Riot Watch! in Iran again, the halitosis bandit strikes again in Detroit and the EPA finally finds time to chat about greenhouse gases

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It’s back to Iran, where thousands of brave, inspirational demonstrators blew right past government threats and took to the streets to mark a key national anniversary. Officials had warned against riots and protests to mark Students Day, which honors the memory of three people killed by the shah’s forces in 1953. In addition to forbidding citizens from demonstrating, the government also banned foreign media members from going out to report on anything that might happen Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday in terms of demonstrations. Even so, demonstrators shouting "Death to the dictator" clashed with police in Iran on Monday, with at least two clashes occurring at Revolution Square, where police bludgeoned demonstrators with batons and chased them onto side streets. Another hot spot was Tehran University, where a large number of security forces ringed the campus and the gates were shut. That didn’t stop large crowds from gathering inside and chanting "Death to the dictator." There was a smattering of pro-government fools, but thankfully they were badly outnumbered and drowned out by their smarter, anti-government counterparts. Sure, the actual purpose of the day is to remember the Islamic Revolution that resulted from three senseless murders and the resulting revolution that ultimately toppled Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, the shah of Iran, from power. But don’t tell me that Ahmadinejad stealing June’s presidential election isn't a reason to riot in and of itself, because clearly it is. Even with potential death sentences looming for protestors arrested in the weeks following the election, I salute those who stepped up to make their voices heard these past two days. In fact, nearly every other holiday or key anniversary in Iran has turned into a reason to go for angry opposition members since the election, including: November 4, the anniversary of the 1979 siege of the U.S. Embassy in Iran, Quds Day, an annual event that is meant to show Iran's solidarity with Palestinians and of course, Students Day. Forward-thinking shopkeepers got out ahead of the impending riots by shuttering storefronts, which sadly removed much of the potential for property destruction. Yet it didn’t quell the violence, which commenced almost immediately once the protests got under way. And as you’d expect, Iranian security and paramilitary forces completely over reacted by tear-gassing, violently beating and arresting students on university campuses. According to the International Campaign for Human Rights in Iran, a human rights organization, protests have taken place at the following universities in Tehran: Amir Kabir, Tehran, Sharif, Elm va Sanaat, Honar, Tehran Markaz, Sureh, and Tehran Shomal. Protests also have taken place at universities in Isfahan, Kermanshah, Shiraz, Mashhad and Tabriz, and at Agricultural University of Karaj. Some of these protestors were also pelted with rubber bullets by overzealous security forces, which I’m sure made them feel very special. All in all, a solid day of protesting nationwide, the sort of day you don’t see all that often across an entire country. Props to you, Iranian protestors/rioters, big ups…………

- I haven’t commented on the Tiger Woods story up to this point because everyone was talking about it and I just didn’t see the point of becoming another voice in the cacophony of opinions. However, the story simply won't die and not only that, it keeps expanding and branching out. By now, we all know that the morning of Black Friday, Woods crashed his black SUV into a fire hydrant and tree in front of his home. We all know that his wife, Elin Nordegren, allegedly smashed out two of the vehicle’s windows in an attempt to extricate her husband from the wreckage and that the flight from home was supposedly spurred by an argument between Woods and Nordegren about a magazine article alleging he had an affair with some Vegas cocktail waitress skank. Since then, Woods has gone into hiding, skipping the golf tournament in California he hosts every year to benefit his foundation and issuing messages to the public only through his Web site. Outside of his little Florida compound, one skank after another (Jaimee Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel, etc.) has come forward to say that she had an affair of some sort with El Tigre and I’ve seen some reports that put the count as high as 12. There are rumors of Tiger and Elin renegotiating their prenuptial agreement, of him paying her millions of dollars not to divorce him and of him calling up girls he was seeing and begging them in voice mail messages to remove their names from their voice mail greetings because his wife found their number in his phone and might be calling them. Even with all of that, I tried to avoid talking about the issue. But today, two new pieces of news surfaced that finally made me cave in. First, word came out that Nordegren’s mother, Woods’ mother-in-law, had been rushed to the hospital early this morning for stomach pains. Yes, this situation has become so taxing on all involved that people are being sent to the hospital. But what really convinced me to talk about the story is news that a Florida trooper who suspected Tiger Woods was driving under the influence sought a subpoena for the golfer's blood results from the hospital he was taken to after crashing his SUV. Unfortunately, prosecutors rejected the petition for insufficient information, according to a police report released Monday, and so we’ll never know if T. Woods was liquored up when he got behind the wheel. On top of everything he’s being accused of – adultery, lying, manipulating – adding drunk driver to that list would have pushed Tiger to a whole new level of douche-baggishness. Sadly, no one backed up trooper Joshua Evans when he tried to act on the statements of a witness who wasn't identified in the report but said that Woods had been drinking alcohol earlier and had also been prescribed two drugs, Ambien and Vicodin. "Impairment of the driver is also suspected due to the careless driving that resulted in the traffic crash," Evans wrote in the report. Oddly enough, those words and the fact that Woods was found lying on the ground, shoeless and snoring when police arrived were not enough, in the minds of prosecutors at least, to warrant drawing a blood sample. Not surprisingly, Woods refused three requests to meet with investigators in the days that followed the crash. We’ll never know if he was impaired when he got behind the wheel, but don’t think for one second that will prevent the public from drawing its own conclusions on the issue, as they always do…………

-Thanks for getting around to this, Environmental Protection Agency. Not that we didn’t already know that greenhouse gas emissions pose a threat to public health and welfare, but big ups to EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson for finally making it official Monday. "The overwhelming amount of scientific studies show that the threat is real," she said. . "These long-overdue findings cement 2009's place in history as the year when the United States government began addressing the challenge of greenhouse-gas pollution and seizing the opportunity of clean energy reform." Of course, no government agency is going to make a move like that unless absolutely forced to and in this case, it was a Supreme Court ruling that brought about the change. The court ordered the agency to determine the impact of carbon emissions not only on the environment, but on public health. It remains to be seen whether the Obama administration backs up this admission with actual and measurable action on the issue of global warming, but it’s a step in the right direction – or at least it should be. I say it should be because immediately after owning up to the problem, Jackson made a point of saying that Monday's announcement does not require any immediate regulatory action. No, we wouldn’t want to do anything foolish like changing the way we regulate the impact that we have on the environment, that would just be rash and silly. See, the thing is that while the Obama administration is pushing for comprehensive energy legislation from Congress that puts a price on carbon emissions, expecting expedient action from Congress is like expecting competent football from the Cleveland Browns. It ain’t happening and deep down inside, you know that. So keep pushing for a so-called "cap and trade" policy that uses market forces as an incentive for businesses to reduce carbon emissions, but don’t put everything in that one option. Now that the government has admitted that carbon dioxide emissions damage both the and public health, the time to act has come. I’ll overlook the fact that the EPA made the announcement because it is required to issue an "endangerment finding" -- evidence that carbon emissions are dangerous to the public health -- before it can regulate carbon dioxide and five other greenhouse gases under the federal Clean Air Act and simply look forward to the challenge ahead. This is a very real issue and it’s one that has been ignored by far too many administrations for far too long……….

- Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery to all involved in the scary bus crash in upstate New York bus crash that caused alt rockers Weezer to cancel their remaining 2009 tour dates. The crash left frontman River Cuomo hospitalized with broken ribs and other injuries and Cuomo’s assistant Sarah Kim hospitalized with two fractured ribs and a fractured lower vertebrae. Kim has since been released from the hospital, but Cuomo, who was asleep in his bunk at the time of the crash, sustained three broken ribs and other unspecified internal injuries and remains under observation in an area hospital. The crash occurred on an icy stretch of I-90 about 40 miles north of Albany, N.Y. Early reports underestimated the seriousness of the crash, which also involved Cuomo’s wife and baby daughter and their nanny. The band’s webmaster announced the details of the crash and the concert cancellations on the band's Website on Sunday. As much as I would love for all the Weezer fans out there to see what would be a great concert and hear songs from the band’s new album Raditude live for the first time, this is the right call. When your tour bus goes over a guardrail, falls 10 feet down a small ravine and lands with a thud, that’s a scary situation and the resulting injuries were clearly serious enough to pull the plug on tour plans. As I said at the top, best wishes for a full and fast recovery to one and all and hopefully Weezer will be able to get back on the road early next year……….

- Pack your Binaca and Scope, bank customers in Detroit, you may need it to help stop a crime. The halitosis bandit is on the loose and he’s looking to rob a bank near you. Police in the suburb of Ferndale are seeking a man who robbed a Charter One bank on Oct. 7 and again on Nov. 2, both times using no conventional weapon for the heist but instead relying on his rank, stanky breath. Ferndale police Lt. William Wilson tells the Detroit Free Press that during both robberies, bank tellers reported that the suspect had "very offensive breath and real yellow teeth." Wilson stated that the suspect implied he had a weapon but never actually showed it to anyone, meaning he was able to hold up the bank on the strength of his bad breath alone. That, I have to say, is impressive. Not as impressive is that the suspect made off with a mere $1,000 in his second robbery, meaning he would have almost been better off holding up the nearest liquor store. He is described as a short, thin man with short black hair, who was wearing a black hooded jacket. His M.O., aside from busting out the Breath of Doom, is to tell the teller to open the cash drawer while displaying a note that demands money. I have no confirmation of this, but I believe he’s also threatening to unleash a halitosis hurricane if his demands are not met. “Don’t met me breath on you! I’ll do it, dammit! I will breathe deep, exhale and unleash hell on anyone who even thinks about trying to stop me!” I would advise anyone who is using a bank in the Ferndale area to pack multiple breath fresheners, perhaps in both spray and mint form, and be prepared to respond if and when the halitosis bandit strikes again………