- As the immortal Jackie Moon said in Semi-Pro, there’s nothin’ in the rulebook that says you can’t play drunk. Someone needs to tell that to the IAAF, track and field's ruling body. For some reason, they want Russian high jumper Ivan Ukhov to explain his conduct at the Athletissima meet in which rival high jumpers claim he was drinking vodka and Red Bull during the competition. Yes, it was a little suspicious when a tipsy Ukhov failed with each attempt to clear the bar Tuesday before meet officials finally asked him to stop competing at the Swiss meet. But it didn’t stop there; meet organizers refused to pay Ukhov's expenses and the IAAF has asked them to supply video evidence of Ukhov’s alleged misdeeds. “We will for sure ask for an explanation from the athlete about his behavior and ask that it is not repeated in the future,” IAAF spokesman Nick Davies said in a statement. Sorry to interrupt here, Nick, but you do realize this dude is Russian, right? These people practically pour vodka on their cornflakes at breakfast, so it’s not a big deal if Ukhov was pounding Red Bull and vodka during the need. After all, alcohol is not classed as a performance-enhancer and is not formally prohibited in competition. Unless he puked on someone’s gear bag and ruined it or was taking off his clothes and attempting to jump with a lamp shade on his head, I just don’t see the problem…..
- Great to see that even though to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is fast becoming a colossal joke by opening its doors to people who have nothing to do with rock (yeah, I’m looking at you, Madonna, the Material Skank), the museum is still doing at least one smart thing by giving a salute to the legendary Les Paul. Paul is a legend as a performer, but probably more so as the creator of the Gibson Les Paul guitar, a favorite of rockers for years. At a November tribute concert in Cleveland, Paul, 93, will perform alongside other artists and the show will cap off a weeklong event in his honor. Paul is already an inductee of the hall (an honor that decreases in value with the induction of so many hack-job losers each year) and has a permanent exhibit as well. The concert itself will take place on Nov. 15 at the Playhouse Square’s State Theater, although the official lineup for the evening has yet to be announced. Regardless of what sort of motley crew is assembled for the show, it might be worth it just to see a legend like Paul perform one more time…..
- To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from Vin Diesel’s new action flick Babylon A.D. So to say the film exceeded my expectations isn't saying much, because I expected bad acting, stale dialogue, a predictable plot and lots of senseless violence. While there were plenty of those things, on the whole this movie was a mildly decent watch that I’d rate as slightly above mediocre. The sci-fi flick paints a dismal portrait of the future, where Diesel is Toorop, a ruthless mercenary trying to survive in Eastern Europe, which has been destroyed by war and continual bombing. In a Transporter¬-esque plot turn, he’s hired by a Russian mobster to transport a woman named Aurora from Mongolia to the U.S. Along the way, Toorop and his fellow crew members on the trip are attacked by groups wanting Aurora for their own interests, and as you can imagine, Diesel kicks a lot of ass and takes a lot of names. The visuals are the best part of this movie, especially a futuristic look at Manhattan that director Mathieu Kassovitz does a great job of bringing to life. However, the predictable plot and limitations of Diesel’s acting prevent this from being any higher than a B- movie, so unless you’re a Vin Diesel fan, it’s not a must-see movie by any stretch of the imagination……
- What to do when you’re the monarch of an impoverished African nationa where food is scarce, the economy is in the crapper, life is miserable for the bulk of the populace and you’re looking to celebrate your birthday? You could elect for a low-key celebration in respect of the dire poverty your citizens live in, looking to conserve money and not rub your wealth in their dirty, malnourished faces…..or you can do what King Mswati III of Swaziland did - throw a kick-ass, blowout party. In the country’s capital city of Mbabane, the Swazi king, dressed up in traditional leopard skins and toured the city in an open-topped BMW, before hosting an bash that included visiting heads of state and an appearance at the national stadium. He claimed that the part was more in celebration of the country’s independence day, which I doubt. “I'm aware that many in the world might be wondering why we are so excited about the celebrations of our 40th anniversary,” the king told the crowd. "The answer is simple. We are celebrating our nationhood.” Apparently inspired by Jay-Z and his 40/40 Club in Manhattan, the king dubbed this the 40-40 party. Not everyone was happy about the lavish celebration, as evidenced by thousands of people demonstrating against its excessive cost. Methinks the protests make sense in a country that has the world's highest AIDS rate and where only one in four citizens lives to be 40. Let me repeat that: ONE OF FOUR LIVES TO BE 40. Yet you think it’s a good idea to spend $2.5 million (the actual cost is widely believed to be at least five times that amount)? One of the more offensive wastes of money surrounding the party is the jet-set shopping spree by eight of the king's 13 wives to Dubai to purchase birthday outfits, and the fleet of luxury cars purchased to ferry VIPs around. Yes, dude has 13 wives, he’s the biggest freaking polygamist this side of Utah - just kidding, Mormos. Another offensive part of the celebration was the presence of my main man Bob Mugabe, the illegitimate president of Zimbabwe who continues to be a violent, oppressive ruler who ignores human rights with stunning regularity. Like any good, delusional leader, Mswati made no reference to the unhappiness among his subjects in his 45-minute address. I can't say what it feels like to live in a country like this because I’m fortunate enough not to be Swazi, but I have to guess that it sucks more than a little to know that you have a 75 percent chance of dying before you hit 40 and seeing your king waste that much money on a party when the money could be spent to help cure the ills of such an impoverished nation….
- So what do you really need when you’re in a pitched battle for a division title and a shot at the playoffs in the American League, with only 20 game remaining in the season? If you answered having your star left fielder, a leading MVP candidate, break his right wrist by intentionally hitting his right hand on the bat as he was holding it with his left out of frustration over a pitch he fouled off that he thought he should have hit better. Quentin was injured Monday night in Cleveland when, after fouling off a pitch while batting against Cliff Lee, he tried to go kung-fu on his bat. “What did happen was kind of unfortunate. It's kind of something that, you know, I still have trouble believing that it happened that way,” Quentin said Friday. What, you have trouble believing that you’re a hotheaded moron who seriously hurt his team because he couldn’t control his temper? Y’know, I have a hard time believing that too. You may say that you were “a little frustrated,” but I say you’re a moron. You were batting .288 with 36 homers and a team-high 100 RBIs for a team that leads the American League Central by a mere two and a half games, so you can’t do crap like this. Keep your head and stop karate chopping your bat, because 100 RBI guys aren't easy to replace…..
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