We're still safe from the Juice, dorks unite in the ATL and the president is working my last nerve

- Good news, world, we’re still safe from the menace that is O.J. Simpson. The Juice will not be loose as he appeals his conviction in a gunpoint hotel room heist to allegedly retrieve memorabilia that belonged to him. A three-judge panel shot down attempts by O.J. and co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart to be let out of prison while their appeals are ongoing. The judges ruled that the Juice and Stewart didn't meet the "heavy burden" required to be allowed to post bail. To be honest, it couldn’t have been that difficult a decision for these judges to make. Set aside the fact that dude (probably/certainly) turned both his wife and her gentleman friend into human Pez dispensers in one of the most violent murders you’ll ever see and got away with it, but as the judges noted, a jury found Simpson guilty of "serious, non-probationable, violent offenses" with firearms involved. And for some odd reason, the judges also felt that the Juice and his buddy posed flight risks. What on Earth would give them that idea? It’s not like O.J. jumped into a white Ford Bronco driven by good friend Al Cowlings and went on a slow-speed chase on the freeways of sunny Southern California when he was wanted by the police in the murder of his ex-wife and her fr-……oh wait, yes he was. Zero sympathy for you, Juice, or for you, C.J. Stewart. You knobs both thought it was a good idea to strap yourselves, stage a commando-style raid on a Vegas hotel room and terrorize a couple of sports memorabilia dealers who may or may not have had items belonging to the Juice. Whether you agree with the judge and jury in your criminal case, they convicted you and sentenced you to long terms (nine to 33 years for O.J., 7½ to 27 years for Stewart) in prison and that makes the both of you convicted felons. Maybe the Juice is still having a tough time believing that this is all happening and that he doesn’t actually have a deal with the devil that allows him to commit any crime he wants here on this Earth and get away with it, but these two idiots need to accept their fate and stop trying to scheme their way out of prison. Enjoy your decade-plus in the hole, both of you, hope to see you never again……

.

- How surreal is it to see The Beatles in a video game and popping up in animated music videos on MTV? Very surreal, to answer my own question. But on Wednesday -- 9/9/09 - "The Beatles: Rock Band" is set to be released by Harmonix. That coincides with the release of remastered versions of the Beatles' catalogue, giving listeners what the remaining members of "The Fab Four" say is the closest reproduction ever of how their music sounded in the studio. The band’s living members - Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney - were closely associated with the creations of the video game, which allows players to sing and strum along on a huge list of Beatles classics over scenes ranging from Liverpool's Cavern Club to their final performance on a London rooftop. Along with the re-release of their catalog in remastered form, it will be a big day for arguably the most impactful band in music history. On top of those things, there are rumors that a Beatles-related "music-themed" announcement will be made by Apple Inc. on 9/9/09. Because of an ongoing dispute between Apple Inc. and the Beatles’ own Apple music label, the band’s music has never been approved for sale by Apple's iTunes. They are one of the few bands whose music is not available on the most popular online music store, but speculation is that that could change come Wednesday. And if you think that all of this buzz for a band that hasn’t sung a live note in nearly five decades is misplaced…..well, you’re just wrong. Don’t believe me, someone who is a huge Beatles fan despite being born more than a decade and a half too late to hear them perform live. A Pew Research survey released last month showed that 81 percent of respondents between ages 16-29 said they liked The Beatles, dwarfing the 39 percent of respondents who like current rockers Coldplay received positive responses and the 42 percent who said they Kanye West. So while John Lennon may have been overstating things when he said the group was "more popular than Jesus," the fact is that the Beatles and their music remain a powerful musical influence to this day. Credit much of that to Lennon and McCartney’s amazing songwriting, but whoever you assign credit to, just know that the Beatles and their influence remain very real. One last note on the rumors of the Beatles’ music coming to iTunes…..EMI, which will be releasing the remastered recordings, has resisted going digital because MP3s have lower sound quality than albums or compact discs, but that’s something that just doesn’t seem to be a huge concern for most music fans these days. But whether these rumors are true or not, I’m glad to see people still appreciating a band that was truly a legendary act and produced some great songs that still ring true today………

- Everyone hates baseball players who slow down games. Whether it’s a hitter who steps out of the box and must go through an extensive routine between pitches (something Major League Baseball has worked to address) or a slow-poke pitcher who meanders around the mound between pitches, takes forever to agree on a sign with his catcher and then takes forever to come plate-ward, these players are not well-liked. Even the most avid baseball fan doesn’t want to see a four-hour, nine-inning game. Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon is one of these slow-moving players and because of his time-consuming act, he’s been hit up with fines amounting to tens of thousands of dollars by MLB this season alone. The most recent fine came after Papelbon took too long to deliver his first pitch Tuesday night, resulting in a $5,000 penalty. It was at least the fifth time he's been cited for failure to obey baseball’s time-limit rules and according to none other than Papelbon himself, he's been fined more than $10,000 total. "After this, I don't know, man," Papelbon said. "I think they're going to call my parole officer and put me away." Ha ha….not funny. Look bro, I know you’re a great closer and you’re pretty freaking intimidating on the mound, but no one wants to see you take five minutes between pitches so you can do whatever the hell it is you’re doing from one pitch to another. See, MLB put two pitching-related rule changes in place this season specifically because of guys like you. The first rule stipulates that the pitcher must throw the first pitch of a half-inning no more than 2 minutes, 20 seconds from the final out of the previous half-inning. The second rule mandates that pitchers have 12 seconds to throw once a batter settles into the box. Papelbon violated the second rule Tuesday night and had a ball called on him as a result. "It's something I've got to get used to," Papelbon said. "When I come in from the bullpen, I've got to speed it up. I know it's a new rule and everything and they're trying to enforce it. I guess I'm just the one they decided to enforce it on.” No amigo, you’re not being singled out. While I can’t list every guy who has been fined for a similar offense this season, I feel safe in saying that Major League Baseball does not have any sort of vendetta against you. Suck it up, quit taking freaking forever to throw a pitch and we can all get back to focusing on the fact that you’re 34 for 37 in save opportunities this season with a 1.84 ERA, making you one of baseball’s best closers……..

- Is President Obama trying to become more annoying than his wildly inept predecessor? While that would be a Herculean task and then some, Obama is trying his best to make that happen. Once again, the president will make a speech during prime time, the fifth such speech he’s given in less than a year in office. The speech will be an address to a joint session of Congress and another attempt to gain support for Obama’s health care plan. It’s scheduled for Wednesday at 8/7c, with CBS, ABC and NBC already committed to running the speech. The one network that has yet to announce its plans for the speech is Fox, which is expected to repeat its plan from Obama's last prime-time address in July, when the network decided against airing the speech and instead directed viewers to Fox News to watch it. As I’ve said before, and as 60 percent of voters in a July poll said, watching the shows normally airing at a given time is always preferable to another borrrrring presidential speech. Granted, most shows haven’t begun their new season yet and thus networks aren’t doing anything but yanking reruns to air the speech, but even reruns are more interesting than watching the president yammer on for an hour about health care. Also factoring into Fox’s decision is the fact that this Wednesday marks the heavily promoted fall launch of So You Think You Can Dance and musical dramedy Glee for the network. Networks do lose around $1 million in advertising revenue due to the pre-emption, so there is also that to consider. I can't say for sure what I’ll be watching come Wednesday night - probably any baseball or football games that are on - but I can assure you that I won't be watching NBC, ABC or CBS between 8 and 9 p.m. EST………..

- Dorks unite! While tens of thousands of football fans descended on Atlanta for yesterday’s big game between Alabama and Virginia Tech, they were balanced out by legions of nerds gathering to take part in

Dragon*Con, an annual celebration of science fiction, fantasy, comics and gaming. Right, because what’s better than a parade of misfits dressed as zombies, superheroes, robots, Klingons and Middle Earth dwellers bumbling down your city’s streets? Or what is more uplifting than a convention center full of collectors, vampires, alternate-history speculators and Harry Potter look-alikes? One fan in town for the football game rightly labeled the gathering a "freak show." But hey, the convention is a chance for couples like Karen and Dillan Lee of Cullman, Alabama to throw on a winged costume inspired by "Dawn" comic book artist Joseph Michael Linsner (hers) and the get-up of Batman character Two-Face (his) and get out of the house. Many of the dorks, er, fanatics gathering at the convention are fans of something called Steampunk. Steampunk is sci-fi based in a Victorian aesthetic and at the convention, these losers could attend a workshop on Steampunk costuming. There were, of course, vendors there pandering to these dorks and looking to sell them all of the necessary accoutrements to create their Steampunk costumers. The one positive I could have seen coming out of this weekend would have been a brawl of some sort between testosterone-fueled football fans in face paint and team colors and Dragon*Con dorks, but sadly there were no incidents to speak of. No, there were only hordes of pale, out-of-touch-with-reality nerds lining up to attend workshops and meetings or buy trinkets from their favorite non-reality-based worlds………