- I’m always interested to see what professional athletes do once their playing career ends. Some guys transition seamlessly to post-sports life, starting their own business, becoming a broadcaster/TV analyst or going into coaching. Then there are guys like former New York Giants receiver Mark Ingram, sentenced this week in Central Islip, N.Y. after being convicted of money laundering and bank fraud. U.S. District Court Judge Denis Hurley actually to issue a warrant for Ingram's rescheduled court appearance, with Ingram finally surrendering to U.S. marshals at the Long Island courthouse on the eve of his next court date; he did so and received a sentence of get 7 years and 8 months in prison. He did, however, spin an interesting yarn about why the court had such a tough time tracking him down. As Ingram tells it, his car had broken down Friday morning on a Pennsylvania highway as he was driving from his home in Flint, Mich., to Long Island. That came after two previous sentencing hearings were postponed after Ingram went to emergency rooms complaining of illnesses that were later unfounded. Those shenanigans led to Assistant U.S. Attorney Richard P. Donohue requesting that an arrest warrant be issued for Ingram. “Mr. Ingram feels these court appearances are optional,” Donohue told the judge. Either that or maybe he just has a short attention span and forgets that he’s due to go back to jail once again in a short amount of time. Or, a third possibility would be that, having been in jail for various crimes since his 1996 retirement from the NFL, Ingram isn't too eager to return there. Of course, if that’s the case, he probably shouldn’t have attempted to launder money he believed to be proceeds from narcotics deals back in 2005, as well as committing bank fraud for cashing counterfeit checks.
Should you be against going back to jail, it is generally a bad idea to Federal prosecutors cash more than $300,000 in phony checks and launder another $200,000. When you do so and when the laundered drug money comes from undercover detectives running a sting operation, jail is your most likely destination. The funny thing is that Ingram actually pleaded guilty nearly three years ago, but he’s spent the past 36+ months trying to revoke the plea, firing previous court-appointed attorneys and personally making court filings claiming he should not be sent to prison. The best of his contentions was that he is immune from prosecution because he has diplomatic status as a head of state. Yes, dude thinks he is a head of state. What state? Crazyland? Are you the grand poobah of Insane-ville? Mark, you can’t just make things up and say they’re true in a court of law. If you’re the President of the United States and you’re trying to create justification for a war you want to start, you can, but not if you’re just looking to avoid jail time. Thanks for the laugh, though……
- Memo to those staffing the campaign of that senile, oft-comatose old fart John McCain: Al Gore might not be the ideal guy to pattern your campaign strategies over. Nor is it wise to mimic Dr. Evil from Austin Powers by making outrageous claims, like saying that you invented the question mark. Someone should have told these things to Sen. McCain's senior domestic policy adviser before his statement on Tuesday that the BlackBerry mobile e-mail device was a “miracle that John McCain helped create.” So just as Al Gore created the Internet, apparently McCain is the godfather of the CrackBerry. The adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, was discussing the nation's economic struggles and in so doing, said that McCain has experience dealing with the economy from his time on the Senate Commerce Committee. When pressed to provide an example of what McCain accomplished on that committee, Holtz-Eakin held up his Blackberry, telling reporters: “He did this. Telecommunications of the United States, the premiere innovation in the past 15 years, comes right through the Commerce Committee. So you're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create,” Holtz-Eakin said. “And that's what he did.” Predictably, when asked aobut the comment, the higher-ups in the McCain campaign tried to downplay it and laugh it off. Senior aide Matt McDonald said that the senator “laughed” when he heard the comment. “He would not claim to be the inventor of anything, much less the BlackBerry. This was obviously a boneheaded joke by a staffer,” McDonald said. I agree. Matt. McCain would not claim to be the inventor of the BlackBerry, if anything, he would claim to be the inventor of the telegraph machine or the rotary dial phone, but not the BlackBerry……
- Speaking of cell phones, this week in Cheyenne, Wyoming, Yellowstone National Park officials, took a big step in attempting to balance competing demands for cell phone service and preserving the tranquil, peaceful atmosphere of their park, released a draft plan to guide the development of wireless services within the park.
According to the plan, there would be a limited increase in cell phone coverage in the 3,500-square-mile park while still excluding cellular towers from the backcountry, park road corridors and smaller developed areas.
Additionally, the plan also calls for providing cell phone service and wireless Internet in larger developed areas with hotels and stores. “That doesn't mean there couldn't be some service outside those immediate developed areas, but it's not something we're planning, proposing or intending,” park spokesman Al Nash said Tuesday. Best of all, the assessment found that Yellowstone's wireless communication plan would have negligible effects on resources such as threatened and endangered species, migratory birds and wilderness. Look, nobody loves technology as much as me, but there are just some places where you should be able to go and get away from morons talking way too loud into their Bluetooth earpieces and trying to shoot off a text message on their new Chocolate or BlackBerry Bold. So I don’t even have a problem with the portion of that plan that calls for the cellular tower located near Old Faithful geyser -- the park's most visited site -- would be transferred to a less visible site at a nearby water treatment plant. It was this tower being erected 10 years ago that sparked the debate over how much wireless and cell phone service should be allowed to intrude into this wildlife and nature sanctuary, and I for one think Yellowstone is taking the right approach here, so you cell phone degenerates out there can just suck it…….
- This is the kind of story that just warms your heart. A father and son, taking the time to do something together, a bonding experience to strengthen their relationship…..by getting arrested Wednesday at the father’s Malibu, Calif., home for alleged drug possession. The father-son duo in question would be actor Ryan O'Neal and his son, Redmond. The pair were popped when sheriff’s deputies visited Redmond to make sure he was abiding by the terms of his probation. “This morning, deputies were doing a routine sweep to make sure Redmond was adhering to his probation,” sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said. “Upon searching the premises, the younger O'Neal was found in possession of narcotics. Later, a vial of drugs were found in the elder O'Neal's bedroom. We believe the drugs found were methamphetamines.” Whoops! Not a good sign, both father and son being in possession of illegal drugs. But tell me, is one of them in charge of the narcotics and the other one in charge of the meth? Do you make trades, say one hit of meth for a certain amount of narcotics? These are things I’d like to know, right up alongside knowing exactly how big of a moron you have to be to be in possession of significant amounts of drugs when you know the cops are going to be checking in on you because, oh yeah, you’re on probation. But the father-son outing didn’t stop their for the O’Neal family; both Ryan, 67, and Redmond, 23, were held at a local sheriff's station before both posted $10,000 bail each and were released from custody around noon. One thing that is hard to figure out is why the cops would be so compelled to check on a guy like Redmond O’Neal. Sure, he is on probation, but it’s not like that’s for a drug-related off-…..oh, it is? You say he entered rehab in 2004 for heroin use and that just this past June, he pleaded guilty to drug possession and one misdemeanor DUI charge? Hmm. Call me cynical, but I think he might have a drug problem. But hey, clearly his dad is looking out for him and trying to help him turn his life around…..by supplying more drugs. So admittedly it’s not the best plan, but it is a plan…..kind of….
- And the hits just keep on comin’ for the Penn State football team. Two suspended Penn State football players - defensive linemen Maurice Evans and Abe Koroma - have been charged with one count each of marijuana possession. Charges were filed against them after police responding to a noise complaint at their apartment building on Sept. 2 found some of the hippie lettuce lying around their place. Both players have been benched for the last two games by coach Joe Paterno, but if he benched every player who has gotten into trouble with the law the past year or so, it would be almost impossible to field a full team at PSU.
Police say the charges were filed after authorities responded to a call about loud noise at their campus apartment on Sept. 2. Now that the charges have been filed, it remains to be seen if the corpse being controlled by ropes and pulleys that we all know as Paterno will have the kahones to kcik Koroma and Evans off the team. Not to be outdone in criminal behavior, Big 10 rival Wisconsin has jumped into the fray with a certified knucklehead of its own - senior linebacker Jonathan Casillas. Casillas was cited for drunken driving last month while riding….wait for it……wait for it….a moped! Yes, this tool got hammered and was zipping around campus on his moped. Casillas, who missed the eighth-ranked Badgers' first two games because of a sprained medial collateral ligament in his left knee, was stopped by a university police officer on Aug. 24 just after midnight. When the officer hit him with a breath test, his blood alcohol concentration was found to be 0.15 percent, nearly twice the legal limit of 0.08. Nice job, Johnny, getting popped for a moped DUI by a university cop. Those guys aren't even real cops, they’re just there to make sure no one parks illegally on campus and to make futile attempts to enforce underage drinking laws. I know you probably think it’s not a big deal to get drunk and drive a moped because it’s a lot smaller than a car, but then again, you did have a passenger riding with you on your moped, so that changes things slightly. Casillas received three citations -- first-offense drunken driving, driving with a prohibited alcohol concentration, and driving with two persons on a moped. This is just an all-around bad incident, because it puts the team on the police blotter and it’s not even for a legit, credible crime like shoplifting, brawling at a nightclub or drug possession. Nice job, J. Casillas, dragging your team through the mud for something as pathetic as moped DUI…..
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