrielli to explain how authorities could
possibly have given approval for such a show and wouldn’t you know it, he had a
ready-made explanation that smelled like a pile of horse crap and tasted even
worse. Rome's top security official tried to claim police were aware of plans
for a flashy funeral send-off, but
underestimated how outrageous it would be. Yes, because mafia bosses are
renowned for their tasteful events and understated style. How the hell did any
of you think it would go? The real stunner here is that no one is going to lose
their job, although Italy's interior minister said he will ultimately decide if
any "heads will roll, starting with mine." Rolling heads, ironically,
were one of the few finishing touches not included in the funeral for the
prominent member of a family who s migrated generations ago from the
countryside to Rome. They remain Rome's richest and most dangerous local
gangsters, specializing in loansharking………
- No
one should be surprised that USC head football coach Steve Sarkisian got
liquored up used foul language and insulted other programs in a very public
setting at the team’s annual Salute to Troy event. The event is essentially a
launch party for the new season and gives rich, entitled and extremely arrogant
boosters a chance to jock sniff and pretend that giving massive sums of money
makes them part of a team, all with lots of free alcohol mixed in. Sarkisian
clearly partook of that free booze in between glad-handing boosters and hearing
all about how much they want him to win a national championship every season.
He buddied around with Captain Morgan, Jack Daniels and Southern Comfort enough
that by the team he got on stage to address the crowd, he dropped an expletive
and disparaged USC opponents, saying "they all suck" about a number
of Pac-12 schools. It became ugly enough that athletic director Pat Haden had
to intervene and pull Sarkisian off the stage so he could berate him behind the
scenes. "I sincerely apologize to my players and staff and to our fans for
my behavior and my inappropriate language at our kickoff event Saturday
night," Sarkisian said in a statement released by the school. "I have a responsibility to all of them
and I let them down. Pat Haden talked to me after the event about my actions
and I assured him this will not happen again." It better not happen again
because a coach who went 9-4 last season doesn’t really have the standing to
get away with that sort of nonsense. Back in the day, former coach Pete Carroll
could have gone streaking through the Salute To Troy, puked into a $50,000 vase
and done bong rips right on stage and no one would have cared because Carroll
won national titles and went undefeated every other year. Step your game up,
Sark……….
- Beards:
They’re not just fashion statement for Williamsburg hipsters to top off their
skinny jeans, Chuck Taylors and flannel look. They can also be a point of
extreme contention between a liberal northeastern state and a prisoner who
believes that rocking some Grizzly Adams-worthy facial hair is a fundamental
right that trumps the law. This is the story of the battle between Frank
Staples and the state of New Hampshire after Staples was placed in secure housing for
failing to shave his thick, bushy beard in violation of prison rules. Staples,
a Taoist, maintains a thick, full-length beard that he sees as part of his
religious freedom, but which prison officials interpret as a violation of their
rules that inmates can have a beard no longer than a quarter inch for security
reasons. Yes, stashing shivs and other contraband in beards is apparently still
a thing and it’s enough of a thing that Staples was denied parole once because
his beard landed him in the Special Housing Unit. He was granted parole in June
but remains in SHU until his post-release plan is approved after a federal
judge in July ordered prison officials to give him a lower security classification and
transfer him to a less restrictive housing unit pending the outcome of his
religious rights lawsuit. Perhaps the most wonderfully bureaucratic part of
this entire mess is that this situation won't be resolved in anything close to
resembling expedient fashion. No, in true government fashion it will drag on
for several more months until the arrival of that December trial date the judge
set. By that time, Staple could cut and re-grow that beard several times,
although that would defeat the (alleged) purpose of allowing a person to hide
all manner of illicit items inside the hirsute covering on their face. Let’s
just hope this situation does what prison is intended to do, teaching Staples a
valuable lesson that will make him a better person and member of society for
when he’s finally released back into the wild……..
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