Wednesday, August 22, 2012

(No) Mississippi (FAT) burning, contaminated Egyptian water and a delusional 'Hoff

- Maybe Egypt's health minister and a regional governor should have known better. Perhaps they could have planned better, brought more security with them or simply avoided all together a visit to sick villagers in Sunsaft, where polluted drinking water has been blamed for an outbreak of illness. But plan better they did not and so it was that Mohammed Mustafa and Minufiya Gov. Ashraf Hilal found themselves locked inside a hospital room by villagers on Tuesday as they visited the area in response to reports of sickness caused by the drinking water. The men were visiting the hospital when the proverbial group of angry villagers (minus the torches, pitchforks, tar and feathers) confronted them about the contaminated water. Rather than start a violent confrontation with government officials that could lead to serious criminal charges, the villagers locked the men in a hospital room, showed them bottles of tap water and told them to "drink it." Mustafa and Hilal wisely declined that offer because as you may or may not have heard, the water in Sunsaft is likely polluted and believed to be the cause of an outbreak of illness in the village. An hour later, police arrived on the scene and freed the two officials from the hospital. As a result of what they saw during their visit, Mustafa ordered the closure of unlicensed water sources in Sunsaft, while Hilal suspended government employees in charge of the village's main water supply. So far, the Ministry of Health has reported 56 severe cases, a number disputed by media reports that have estimated the number of those affected was more than 400. These fortunate folks are experiencing high fever, sever diarrhea and vomiting………


- This explains so much about David Hasselhoff and why he is where he is in life. There is no disputing that The ‘Hoff is a cultural phenomenon and has become one with no discernable talent or ability in either acting or music, the two professions in which he has dabbled – unless one counts drunken hotel bathroom floor rants filmed by one of your children as a profession. But the former star of hokey, corny ‘80s and ‘90s TV shows like “Baywatch” and “Knight Rider” is under the impression that people are laughing with him and not at him. He somehow believes that he has been ascribed the “Hoff” nickname "out of respect.” Never mind that German citizens invited him to perform in celebration of the fall of the Berlin Wall merely out of ironic humor and amusement; The ‘Hoff believes he’s legit, current and relevant with fans in the 21st century. “Ninety nine percent of people now call me The ‘Hoff and it's out of respect,” he insisted in a recent interview. “I think people know that I've got a good heart. If I do something wrong, I'm the first to say ''Boy, did I f**k up.’” If that were true, The ‘Hoff could point to the past 25 years or his life and sum them all up with that one statement. Maybe the lukewarm rays of the D-list spotlight he’s been under for years have blinded Hasselhoff to the reality of his position in the world, but just because Canadian pop-singing chick Justin Bieber is a fan doesn’t make The ‘Hoff matter. “He wanted to wear a T-shirt that said ''I'm with the Hoff at the MTV awards.' Can you believe that? I got Bieber Fever,” Hasselhoff proclaimed. He believes his younger supporters keep him current even at age 60, a statement he immediately invalidated by insisting he is “current with the kids” and “hip.” If only any person under the age of 50 used those words……….


- Ponzi schemes are still awesome. That there are still enough fools left in the world to be suckered in by the promise of absurdly high rates of return on their investment and taken for their entire life savings by some scam artist is at once sad and amusing. The latest major scam to come to light took its next step when federal regulators announced fraud charges against a company they said was operating a $600 million Internet Ponzi scheme "on the verge of collapse." The Securities and Exchange Commission is prosecuting ZeekRewards.com, its parent company, Rex Venture Group, and Rex Venture head Paul Burks, for allegedly luring more than 1 million investors worldwide into the scheme since it began in early 2011. The ZeekRewards scam is linked to the penny auction site Zeekler.com and visitors to the ZeekRewards site were told that by paying subscription fees and becoming "affiliates," they could share in the company's profits. Amazingly, that bogus pitch worked and the firm executed the Ponzi scheme playbook by paying existing investors from money paid by new investors. "The obligations to investors drastically exceed the company's cash on hand, which is why we need to step in quickly, salvage whatever funds remain and ensure an orderly and fair payout to investors," the SEC's Stephen Cohen said in a written statement. What is surprising is that the SEC was able to freeze the roughly $225 million in investor funds that remain in the company's bank accounts and some investors may get their money back, although ZeekRewards has paid out some $375 million to investors and Burks allegedly siphoned off millions for himself. In typical B.S., corporate executive skirting justice fashion, Burks has agreed to settle the SEC case without admitting or denying wrongdoing, paying a $4 million penalty and forfeiting his stake in the firm. He could still face further charges from subsequent criminal investigations, but the SEC can only pursue civil charges. Regardless of the charges against him, the world owes him for proving that Ponzi schemes and the fools suckered in by them are still amusing………


- So the San Francisco Giants may have been the unwitting victims of one of the most predictable cases of performance-enhancing drug use in recent memory, but the fallout of losing their best hitter and a legitimate MVP candidate isn't the only repercussions from the 50-game suspension of outfielder Melky Cabrera for violating Major League Baseball’s substance-abuse policy. Not having Cabrera in the lineup will make it difficult for the Giants to keep pace with the Los Angeles Dodgers in the National League West, but his absence from the roster will make it even more difficult for the team’s promotions department when Sept. 8 rolls around. See, Sept. 8 is “Gigantes T-shirt” day at AT&T Park and although Cabrera’s name isn't officially attached to the promotion, he is a Latin American player and therefore, his picture was supposed to be on the giveaway shirts. Teams generally are not in the habit of handing out items that bear the likeness of a player who has disgraced himself and the organization by intentionally cheating and attempting to cover it up by creating a fake website from which he claimed to buy the tainted supplement that caused his positive test, so the Giants had to call an audible. They spent a lot of money to reprint the shirts, which will now feature Angel Pagan instead. The shirts will be handed out to the first 20,000 fans at the game and fittingly enough, joining Pagan in the outfield that night will be Hunter Pence, who now plays for the Giants after being traded from Philadelphia in July. Pence’s former team, the Phillies, recently held Hunter Pence bobblehead night. Score two for the unpredictability of Major League Baseball………..


- Mississippi, sit down in a well-supported chair, gasp for breath and then attempt to take a bow. In a nation of über-FAT people, you are the most grossly obese. The United States is the FAT-test nation in the world and Mississippi’s bulging waistlines are leading the way for all Americans. A new report based on 2011 state-by-state obesity data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that Mississippi has the highest obesity rate with 34.9 percent of state residents who are roughly 30 or more pounds over a healthy weight. Not surprisingly, the South, where fried foods rule and the overall level of education is lower, has the highest percentage of people (29.5 percent) who are too heavy. Close behind is the Midwest, paced by the fried cheese curds of Wisconsin, the fried everything served at county fair across the region and a lack of outdoor activity caused by frigid winter weather. While 29 percent of Midwesterners are overweight, the Northeast (25.3 percent) and West (24.3 percent) are much better off. Before any other states pile on Mississippi (hopefully doing so on a reinforced floor), just know that no state has an obesity rate of less than 20 percent, according to the report. One fallacy in the report is that it relies on individuals to self-report their weight and because people tend to underreport their weight, the percentage of people who are obese is probably higher than the statistics indicate. So yes, the reality is probably even worse than these disturbing numbers suggest. All together, about 36 percent of U.S. adults are obese and face an increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, cancer and other problems. Behind Mississippi on the list are Louisiana (33.4 percent); West Virginia (32.4%); Alabama (32%) and Michigan (31.3%). On the opposite end of the scale are Colorado (20.7 percent); Hawaii (21.8 percent); Massachusetts (22.7 percent); (tie) District of Columbia and New Jersey (23.7 percent) and California (23.8 percent). "Overall the obesity rate remains high, and it shows that more concerted efforts need to be invested in by states to make healthy choices available," says Heidi Blanck, acting director of CDC's Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity. Thanks for stating the obvious, H……….

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