An awesome day for stoners, last night's episode of Heroes and the arrest of dozens of sick pervs

- At this point, I’m not even angry with China; I’m impressed. This is clearly a nation dedicated to foisting as many toxic products on the world as possible, so you have to respect their pursuit of being the absolute best at it. As such, I’m happy to see that British candy maker Cadbury has recalled all of its Chinese-made candy products over fears that they may be contaminated with the chemical melamine. “The products that are affected by this withdrawal include a range of Cadbury chocolate products and Choclairs, all produced in our Beijing plant,” Cadbury said in a statement. So are you in danger of yet another potentially deadly Chinese product, just as you were with lead paint-covered toys, toothpaste with chemicals usually reserved for antifreeze in them and tainted milk powder? Well, in this case most of the products were exported to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Australia, the Pacific island of Nauru and Christmas Island in the Indian Ocea, so probably not. To cope with the problem, Cadbury said that it is implementing new food safety and quality checks at its Beijing plant. Coming off of a scandal where
nearly 53,000 children in China have been sickened by tainted formula or other products containing melamine, the fact that this is happening again is astounding. Dozens of countries have banned or recalled Chinese milk products, a trend you’d expect to continue. How melamine, which is commonly used in coatings and laminates, wood adhesives, fabric coatings, ceiling tiles and flame retardants, ends up in candy….I don’t know. Again, it takes a nation seriously devoted to providing the most toxic, deadly products possible to keep up this level of performance. So stick with what you do best, China, just as long as I don’t have to use any of your products…..

- Last night’s episode of Heroes was titled “One of them, one of us,” a clear reference to the Company’s policy of pairing one individual with powers and one without powers to form its teams. This time, the team was the odd pairing of Noah Bennet, a.k.a. H.R.G., with Sylar, the killing machine who not so long ago tortured Noah’s daughter Claire. New Company head Angela Petrelli insisted Sylar was ready to go out into the field and even dressed him up nice in a suit and tie. The first assignment for Sylar and H.R.G. was to go to the site of a bank robbery in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. and capture the four escaped Level 5 prisoners who are responsible for the robbery. Among those four escapees is Peter Petrelli, entrapped in the body of escaped inmate Jesse by Future Peter Petrelli in the season premiere. As the robbery goes down, Peter squares off with his fellow escapees when they try to harm bank patrons, including Knox, whose power is feeding off the fear of others to have super strength. Knox also calls the police and insists that the group wait at the bank for the Company to show up so they can exact revenge on everyone who helped put them behind bars. When H.R.G. and Sylar show up, Knox has already killed one of his fellow escapees, leaving three of them alive. H.R.G. goes into the bank because the escapees have promised that if he goes in, they will allow the hostages to leave. He enters and is immediately attacked, but before Knox can kill him, Peter/Jesse unleashes his power, a Black Canary-like (from Smallville) ability to use his voice to create sound waves that overpower people. As those sound waves pulsate through the bank, knocking down everyone in their way, time is frozen as well and Future Peter steps onto the scene, clearly the one who has stopped time. With everyone frozen in place, he somehow manages to remove Present Day Peter from Jesse’s body, then restarts time. Both Peter’s leave via teleportation, with Future Peter vowing to show his self from past times how bad the future really could be. Their departure leaves H.R.G. alone with Knox and his fellow escapees, Jesse and the one with the power of a flame thrower, to deal with him. Stepping in to save the day at the last minute is Sylar, who busts out a few of his own powers and stops H.R.G.’s attackers. However, Sylar’s own criminal nature pops up and he locks H.R.G. out of the bank and goes back to his old trick of cutting open Jesse’s skull to steal his powers. He doesn’t kill all three super-powered escapees, though, leaving the rest alive to be taken back to Level 5. Out in California, Claire Bennet is fighting her own battle, a much different battle than the one her dad is fighting. She wants to harness her own powers of healing and being impervious to pain and says she wants to do so to help people. For help in using her powers, she turns to her biological mother, Meredith Gordon, who H.R.G. has enlisted to live with his family in order to protect them while he’s gone. Meredith has her own power to create fire, but she uses it to help Claire in a unique way. Meredith tells Claire that she can skip school for the day and the pair goes to some sort of dock where they step inside a cargo container. There, Meredith uses her power to create enough fire and heat to sap nearly all of the oxygen out of the air, making Claire feel like she is suffocating. In her weakened state, Claire is questioned over and over by Meredith about why she wants to use her powers to fight. Eventually, Claire breaks down and admits that her true motivation is to hurt Sylar to gain revenge for him hurting her. Speaking of hurt…..Tracy Strauss, the Nikki Sanders look-a-like who continues to insist that she isn't Nikki, is experiencing pain of the emotional sort. After a visit from Nathan Petrelli in which he once again wonders if she really isn't Nikki, Tracy decides to go to New Orleans, where she knows that Nikki was last seen. There, she finds Nikki inside a casket and meets Micah, Nikki’s son and a kid with the power to talk to and control machines. Micah talks to Tracy, tells her about his mom and then uses his power to track down information that would show a link between Tracy and Nikki. As it turns out, both were born at the same hospital on the same day, with the same doctor delivering both of them. When Tracy goes to see the doctor, Dr. Zimmerman, he not only recognizes her, he tells her that he “created” her. What does that mean? Not sure yet. Another mind-bending development was Matt Parkman’s experience on his spirit walk in Africa, courtesy of Future Peter teleporting him there in the season premiere. Parkman continues to hang with his new African homey, who this week reveals to him a series of paintings on rocks in the middle of the desert that this mystery man has done throughout his life, pictures which tell Parkman’s life story word for word even though the two have never met before. The painter tells Parkman that although the paintings of the past are accurate, the ones depicting the future are no longer so because the future has now changed. The painter then throws on some headphones and just as artist Isaac Mendez did before his demise last season, goes into a glassy-eyed trance and paints the future. The new painting shows Parkman helping a woman he doesn’t yet recognize. Afterward, Parkman tries on the headphones for himself and they send him into his own glassy-eyed trance. AWOL in this week’s episode were Dr. Mohinder Suresh and his new self-administered superpowers, and Maya, his new lady friend. So until next week, that’s it and that’s all……

- That’s the way to show that you’re dedicated to your football career and want to get back into the NFL, Travis Henry. Henry was released by the Denver Broncos before the season because the team questioned his commitment to them, so what does my man T. Henry do? That right, he gets arrested in the Denver suburb of Centennial following an alleged cocaine deal. The Drug Enforcement Administration popped Henry and James Mack Tuesday after they met to buy cocaine from a person who was cooperating with authorities. The sting operation resulted in Mack and Henry being taken into federal custody on suspicion of knowingly and intentionally conspiring to distribute and possess with intent to distribute cocaine. Henry was released by the Broncos back on June 2 after being hampered during training camp by a sprained left knee. The drug arrest doesn’t come as a big surprise, given the fact that he has been suspended three times by the NFL for violating its substance abuse policy. Actually, the real drama here was seeing which would happen first: another drug incident or fathering another child out of wedlock. After all, Henry has allegedly fathered nine kids by nine different women in at least four states, so dude does have skills in that area as well. But no, drugs win out as Henry took part in what is being called “a multikilogram” drug deal. The case has its genesis in Montana, where a trooper and DEA agent stopped a car that was carrying 6 pounds of the hippie lettuce and about 3 kilograms of cocaine on Sept. 16. At that time, an unidentified passenger in the car told authorities Mack and Henry had supplied him with the drugs, which he was supposed to deliver to customers in Billings. The passenger and another customer in Billings claimed to have owed Henry about $40,000 in drug proceeds and also alleged that Henry had threatened him and his family over the debt. So in the span of a little over a year, Henry has gone from productive NFL running back who inked a 5-year, $22 million contract to someone facing life in prison and a $4 million fine. That is what we like to call a decided downward trajectory in your life……

- If there’s one type of criminal arrest that always pumps me up, it’s a good pedophile bust. Nothing makes me feel better when it comes to the legal system than perverted, sick freaks who engage in child pornography and/or sexual abuse get busted. These are the dregs of society, the lowest common denominator whose sick minds make us all feel worse about our society, wherever it is we call home. So I applaud police in Madrid for arresting 121 men and seizing millions of computer files in the country's biggest operation against child pornography on the Internet. Better still, authorities are looking at 96 others who may still be taken into custody. I just wish I could have been there to see eight-hundred police officers bursting in on these 121 sick freaks in raids across most of Spain’s provinces. Better still, this operation was conducted in cooperation with federal police in Brazil, which uncovered a worldwide file-sharing network that was trading millions of files in 75 countries. That’s a whole lot of pervs, folks.
During their search, officers uncovered some truly sick, disturbing computer images of young children in sexually explicit positions, and some of the pictures depict rape, police said. And in what can only be described as a nauseating, disgusting piece of news, two of the men arrested used their nephews, who were under 10 years of age, for the photographs. These pervs come from all walks of life: commercial pilots, school janitors, taxi drivers, bank workers and intelligence agency workers. So I wish the worst to all of you sick freaks, you truly make this world a worse place to live and I hope you experience your own special kind of justice from your fellow inmates once you get to prison……

- Stoners, I’m going to need you to calm down….aww, heck, look who I’m talking to. Okay, so you sonters may not be overly excited because of your pot-induced mellow-ness, but still, it has to be great news for you that one of your favorite bands, Phish, is reuniting. The Vermont-bred jam band, which disbanded in 2004, announced Wednesday it's reuniting for three dates next March in Hampton, Virginia, and will be continuing its run together after those dates. Phish has booked dates for March 6-8, 2009, at the Hampton Coliseum. Dates for the rest of the shows will be announced down the road, but it’s not like you stoners would remember something that far in the future anyhow if you knew now. These will be the first shows for the band since those dark days for potheads back August 2004, when Phish said goodbye to its fans with a two-day festival at Newport State Airport in Coventry, Vermont. But you just can’t keep a good jam band down, not one that has been around since 1983, when Phish formed at the University of Vermont. Rumors of a reunion have been circulating since last May, when all four -- Trey Anastasio, Page McConnell, Mike Gordon and Jon Fishman -- appeared together to accept a lifetime achievement award at the Jammy Awards in New York. Choosing Hampton Colisem for their reunion makes sense for Phish; the band has played there a dozen times, and recorded “Hampton Comes Alive,” a six-CD set, there in 1998. So roll a fattie, spark up and mellow out on the couch, stoners, maybe fire open a bag of Cheetos or Funjuns for me……

Tonight's Prison Break, students who know how to party and a tool has his day in court

- It has been far too long since our last “Albums to Avoid” feature, so I felt like I needed to return with a real stink bomb of an album, one so atrocious it could go down in the annals of music history as an all-time steaming, stinking pile of monkey crap. After searching not very long and not very hard (didn’t need to), I’ve found it…..“Doll Domination” by the Pussycat Skanks. Yes, the same group of dancing skanks who brought you abysmal pop music that is basically about how hot they are and them dancing in trampy outfits is back. The group established a name for itself as Spice Girls 2.0 in 2005 with their gawd-awful debut album full of formulaic, lame, heavily produced and synthesized bubble-gum pop. Now, they’re back with an album that is even worse than the first one, which I didn’t think was possible, to be honest. They’ve enlisted the help co-writers and producers that include Timbaland and Sean Garrett, because let’s face it, a quintet of skanky pop tarts isn't going to be able to craft a dozen or so songs at that low a level of musical quality without some help. You have to be really trying to create something that bad and you need lots of help to do it. Whether it’s dancy tracks like "Out of This Club" with noted perv and serial rapist (allegedly) R. Kelly or a clunker like "Love The Way You Love Me", this album sucks from the start and goes downhill from there. Lead singer Nicole Scherzinger basically uses the album as a promotional vehicle for herself, which would be a good idea….if she had any real musical talent. She sings lead and background vocals for the album's 16 tracks and seems to think she’s the next Beyoncé. Not something I’d aspire to, but if you’re going to have those aspirations, it would be helpful to have the talent to reach them. Throw in a cheesy, amateurish cover featuring the Skanks posing seductively on motorbikes, mix it with a bland, visionless album filled with uninspiring songs and you have one of the most awful “Albums to Avoid” that I’ve ever seen or heard…..

- A few months have passed since the whole martial law/human rights abuse/violent crushing of a democratic revolution in Myanmar, so perhaps you are wondering if anything has changed. Nope…still the same. We know this because this weekend, a former aide to Myanmar pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi was re-arrested less than 24 hours after being freed by the military government in a mass amnesty. Win Htein, 64, who had been in prison since 1996 (12 years behind bars, yikes), was among seven members of Suu Kyi's National League for Democracy party released in an amnesty granted to 9,002 prisoners around the country. Party spokesman Nyan Win said Htein was arrested 17 hours after being released from Kathar prison in northern Myanmar and not surprisingly, authorities gave no reason for arresting him. Family members had actually traveled to Mandalay, halfway to where he was imprisoned, to meet him, but he didn’t show up. They were later told by prison authorities l that Win Htein spent the night at a guest house in Kathar and was then taken back to the prison. Htein had been serving a 14-year sentence on charges of providing false information to the foreign press, but his release had appeared to be a hopeful sign - for less than a day, as it turned out. He joined Suu Kyi's party when it was formed in 1988 and served as a personal assistant and senior adviser to Suu Kyi and her deputy Tin Oo. Since then, Htein has been repeatedly arrested, tortured and imprisoned. He is among some 2,000 political prisoners being held in Myanmar, Amnesty International. The most prominent is Nobel peace laureate Suu Kyi, who is under house arrest in Yangon and has been in detention for about 13 of the past 19 years. Authorities claim this week’s amnesty releases were for prisoners exhibiting “good moral behavior,” but most observers say this and the rest of their plan for the country is a sham designed to cement the military's power. It’s an allegation I tend to believe, since Win Htein gave an interview to the Democratic Voice of Burma, a Norway-based shortwave radio station and Web site that is run by exiled Myanmar dissidents, in which he said he could not accept the new constitution but that “if we oppose or go against the constitution, we will be sent back to prison.” What happened? Yes, he was then sent back to prison. The country’s military junta is still a douche bag and he’s still ruling with an iron fist, so don’t believe a word of the propaganda he and his administration are spewing…..

- Thank the Lord, the justice system finally got one right, striking down a lawsuit brought by one of the biggest tools around, attorney Roy Den Hollander, who has crusaded against feminism and recently sued a university over its women's studies program. Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum tossed Hollander’s most recent moronic lawsuit out of federal court in Manhattan on Monday, saying that nightclubs can price their products as they wish because they're not acting as representatives of the state. Hollander had ass-hattedly claimed that ladies' nights at Manhattan nightclubs discriminate against men by offering women free or discounted admission and drinks. To make his case, he feebly and erroneously attempted to link the state to the discounts because it licenses the sale of alcohol at clubs and bars. But hey, at least he took his defeat in a mature and professional fashion….oh wait, no he didn’t. Hollander called the judge a feminist and said her dismissal of his lawsuit was representative of the discrimination inherent in many American institutions. Nice move, Roy, name-calling the judge. Hard to see why you lost the case and are universally loathed by nearly everyone who knows about you. The lawsuit allegedly sought to represent men over the age of 21 who entered Lotus, the China Club and several other New York nightclubs on a ladies' night since June 21, 2004. However, Hollander was the only one idiotic enough to follow through on a lawsuit regarding the matter. The nightclubs correctly argued that the prices charged to men aren't so burdensome that they amount to denying them entry and that male customers actually might benefit from ladies' nights because so many women attend. Yeah, I think that’s kind of idiotic thinking, night club owners, because dammit, dudes want cheap drinks, they don’t have any interest in having hot women around them getting drunk at cheap prices….oh wait, they do, unless of course they’re a total tool like Roy Den Hollander. Sadly, you have to expect this kind of stunt from Hollander at this point, because just last month he sued Columbia University, saying its women's studies program is discriminatory and unconstitutional because the school didn't have a comparable men's program. Must be nice to be able to waste the time and money to bring frivolous, pointless lawsuits that are a total waste of everyone’s time……

- Now THAT is how you celebrate a big win for your college’s football program. A couple of weekends ago, a frat party at Vanderbilt University fraternity following a win over the University of Mississippi kinda, sorta got out of hand. When I say got a little out of hand, I mean that the party resulted in the arrest of 57 Sigma Chi brothers. The fraternity boys were busted early Sunday morning at a campground where they were celebrating their beloved Commodores downing the rival Rebels. As usually happens in these situations, an uptight, square, stick in the mud who likes to rain on people’s parades ruined the fun. In this case, it was campground's manager, who called cops when partiers refused to quiet down in the middle of the night and decided to set off fireworks. Additionally, in looking at the mug shots of those arrested, a few of them may - may - have had a beer or ten. Police found multiple kegs at the site, strewn around, and those arrested have been charged with crimes including disorderly conduct and underage drinking. I’m sorry, but are they not supposed to celebrate a big win? How else would you like them to do so? You want them to hoist a root beer, exchange high-fives and play ping pong? No, this is college, where you get hammered, cause trouble and make an ass of yourself when your team wins big. It’s not a true celebration until someone is arrested, period. The Sigma Chi brothers at Vandy understand that, and you know who else does? The so-called Notre Dame 37. These intrepid students were arrested the very same weekend as the Vandy students when Indiana police broke up a kegger at an off-campus home in South Bend. Like the scene in every bad teen movie or TV show when the cops raid a party, suspects scattered, with many attempting to hide inside the house (under beds, inside closets, and in the attic and basement). After searching the premises, officers rounded up more than three dozen individuals, most of whom were charged with underage drinking. Quite an assumption to make, given that the only evidence found was three empty kegs inside the home and "hundreds of empty beer cans and drinking cups." And how do you know the people at the house didn’t pick up those kegs when they were already empty and were looking to recycle them for some extra cash? Unfortunately, among those arrested were several Notre Dame athletes, both male and female. Again, this is college, I don’t know what it is you people are expecting…….

- Tonight’s episode of Prison Break began with a bang and got better from there. Michael and his crew managed to track one of the Company’s Scylla cardholders, Nathaneal Edison, to a horse racing track and had put a plan in place to copy the card at the track. While Brad Bellick created a scene at the betting counter and Sarah distracted a guard watching the door to the track offices, Linc used the distraction and its result of pulling the head of security away from his desk to slip down to the track area and rig the gate of a horse owned by the card holder to stick at the start of its race. When the gate malfunctioned, the enraged card holder stormed into the office of the head of security to demand an explanation. That’s where Michael and Mahone had snuck in to plant team tech dork Roland’s wireless hard drive capable of copying anything in its vicinity. As the card holder stood at the desk ranting, the card was copied. News then came in that something suspicious had been found on the starting gate and all involved parties went to check it out. Mahone volunteered to sneak back in, retrieve Roland’s device and complete the plan, but Sarah was unable to distract the guard long enough for Mahone to get back out. Another member of security spotted Mahone, an altercation ensued and Mahone ended up punching the guard and being hauled off to jail - with the device in his possession. The rest of the team retreated back to the warehouse to figure out their next move. That led to a call to their boss, Homeland Security agent Don Self. Self went to work helping Mahone, but the best he could do - after threatening the cop at the desk at the local precinct - was getting Mahone’s belongings released, which meant getting the phone back. Mahone was left in prison, his fingerprints in the system, which meant the cops would soon realize that he was not, in fact, Frank Zwan, but Alex Mahone, a wanted man who was supposed to be in a maximum security prison. But Self had problems of his own, namely the Company coming after him because he had been investigating “The General” Jonathan Krantz, the leader of the Company. Their first move was sending one of their men into Self’s office posing as a tech guy working on Self’s computer, but when Self walked in on him, the man was booted out before he was able to get past the sophisticated firewall protecting Self’s machine. The second step was sending scary hitman Wyatt to find Self in the dark parking garage (and really, what other kind of parking garage is there?) and deliver a strong verbal warning to respect the General’s privacy. Someone whose privacy wasn’t respected was T-Bag, still posing as Cole Pfeiffer at GATE Industries. When one of his superiors continues poking around, he finds that T-Bag/Cole’s sales record is a web of lies, misinformation and falsification. He calls T-Bag out on it, forcing T-Bag to abandon his quest to use James Whistler’s bird watching book to recover whatever its cryptic contents contain clues about within the GATE building. Instead, T-Bag wipes down his office for prints, grabs his things and flees. He’s doing the same at the apartment he’s been living in as Cole Pfeiffer when he’s ambushed and assaulted by Gretchen, former company thug and villain in Season 3 who spent the first few episodes of this season being tortured and interrogated by the Company. She escaped last week and this week, went to visit her sister, who is also raising Gretchen’s daughter as her own and has been since the child was an infant. Gretchen tries to apologize for not being able to be around more and for her clandestine lifestyle, but in the end she ends up grabbing a gun and leaving, vowing revenge on the Company. The episode ends with Wyatt finding Mahone at the police station, finding out where he is being taken for his court appearance and showing up there. But before the arraignment can take place, Michael and crew have hatched a plan to help Mahone after initially leaning toward moving on without him. Instead, Sarah poses as his new attorney, which allows her to take possession of his file, removing that hurdle. Then, Michael and Linc used some electrical equipment they’ve begged for, borrowed and stolen to blow up the generator for the courthouse. As the power goes out, Mahone is able to flee and get away with the rest of the group. Wyatt gives chases and gives a mock gunshot gesture to Mahone as he leaves, sending a clear message: I’m going to kill you. Back at the warehouse, Mahone calls and talks to the man who killed his son, promising that they will meet again and when they do, “I’ll show you how personal this can get.” A pretty solid episode overall, nothing really groundbreaking and no new nosebleed problems for Michael, who apparently has them due to some sort of condition that has plagued him since childhood, as was revealed in last week’s episode. But until next week’s show……

More Alberto on tap, another Mets' flop and rooting for Kelsey Peterson to get what's coming to her in prison

- Now here’s an odd couple for you. Placido Domingo and Woody Allen shared the stage at the Met today and while they didn’t bust out a duet, they did appear together to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the tenor's debut there. Their pairing stems from the fact that Allen is fresh from making his own debut as an opera director at the Los Angeles Opera, where Domingo is general director. And of course, what evening of opera would be complete without three transvestites posing as The Three Tenors? Three trannie singers parodied the famed trio that included Domingo, the late Luciano Pavarotti and Jose Carreras. After that, um, interesting display, the two surviving tenors joined several hundred guests for the onstage musical antics before an empty auditorium. Another fun part of the evening showed Domingo in a video clip chatting with Miss Piggy of Muppets fame, along with excerpts from his most renowned performances ranging from Verdi's "Otello" to Wagner's "Die Walkuere.” Of the 126 career roles Domingo has had, 45 have been sung at the Met since his debut on September 28, 1968. Allen’s reason for being on hand is that he directed Puccini's "Gianni Schicchi" in Los Angeles, California, earlier this year. “I brought the low-life element to opera,” Allen said. “It reeked from the streets.” So Woody Allen, two of the Three Tenors and some trannie singers, what more can you ask for if you have to spend an evening at the opera…..

- Good luck in prison, Kelsey Peterson. Of course, I don’t believe in luck, so there’s a good hint at my feelings toward this fat, ugly piece of crap who fled to Mexico with a 13-year-old student so she could have sex with him and was sentenced Monday to six years in federal prison. Peterson had pleaded guilty in July to a charge of transporting a minor across state lines to have sex and avoided a similar charge that would have carried a mandatory 10-year minimum sentence. Personally, I would have liked to see her get hit with as much jail time as possible, but with the right fellow inmates, the right objectives could be achieved in just six years. So stick her with the biggest, meanest, most predatory inmate you have any let happen what it may. It may not even matter that she will be credited for nearly one year she has served and could get another year off for good behavior if Bertha is her cellmate and has her way with Peterson. Fortunately, this guilty plea doesn't mean Peterson is off the hook on state charges, which include kidnapping and first-degree sexual assault. Attorney James Martin Davis hopes those charges will be dropped, but Dawson County Attorney Elizabeth Waterman said she will proceed with a state case. I’d say that’s a safe move for a woman who started having sex with a boy when he was 12 years old and a student at the middle school where she taught in the south-central Nebraska town of Lexington. Oh, and nice defense strategy by Davis, publicly questioning the boy's birth certificate and alleging that he was probably at least 16 and was the aggressor. Sorry, but where are you getting your legal strategies, from the Summer Olympics and Little League World Series? Junior high students don’t usually forge birth certificates like Chinese Olympic gymnasts and Little Leaguers from Taiwan do. So here’s hoping for the longest, hardest time behind bars that you can possibly get, Kelsey, you deserve it…..

- So rehab does not appear to have worked for Heather Locklear. Just a few months after leaving a treatment facility, Locklear was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance Saturday afternoon in Montecito, Calif. The former Melrose Place and Spin City star was pulled over by the California Highway Patrol after a resident reported the actress was “driving erratically.” Always a good tip-off that someone is drunk, when using multiple lanes of the highway for no apparent reason and doing so at random. Amazingly, when she was questioned, Locklear appeared to “be under the influence of something,” a patrol spokesman said. Maybe she was just under the influence of a beautiful Southern California evening, did anyone consider that? I guess not, because after being tested for alcohol and drugs, the 47-year-old was booked at 7 p.m. on suspicion of driving under the influence of prescription medication. On the heels of being treated for anxiety and depression earlier this year, definitely not a good sign. Why is it that no one takes seriously those warnings not to drive or operate heavy machinery after taking certain meds? Just because you’re famous doesn’t mean you are above following the instructions on your pill bottles, celebrities…..

- Nice choke job accomplished, New York Mets. Once again, the Metropolitans have come from ahead to lose, snatched defeat from the jaws of victory and missed the postseason despite being in the lead for a playoff berth for much of the second half of the season. This time around, New York’s second-favorite team threw away any chance at the division title before the final weekend of the season and had to be content with pissing away the wild card. They accomplished this by losing two of their final three games, all at home, while Milwaukee won 2 of 3 at home against the Chicago Cubs. The Marlins also denied the Mets their postseason shot last year by pulverizing them in the final series, so it was a nice sense of déjà vu there. What a way to close out Shea Stadium, which will be replaced by a new ballpark being built right next store, starting in 2009. Actually, Shea is such a dirty, ugly, poorly built crap hole that blowing two straight postseason chances there in two years is an incredibly appropriate way to close it out. Nicely done, Mets, now go ahead and start booking your vacations and tee times because your offseason is officially underway. Look forward to seeing you go for Choke #3 in 2009…….

- So remember that whole Alberto Gonzales mess wherein nine attorneys general across the U.S. were fired because the W. administration viewed them as political rivals? You know, the one that led to Gonzales going before Congress and forgetting anything and everything that might incriminate him and double talking with skills that would make the sleaziest used car salesman look bad by comparison? Well, it turns out that whole thing isn't over just yet. A special prosecutor will conduct an independent investigation into the conduct of Justice Department officials involved in the firings of those nine U.S. attorneys Connecticut federal prosecutor Nora Dannehy will be leading the charge and she will have the power to empanel a grand jury if she chooses. That announcement came from current Attorney General Michael Mukasey within minutes of the release of a report by the Justice Department inspector general that found that the 2006 firings were "fundamentally flawed.” The report went on to call the firings “unprecedented” and is harshly critical of Gonzales (shocker!) for not paying attention to the actions of his chief of staff, Kyle Sampson, whom the report identifies as the driving force in the firings. Additionally, the report says that a prosecutor should look at “"whether Sampson or other Department officials made false statements to Congress or to us” about the firing of U.S. Attorney David Iglesias of New Mexico. Heck, there are even directions to investigage possible obstruction of justice or wire fraud was involved in the Iglesias firing, and whether there was an effort by Sen. Pete Domenici or Rep. Heather Wilson, both New Mexico Republicans, to press Iglesias to bring an indictment before an election. Personally, I’m hoping to see my boy Alberto on the stand again being questioned, because listening to him continually contradict himself, lie, manipulate and distort the truth while being as convincing as a first grader in a bad grade school play was hilarious. Bring on the clown one more time, this nation needs a laugh…..

$50,000 to move to Alabama, identity fraud/kidnapping combos and college football's weekend

- As it turns out, reality fashion TV will not be coming to the Lifetime TV channel. “Project Runway” has been barred from making the jump to Lifetime by a preliminary injunction ordered by New York Supreme Court Justice Richard B. Lowe today in a lawsuit filed by NBC Universal against the Weinstein Co., which produces the reality series hosted by supermodel Heidi Klum. NBC Universal had aired the series on its Bravo channel, so when Weinstein made a reported $150 million deal with Lifetime for the show, NBC didn’t take too kindly to it. This temporary injunction bars Weinstein from taking "Project Runway" or any spin-off to Lifetime and contended that evidence showed that Weinstein violated NBC's "right of first refusal" for the show. Not surprisingly, Weinstein Co. said in a statement that it intended to appeal the decision. Lifetime looks to be taking up the fight as well (and what major corporation doesn’t when it stands to lose lots of money?), saying it was disappointed with the ruling and that it will "pursue all measures" to uphold its agreement with Weinstein for the show's sixth season. As part of the injunction, NBC was ordered to put up a $20 million bond, which was significantly less than the $200 million bond Weinstein Co. has asked the court for. In its lawsuit, NBC claimed that Weinstein moved "Project Runway" because NBC wasn’t interested in an attempt to bundle the series with other Weinstein properties that NBC wasn't interested in. For his part, Weinstein said that there was no right of first refusal in the contract and that NBC Universal was offered the deal and was outbid. The two warring parties won't return to court until Oct. 15, so in the interim they could try to negotiate a settlement, but don’t bet on it. The new season of the show is now in production in Los Angeles and was expected to start airing in January on Lifetime. That now looks unlikely, so all you aspiring fashionistas out there will just have to hang tight on this one……..

- Another great college football Saturday today, mostly because of schools that have perennially sucked that are having good years this year, for once. I’m referring, of course, to Duke and Northwestern, schools renowned for being wicked smart but also really, really bad on the football field. That’s especially true for Duke, which has recently sported the longest losing streak in the nation and tasted victory about as often as W. sounds smart. Yet there were the Dukies, b*tch-slapping Virginia to improve to 3-1 and snap a 25-game ACC losing streak in the process. Duke hadn’t won an ACC game since Nov. 13, 2004 against Clemson, and their 3-1 start is their best in more than a decade. Northwestern is also busy proving that smart kids can play ball, rallying in the second half to topple Iowa and move to 5-0 for the first time in 46 years. The Wildcats shut out the Hawkeyes in the second half and scored 12 points of their own to earn a win in their first conference game of the year. Elsewhere, pandemonium reigned in the top 10, with No. 1 USC’s Thursday night loss to Oregon serving as a prelude to the third, fourth and ninth-ranked teams all going down. Georgia fell from its perch at No. 3, getting annihilated by eighth-ranked Alabama 41-30. Florida had been ranked fourth, but a stunning home loss to unranked Mississippi, 31-30, has all but crippled the Gators’ national title dreams. A blocked extra point near the end of the game did in UF, and you can bet that’s one kick that they won't soon forget. Nearly as embarrassing was the late-game choke job pulled by the ninth-ranked Wisconsin Badgers, who led unranked, 1-2 Michigan by a 19-0 margin at halftime and managed to end up on the wrong end of a 27-25 score. Losing to a mediocre team still struggling to find its way under a lying, dishonest, no-character-having coach after being ahead 19 points at halftime is ridiculous, especially if you are allegedly the ninth best team in the nation. So some unexpected teams playing well above their normal level, other teams playing well below the lofty status bestowed upon them and in all, a great weekend of college football….

- The action genre appears to work for Shia LaBeouf, even if it does include the occasional foray into making an overhyped, bad sequel to an action franchise that should have been left in hibernation (yes you, Indiana Jones). LeBeouf’s conspiracy thriller "Eagle Eye" debuted at the top of the weekend box office with $29.2 million and it was release was the second No. 1 premiere for LaBeouf and director D.J. Caruso, who also teamed on 2007's hit "Disturbia." Coming in second place for the weekend was geezer romance flick "Nights in Rodanthe,” featuring Richard Gere and Diane Lane and earning $16.3 million. Last weekend’s top film, “Lakeview Terrace,” dropped to No. 3 with $7 million A surprising entrant into the top five was “Fireproof,” a Christian drama starring Kirk Cameron as a firefighter who turns to God to help save his marriage. It premiered in fourth-place with $6.5 million. Here’s how the rest of the top 10 shook down: 5. "Burn After Reading," $6.2 million, 6. "Igor," $5.5 million, 7. "Righteous Kill," $3.803 million, 8. "My Best Friend's Girl," $3.8 million, 9. "Miracle at St. Anna," $3.5 million, 10. "Tyler Perry's The Family that Preys." $3.2 million. Not exactly an inspiring top 10, not when you consider that both Dane Cook and Tyler Perry are represented in it……..

- People lying about their identity is awesome. Who doesn’t love someone calling themselves by a false name and assuming a totally different identity for criminal purposes? So you’ve got to be down with a German citizen who calls himself Clark Rockefeller pleading not guilty to charges related to the kidnapping of his 7-year-old daughter off a Boston street in July. Investigators say "Rockefeller" is really Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter, who has been living under fake identities since coming to the United States in 1978. Sweet! Dude has been rocking a fake ID for 30 years? And not only has this guy been living under a false identity, he’s been living a criminal lifestyle in the meantime. He has been identified as a "person of interest" in the 1985 disappearance of a California couple in addition to being charged with grabbing his daughter, Reigh, during a supervised visit, shoving away a court-appointed social worker, then fleeing in a hired car AND also with lying to police about his identity. He’s now set to go on trial for the offense involving his daughter and it appears that Magistrate Gary Wilson doesn’t want him going anywhere, because the magistrate set bail at $50 million. Gerhartsreiter has suggested he was a member of the wealthy Rockefeller family, but descendants of the oil tycoon have maintained that he is no relation. That scam finally came to an end when Gerhartsreiter's attorney, Stephen Hrones, conceded that his client had lied about his roots. But he also said there was no basis for the kidnapping charges because the marriage to Reigh's mother was never valid, so no custody agreement could be, either. Good luck getting anyone to believe your client after he’s spent three decades living one of the most outrageous lies imaginable, counselor……

- Are you Jewish and looking to make some extra cash? Boy, do I have an offer for you! By moving to the city of Dothan, Alabama, you could earn $50,000, thanks to some forward-thinking members at the city’s Temple Emanu-El, people like Larry Blumberg. Blumberg put up $1 million to help relocate 20 young Jewish families to Dothan and the congregation took out ads in Jewish newspapers offering up to $50,000 per family. Rabbi Lynne Goldsmith also offers a glowing endorsement of the city of 60,000, which sits in the southeastern corner of Alabama, near the state's borders with Georgia and Florida. “If you need a robust Orthodox community, we don't have it,” Goldsmith said. “But if you want a community where your neighbors are friendly; where people smile at you in the grocery store even if they don't know you, then Dothan's for you.” The reason for this new recruitment push is that the Jewish community in Dothan has declined from its height, when about 100 families worshipped at Temple Emanu-El. Today, to today, when temple membership is about half that number. There are not very many members, and most are older. Thus, the decision was made that more young families were needed and that cold, hard cash was the way to do it. “We felt like it needed to be something that had enough sizzle that would get attention, and it really has,” Blumblerg declared. Rob Goldsmith, the rabbi's husband, is director of the relocation project and he says the response has been beyond expectation. "We've had 275,000 hits on our Web site, several hundred phone calls and e-mails. We've really gotten the attention," Rob Goldsmith said. Inquiries have come from as far away as China, Cuba, South America, Israel and Europe. Should you be Jewish and looking to relocate to the Deep South or just curious, the group's Web address is http://www.bfjcs.org/. Maybe this is just me, but something about this seems odd, creepy and wrong. Recruiting people to come live in your community and paying them to do so………or maybe I’m just bitter than I’m not Jewish and thus not eligible……..

Super Bowl halftime letdown, pollution problems 'round the world and a costly amputation

- What a final weekend it should be for Major League Baseball. While some teams – the Angels, Cubs and Dodgers – have wrapped up their divisions, or in the cases of the Cubs and Angels, the best record in their respective leagues, but there are plenty of postseason positions left to settle. In the American League Central, the White Sox and Twins are battling for the division title and are separated by only a half game after the Twins swept the White Sox in three straight games earlier this week. The Twins are doing what they do, scrapping, battling and refusing to quit despite being undermanned and sporting a smaller payroll than nearly everyone they are competing against. I admire the heck out of the Twins and will be rooting for them. I will also be watching closely to see if the New York Mets can complete yet another late-season choke job to miss the playoffs like they did in 2007. Last year, the Mets blew a seven-game lead with 17 games to play and lost the NL East title to Philadelphia. This year, the Mets had a slimmer lead over the Phillies that evaporated a couple of weeks ago. Now, the Mets are just trying to hold off Milwaukee for the wild card. Despite a late-season swoon that cost them a shot at the NL Central title, the Brewers have hung tough and stayed within striking distance of the Mets. The two teams are tied heading into this weekend and while the Mets host Florida, the same team they completed their collapse against last year, and the Brewers host the Cubs, who have nothing to play for in terms of postseason standing. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d bank on the Mets choking again this season despite a new manager, Jerry Manuel, and the motivation of last season’s failure to spur them on…….

- For the first time in the history of the series, Smallville showcased Clark Kent in a place most closely associated with the Superman mystique: the Daily Planet. With CK on the job in the basement of the Planet, situated at his desk across from Lois Lane, the day starts off with a bang when a bus blows up on the street in front of the building. As Lois reacts to the shock of the blast, she finds Clark already gone, super-speeding to the scene to help rescue passengers. One of the passengers he rescues turns out to be Tess Mercer, the acting CEO of LuthorCorp with Lex AWOL and thus new boss at the Planet. After things die down, Tess calls Clark to her office and thanks him for saving her, then tries to pump him for information about Lex’s whereabouts. When Clark denies knowing anything that would help locate his former best friend, Tess says she accepts his response but once CK leaves, she directs a staffer to keep tabs on Clark because she believes that he does know something. Another of the passengers Clark helped to save was a teen girl named Bet, who ended up collapsing on the sidewalk shortly after Clark helped her off the bus. When she collapses, Chloe is there to pick her up, along with a paramedic named Davis (Sam Witwer, a.k.a. the new Doomsday on the show). Together, they get Bet to the hospital where she checks out fine. However, Chloe learns that Bet is a street kid and she has nowhere to go, so Chloe offers to put her up for the night. Davis has an offer for Bet, too; a friend of his runs a home for street kids where she could go and get the education and training she needs to turn her life around. Bet is hesitant to accept Davis’ offer, but she does stay with Chloe for the night at her apartment above the Talon in Smallville. Everything seems fine until Clark and Lois continue digging into the bus explosion. Using his super hearing, Clark overhears investigators saying that there are no traces of explosive material on the bus. With Smallville’s background of meteor freaks, Clark suspects something is afoot. He goes to question Bet, who says a friend of hers had been bragging about being able to generate extreme heat with his body and blow things up. When Clark and Bet find this friend at a skate park in Metropolis, he runs and Clark pursues. When this guy is cornered in an alley, Clark tries to talk him down from his panic, but before that can happen, the guy explodes as Bet and Clark look on. Clark assumes he blew himself up, but when the autopsy reveals no traces of meteor rock in his body, it dawns on CK that Bet is actually the one with the meteor power. He speeds back to the Talon, where Bet has become agitated with Chloe’s insistence on helping her and tries to use her powers on Chloe. Clark arrives and saves his friend, but Bet is taken into custody and sent to Smallville’s favorite crazy haven, Bell Reeve Sanitarium. There, Bet receives a visit from Tess Mercer. As it turns out, Bet was held by LuthorCorp at the same Montana testing facility that Chloe herself was held at, escaped and was on the run from the company when Tess tracked her down on the bus. That was the reason for the explosion, but Tess offers Bet a second chance, a chance to “join a team” of people like her, i.e. a Bizarro League of Justice to combat the one that Clark, Oliver Queen and Co. have formed of good superheroes. Also in this episode, Clark and Lois finally learned about Chloe’s engagement to Jimmy Olsen, a week after the fact. Clark heard the news from Davis, who inadvertently spilled the beans at the hospital as Clark was on hand to search for the aforementioned autopsy on the exploding man. Clark reassures Chloe that he is happy for her, even if that means he and Chloe’s relationship will change once she is married. The most interesting part of the episode, though, may have been at the end as Chloe calls Davis from the Isis Foundation offices, Lana Lang’s foundation that Chloe has agreed to watch over for now. After deciding to use her firing from the Planet to make a change in her life, Chloe settles on counseling people with meteor powers at Davis’ urging and calls him to tell him the news. However, as she leaves her message on his phone, we see Davis, lying unclothed in a Metropolis alley, shivering and convulsing. So why the curious state in an odd place? Tune in next week and find that out…………

- Want some good news for the environment? So do I, but that’s not what I have for you now. International researchers announced this week that the world significantly increased its pollution of the chief man-made global warming gas last year. The fallout from that reality is that the world has now put itself on a course that could push beyond leading scientists' projected worst-case scenario. The new numbers are being tagged with the label of "scary" by some. They come as a surprise because scientists thought an economic downturn would slow energy use, but instead, carbon dioxide output jumped 3 percent from 2006 to 2007. That amount is well above even the most dire outlook for emissions from burning coal and oil and related activities as projected by a Nobel Prize-winning group of international scientists in 2007. On top of that, forests and oceans, which suck up carbon dioxide, are doing so at lower rates than in the 20th century. If both of those trends continue, they put the world on track for the highest predicted rises in temperature and sea level. Wanna guess who the two worst offenders were? . Yup, everyone’s favorite Communist behemoth, China, and the United States. The pollution leader was China, followed by the United States, which is the leader in emissions per person in carbon dioxide output. So there’s something the U.S. is still tops in, because although several developed countries slightly cut their CO2 output in 2007, the United States churned out more. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Emissions in the United States rose nearly 2 percent in 2007 after declining the previous year, with the U.S. produced 1.75 billion tons of carbon (1.58 billion metric tons). The emissions numbers are based on data from oil giant BP PLC. One country that did roll back its pollution contribution was Denmark, whose emissions dropped 8 percent. The United Kingdom and Germany also reduced carbon dioxide pollution by 3 percent, while France and Australia cut it by 2 percent. However, those numbers aren’t enough to prevent this scientific panel from predicting that under present conditions, temperatures would increase by 4 to 11 degrees Fahrenheit (2.4 to 6.3 degrees Celsius) by 2100. Good times…..

- Give Phillip Seaton what he wants and give it to him now. After what the 61-year-old Kentucky man has gone through, dude deserves whatever he wants and then some. Seaton claims his penis was removed without his consent during what was supposed to be a circumcision as a result, he has sued the doctor who performed the surgery. Seaton and his wife are seeking unspecified compensation from Dr. John M. Patterson and the medical practice, Commonwealth Urology, that performed the circumcision for “loss of service, love and affection.” The Seatons also are seeking unspecified punitive damages from Patterson and CU. According to an attorney for Patterson and the practice, the doctor's post-surgical notes show the doctor thought he detected cancer and removed the penis. Nice try, doc. But that would be something you would probably want to discuss with the patient before lopping off his crank. Either you just f’d up or you’re lying, and to be honest it doesn’t matter which. Seaton is missing a very important, non-regenerating part of his anatomy and one that is pretty crucial in the life of a guy. No guy, anywhere, ever, should go into a procedure better treat inflammation and come out of said procedure sans unit. The lawsuit is similar to one in which an Indianapolis man was awarded more than $2.3 million in damages after he claimed his penis and left testicle were removed without his consent during surgery for an infection in 1997, but to be honest, $2.3 million seems low for what you lose in the trade-off. Like I said, you took dude’s crank without permission, so give him what he wants and be glad that money is all you have to part with………..

- Hey, we’ve got something else to blame that trashy, skanky pop tart Janet Jackson for. Already, you could blame her for decades of awful, over-produced, heavily synthesized pop music showing off her uber-limited vocal talents. Now, her “wardrobe malfunction” at the Super Bowl halftime show in 2004 has condemned us to the NFL going with a litany of aging, middle-of-the-road, safe rock acts from here on out. We’ve had the Rolling Stones (great, but well past their prime), Paul McCartney (ditto), and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (double ditto).Now, we’ll be seeing another over-the-hill rocker strut his stuff at this year’s Super Bowl. The Super Bowl will be played Feb. 1 at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa and at halftime, we’ll be seeing Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. Woah, way to take a chance there and go with something edgy, NBC. Springsteen is the working man’s hero and all and I like some of his music, but unless we accidentally stepped into a time warp and this is 1986, he’s not the right choice to perform on one of the biggest stages in the world. Last year's halftime show was watched by more than 148 million viewers in the U.S., it’s a major event (although one that I always skip because I’m actually concerned with watching the game and thus use halftime for a snack run, bathroom run, etc.). Unfortunately for those of you who will watch, it’s a case of another Super Bowl, another past-his-prime rock 'n' roll star at halftime………

Finally a U.S. torture trial, finally Matt Millen is fired and a new candidate for most despicable crime

- Two not-so-surprising things finally happened yesterday, things we’ve all been expecting for some time but just haven’t come to fruition. One is a long, long, long overdue firing of one of the worst executives in the history of professional sports, while the other is the official outing of a dude that we all knew was absolutely, undoubtedly gay from the moment he first appeared on a TV set. I’m referring, of course, to Messrs Matt Millen and Clay Aiken. Millen has taken the Detroit Lions and turned them from one of the NFL’s most mediocre franchises into its absolute worst. He’s drafted horribly, made ill-advised free agent signings and hired coaches who have proven to be inept at best. Because of the inexplicable, other-worldly loyalty of the Ford family, which owns the Lions, Millen has managed to keep his job despite a 24-75 record. Now, he’s finally out after the Lions have fired out of the gate to an 0-3 start this season. It’s a firing that should have happened long ago, if for no other reason than Millen was alienating the team’s fan base and turning them off to the team. Seriously, what other executive in sports do you know who inspires fans to stage walkouts during games to protest their continued employment with the team? Millen had to go, and while it may take the Lions years to recover from his tenure, it is still the right move. Equally long in coming was the announcement that the waifish, effeminate karaoke-er Clay Aiken is gay. No way! You’re telling me that a guy who is about as masculine as a Hello Kitty pillow, Care Bears and lavender-scented candles mixed with pixie dust is gay? What’s next, revealing that Mark Mangino is fat or that Angelina Jolie likes adopting kids from Third World countries? Not that coming out will hurt Aiken’s career; it’s been a joke from the second he stepped on stage as an American Karaoke contestant. His music blows, it’s the most offensive kind of bubble-gum pop imaginable and that doesn’t change whether he’s gay or straight. So thanks for confirming what we all have known for a long, long time, C.

- Coaches – especially football coaches – are known for their cryptic, CIA-like secrecy and willingness to speak only in clichés and coach-speak that reveals next to nothing. Listen to any coach, college or pro, and you’re like to hear phrases like “one game at a time,” “focused on what we can control,” “play well in all three phases of the game,” and so on. That’s what makes Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach so awesome; dude is cut from a different cloth and he is a character with character. Leach is a colorful guy who has a motorized talking pirate in his office, collects art and as of this week, was heard helping out a freshman Red Raider with some impromptu dating advice on Leach’s radio show. When the student called in with a questions about what to do for a first date, Leach responded with some real pearls of wisdom. First, take your date to a restaurant that doesn't offer salad so she can’t just nibble on lettuce and try to pretend to be some demure, salad-eating person that she’s not. Second, continue the night by visiting a place with “bizarre-looking characters.” That way, if the conversation lags, you can always chat about the freaks around you. And lastly, exchange "computer schemes" at the end of the date. Better still, when asked about the topic again on a national sports radio show several days later, Leach suggested a Mexican joint located at or near a car wash in a Southern California town as a good place for a first date. When asked by the host if he had really just advocated taking a date to a car wash, Leach responded, “Well, I would.” This guy is an absolute beauty and I sincerely wish there were more coaches like him out there…..

- I’m pissed right now, and with good reason. Nothing chafes me more than pirates, the alleged badasses of the high seas, acting in decidedly un-piratey fashion. For a prime example of this, let’s turn to the situation featuring Somali pirates who seized a Ukrainian vessel loaded with tanks and weapons off the African coast and demanded a $35 million ransom. Now that’s a good freaking ransom demand, $35 million. That says something. It says, “Dammit, I’m a pirate…arrrgggh! And shiver me timbers, I’m demandin’ an insane ransom that you’ll pay or you’ll walk the plank!” However, a markedly different statement is made when those same pirates lower their ransom demand to $5 million. That message would be that these are not legit pirates, that they are sellouts who have compromised all that pirates stand for and that they are insults to their profession. And no, I don’t care that they allegedly have reasons for decreasing their ransom demands by more than 85 percent. Those reasons include that the crew is from eastern Europe and not the United States, the weapons the ship carries are secondhand, and there is no way to unload the tanks without coming onto land. Great, except for one thing: you’re pirates! If all else fails, blow all of the cargo up, make the crew walk the plank and make a daring escape. The seized vessel, Faina, was flying a Belize flag and was headed to the Kenyan port of Mombasa after departing Nikolayev, Ukraine, when it was seized by pirates. The ship was carrying 33 Soviet-made T-72 tanks, tank artillery shells, grenade launchers and small arms being sold to Kenya by the Ukraine, The ship deliberately took a route far from the coast of Somalia, where pirates are known to operate, but as everyone knows, you can't keep good pirates down. These pirates doggedly pursued the ship and took control of it, but now they are majorly wussing out. I am extremely disappointed in these guys and I’m seriously starting to wonder about the future of pirating and where all of this is headed…..

- It’s hard to imagine a worse crime than trying to hire hitmen to kill your mother, but I think Nikita Lee Weis of Fountain, Colorado may have found just such a crime. Weis, 18, is alleged to have hired men to kill his mother for the most despicable of reasons - so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend. He has now been arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder, but it doesn’t appear that dude got his money’s worth from this scheme. Weis' mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked Thursday with a small wooden baseball bat at her home but escaped and was released Friday from a hospital. What kind of hitmen are you hiring whose method of killing is a small wooden baseball bat? What, you fellas can’t afford an aluminum bat? What happens if the bat snaps off at the handle like all of those wooden bats are doing lately in Major League Baseball? But back to Nikita Weis….arrested along with this piece of crap were girlfriend and intended recipient of those implants, Sophia Nicole Alsept, and two hitmen said he hired, Juan Antonio Velez Gonzalez, 18, and Brandon Michael Soroka, 19. These three were also arrested on the charge of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder. Apparently the plan was for Weis to sell his mother's car and use money in her bank accounts to pay for breast implants for Alsept, 21. As for disposing of Hyun Weis’ body, the suspects discussed wrapping Hyun Weis' body in plastic and dumping it in the desert in New Mexico or Arizona. Great plan there, and with such capable, intelligent participants, hard to see how it didn’t work out…..

- Amazingly, someone tied to alleged torture is going to be on trial in these here United States. No, it’s no one from the W. administration being tried to torturing terrorism suspects and lying about it, or conducting waterboarding sessions at secret CIA prisons on foreign soil. It’s the son of former Liberian president Charles Taylor Sr., who goes on trial Monday in Miami, Florida, in the first court proceeding of its kind -- testing a 1994 United States law saying those accused of committing torturous acts overseas can be tried in a U.S. federal court. Charles "Chuckie" Taylor Jr. was actually born in Boston, but eventually moved to Liberia when his father was named president of the country. With the senior Taylor currently standing trial in The Hague, Netherlands, on war crimes charges, his son will make it a father-son criminal trial smorgasbord come next week. Charles Taylor Jr., also known as Charles McArthur Emmanuel, is no stranger to the American judicial system. He pleaded guilty to passport violations and served 11 months in prison when he arrived in Miami from Trinidad. Then in 2006, while he was awaiting sentencing on the passport violations, he was indicted by a grand jury and charged with conspiring to commit torture, committing torture and the use of a firearm while committing a violent act in Liberia. I hafta say, it doesn’t look good for Taylor this time around, as attorneys elicited gasps when they described gruesome details of the alleged torture during jury selection. Prosecutors are expected to levy “allegations of burning people with clothes irons; allegations of shocking genitals with electrical charges; allegations of cutting genitals; allegations of forcing people to sodomize each other; allegations of cutting off people's heads and displaying the heads.” These charges stem from allegations that under his father's Liberian presidency, Taylor became the leader of the Anti-Terrorist Unit and the Liberian National Police - groups accused of abducting, torturing and killing individuals. Judge Cecelia Altonaga has said she expects the trial to last less than two months and if found guilty on all charges, Taylor -- or Emmanuel, as he is referred to in court -- could face a sentence of up to life in prison. Now if we can just get around to trying those in our government who have been heavily into the torture business….

Please don't hit on our candidates, Greek's new episode and a meeting of Big Evil

- Still trying to beat high gas prices? Well, Robert Lutz, vice-chairman of General Motors, may be the man with the answer for you, the answer being a wall outlet and an extension cord. Lutz promised back in January of 2007 that the Chevrolet Volt plug-in electric car would be ready for mass production and on the road, by the end of 2010. He made the announcement at the 2007 North American International Auto Show in Detroit, Michigan, in conjunction with the unveiling of the Volt concept car, so everyone thought he was just blowing sunshine up their butts and wasn’t being truthful. However, based on recent developments, it seems that reliable long-term and cost effective lithium-ion batteries required to power a plug-in electric car may be on track for that 2010 release date. On September 16, GM celebrated its 100-year anniversary celebration at the Renaissance Center in downtown Detroit, Michigan, by unveiling the production version of the Volt.
That very same day, the company began driving test models at its Milford Proving Grounds. So while 2010 is still a ways off, so far it appears that Lutz and his company have been able to stick to their projected timeline and that come 2010, you may actually be able to buy an electric car, albeit for an exorbitant price. Plus, GM isn't the only auto maker with plug-in electric cars on the way. So far this year, Ford has delivered the first two of what should be a fleet of 20 Escape Plug-In Hybrid "research" vehicles to Southern California Edison, the utility company. With the ever-shrinking supply of oil in the world and a need for alternative fuels, all of this is most definitely good news, to be sure……

- No good can come of this. In an unprecedented meeting of evil, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez arrived in Beijing Tuesday to meet with top Chinese officials and to discuss the possibility of buying weapons, state-run media reported. Chavez has traveled to China for meetings with President Hu Jintao, along with other “relevant state leaders.” On the agenda are discussions about “bilateral relations and issues of mutual concern,” according to sources in China. Decoding that, I’m going to assume that Venezuela is indeed working on a deal to purchase Chinese K-8 military training planes, as has been alleged. To that end, the two oppressive, dictatorially run nations are also expected to sign cooperation agreements in the areas of “justice, sports, and quality supervision and inspection.” Great, so you can both agree to deprive citizens of their rights, play each other in soccer and hate the United States together. Chavez seems to be hitting up a lot of this type of nation, having made a similar visit to Russia two months ago to meet with Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and President Dmitry Medvedev. During that July visit, my boy Hugo negotiated for the purchase of Russian military equipment. Two Russian strategic bombers have been deployed to Venezuela and three Russian warships have sailed for Venezuela for joint maneuvers with the Venezuelan military.
So in other words, it looks like someone is itching to form their own Axis of Evil for real, y’all……

- Who knew farting was a criminal weapon? Clearly not a West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrol officer, because I’m guessing Jose A. Cruz of Clarksburg wouldn’t have let rip with a smelly one if he knew he would be charged with battery on a police officer. Cruz was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, and according to a police report, he smelled of alcohol. Police became even more suspicious of his possible drunkenness when Cruz exhibited slurred speech and then failed three field sobriety tests. For some reason, this led them to handcuff him and take him to a police station for a Breathalyzer test. That’s where the fun really started, assuming that a cop getting farted on is fun, or at least funny, to you. As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and “passed gas loudly.” But Cruz didn’t stop there; according to the police report, he then fanned the gas toward the officer. “The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,” the report alleged. So not silent-but-violent, a loud-and-smelly one for Cruz. Officer Parsons then exhibited typical no-humor-having cop behavior by turning this into a criminal offense and adding it to the other charges against Cruz, which now include under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction. For his part, Cruz acknowledged passing gas but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim his stink bomb at the officer. He actually claimed he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to use the restroom when he arrived at the station. “I couldn't hold it no more,” he said. “This is ridiculous,” he said. “I could be facing time.” Yes, but I’m sure that if other inmates heard about what you did (allegedly), you’d be a jailhouse hero. That is, of course, unless flatulence directed at a cop is a capital offense and eligible for the death penalty…..


- Tuesday night’s episode of Greek was titled “Pledge Allegiance” and of course, the focus was on the pledges of Kappa Tau and Zeta Beta Zeta. The KT pledges, namely Rusty and Ben Bennett, were feeling like they were being burdened with the bulk of the pledge duties and met with their fellow pledges to express their concerns. Their fellow pledges scoffed at the charges and they all decided to band together to fight the unfair treatment from the actives. However, Cappie and Wade overheard the griping and declared it was time for “Old Folks Home Night” at the KT house. This consisted of the actives sitting around, being doted upon like elderly people at a rest home. Rusty was the human remote control, with the sole job of changing the channel, while other pledges had to make crème brule, hot dogs and other assorted tasks. That inspired a pledge revolt, which Rusty and Ben started by using smoke to fake a fire in the house (completed with smoke alarms), then locking the actives out as the pledges stayed in. The pledges even mooned the actives, who then tried to break back in. When that failed, they pulled their cars up on the front lawn, blasted some gawd-awful Hawaiian music on their stereos (where were the campus police enforcing the noise ordinances this time? No clue) while shining their headlights into the house. The psychological warfare eventually wore down the pledges, who came out to seek a truce. The actives stormed the house and sat on (literally) the pledges for a while before Cappie spoke to the pledges, told them that their poor treatment was supposed to spark a revolt and that he was proud of them. The pledges were invited upstairs to watch some action movies, but as they left, Cappie told Wade that Hell Week was coming up and would be the time that payback was coming. Tensions were equally high at Zeta Beta, where scheming, conniving Frannie was hard at work weaseling her way back into the leadership mix. She inserted herself back into the pledge educator role and won over the pledges so they’d support her being officially installed in the role. Casey reluctantly agreed, but when Frannie started stealing her parking spot in front of the house, Casey began to get concerned. Those concerns distracted her on her first date with new guy Max, with the problem compounded by the fact that Max is still trying to work past the death of his last girlfriend, who was a save-the-world type with much bigger concerns than a sorority house parking spot. As Frannie schedules a lock-in night at the house with the pledges, Casey has another date with Max to see the campus drama club’s Shakespeare in the Park, a date she is late for because she walks to avoid having Frannie steal her parking spot and a date she cuts short when she realizes what Frannie is up to. Back at the ZBZ house, the two try to one-up each other to impress the pledges, then tensions boil over during a game of “I never,” ending with Casey throwing water in Frannie’s face. Max, who came back to make sure Casey was okay, tells her he likes this side of her because of her energy and passion, along with the fact that she does everything 100 percent, all the way. The other story on this night was Evan Chambers, living it up with his new trust fund money and taking Omega Chi little brother Calvin and Calvin’s boyfriend Michael out for an expensive dinner, completed with $400-a-bottle wine. Michael and Evan actually get along well, but the connection doesn’t appear genuine when Evan offers to help Michael get an interview for a professorship at Princeton - if Michael will change the grade of an Omega Chi who is failing one of his classes. Evan tops that off by sending a gift of a bottle of the $400 wine to Michael, then arranging the Princeton interview. Calvin doesn’t know about all of this - yet - and it’ll be interesting to see what happens when he does. Thankfully AWOL from this episode was Dale, the one-note wet blanket. Nearly AWOL was Casey’s BFF Ashleigh, who was on screen briefly as she started her new gig giving campus tours. Overall, a funny episode, so tune back in next week to see where all of this leads…..

- Is it too much to ask that foreign heads of state not hit on our vice presidential candidates while visiting our country? I’m looking at you, Pakistani president Asif Ali Zardari, after you called GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin "gorgeous" when you two met in New York today. Palin has been in New York, doing just as running mate John McCain and Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama have been doing, pretending that they are already in power and meeting international leaders as if they were already president or vice president. With those foreign leaders in town this week for United Nations meetings, Zaradi entered a room where Palin as, and when she rose to shake his hand, saying she was "honored" to meet him, Zardari called her "gorgeous" and said: “Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you.” Hey Asif, stop hitting on our politicians, if you don’t mind. Palin took it in stride, saying, “You are so nice.” Remarkably, she didn’t look to turn the situation into a chance to rip Obama, but give her time. In the meantime, can we institute a rule that if foreign heads of state are going to hit on a candidate, it has to be John McCain? Thanks…..

Whiny Astros, Heroes/Prison Break recaps and the Gover-nator cracks down on driving texters

- So my plan to catch both Prison Break and Heroes despite their airing at the same time last night worked, kinda. Because it was the season premiere for Heroes, I watched it live and taped PB. When I did get to watch it, it didn’t disappoint. Drama was high after Sarah Tancredi was followed back to the warehouse where she, Michael and crew live near the water. With Company hitman Wyatt on her tail, Sarah takes him on a dash through traffic and onto a crowded pier, where she loses him long enough to get back to the warehouse safely. Once she explains what happened, Mahone pulls out a photo he’s obtained through old friends in law enforcement of the man who killed his son - Wyatt. Now knowing where Wyatt is, Mahone embarks on a quest to find and kill him. That quest includes a meeting with his wife where she gives him a gun to use and tells him that his son’s death isn't his fault. Mahone then uses clues from the bar where Wyatt found Sarah to ascertain the motel he’s staying at and goes there to find him. Unfortunately, Wyatt is gone and has set a trap, giving the motel clerk $300 to call and tell him if anyone shows up looking for Wyatt. Mahone anticipates the move and just as the clerk is about to rat him out, Mahone points a gun at his head and forces the clerk to lie. Lying is also the order of the day for T-Bag, who is still pretending to be Cole Pfeiffer, sales wizard at GATE Industries. His scam is getting tougher because of one co-worker who keeps goading him about showing why he’s so great and why he’s the best salesman in the company, but a bigger problem is Brad Bellick and Fernando Sucre, the two members of Scofield’s team who have been tasked to canvass the GATE complex in search of T-Bag. When they stop outside his office and talk to the smokin’ hot receptionist, she denies knowing T-Bag/Pfeiffer, then turns around and confronts T-Bag about it. She doesn’t want him in trouble; she just wants to get paid, so she bargains a deal for 3 percent of his future commissions. Meanwhile, T-Bag is still trying to decode the clues in James Whistler’s bird watching book to find out where they lead. Also following clues are Michael and Homeland Security agent Don Self, who have managed to identify all six Scylla card holders and are now preparing to go after them. Fatefully, one of the card holders is a high-ranking government official named Oren who works in Self’s building. However, getting in to see this official is next to impossible and even when Self does so and this official opens his safe where he keeps his card, the safe is only open long enough for the wireless hard drive used to copy the cards that Self has on him courtesy of mission tech dork Roland to copy half of it, meaning that the data is worthless. Self tells Michael that getting the whole card is impossible because getting back into the office is undoable and there is no way to break in. Michael responds by demanding blueprints of the building and formulating a scheme to break in. When Self informs him that government architects have the specific job of making the building impregnable, Michael smartly responds, “Yeah, they had those guys at Fox River, too.” The plan, as it turns out, is to break into the office of the guy next door to Oren’s office, drill through the wall and into the back of the safe. To do that, Michael draws the second man out of his office to lunch with Self, who also squirts some sort of gel onto the carpet as they leave to stain it, necessitating a visit from maintenance, i.e. Sucre and Bellick, who have snuck into the building and through the elevator shaft with Michael and Linc. Sucre and Bellick cause all kinds of noise vacuuming and cleaning, while Michael and Linc drop through the ceiling of the second office, move a bookcase and begin drilling. When they reach the safe, Michael squirts a chemical compound on the metal to weaken it, then has Linc drill the safe. While Sucre and Bellick fend off an angry secretary who wants to enter the office, the General, the head honcho for the Company, arrives to meet with Oren. Michael and Linc pause and decide that they need to keep drilling, only at a lower speed. They break through, begin copying the card but are panicked when Oren is told by the General to get his card out of the safe to prove he has it. Michael and Linc manage to finish copying the card in the nick of time, put it back and replace the back of the safe. The last part of the puzzle for this episode is Sarah, working back at the warehouse to figure out why Oren is leaving the country and why card holder Lisa Tabak also left the country for a flight to Laos last episode. She comes to the conclusion that the Company is working to destroy the economy in Laos, then profit from its rebuilding because all card holders are leaders in fields that would allow them to make money in the rebuilding process. So it was a jam-packed episode and it definitely showcased the creativity and ingenuity that are a hallmark of Michael Scofield’s character. Until next time, kids……

- Now here is a piece of news that seriously disappoints me. I like my college cheerleaders as skanky and in as skimpy of outfits as possible. The less clothng, the better, I always say. Because who isn't at a college game to see the cheerleaders leave nearly nothing to the imagination and look as risqué as possible? The female cheerleaders for the University of Idaho (Ida-ho, how appropriate in this situation) have made changes to their uniforms less than a month into the football season after spectators complained that cheerleaders' uniforms were flashing a little more than school spirit. The uniform change comes after the school’s football team removed the school logo from the buttocks of their new pants. Predictably, the change for the cheerleaders comes after a few prudes called in complaints because they couldn’t handle a little skin being shown. “A number of fans were concerned that the uniforms were inappropriate,” said Bruce Pitman, dean of students. “To be fair, there were a number of fans who liked them.” Yeah Bruce, I bet there were and I’m guessing that 99.95 percent of those who liked them were male students…..but I digress. The outfits that drew controversy, halter tops and short black skirts with white trim, very similar to the stripper-esque costumes worn by cheerleaders for professional teams. The unis cost the UI cheerleading coach $4,200 from a spirit squad fund, part of which is drawn from student fees. The squad has ordered new uniforms with $2,200 in private money to alleviate the controversy, uniforms that will feature a a less revealing halter-style top and a skirt about six inches longer than the ones that cheerleaders wore earlier this season. All in all, this is just s shame. You just can’t enjoy any nice, un-wholesome, family un-friendly entertainment at a college football game anymore, can you?......

- The season premiere of Heroes was wide-ranging, all-encompassing and at first, a bit confusing. It began in the future, where Peter Petrelli is confronted by Claire Bennet, holding a gun and cryptically remarking that she’s going to kill him because she knows who he is. Peter tells her not to, that he’s going back in time to fix things “before this all started.” Claire fires the gun anyhow, but with all of his powers to use, Peter merely stops time, grabs the gun from Claire and goes back in time four years. There, he answers one of last season’s mysteries by dressing up in a Sylar-like outfit and being the one to shoot his brother Nathan at the press conference where Nathan is about to tell the world about those who have amazing powers, as he does. Future Peter shoots Nathan and flees, chased by Present-Day Peter, Future Peter escapes, but shortly thereafter, he removes Present-Day Peter from the equation by transporting him into the bodies of one of the inmates being held in lockdown on Level 5 of the Company (not to be confused with the Company in Prison Break) headquarters. Meanwhile, Future Peter goes about changing the past to avoid all of the chaos and acrimony that came after Nathan’s announcement, in which people with powers were persecuted and ostracized. However, in so doing, he creates a butterfly effect that results in other changes and problems. First, he calls Claire and tells her not to go to Odessa, Texas, but because of that she is at home when a rejuvenated Sylar comes calling. After stealing a medicine made from Claire’s blood in last season’s finale from Mohinder Suresh, Sylar is back to his powerful, homicidal, power-stealing self. He traps Claire and when she ambushes him with a stab to the chest with a knife, he’s still well enough to use his telepathic powers to stop her and hold her down as he does his “slice the head open” trick using his finger from across the room, then examines the brain of Claire’s opened head to find where her power to heal from any injury is. He finds it and takes it for himself, which is his own original power of course. Now, he has a vast catalog of powers he’s stolen and with Claire’s power, he’s also invincible. Peter learns of this news through his mother, who sees through his disguise and realizes that while he may look like Present-Day Peter, he’s Future Peter. She demands that he go back to where he came from, that he’s screwing up the past even more by being there. Peter refuses and sticks around, which means bad news for Matt Parkman, on hand when Nathan is shot and in the midst of investigating the shooting. Even though Future Peter uses one of his powers to heal Nathan, Parkman is still investigating and when he finds Peter in a storage closet where the gun used to shoot Nathan is, he puts two and two together and figures out that Peter pulled the trigger. That leads Peter to pull out another power and teleport Parkman to the middle of the African wilderness. There, Parkman meets up with an African man who remarkably knows his name and insists that Parkman should not be where he now is. This man says this means the future is not as he predicted it, and his predictions have been seen in paintings of the Earth in some state of explosion that have appeared on buildings and rocks throughout the episode. Parkman and the mystery man begin what the man calls a “spirit walk” across the wildrness, to points unknown. Back in New York, Dr. Mohinder Suresh is working with Maya, the girl from Mexico who has the power to kill people through some telepathic power when she gets upset and her eyes turn black. She came to New York last season to find Mohinder for a cure, but Mohinder has used her blood to create a substance that will work with the DNA of average people to unleash their own superpowers instead of curing those with powers. Maya is upset that Mohinder isn't going to cure her and demands that he destroy his new concoction so it can’t cause a disaster. Mohinder ends up at a pier in the middle of the night, torn between throwing the substance into the water and using it on himself. He elects to use it on himself and the results are amazing. His physical abilities are heightened and he can climb walls like Spiderman, move with lightning speed and have super strength and reflexes. For some reason, Maya isn't horrified when she finds out; instead, Mohinder and his super powers (which now include a super libido) have sex with Maya. That high is crashed quickly when Mohinder awakes and finds that chunks of flesh are falling out of his body, side effects of his injection. Nathan Petrelli is also experiencing side effects as he recovers from being shot. Initially, he rushes into a church across from the hospital and declares that the hand of God has healed him and promises to devote his life to spreading that message. Later, he finds out that Linderman, who died last season at the hands of Nikki and D.L. Sanders, is appearing to him alone and telling him to accept an offer from the governor of New York to be appointed the state’s junior senator in Congress. The offer comes from Tracy Strauss, a.k.a. Nikki, who seemingly was killed in an explosion in last season’s finale but is now alive, well and pretending to be someone else. Nathan accepts the offer, but does so with a warning from Peter of what the future may hold. Another favorite hero, Hiro Nakamura, is now head of Nakamura Industries after his father’s death last season. A video message on disc tells Hiro his destiny is protecting a formula in the office safe that could destroy the world. Actually, it’s one half of the formula, with the other half at an undisclosed location. When Hiro and pal Ando open the safe, a red blur zooms through the room and snatches the paper the formula is written on. Hiro stops time and catches up to the blur, a woman named Daphne Millbrook. She gets away but using private detectives, Hiro tracks her down at her apartment in Paris. Unfortunately, his plan to trap her and get back the formula backfire and he’s left to wonder who she refers to when she says “my boss.’ Hiro also has to ponder his vision from the future after he teleports there and sees Ando killing him, which leads to much tension in the present between the two friends. Claire Bennet is facing her own tension, because after her own run-in with Sylar, she’s now not only able to heal from any injury, she also doesn’t feel pain. She goes back to her old habit of trying to hurt herself and recording it on video to test her abilities. Peter swoops in and saves her from being hit by a train, but when she pleads with him to help her harness her abilities, he says he can’t. Someone else who could use healing powers is Bob, the head of the Company who is killed by Sylar when Sylar storms Company HQ. Bob’s daughter Elle finds him and decides to enlist the help of Noah Bennet, one of the Company captives, to stop Sylar. When they meet Sylar, Noah shoots him but of course, Sylar can heal now so he gets back up. However, when he tries to steal Elle’s power to shoot electricity from her hands, a power surge happens that knocks Sylar out and also releases a group of dangerous, angry, evil captives from their cells. They storm off to wreak havoc on the world, and among them is Jesse, the captive whose body Future Peter put the insides and mind of Present Day Peter in. In the mess, Sylar is captured and held prisoner (again), and Angela Petrelli storms in, declares herself Bob’s successor and fires Elle before approaching a restrained Sylar and telling him that she’s his new mother and that she can make him into something great. Where will that lead? Tune in next week to find out, and use the time in between to try and sort out all that happened this week, I know that’s what I’ll be doing…..

- Texting Californians, your Gover-nator has laid down the law about sending of OMG messages to your BFF, at least while you’re behind the wheel. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill Wednesday that will outlaw text messaging while driving. The law would come into effect Jan. 1, 2009, meaning Californians have a few more months to text away behind the wheel. “Building on legislation already helping save lives in California, I am happy to sign this bill because it further encourages safe and responsible driving,” Schwarzenegger said in a news release. I agree, but I’m sure millions of people in your state don’t, Ah-nold. If you are among those angry dissenters, direct your attention mostly at state Sen. Joe Simitian, who proposed the bill that bans the use of a wireless phone device to write, send or read text messages while operating a motor vehicle. Of course, if you’re rich enough, you can ride this one out and keep on texting because violators caught text messaging while driving will be fined only $20 for a first offense and $50 for any violations after that. Personally, I encounter enough morons on the road where I live who struggle with driving when operating their vehicle is their only task, so I think this bill is a great idea. But don’t take my word for it, listen to the Gover-nator. “Banning electronic text messaging while driving will keep drivers’ hands on the wheel and their eyes on the road, making our roadways a safer place for all Californians,” Schwarzenegger said. Who knows, maybe more states will follow this example and make the world a better place……

- Is the professional baseball team in Houston the Houston Astros or the Houston Whiny B*tches? I thought they were the Astros, but now I’m starting to think I might be mistaken because Astros’ players are still whining about having to play the Chicago Cubs in Milwaukee following Hurricane Ike, several weeks after the fact. “Major League Baseball has always valued the dollar more than they do the individual, the players and their families,” Lance Berkman said, according to the Houston Chronicle on Sunday. “That's illustrated in things like playing through a lightning storm in Chicago [on Aug. 4]. The most important thing is getting the game in so you don't lose the gate and you don't lose the revenue. That's A-No. 1. And then if in the course of that you can work it around where players aren't affected, that's a distant second. That's one reason why players try to exploit the system to the max because they know they're being treated the same way. That's a sad part of the game.” At the time of the games being moved, the Astros/Whiny B*tches were one of baseball’s hottest teams and moving back into playoff contention. But after the Cubs won both of the games played at Milwaukee's Miller Park, including a no-hitter by Carlos Zambrano, the Astros’ chances took a sever hit. Joining Berkman (normally one of my favorite guys in baseball) was the Astros' Doug Brocail, who said it was obvious the name on the jerseys played a role in the decision. “The thing is we had days at the end of the season that we could have played a single game plus a doubleheader if need be,” Brocail said. “And to make us go up and play at North Wrigley like we had to on no sleep, it was absolutely ridiculous. If it was New York or Boston, it would have been played at the end of the season. I truly believe that, and I think 99.9 percent of our teammates believe that. But no, we're the Houston Astros.” Dude, the only thing worse than complaining that you’re getting screwed is that you’re getting screwed because your not one of the popular teams. You sound like a whiny teenager complaining that Ashley didn’t invite her to the best birthday party of the year. If you were the better team, you would have won those games. You don’t deserve to be in the playoffs because you’re not one of the best teams and you proved that on the field. Quit whining, find a way to play better and not be so easily derailed by schedule changes and maybe next year, you won't be in this predicament…..

A ginormous freaking diamond, adieu to Yankee Stadium and how the Rock and Roll Hallf of Fame has become a even bigger laughingtstock

- Last night was a bitter one for baseball fans like myself. Seeing the final game ever at fabled, legendary Yankee Stadium in the Bronx was a tough pill to swallow. Yes, I hate the Yankees with a passion and every other night of every other season, I root for them to not only lose, but to lose by double-digit margins with maximum humiliation. However, in the final game ever at one of sports’ most legendary venues, I actually found myself rooting for the Yankees to beat the Baltimore Orioles in order to send the House that Ruth Built out in style. And so it was, with the 2008 Yankees capping off 85 seasons of memories in the Bronx with a 7-3 win over the Orioles. The final home run in Yankee Stadium was hit by catcher Jose Molina of the Catching Molina Brothers. Appropriately, hall of fame closer Mariano Rivera pitched the ninth inning as he has so many times in the stadium after entering the field from the bullpen to the sounds of “Enter Sandman.” Seeing legends like Whitey Ford and Yogi Berra in the ESPN broadcast booth, telling stories of their Yankee Stadium memories, was awesome. Shots of former Yankee standouts like David Wells and David Cone in the stands, with Wells downing a beer on camera, was great as well. Derek Jeter’s postgame speech while standing on the pitcher’s mound and talking to the fans was classy as you’d expect, and the victory lap the team took around the field to salute the fans up close was a great capper for the night. I’m sad to see a great venue go and wish dearly that the Yankees would have renovated instead of relocating, but old stadiums are an unwanted, diminishing commodity in baseball, with only Wrigley Field and Fenway Park left…..

- Can we all just agree to ignore that kook David Blaine and not give him any more attention for his stupid magic tricks. Dude is clearly willing to attempt weird things in the name of his craft, but living inside clear Plexiglass boxes for days on end and encasing himself in blocks of ice to see how long he can last….who cares? So his next stunt of hanging upside down above New York's Central Park for 60 hours next week is an open invitation for the scores of criminals who populate the park after dark to do their damndest to the idiotic freak show magician. The danger of going blind, which Dr. Massimo Napolitano of the Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey, cites as Blaine’s main concern, isn't enough. Napolitano said Saturday that hanging upside down for a long time increases blood pressure in the head, especially in the eyes, which That could lead to blindness. Serves Blaine right, moron. This guy is just a freak show desperate for attention and so he attempts what amount to lame “Guinness Book of World Records” stunts on steroids and calls them magic. Here’s hoping some angry crack dealer goes gangsta on your upside-down ass while you’re hanging out in the park, D. Blaine…….

- Some people out there love the new design of Facebook. Those people are morons. The old Facebook was perfectly fine; simple, compact and easy to use. The new Facebook is more complicated (even though the a-holes at Facebook said they designed the new version to be simpler) and visually uglier. It has moronic tabs that you have to toggle between the get to parts of your profile that used to all be right there on the same page. Being a veteran Facebook-er, I’m among those who hate the new design and stuck to the old one as long as allowed. I actually was able to stay until much later than most, being one of the last ones changed over. But I wholeheartedly agree with Valerie Stayskal of Addison, Illinois, who said, “The new version is cluttered and there's no continuity to it. I don't like the tabs they've got. When you get to the news feed, you see all these fonts, and it's just a mess. Very hard to navigate.” Well said, Valerie, well said. Other users are rightly pointing out that many of the changes “just seem kind of pointless.” In other words, Facebook changed things just for the sake of changing them. This nightmare began in July and since then, users were allowed to decide whether to switch over to the new format or keep using the old one. Sadly, that transition period ended two weeks ago and now we’re all stuck with the crappy new version. That has prompted people like Facebook user Scott Sanders to start a petition that has garnered nearly 2 million names of people unhappy with new Facebook. Personally, I say it’s a freaking virus and it needs to be eradicated, pronto…..

- Sorry, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but nominating an actual, legitimate rock act for the class of 2009 doesn’t make your museum any less of a joke. Actually, two legit rock acts and one rap legend (it’s ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME, NOT RAP HALL OF FAME) are among the nominees. A huge, huge favorite of mine from the early days of punk, the Stooges, are one of the nominees. Alongside Iggy’s old crew are Metallica, who are definitely rock and definitely HOF material, even if I’m not a big speed metal guy, and Run D.M.C., definite music pioneers but not rockers in any sense of the word. All nine nominees were announced by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation last week. The other nominees are guitarist Jeff Beck, singer Wanda Jackson, Little Anthony and the Imperials, War, Bobby Womack, and disco and R&B group Chic. Yes, you read that right, an f’ing disco group is a nominee. That may actually be the straw that breaks this camel’s back, a damn disco group possibly going into the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME. Disco isn't rock, it’s so far from rock not even a GPS, compass and private jet can get the two of them in the same zip code. Disco was the darkest period in the history of music; gawd-awful synthsiezed crap that people on roller skates and wearing spandex and sequined outfits danced to. It sucked then, it sucks now and it has no place in any hall of fame. The five leading vote-getters will be announced in January and inducted April 4, 2009, in Cleveland, and if Chic makes the cut, they may as well demolish the museum then and there because it will officially become a laughingstock beyond restoration. That the ceremony, typically held in New York, is returning to Cleveland (my little corner of the world) after more than a decade-long absence is more salt in the wound. Once again, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame shows that it is worthy of my scorn, ridicule and derision for as long and as loud as I can proclaim it……

- Attention, rich women of the world. You now have your next target when it comes to talking your husband, fiancée or boyfriend into buying you the biggest, gaudiest, most expensive diamond in the world. A diamond unearthed in the southern African nation of Lesotho late last week could end up being one of the largest and highest quality round polished diamonds ever, according to a statement Monday from company that found it. The gem was examined by experts in Antwerp, Belgium who, determined that the 478-carat stone is one of the highest color grading available for a white diamond. Diamond consultant Neil Buxton explains that the stone’s value stems from its color. “It's a D color, which is the highest possible graded color you can get, and we believe there is a chance -- a very good chance -- of getting a 100-carat plus,” Buxton declared. According to the company that found the stone, if it receives that rating, it would “to the best of our knowledge be the first one in history.” Overall, the diamond ranks as the 20th largest rough diamond ever found. However, it’s not the biggest ever taken from the Letseng Mine, which is co-owned by Gem Diamonds Ltd. and the Kingdom of Lesotho. Two bigger stones -- 603 and 493 carats -- were found in the mine in 2006 and 2007, respectively, the company said. Not mentioned in any company statements was the conditions under which the diamond was obtained, which you have to wonder about given the whole blood diamond problem and what not. But no worries, I’m sure some über-rich person will eventually pay tens of millions of dollars for this rock once it becomes a finished product and won't stop for a millisecond to ask where it came from……..