- Coming off of the first NFL/college football combo weekend of the season, there’s certainly a lot to dissect. There were some great college games Saturday - just not the one “marquee” game of the day. Ohio State versus USC might have been decided in the final minutes, but that doesn’t make it a great game. It was a freaking ugly stinkbomb of a game in which two offenses sputtered, two young quarterbacks were largely inept and a grand total of 33 points were scored. A far better game was Notre Dame against Michigan, a 38-34 thriller that was literally decided in the final half-minute. Freshman quarterback Tate Forcier hit senior wide receiver Greg Matthews with a touchdown pass with 11 seconds left to win the game and give Michigan a much-needed 2-0 start. For Notre Dame, it was a tough loss because of the colossal expectations for the season and also the chance to go into the Big House and rip a win from UM on its home field. Toggling back and forth between that game and the stunning upset pulled by Houston over then-No. 5 Oklahoma State in Stillwater was challenging but worthwhile. After a huge win over SEC foe Georgia on the same field a week prior, Oklahoma State was stunned by the unranked Cougars, hailing from mighty Conference USA. The 45-35 win was a back-and-forth affair in which OK State rallied from an early two-touchdown deficit and briefly took the lead early in the second half. In the end, Jamal Robinson’s 26-yard interception return for a touchdown with the Cougars clinging to a 38-35 lead sealed the deal. Other than that, there wasn’t much to see in college football. Florida showed its national title mettle by beating down another cupcake, Troy, by a 56-6 count. Second-ranked Texas did a little better by going on the road and walloping Wyoming 41-10. One other game of interest was in Minnesota, where the Minnesota Golden Gophers opened its brand-new, 50,000-seat on-campus stadium with a 20-13 win over Air Force. TCF Bank Stadium looks like a gem and I’ve always hated indoor football (UM previously played home games inside the Metrodome in Minneapolis), so thumbs up on that. As for the NFL, there weren’t many surprises in terms of winners and losers, but there were plenty of butt-ugly football games. For example, the Cincinnati Bengals and Denver Broncos played s scintillating first half that ended with the Broncos ahead 3-0. The game ended with Denver on top 12-7 thanks to a bizarre tipped-pass touchdown that went 87 yards in the game’s final minute. Then there was the 14-12 snooze-fest between Indianapolis and Jacksonville that the Colts won in boring fashion. The Cleveland Browns continued their ineptitude, following their epic stretch of offensive failure from last season (no offensive touchdowns in their final six games) by failing to score an offensive TD until the final three minutes of their 34-20 loss to Minnesota. Brett Favre looked old and slow for the Vikings and they won on the strength of their defense and all-world running back Adrian Peterson, so all the Favre sycophants out there can stuff it with any positive evaluations of his performance. But unquestionably the ugliest performance of the day came courtesy of the St. Louis Rams, who were supposed to play in Seattle but never actually showed up. The scoreboard says that the Seahawks and Rams played four quarters and the home team won 28-0, but neither the Rams’ offense nor their defense made an appearance that I saw. When you accumulate less than 280 yards of total offense, score no points and surrender 28 to your opponent, you did next to nothing right in the game. Rams quarterback Marc Bulger has long been hailed as an accurate passer and an underrated player, but why do I find myself wondering who his backup is and when that backup will take over under center? Oh, that’s right. It’s because Bulger completed less than half of his passes Sunday and looked absolutely horrendous all game long. But arguably the day’s best game came at the end of the day, when the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers staged an epic, back and forth battle featuring two hard-hitting defenses, numerous big plays and a 50-yard touchdown pass from Aaron Rogers to Greg Jennings with 1:11 left in the game to win it for Green Bay. Overall, a solid weekend of football and even if the excitement didn’t come from the places we all expected it to, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a great ride……..
- Nobody loves protests and riots more than me. That’s a fact and can be verified by multiple independent sources, both domestically and abroad. But even my abiding, unfailing love of social dissidence doesn’t mean that I unequivocally support every single protest held, not when knuckleheads are gathering for the wrong reasons and staging protests that are embarrassing at best, absurd and a waste of time at worst. The tens of thousands of tools who marched to the U.S. Capitol on Saturday holding signs plastered with slogans like "Obamacare makes me sick" and "I'm not your ATM" would be exactly who I’m referring to here. Sure, there’s always room to disagree with the government and invariably a good reason to do so, but these idiots have been trotting out the same tired, clichéd bullsh*t for months now and slamming it into a piece of poster board for a march on the Capitol doesn’t make it fresh or new. We get it, you have complete and total disdain for the president's health care plan. So what, you jam up the streets for several blocks near the Capitol and that’s supposed to accomplish what? You want to try that on a weekday, then we might have something to talk about. But the chants were bland, mundane and inane, just like the signs, so that didn’t help matters. Demonstrators chanted "enough, enough" and "We the People." Others yelled "You lie, you lie!" and "Pelosi has to go," referring to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Yet more of these ass hats tried to inject some recycling and environmental humor into their protest by holding signs reading "Go Green Recycle Congress." Ironically, I’m guessing that most of these people don’t give a damn about the environment. And then there were the kooks, weirdos and freaks rocking colonial costumes and holding signs depicting Obama with the signature mustache of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler or with his faced imposed on that of the villainous Joker from "Batman."
What all of these people seem to be missing is that we’ve heard their rhetoric before and at this point, they are more of a punchline than they are a voice for social change. Saying the same bogus crap over and over again doesn’t make it true; it merely makes you an unoriginal, inaccurate, dogmatic idiot………
- Typically when I look at the box office results for a given weekend, my reaction is some mixture of shame, resignation, disbelief and outrage. Fact is, America, you’re a bunch of freaking sheep when it comes to the movies you go see. The films with the most “buzz” and the best marketing tend to succeed and the best movies often go by the wayside because they don’t have the biggest stars or the most TV commercials. This is one of those weekends where my reaction to the top 10 at the box office breaks down thusly: shame (100 percent), resignation (100 percent), disbelief (100 percent) and outrage (104.4 percent). And yes, that’s 404.4 percent, my math is spot on. There’s just no other way to react when the top movie is the latest piece of crap from the wildly overrated Tyler Perry. I don’t know who told this guy he was funny and that his movies and TV shows are anything other than lame, ridiculous attempts at humor that fall woefully short, but he keeps churning out different incarnations of the same terrible movie (much like Matthew McConaughey, only with his shirt on) and you all keep going to see it. His latest movie, I Can Do Bad All By Myself, grossed $24 million to take the top spot for the weekend. It represents Perry’s third-largest opening, trailing Madea Goes to Jail ($41 million) and Madea’s Family Reunion ($30 million) in 2006. Personally I’m not sure why Perry bothers with naming the movies, because they’re all the same damn thing. Coming in second for the weekend was the post-apocalyptic animated flick 9 with $10.9 million. That number is impressive because the movie played in just 1,661 theaters. Holding strong for a third-place finish was Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, held steady in its fourth weekend with $6.5 million to push its cumulative total to $104.3 million, well on its way to passing Pulp Fiction this week to become Tarantino’s highest-grossing movie. Rounding out the top five were All About Steve (No. 4 with $5.8 million) and The Final Destination (No. 5 with $5.5 million). It was not a good weekend for newcomers Sorority Row and the Kate Beckinsale thriller Whiteout, which limped to the finish line with $5.3 million and $5.1 million, respectively. I guess this proves that no matter how hot Kate Beckinsale is, an action thriller set in Antarctica isn't a sure-fire hit. Oddly, enough, The September Issue — the documentary about Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour — did fairly well as it expanded into 111 theaters, raking in $730,000 for a per-screen average of $6,577. But allow me to conclude as I started this, America: shame (100 percent), resignation (100 percent), disbelief (100 percent) and outrage (104.4 percent). Drink those numbers in and let them ferment, because you earned them……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Things are turning ugly in Uganda (no, Rosie O’Donnell isn't moving there) and that means RIOTS! Mass riots broke out Sunday between The Man (also known as Ugandan government forces) and loyalists of a traditional kingdom in the country. How do I know these riots were good? Well, more than 640 people were arrested and 14 killed in the battles between the rebels and The Man, that’s how. Not only that, these riots raged on for three full days and police are still sifting through the fallout, threatening that the number of people arrested for suspected roles in the riots could go up because investigations are still under way. Kale Kayihura, the nation's police chief, is trying to put The Man’s spin on these riots, but I’m not buying it. Trials for those accused of inciting and fueling the riots will begin tomorrow, with people charged with crimes including taking part in violent acts and unlawful assemblies. Crimes? Those aren’t crimes, they’re freaking commendable actions and badges of honor to be worn proudly. Far be it from me to tell others how to run their country, but tensions between President Yoweri Museveni and the Buganda kingdom -- headed by King Ronald Mutebi II, the ruler of the Baganda tribe -- are at an all-time high and sooner or later, things were going to boil over. All that was needed was for the government to give one final push and force this powder keg past its tipping point. That happened Thursday when the government said it would not allow the king to travel to an area inhabited by a renegade rival group. That was all it took to send angry Bagandans out into the streets, where they manned up by stealing ammunition from a police station and confronting officers, accusing them of harassment. But those were just the riot appetizers, because the true backbone of any good riot is the burning, looting and destruction of property and rest assured, that was on the way. Rioters burned tires and cars, set buildings on fire and looted stores and by the time things ended, the streets of the capital were strewn with debris, including torched cars and burned tires. Flat-out awesome, no doubt about it. These rioters hit every key ingredient necessary for a Grade-A, top-notch riot: storming the police station, brawling with The Man, burning, looting, pillaging and destroying cars and buildings. Well done everyone, well done. In case you’re wondering just who these amazing rioters are, Bagandans are the dominant ethnic group and one of four ancient kingdoms in the nation and their kings are limited to a ceremonial role overseeing traditional and cultural affairs. They see the government as overstepping its bounds here and personally…..I don’t give a crap as long as it means I get to see this awesome rioting………
- Here we go, further confirmation of my theory that Disney is an evil regime bent on taking over the world that is expertly disguised as “The Happiest Place on Earth” and a family-friendly entertainment Mecca for adults and children alike. Disney recently outlined plans for the largest expansion in the history of the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World, including a major renovation of Fantasyland and the construction of a new Little Mermaid ride. You heard me right, a Fantasyland renovation AND a new Little Mermaid ride. If that doesn’t scream hostile world takeover, I don’t know what does. “We're going to take the guests beyond the castle walls,” Disney Imagineer Jack Blitch declared. I’m sure you are, Jack, I’m sure you are. Now Disney would have you believe that the expansion will bring more visitors to the park and also more jobs to Central Florida, but don’t be fooled. This is yet another excuse for them to hike up exorbitant ticker prices even further, pave more acres with parking lots and take over an even bigger chunk of prime Sunshine State realty. Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Jay Rasulo announced his company’s plans for world domination at the first D23 Expo in California. "Storytelling is the DNA of Disney dreams and we're always exploring new ways to tell new stories in new places," said Rasulo. As for the timetable for these plans, Fantasyland will be expanded by 2013. That will be preceded by the Little Mermaid attraction, a new dining area inside a castle designed after the Beast’s castle from “Beauty and the Beast” and the doubling in size of the area covered by The Dumbo ride. Visitors who have forked over their $70-80 for admission will also be able to visit the various Disney princesses in themed castles, cottages and chateaus. After the new Little Mermaid ride, to be called “Journey Under the Sea with Ariel,” opens at Disney World, a similar ride will open at Disneyland in Anaheim in 2011. Of course, this is Disney merely firing the latest salvo in the battle after Universal Studios in Orlando broke ground on a new Harry Potter section of its Islands of Adventure park. And as anyone familiar with these battles knows, when you break out the Harry Potter guns, that means war………
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