- Memo to all hotels in cities where the University of Mississippi football team will be visiting: Nail down everything in the room you don’t want stolen. It’s only a fair warning given the behavior of Mississippi football players so far this season, behavior detailed in a release from Mississippi head coach Ed Orgeron. Coach O, as he’s known, explains that 20 Rebel players have been placed on probation by the program after twice stealing items from hotel rooms during road trips. The players have been made to pay for the items they stole, which include radios and pillows. Small-time items to be sure, but swiping things other than bath towels from hotels is just plain ghetto. The probation, which may or may not be double super-secret, is indefinite. Value for the items ranges from $15 to $40. Again, I know you’re a college athlete and you are basically used to make a lot of money for the university and you get only a scholarship in return instead of getting paid, but you really can’t be swiping gear from hotels. I don’t care if it’s some sort of dare or a little competition with you and your boys on the team, you can’t do it. One bath towel stuffed in the suitcase, fine. A clock radio, no. Hotels tend to notice things like that are missing. Props, though, for not trying to steal a television, although I suspect that one of you tools would have tried had it not been so hard to conceal in your travel bag.
- One quick NFL note from Sunday, and it has nothing to do with anything that happened on the field. Prior to last night’s Sunday Night Football game in Buffalo between the Bills and the New England Cheatriots, a video was played on the scoreboard at Ralph Wilson Stadium featuring Kevin Everett, the Buffalo tight end who suffered a serious spinal cord injury in a game earlier this season and has been fighting to regain his motor skills and use of his limbs ever since. In the video, Everett talked about his injury, the recovery process and how thankful he is for all of the support and encouragement he has received from fans, teammates and other players. After the video, NBC commentator Al Michaels shared a conversation he had with Bills owner Ralph Wilson in which Wilson told him that Everett is now back at home, he has been able to walk and that he recently visited a local supermarket and was able to push a cart around the store on his own as he shopped. That, to me, was far and away the best story of the day, bigger than any four-touchdown game by a star wide receiver or big win for a team to break a losing streak. As corny as it sounds, hearing that Everett was able to do something as basic as push a shopping cart was hugely uplifting and encouraging. Keep up the fight, K., because even though your football career may be over, there are a whole lot of people out here, me included, who are rooting for you even louder than we ever were on the field.
- Been having trouble sleeping lately? Man, do I have the cure for your insomnia. This week marks the release of the latest album from Vegas lounge act and proven sedative extraordinaire Celine Dion. Her new album, Taking Chances, fails to live up to its name and instead delivers a stupefyingly bad group of tracks that could put a caffeine addict on speed to sleep in under five seconds flat. Even Dion herself looks heavily sedated or possibly fatigued on the album cover. She’s brought in songwriters like Linda Perry, collaborators like former Evanescence (lame-o) guitarist Ben Moody, but underneath some new polish, it’s the same old Celine Dion turd. Maybe she should go back to wowing middle aged women, gay men and people with nothing better to do with their time on a trip to Vegas by reviving that little lounge act she had going in Sin City. Still, hers isn’t the only bad idea of an album out this week. No, Duran Duran continues to try and reach back in time to their one and only hit, Hungry Like the Wolf, and make people think that they’re actually relevant, which of course they never were. This time, to new wavers from the ‘80s try a little help from the uber-overexposed Timbaland, who apparently had time in between his weekly collaborations with Justin “Weasel on Helium” Timberlake and Nelly Furtado on the same freaking song they do over and over again but shoot new videos for every other time, to come and lend an un-helping hand. Simon LeBon and John Taylor don’t have a sound that meshes well with Timbaland and his bubble-gum hip-hop, but that doesn’t deter them from releasing crap-tastic tracks like Skin Divers or the album’s first single, Falling Down. Ironically, that’s exactly what this album will do, fall down rapidly from whatever lower-tier spot on the Billboard charts it debuts at. No, not a great week for music, coming on the heels of yet another self-congratulatory, filled-with-poseurs-and-hacks awards show like the American Music Awards Sunday night. It is, however, a good week for buying ear plugs…..
- Since Prison Break is on hiatus until Jan. 24, I’ve decided to group my favorite Sunday night show, The Amazing Race, in with my weekly Heroes review to round out my TV insights. Well, for this week and the next two, anyhow, at which point Heroes will be going on hiatus as well. This week I actually had the chance to watch the entire episode of Amazing Race and I’m glad I did. For one, Donald, one half of the grandfather-grandson team with grandson Nicholas, went an entire episode without stripping down to his underwear to help him complete a challenge. I’m not trying to be harsh, because actually Donald seems like a cool guy, but there is not a 68-year-old in the world that we need to see on TV in their underwear. Other positive from the episode included the requisite mental breakdown by the psycho, overly emotional chick on a given season. This time, it was Lorena, running the race with boyfriend Jason and looking like she’s on the verge of losing her mind every episode. This week, she finally snapped at a challenge in the west African nation of Burkina Faso, where a challenge called for one team member to milk a camel. Unable to get enough milk out of her camel to complete the challenge, Lorena burst into tears and began wailing like a banshee as other teams finished the challenge and passed her. A flash rainstorm didn’t help matters, but finally the crazy chick got it done and her team actually wasn’t eliminated. That (dis)honor went to Marianna and Julia, two uber-hot Latina sisters that Donald actually made some nice observations on earlier in the episode. Actually, his observations began and ended with saying they were hot and he wouldn’t mind getting with them even though they’re “a little bitchy,” but still, well said, Don. Also interesting this week was the total arrogance and lack of sensitivity from Shana and Jennifer, or as I like to call them, Team Cougar, as they rode a train through some of the poor, dirty, run down areas in Burkina Faso. Instead of seeing the squalor people there live in and having sympathy or being impacted in a meaningful way, these two past-their-prime, spoiled bimbos basically looked down their noses at the local people, remarked about how filthy everything was, how they could never live there and mocking the clothing styles of the people they saw. Very classy, ladies, very classy. Again, you might think you’re so hot and so stylish, and ten years ago, you probably were. Now, you’re just past your prime but looking more pathetic because you’re holding on to the same attitude and persona you had back when you were young and hot. Speaking of young and hot….what the frak are the writers and producers on Heroes doing to my girl Kristen Bell? The former star of cult and personal favorite show Veronica Mars (you still suck for canceling it, CW) made her debut on Heroes a few episodes ago and I was pumped. Now that I’ve seen the role they’ve given her…..substantially less pumped. When I heard people criticizing Bell’s character, Elle, as an annoying, slutty nympho, I disagreed at first. Now, though, I’m seeing that label as an accurate one. For example, in last night’s episode, which was zoned in on a few select characters and excluding of everyone else, Elle and her father Bob, the head of “the company,” were in Costa Verde, Calif. with Mohinder to try and convince Noah Bennet, a.k.a. H.R.G., to give them his daughter Claire so her blood, carrying her own healing superpower with it, could be used to save ill or injured people. For most of the first segment of the show, as Elle, Bob and Mohinder prepared to meet H.R.G., Elle hung all over Mohinder and basically flirted with him in the most obvious way possible, not because she actually was interested in him, but more in the sense of liking the flirting and letting out her inner nympho. Thankfully, that didn’t keep going throughout the episode, but why it’s a part of her character in the first place, I don’t know. As the company’s trio is preparing for the meeting, H.R.G. is dealing with his own problems. Claire is refusing to leave town with her family, which H.R.G. is moving for safety reasons. She instead goes to school and tries to make amends with boyfriend West, who freaked out and stopped talking to her when he realized that her dad was the man who abducted him and did experiments on him when he was 12. West still isn’t sure what to think, so he decides to get some answers from H.R.G. himself. West flies in and snatches his nemesis as H.R.G. walks out the front door and whisks him up in the air several thousand feet for an unusual interrogation. By the time West’s strength gives out and he and H.R.G. land, West is convinced that Claire wasn’t pretending to like in so she could spy on him for H.R.G. In a twist, H.R.G. asks West for his help in saving Claire because she’s in danger from the company. First, they meet with Mohinder and Elle, with West’s ability to fly coming in handy when he captures Elle and takes her back to H.R.G.’s house. However, upon arriving H.R.G. and West learn that Claire has been abducted by Bob. H.R.G. sets up a plan to exchange Elle, Bob’s daughter, for his own daughter. At the exchange, things go horribly wrong when West, under orders from H.R.G., takes Claire and flies away with her. Elle doesn’t let that happen, shooting them down with one of her lightning bolts. That leads H.R.G. to shoot Elle, then Mohinder shoots H.R.G. when the latter refuses to put down his gun. The scene unfolds just like it was shown in Isaac Mendez’s series of eight paintings, right down to the bullet going through H.R.G.’s left eye. Claire has to watch her father die, but West whisks her away. She believers her dad is dead and he is….for the moment. At episode’s end, Bob uses some blood he took from Claire to revive her dad, who is now under custody of the company. Hiro Nakamura is struggling with his father’s death as well, having just returned to present-day life after teleporting to 1671 for a while. He returns to learn that his father is dead, but at his funeral, Hiro can’t give the eulogy because that would mean admitting his father is really gone. Initially Hiro decides to go back in time a week to keep his father from being murdered, but after teleporting with his dad back in time 17 years ago to show his father the grief Hiro himself experienced when his mother died to illustrate why he couldn’t lose his dad as well, something weird happens. After meeting himself from 17 years ago and seeing his father’s own reaction, Hiro realizes he must accept what has happened, go back to 2007 and allow his father to die, just as it happened the first time around. This time, though, Hiro is there to stop time. He doesn’t save his father, but he does freeze time long enough to see who it was that killed him – Adam Monroe/Takezo Kensei. Now, Hiro has to figure out how to get revenge on the man who killed his father, a man who can’t be killed and can recover from any wound. The third story line from this episode centers on Matt Parkman, who is starting to use his ability to control people’s brain functions and read their thoughts. At first he does it to Molly, who he harmlessly forces to return to the breakfast table to finish her cereal. Realizing his powers, though, Parkman steps things up by manipulating the thoughts of his boss at the police department so he can continue investigating the death of Kaito Nakamura, a case the department believes is closed because Angela Petrelli has confessed. Parkman knows from reading her thoughts that she didn’t do it, but using his new power he also forces her to tell him who did – Adam Monroe. He also compels her to identify all of the other people in the old company photograph that is serving as a hit list for Monroe as he seeks revenge for being locked up for 30 years. Angela resists to the point that blood begins flowing from her nose and she accuses Parkman of being no different than his father, who had the same power and used it to commit unspeakable atrocities. That doesn’t deter Parkman, who coaxes the last name out of her and now has everyone from the photograph identified. There were a ton of central characters omitted from this episode, including Peter and Nathan Petrelli, Sylar, Niki, Micah and more. It was again a good episode but it’s becoming extremely frustrating that most of the characters seem to be on an every-other-week basis for screen time. This wasn’t nearly as big of an issue last season and maybe the show’s writers can use their time on strike to get away, refocus and get back to what made the show so great last year. It’s still good, but it’s not on the same level as last season to this point. Even the so-called “blow your mind” episodes like “Four Months Ago” that aired last week are falling short of expectations. Here’s hoping for something much better the next two weeks before the show goes on holiday hiatus.
- This might seem counterintuitive for a football coach because coaches typically talk a lot and are very vocal, but Nick Saban might want to think about taking a break from this whole speaking thing for a while. Only bad things happen when this two-faced, dishonest mercenary speaks, so he may want to voluntarily become a mute for the foreseeable future. Last year, while under contract with the Miami Dolphins, Saban bristled repeatedly when asked about rumors that he would take the vacant head coaching job at the University of Alabama. Finally, a frazzled Nick-ster snapped, “I will not be the head coach at Alabama,” and repeated that he’d been clear on this point and didn’t know why he was still being asked about it. A few short weeks later, wonder of wonders, he was the new head coach at Alabama, proving that he lied to everyone, including his team, his owner and his fans. He nonetheless moved on to Tuscaloosa, where he took over a team that had been falling well short of its lofty goals season after season. The Crimson Tide started strong but have fallen on hard time of late, stumbling to a 6-5 record after an embarrassing 21-14 loss to lowly non-conference opponent Louisiana-Monroe. The loss was bad, but the resulting remarks from Saban in his weekly news conference were worse, no matter what the spin doctors and spokesmen for the university would like you to believe. “Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event,” Saban told those assembled at his weekly news conference. “It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event.” Wow, great insight coach, your team will change and rebound from its loss just like America rebounded from 9-11 or how our country fought back after Pearl Harbor, eh? Great, except that neither of those two things has even the remotest connection to a freaking football game, you tool. I know you were digging down deep into your bag of coach speak and clichés, but you need to reach for something else because likening a loss in a meaningless football game to national tragedies in which thousands of Americans died makes you look like an ignorant ass hat. No, I’m not going to go on some patriotic tirade about how it’s disrespectful to those who died to draw such an ignorant analogy. I will, however, point out that Saban clearly has a major disconnect between mouth and brain, because he says things that no intelligent, logical person would say if they took a second to consider what they were about to say. Stop lying about taking other jobs, coach (p.s. the Michigan job is open, I bet if you ask nicely they might give it to you), stop comparing football games to national tragedies involving the deaths of thousands and lastly, stop having athletic department spokesmen apologizing for the asinine remarks you make. For more on that, read the following: “What Coach Saban said did not correlate losing a football game with tragedy; everyone needs to understand that. He was not equating losing football games to those catastrophic events,” football spokesman Jeff Purington said in a statement to The Associated Press. “The message was that true spirit and unity become evident in the most difficult of times. Those were two tremendous examples that everyone can identify with.” Nice try, spin doctor. Just realize that your feeble attempt at an clarification on this one is a waste of time. If Saban wasn’t correlating losing a football game with tragedy, then why did he reference two of the most memorable tragedies in our nation’s history when specifically describing a difficult loss in a football game. I know you need to make nice and smooth things over because that’s your job, but stop insulting us by telling us that we’re all mistaken and didn’t understand what your coach said. We understood him just fine, we get the analogy. He thinks losing a football game to an opponent he had no business losing to is similar to 9-11, Pearl Harbor and World War II. But don’t worry, Purington, knowing Nick Saban, he’ll be moving on to a new job in a few months and you won't have to apologize for any more of his idiotic remarks.
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