Sunday, August 30, 2015

Cap'N Crunch v. getting to work on time, don't come at the Moroccan king and blaming Fred Durst


- Just one more thing to blame Fred Durst for. The entire back catalog from his über-crappy nu metal “band” is enough cause to despise this d-bag in a wife beater and red, backwards New York Yankees hat, but now Durst is claiming that he and Limp Bizkit are responsible for Guns 'N Roses members/mortal enemies Axl Rose and Slash burying the hatchet enough to cash grab, er, perform together again. Durst made his outrageous claims during the Reading Festival, opening with their one song that anyone knows, “Rollin’” before launching into a slew of forgettable songs with Durst mixing it up wardrobe-wise in a blue baseball cap and grey tracksuit. At some point in the show, a guitar solo from Guns ‘N Roses’ classic “Sweet Child O' Mine” was tossed into the mix and Durst let the world know that his band was behind Guns 'N Roses reuniting. "I'd like you to know that we're responsible for Axl and Slash being back together," Durst told the crowd. "We had a meeting and it went really well." Yes, you’re a regular Kofi Annan, Durst. You get feuding rock stars together in the same room and magically, your wisdom makes their disputes disappear. Either that or Durst forced both men to listen to “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water” on a loop until they both caved and agreed to do whatever he wanted as long as he made the bad, bad sounds stop immediately. Perhaps this is an amazing bit of good news for the world, a way we can solve more of our impossible disputes merely by threatening the torture of Durst and his bandmates……….


- You come at the king, you best not miss. Especially if that king is an actual kind of a real country and one wiling to press charges against you if you attempt to blackmail him by demanding 3 million euros ($3.4 million) in exchange for not publishing a compromising new book about him. The wit and wisdom of “The Wire” is clearly lost on French writers Eric Laurent and Catherine Graciet, who were issued preliminary extortion charges on accusations that they tried to blackmail Moroccan King Mohammed VI. The Paris prosecutor's office announced that this dynamic writing duo were released under judicial supervision after being given the charges and yet the case against them is just getting interesting. A French lawyer for the king said the journalists demanded the king’s random from Mohammed VI, but their scam unraveled quickly when the king didn’t, you know, bow to the pressure of two foreigners and instead contacted law enforcement, which set up a sting operation that soon took Graciet and Laurent down. It wasn’t a huge stunner that these tools tried to extort the king, as they are known for their critical writings about the Moroccan leader. The case has become a major focal point in Morocco, where the monarchy is considered above criticism. Take a run at a country’s king and it’s funny how the people there come to hate you and want to see your head on a pike, paraded through the streets of Casablanca for all to see. Better luck next time, you wacky French extortionists…….. 


- How bad does the state of a college football program have to be for a Division I university to fire its head coach one week before the start of the season? Ask the University of Illinois, where university officials dropped the guillotine on coach Tim Beckman amid allegations of influencing medical decisions and pressuring players to play hurt. The Fighting Illini broke off a coach who was an awful 12-25 -- and 4-20 in Big Ten play -- in three seasons at Illinois and they’re going to try to screw him out of the $3.1 million remaining on the final two years of his five-year contract, so it’s not as if there are any immediate benefits for the school whatsoever….right? Athletic director Mike Thomas announced the move, issuing a statement that said the dismissal was related to preliminary results of an external review into the allegations, which also included efforts to avoid reporting players' injuries. Beckman took just a few seconds to fire back, denouncing the allegations as "utterly false" and suggesting he might take legal action. The embattled former coach called g the decision to fire him "a rush to judgment that confirms the university's bad faith." "I firmly deny the implications in Mike's statements that I took any action that was not in the best interests of the health, safety and well-being of my players," Beckman said in a statement. His downfall began when former offensive lineman Simon Cvijanovic initially made allegations on Twitter in May, prompting the university to investigate. What that investigation found is still to be announced, but it’s clear that there are some ugly skeletons in that closet if a firing happens eight days before kickoff………..


- How is admitting you were late for work 111 times in two years and blaming it on Toucan Sam a thing? That’s a question to ask Arnold Anderson, a New Jersey elementary school teacher who was allowed to keep his job despite hitting triple digits in tardy arrivals and said he couldn’t get to work on time because he has “a bad habit of eating breakfast in the morning, and I lost track of time.” Bro, you’ve been a teacher for 15 years and during that time, the smartphone has both been invented and provided responsible, non-moronic adults with several dozen ways of keeping track of time and setting alarms and alerts letting them know if they need to leave or take a particular action. Amazingly, this ignorant asshole got to keep his job when an arbitrator in New Jersey rejected an attempt by the Roosevelt Elementary School in New Brunswick to fire him from his $90,000-a-year job was wrong because he was entitled to progressive discipline. While the arbitrator also criticized Anderson's claim that the quality of his teaching outweighed his tardiness, letting a guy keep his gig when he can't master the alarm function on his iPhone or bring his quality time with Cap’N Crunch to a prompt ending is just poor form for an arbitrator. This tool was late 46 times in the most recent school year through March 20 and 65 times in the previous school year, although Anderson said he was one to two minutes late to school "at the most" but was prepared and was never late for class. "I have to cut out eating breakfast at home," he said. The school year is underway and will be sans Anderson until Jan. 1, meaning his students will have half a year with a teacher who can actually cook and eat scrambled eggs in sufficient time to get to school before the first bell. For now, Anderson keeps his gig because of a loophole he used to argue that the district failed to provide him with due process by not providing him with a formal notice of inefficiency or giving him 90 days to correct his failings before terminating his employment………..

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