- Sh*t
just got real in Guatemala, real enough that you should probably look up
Guatemala on a map because odds are you have no idea where it is. Once you’ve
addressed your geographic knowledge deficiencies, settle in and hear the tale
of a crumbling government buckling beneath the weight of a growing corruption
scandal. Today, it’s news that two Guatemalan
Cabinet ministers and a presidential appointee have resigned to protest said corruption
scandal, which is big enough that it is now threatening the presidency of Otto
Perez Molina. The ministers of the economy and education and Perez Molina's
commissioner for competitiveness - an actual job, it seems - all announced
their resignations over the weekend and not coincidentally, all three officials
have ties to Guatemala's business chambers, which have called on Perez Molina
to resign. Former economy minister Sergio de la Torre lobbed a massive scud at
his former boss, saying, “We can no longer continue in this government,"
after ex-vice president Roxana Baldetti was detained Friday in connection with
a customs corruption scandal that is believed to have defrauded the state of
millions of dollars. Ripping off the government of an impoverished nation is a
pretty f*cking shady move and after Attorney General Thelma Aldana said it is
"highly probable that the president of the republic may have
participated" in the corruption ring, the days of the Perez Molina regime
have to be numbered in the single digits at this point. But hey, it was a fun
and lucrative/illegally good ride while it lasted………..
- In a
lot of ways, social media makes the world a better place. In an equal number of
ways, social media is the worst thing to happen to us all. One prominent entry
in the latter category is the fact that no feat or accomplishment can simply be
enjoyed for what it is without legions of Internet trolls trying to tear it
down or prove why it’s not legit. File Houston Astros right-hander Mike Fiers’ 134-pitch
no-hitter against the Los Angeles Dodgers under that heading because no sooner
had Fiers wrapped up his historic outing than Twitter lit up with the words of
those speculating that d he had an illegal substance on his glove during the
3-0 win. Fiers quickly shot down speculation that began when photos on social
media showed a blown-up image of what appeared to be a shiny substance on the
glove. "I mean, you can try to pick out a lot of things through a lot of
games," Fiers said the day after his outing. "I don't know what they
are talking about. It could be a different lighting or camera angle or a lot of
things. I don't know." Not really a convincing explanation, but iers said
he had not been contacted by Major League Baseball. Astros manager A.J. Hinch had
his pitcher’s back, as is to be expected. "Last night was about Mike Fiers
being a really good major league pitcher, and he had a great
accomplishment," Hinch said. "Anything that takes away from that is
unfortunate, unless there's this massive proof." Massive proof? Not really
something Twitter trolls worry about………..
- Congrats,
losers of Valencia County, New Mexico. You may think you have something to
celebrate, but you are wrong. Oh, so wrong. You’re merely the latest group of
tools to be falsely inspired by the Guinness Book
of World Records to attempt a truly pointless and worthless feat of
insignificance merely for the sake of attempting a truly pointless and
worthless feat of insignificance. In this case, more than 30 chefs at Viva II,
a three-day celebration of the state's heritage, assembled a 116-foot. 7-inch long
tamale at the Valencia County fairgrounds in Belen. The ingredients were
provided by Bueno Foods and included 120 pounds of masa and 50 pounds of green
chili, all of which cannot possibly match the weight of the shame anyone
associated with this charade should carry with them for the rest of their
lives. How far did these ass hats go to best the previous longest tamale
assembled, which happened in Cancun, Mexico and measured a little longer than
66 feet? Far enough that a local manufacturer of home improvement material designed
a special steamer out of aluminum to cook the tamale in. Luis Hernandez of the
ABQ West Chamber of Commerce, doing what chamber of commerce members do by
promoting local business chicanery in the most over-the-top way possible, said the
team plans to submit all the required documentation to Guinness World Records
to get official recognition for the achievement and if they get that record,
you can best bet there will be truly ridiculous signs, plaques and trophies
cooked up to make sure that no one ever forgets one of the most worthless days
in the history of Valencia County………
- Never
have the dulcet tones of punch-line-favorite ‘80s pop music hack Rick Astley
sounded so sweet. Many a too-good-to-be-true Internet video tease has given way
to Astley’s iconically bad “Never Gonna Give You Up,” but the bait-and-switch
known as a Rick Roll came to life outside Foo Fighters' gig in
Kansas City, Missouri, where Dave Grohl and his bandmates met an old adversary
and dressed said foe down in style. The enemy in this case was the ugly,
deplorable, despicable hatemongers of Westboro Baptist Church. You may remember
these scumbags as the supposed Christians who represent nothing that Christianity
is supposed to be about and instead channel all their energy into spreading a
message of hate and intolerance, specifically toward homosexuals. When they’re
not demeaning and disrespecting the lives of service members killed in the line
of duty by holding anti-gay protests at said service members’ funerals, the
Westbozo congregation is showing up at places like rock concerts with the same
heinous message. Thus, them being outside the Foo Fighters’ show and thus the
band’s response of riding out to meet the protesters in the back of a pick-up
truck, blasting “Never Gonna Give You Up” on a loudspeaker and holding signs
reading 'Keep It Clean' and 'You got Rickroll'd (again).’ After seeing the band
fire an hilarious shot at the Westbozos, a cheering crowd of Foo Fighters fans surrounded
the truck and clapped as the band danced inside. The protestors were drowned
out in the process and of course, the entire incident was captured on video and
soon made its way online so the world could revel in its hilarity. It’s
actually not the first time Foo Fighters have done battle with the Westbozos.
Back in August 2011, the band rode out in costume and sang “Keep It Clean” at protestors
from the “church.” Let’s keep this battle rolling because it’s a rout for
opponents of hate and bigotry………
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