- Oh, OK Hugo Chavez, if you say so. The despotic, dictatorial Venezuelan president now says that he may deny permits for protests led by opposition groups after violence broke out during several anti-government demonstrations the past few days. Yeah, that’s why you’re thinking about denying them permits to demonstrate, because they got a little too violent in previous rallies. Either that or you want to shut up the opposition and continue ruling your country with an iron fist. I have a sneaking suspicion that if pro-government groups got overzealous and a little violent during one of their demonstrations, you’d issue them a slap on the wrist while patting them on the back with your other hand and you’d issue them a protest permit any time they wanted it. “The next time they announce one of these marches, we’ll have to evaluate whether to grant permission,” Chavez cryptically warned at a support rally for the 69 constitutional amendments he wants to put in place to basically make himself the official dictator, er, president, or Venezuela for the rest of his life and possibly longer, knowing this tool.
- In a very un-piratey move, the pirates off the coast of Somalia who have been at odds with the U.S. Navy ever since hijacking two cargo ships last week have given up control of the stolen ships and gone quietly on their way. Naval ships escorted the vessels back to safe harbor and the pirates boarded small skiffs and headed back to Somalia, where hopefully someone will remind them that they’re freaking pirates and they shouldn’t be surrendering like that. C’mon guys, I don’t care if you’re battling the U.S. Navy, the British Navy or any other navy, you all are supposed to be tough, surly, crafty, raunchy and a thorn in the side of those in authority. I don’t know what sort of certification or qualifications there are for being a pirate, but someone needs to put these Somali pirates through their paces and make sure they really deserve to call themselves pirates.
- Dear South Carolina Democratic Executive Council : Please remove that ginormous stick from up you ass. Sincerely, America. In case you missed it, this council of tools (or fools, either is applicable) voted 13-3 to prevent comedian and fake news show host Stephen Colbert from appearing on the state’s presidential primary ballot. “Although I lost by the slimmest margin in election history – only 10 votes – I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle. It is time for this nation to heal,” Colbert promised in explaining his decision not to fight the council’s decision. It marks yet another down point in the week for Colbert, whose show, like those of Jay Leno, David Letterman and pal Jon Stewart, is going into rerun mode because of the Hollywood writers’ strike. As always, glad to see that politicians and those in the bureaucracy still don’t have a sense of humor or the ability to stop taking themselves so seriously for a minute to allow Colbert to run his tongue-in-cheek presidential campaign in his home state.
- Professional tennis, especially men’s pro tennis, isn’t exactly a major sport. At least women’s tennis has good eye candy like Maria Sharapova, but men’s tennis just has tennis that is interesting occasionally but typically only during the sport’s four major tournaments. However, men’s tennis just got a lot more interesting and it really has nothing to do with the quality of play on the court. With the sport in the midst of a gambling investigation as allegations of fixed matches are thrown around, we now have a good poisoning scandal to liven things up as well. The International Tennis Federation is investigating allegations that Tommy Haas was poisoned before Germany's Davis Cup match against Russia. Haas, one of the German team’s top players, was forced out of his match against Mikhail Youzhny with what he thought was a stomach virus. Russia went on to win both singles matches on Sept. 23 to win the semifinal series 3-2 and reach the Davis Cup final. Things took a turn for the scandalous when Haas’ German teammate Alexander Waske said he was told by an unnamed Russian who manages numerous athletes that it was poisoning, not a virus. “He said as an aside that it was bitter that Tommy Haas was poisoned,” said Waske, who answered the man by saying that it was a virus. “Thereupon he said, 'No, they poisoned him.'” Awesome. There’s nothing like a good international poisoning scandal in a Davis Cup match to inject some new interest into men’s tennis. If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying, and it’s really not cheating until someone tries to poison someone else to help their team win a match. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I hope it is. The idea of members of various national tennis federations skulking around in the dark of night like they’re in a spy movie, dropping poison into the food, drink or medication of a rival player, it’s great theater. This just may be enough to actually pique my interest in men’s tennis, even without Maria Sharapova on the court.
- The mob exists in Italy? Oh right, I remember writing just a few weeks ago about how a study found that organized crime accounts for the largest segment of the country’s economy on an annual basis. So it’s really no surprise that Italian police were able to raid a major summit of mafia leaders in Sicily this week and arrest Salvatore Lo Piccolo, the organized crime syndicate’s next “boss of bosses.” Piccolo is a fugitive who’s been on the run for more than a decade, but when the police were tipped off about the meeting, they clearly set up a sting and got their man, dealing a major blow to the Sicilian Mafia. Already hurt by other arrests, as well as the growing presence of other organized crime groups and threats to their extortion racket that has long been their primary source of income, the Sicilian Mafia now have to deal with the loss of their leader. That being said, it would be foolish the count La Cosa Nostra out, because these guys have been around for a long time, they’ve survived worse and underestimating the Italian mob is a mistake no matter what, these are dangerous guys and you still don’t want to mess with them.
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