- Allow me to take this opportunity to once again take on all of the idiots out there who continue to insist that auto racing is a sport. I’m sure that a lot of you are touting NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson’s recognition as the Male Athlete of the Year by members of The Associated Press evidence that driving a car around real fast in giant circle is a sport and that those who compete in it are athletes. How do I know this? Because Johnson himself is making that argument. "We'd been wondering the last few years, 'When is this going to hit?' " he said. "It seems like the answer is now. The wave is finally peaking, and we don't know where it's going to take us. The fourth-straight title takes it out of our sport and makes it a point of discussion -- like, 'Wow, a race car driver won this thing.' " Johnson then piled on real athletes who play real sports, saying he's "100 percent" an athlete. "I've looked at other sports, particularly baseball, and I've seen plenty of out-of-shape, fat players," said Johnson. "So to anyone who wants to go head-to-head with me in athletic ability, let's go. I talked a lot with (former NFL player) Jason Sehorn about this, and I don't know how exactly you measure athletic ability, but I know my 5-mile run time will destroy most NFL players." Johnson boasted of his personal best -- 34 minutes, 55 seconds – as if that somehow makes him an athlete. Look J.J., I’m a runner too and a seven-minute mile is not bad. That being said, being a good runner does not mean that you and other race car drivers are athletes. You could run a six-minute mile, bench press 350 pounds, have a 38-inch vertical and run the 100-meter dash in 10.05 seconds and race car drivers would still not be athletes and auto racing would still not be a sport. In order for those things to be true, you must BE USING THOSE ATHLETIC SKILLS IN YOUR COMPETITION OF CHOICE. A painter, orthopedic surgeon, cello player or engineer could have those same athletic skills and it would not make what they do at their jobs a sport. So I don’t care that Johnson works with an elite New York City-based trainer, that a bunch of idiot writers tabbed him as athlete of the year over actual athletes like Usain Bolt, Roger Federer, Tiger Woods and Albert Pujols. Those guys are athletes and what they compete in are sports. There is a reason that Johnson is the first race car driver to be named the AP's Athlete of the Year in its 78-year history – because up to now, there hasn’t been a collection of voters dumb enough to make such a terrible choice. Perhaps these idiots were blinded by the fact that Johnson has won four consecutive NASCAR titles, I don’t know. Maybe there was bitterness against Woods for his adulterous ways and ongoing skank scandals. But in the end, there is simply no excuse for this. Nor is there a justifiable reason for the New York City mayor's office to designate a "Jimmie Johnson Day" earlier this month. We all like the idea of fast cars and getting away with going 200 mph, but that doesn’t mean that dudes who sit in a driver’s seat, press a gas pedal and turn a steering wheel for a couple of hours while driving around in giant circles and making no left turns are athletes. If driving fast, cutting other cars off, making left turns without signaling and causing crashes is a sport, then tens of millions of Americans with driver’s licenses and cars who take to the roads every single day are athletes too………..
- Way to take a hard line on getting knocked up, U.S. Army. With fewer and fewer people willing to sign up to go halfway across the world to fight in a war that never should have happened to begin with, the Army is taking a hard line on soldiers getting pregnant while serving in Iraq. A new order from the general in charge of U.S. troops northern Iraq makes getting pregnant or impregnating a fellow soldier an offense punishable by court-martial, a directive announced by Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo. For those under Maj. Gen. Cucolo's command, which is 22,000 soldiers, prohibits "becoming nondeployable for reasons within the control of the soldier," which include "becoming pregnant, or impregnating a soldier ... resulting in the redeployment of the pregnant soldier." The lone exception to the new rule is pregnancy that arises from sexual assault. The rule, enacted November 4, is just now becoming public and isn't exactly drawing rave reviews. Sure, it is meant to prevent losing soldiers at a time when troop strength is stretched thin, but it seems a tad extreme. "I need every soldier I've got, especially since we are facing a drawdown of forces during our mission," Cucolo stated. "Anyone who leaves this fight earlier than the expected 12-month deployment creates a burden on their teammates. Anyone who leaves this fight early because they made a personal choice that changed their medical status -- or contributes to doing that to another -- is not in keeping with a key element of our ethos." Intersting way to spin it, but what if a pregnancy happens by accident because birth control of some sort fails? You’re going to court-martial someone for that and drag their sex life out in a courtroom? This directive applies to all military and civilians serving under Cucolo in northern Iraq, an area that includes Balad, Kirkuk, Tikrit, Mosul and Samarra. It puts the onus on the 1,682 women under Cucolo's command. That puts a heavy burden on 7.6 percent of the forces under Cucolo’s command and an equally heavy burden on the remaining 92.4 percent to keep it in their pants for the time being. "I am the only individual who passes judgment on these cases. I decide every case based on the unique facts of each soldier's situation," Cucolo wrote in his explanation of the new rules. He did attempt to put a positive spin on his overbearing ways by declaring that he considers his female soldiers "invaluable" and he wants to ensure they fulfill their deployments. "I am responsible and accountable for the fighting ability of this outfit. I am going to do everything I can to keep my combat power -- and in the Army, combat power is the individual soldier," his statement said. He also attempted to paint the rule as “just a small part of a general policy on behavior and actions.” To be fair to the general, the new policy does drop bans on gambling, using drugs and behaviors that would offend Iraqis, such as entering a mosque or religious site unless "required by military necessity." All told, it’s not a policy I am a fan of, but it’s also a great illustration of why I would never, ever enlist in the military to begin with. In other words, not my problem…………
- The numbers are in for 2009 and Apple has emerged as the mobile phone sales champion for the year. Although Research in Motion may have a larger market share and LG may have more phones to sell, Apple has the U.S.'s No. 1 mobile phone, the iPhone. The count is a bit skewed because it counts both current models of the iPhone - the iPhone 3G and the iPhone 3GS – as one entity. Combined, they accounted for 4 percent of the U.S. market from January through October. The company represented most frequently on the top 10 list is LG, which has four phone on the list. RIM was next with three BlackBerries among the top 10. Here is the list in its totality, along with percentage of the market earned for 2009:
1. Apple iPhone 4 percent
2. RIM BlackBerry 8300 Series (Curve, 8310, 8320 8330, 8350i) - 3.7 percent
3. Motorola RAZR V3 series (V3, V3c, V3m, V3i DG, V3) 2.3 percent
4. LG VX9100 (enV2) - 2.1 percent
5. LG Voyager - 1.7 percent
6. Samsung SPH-M540 (Rant) - 1.5 percent
7. RIM BlackBerry 9530 series (Storm) - 1.4 percent
8. LG VX9700 (Dare) - 1.3 percent
9. LG Vu Series (CU915, CU 920) - 1.3 percent
10. RIM BlackBerry 8100 series (Pearl, 8110, 8210, 8129) - 1.2 percent
From someone who owns none of these devices, I have no real analysis of how these phones ranked and why. In fact, I don’t own a cell phone at all and am honestly not sure why I am talking about this at all, other than the fact that I am one of only four Americans who still don’t own a cell phone. For the rest of you, debate and discuss the list as you wish. Moving on………
- More often than not, we go back to what we know best. Whatever is at our core as human beings, wherever our primary talent lies, that’s the thing people most often gravitate towards. For trannie-pop singer Amy Winehouse, that something is acting like a trashy, classless drug addict who snorts coke, snorts vodka and snorts anything else even remotely snort-able. As such, is anyone really surprised that Winehouse was arrested in connection with an assault at a theater and charged with a public order offense and common assault? Didn’t think so. She was arrested under the name Amy Civil, following a Saturday incident at Milton Keynes Theater, where she allegedly brawled with a member of the theater's staff after heckling at a performance. Perhaps she was under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol at the time? Things have been a bit slow in the “assaulting others” category for my girl A. Winehouse of late, as she hasn’t done much in that department since being was acquitted earlier this year of assaulting a fan who asked to take her picture, after a judge said he could not be sure whether she lashed out at the woman deliberately. In the mean time, she has gotten divorced from her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, in July. For now, she is free on bail and must appear in court on Jan. 20. Being as her music sucks and she sounds like a cross between a drunken, stoned and brain-damaged female version of Bob Dylan and some terrible American Karaoke reject, I can’t tell you when she released her last album before all of this sh*t hit the fan, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that the album sucked unequivocally and you are fortunate if you have never had the distinct displeasure of hearing it………….
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