- Why does it not surprise me one bit that this next story comes to us from the land of cheese, a.k.a. Wisconsin? In none other than Fond Du Lac, Wisc., resides a man whose heart, circulatory system and digestive system will all probably need to be replaced in the next 2-3 years. Don Gorske says he has eaten 23,000 of the Big Macs in the past 36 years, 23,000 more than I have eaten in my entire life. Gorske says he hit the 23,000 milestone last month, continuing a run that began May 17, 1972, and is fueled by obsessive-compulsive disorder. And I say I’m not surprised that he resides in Wisconsin because, let’s face it, Wisconsonians, you all eat a lot of grub, you fry cheese curds, you wolf down bratwurst like most of us eat pretzels and your physiques often show it. But I doubt any of you have eaten quit the gluttonous amount of greasy, cholesterol-laced burgers that Don Gorske has consumed. “I enjoy them every day,” said Gorske, 54. “I need two to fill me up.” What’s bizarre about this story is that Gorske has kept every burger receipt in a box because he says he was always fascinated with numbers. Personally, I’d find it infinitely depressing that I’d consumed so many hunks of greasy, unhealthy meat, but that’s just me. And no, I don’t care that Gorske says he keeps himself in good shape and claims he’s 6-foot-2 and weighs 185 pounds and walks as many as 10 miles a day. Heck, this tool has even written a book about his experience. “Sometimes people call me a freak but it doesn't bother me. I just say respect people as they are,” he stated recently. “I just want to make sure people understand I'm not going to change.” That’s okay, Don. You don’t need to change because one day, much sooner than later, you’re going to die from a heart attack. You could have avoided it by eating zero Big Macs, but oh well. Go ahead jamming enough cholesterol into your body to kill five elephants, just as long as it’s not my body you’re ruining……
- When you have combustible elements like Kanye West and paparazzi in the same space, the true miracle would be if there wasn’t some sort of fight. The egotistical, outspoke, God-complex-sportign West thinks he’s a cut above the rest of us and the paparazzi….I think we can all agree we’d want to pucnh them too if they were following our every public move, snapping pics as we tried to go about our daily routine. Thus, throwing West and two paparazzi together Thursday morning at Los Angeles International Airport resulted in a confrontation that left West under arrest on felony vandalism charges. The skirmish happened near the airport's Terminal 4 and not only was West scrapping with the photogs, so were his road manager, Don Crowley, his body guard and a photographer and a cameraman who were taking their photos. West, 31, and Crowley were both arrested on charges of felony vandalism for damaging the cameras of the two cameramen. Not the best way to start off a trip to Honolulu, which is where West and his crew were allegedly headed. Not surprisingly, the West and Crowley were at the most frustrating place in any airport when the altercation occurred - the passenger security checkpoint. Who isn't frustrated at airport security? Lines are long, it takes forever to go through, you have to take off your shoes, empty your pockets, open up and turn on laptops and cameras, surrender any tubes of toothpaste you have in your carry on that are over 3 oz., moronic things like that. So there was Kanye, waiting in line, when he allegedly grabbed a photographer's camera as the photographer was snapping pictures of him. The a short, shaky video of the incident was posted on TMZ.com, and the man whom TMZ identifies as West never shows his face.
The video also shows the man in the gray sweatshirt and another man in a red sweatshirt -- allegedly Crowley -- each smashing parts of a camera on the floor. I just have one question after all of that: why doesn’t anything like that happen when I’m at the airport? All I get are tools who don’t understand the most basic instructions from airport security and try to carry on bags that are ten times too big……..
- This is a perverted, nasty little twist to the whole abomination that is the life of a pedophile. A convicted sex offender who posed as a 12-year-old boy to enroll in Arizona schools around the state has pleaded guilty to seven criminal charges, including two stemming from the charade he pulled for two years. This certified piece of crap will now go to prison for more than 70 years, which is not nearly long enough. Fortunately, this time around authorities didn't find any victims of sexual abuse at the schools 30-year-old Neil Havens Rodreick II attended, so that’s one small positive. However, after his scam was uncovered in January 2007, police did find an massive collection of child pornography at his home. Pleading guilty to just seven charges was a 75 percent reduction for Rodreick, who originally faced 28 counts. In Yavapai County Superior Court in northern Arizona, he pleaded guilty to four counts of sexual exploitation of a minor stemming from the pornography, as well as one count each of failure to register as a sex offender, fraud and simple assault.
When you consider what he did - enrolling in school under fraudulent pretenses and grabbing a girl's butt at a charter school in Prescott Valley - and his history as a perv, that’s a break he didn’t exactly deserve. At first, the girl believed Rodreick to be a boy and shrugged off his behavior as immature. However, when police told her his true age, the girl cried. The plus side of this deal, at least for everyone but Rodreick, is that he must serve no less than 70½ years in prison and will not be eligible for release until his sentence is up. Knowing he will be behind bars for the rest of his life has to be some consolation, because at least he can’t harm any more kids. Here’s how pathetic Rodreick is: police say he shaved and wore pancake makeup to help him appear younger. Enjoy prison, freak show, because I’m sure once your fellow inmates find out about who you are and why you’re there, they’ll make you feel a lot more violated than you made that poor girl whose butt your grabbed feel…….
- This next story is good news if for no other reason than this: chicks dig ginormous particle accelerators. It’s true; just ask any chick you know if she’s into humongous particle accelerators and if she’s honest, she’ll say yes without hesitation. Thus, the developments in Cern, Switzerland on Wednesday are big, big news. There, scientists began firing protons around a 27-kilometer (17-mile) tunnel deep beneath the border of France and Switzerland in an attempt to unlock the secrets of the universe. Their new toy, the Large Hadron Collider -- a $9 billion particle accelerator designed to simulate conditions of the Big Bang that created the physical Universe -- was turned on for its maiden run on at 0732 GMT to cheers and applause from spectators. Heck, some scientists around the world held viewing parties where they were popping champagne corks to celebrate. In the months ahead, the collider is expected to begin smashing particles into each other by sending two beams of protons around the tunnel in opposite directions. Yes, you read that right, particle smashing - booyah! Of course, so worrywart naysayers are making ridiculous claims like saying that thia experiment could lead to the creation of a black hole capable of swallowing the planet. These tools, who I think are just envious because their particle accelerators are a lot smaller, actually tried to go to court to halt the project at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I like particles smashing into each other at high speeds. It’s good, clean, potentially world-ending fun and no one is taking that from me…..
- I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the administration of the Howard University athletic department is regretting their decision to hire Joseph Okoh as their head men’s soccer coach. I say that in large part because Okoh was arrested this past week police said he used the Internet to solicit a person he thought was a 13-year-old girl for sexual purposes. Oops! Okoh, 40, was arrested Friday and charged with one felony count of using a communications system to solicit a person under 15 years old with lascivious intent. Dammit, I hate when I think I’m about to commit statuory rape and gross sexual misconduct with a minor and in turns out to be an undercover cop posing as a 13-year-old girl online. I can’t tell you how many times that’s ruined my day - oh wait, I can, it’s zero. Not so for my man Joe Okoh, who was, at last check, being held without bond at the Central Virginia Regional Jail in Orange pending a bond hearing. According to the the Louisa County Sheriff's Office (a big week for you if you had them in your law enforcement fantasy league, bagging a sexual predator trying to score online sex from a minor gets you bonus points in most leagues) said Okoh traveled from his home in Arlington for the purpose of engaging in sexual activity with a person he thought was a 13-year-old girl. Not surprisingly, Howard has suspended Okoh from all university activities pending completion of the investigation. The kicker is that this is Okoh’s first season as Howard’s coach, so he’s been on the job a matter of months. Way to ingratiate yourself with those who hired you and show them they made the right choice, Joe. That’s how your reward someone’s confidence in hiring you, go out and get busted for soliciting sex online from what you thought was a 13-year-old girl…….
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