- Hugo Chavez and W. might hate each other, Chavez might have called W. “the devil” before the United Nations last year, but I’m starting to see some eerie parallels between the two leaders. Chavez, for example, is hell-bent on pushing constitutional reforms through in his country that will basically allow him to be president/dictator for the rest of his life. W., on the other hand, is hell-bent on extending the biggest debacle of a war in United States history on indefinitely despite the protestations of every single person in his country with an IQ above 40, much like everyone with half a brain in Venezuela is protesting Chavez’s proposed constitutional reforms. The latest chapter in the American side of this tale of two idiots is the House of Representatives securing the necessary votes that would provide an additional $50 billion for the Vietnam, er, Iraq War but also mandate an end to U.S. participation in combat there by Dec. 15, 2008. Of course, W. is promising to veto this bill, so Democrats will need far more than the 218-203 margin they got on this vote to override that veto. For that reason, the bill is viewed mostly as a symbolic gesture, although the anti-war among us can dream for a while that it will actually become a reality, right? The bill, by the way, would force W. to start withdrawing U.S. troops in the next few weeks with the goal of having them all out by next December. “The fact is we can no longer sustain the military deployment in Iraq,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stated after the bill passed. “Staying there in the manner that we are there is no longer an option.” I agree, Nancy, most of America agrees, but it’s that ass hat in the Oval Office you need to convince. Of course, come next December he’ll be on his way out (unless you all take my suggestion and impeach him now), so one way or another, in about a year we should see substantial progress made toward ending this whole debacle.
- Just when I thought I was out, they keep pullin’ me back in! Those words might have been made famous by George Costanza on Seinfeld, but after Saturday, they apply to college football teams like Ohio State and West Virginia when it comes to the national title race. Those two teams suffered losses to middle-of-the-pack teams, West Va. earlier in the year and OSU last week, but thanks to Saturday (and Thursday night’s) results, both teams can legitimately say they’re back in the title hunt. The irony is that the door was opened by two Top 5 teams that both lost their star quarterback and because of that, lost games to unranked opponents. First, Oregon lost to lowly Arizona Thursday night, 34-24, after Heisman frontrunner Dennis Dixon tore his ACL and backup Brady Leaf brought back images of the awful QB play of big brother Ryan when he entered in relief of Dixon. Then on Saturday, the Oklahoma Sooners saw their own star QB, freshman Sam Bradford, go out with a concussion early in their game at Texas Tech. The potent Tech offense seized on the chance, zipping out to a 27-7 lead. Tech held off a furious OU rally late to win 34-27, handing OU it’s second loss and further muddying the national title picture. Now, LSU is the top dog, with unbeaten Kansas second, West Virginia third, Missouri fourth and Ohio State fifth in the BCS. Of course, Kansas and Missouri play one another next week, so one of them is guaranteed to fall. Also, the winner of KU-Mizzou will play Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game the following week, and the Sooners should have Bradford back by then. An Oklahoma win would mean that for, say, Ohio State to creep back into the title game, the only other thing they would need is a loss by LSU or West Virginia in either of those teams’ final two games. Given the way this season has gone, that’s far from impossible. Speaking of possibility, quite possibly the funniest loss of the day came courtesy of the Alabama Crimson Tide and lying, two-faced coach Nick Saban. The Tide lost to University of Louisiana-Monroe a school that barely qualifies as Division I and hails from the lowly Sun Belt Conference. UL-Monroe is the kind of team bigger schools schedule for a guaranteed win and pay that smaller school big money to come to their stadium and take a beating. Instead, the lowly UL-Monroe Indians took Alabama’s money, went into their stadium and bitch-slapped the Tide 21-14. Truthfully, programs like Alabama shouldn’t even be playing teams like UL-Monroe; they should be able to compete against teams more on their level every week and not need “easy wins” to boost their record. However, if you’re going to schedule games like that, you’d damn well better win them, as the Florida Gators did by whipping in-state patsy Florida Atlantic University by a 59-20 margin. The other game that stood out to me for the day, above all the other rivalry games on what is unofficially rivalry Saturday in college football, was Indiana’s emotional 27-24 win over in-state rival Purdue. The Hoosiers won on a last-second field goal, securing a bowl bid and doing so with Jane Hoeppner, wife of the late Terry Hoeppner, the IU coach who valiantly battled cancer before dying from complications of a brain tumor this past June, on the sidelines. It was awesome to see IU fulfill the goal that their late coach set for them of making a bowl game and to see how much it meant to everyone on the team and around it who knew Terry Hoeppner. Oh, and what the frak is up with you, WGN? For the past few years, the cable network has televised my favorite rivalry game of all, the Harvard-Yale game, but this year WGN bailed and I couldn’t find the game on any channel. It was for the Ivy League title and I was pumped to watch, but no dice. In the end, it was a rout for Harvard, 37-6, over previously-unbeaten Yale, but I still was pissed at not being able to watch it.
- Add this to the list of things I just don’t get. O.J. Simpson’s lawyers went to court to try to have the case against their client dismissed, and I have to ask why. I mean, we are talking about the Juice, the man who went to trial and beat a double-murder rap when he was (allegedly) guilty and there were mounds of evidence against him, so why are you all afraid to go to trial this time? As I’ve said many times, the Juice has obviously made some sort of deal with the devil and here on Earth, he’s freaking untouchable. If you can be so clearly guilty of premeditated murder, as O.J. was, and walk away free and clear, then what law enforcement agency stands a chance against you? Thus, the Juice’s lawyers arguing before Justice of the Peace Joe M. Bonaventure that the case should be dismissed because it is based on the accounts of con artists and crooks confuses me. By the way, just because they’re con artists and crooks doesn’t mean they’re wrong or lying here. However, even if the case against O.J. was based on the testimony of the most respected members of society and they had actual video and photographic evidence of the Juice’s guilt, I still wouldn’t bet against his getting over. “This is what we expected,” the Juice said before leaving the courtroom. As always, O.J. looks totally at home in the courtroom, totally nonplussed and not worried even a little bit. And why should he be worried? He’s going to win, he knows it, I know it, you know it and the prosecution knows it. In reality, the prosecution is wasting time and money even proceeding with this case, but it’s their time and their state’s money to waste, not mine. See you on the golf course after your acquittal, Juice.
- Wanna know why I steadfastly refuse to consider enlisting in the military and have vowed to “move” to Canada if the draft is ever reinstituted? Well, aside from being forced to sport an ugly crew cut, shine my boots every day, make my bed so well a quarter can be bounced off it, wear camouflage, live in a barracks and have enemy combatants fire at me and try to kill me, the story of Marine boot-camp drill instructor Sgt. Jarrod M. Glass illustrates a very good reason why I want nothing to do with the military. Glass, you see, has been found guilty by a military jury of cruelty and mistreatment, destruction of personal property, assault and violating orders on the proper treatment of recruits. Yes, this is the guy who was supposed to teach new recruits what it meant to be a Marine, to train them and lead them, and here he is assaulting them, destroying their personal property and treating them with deliberate cruelty. Again, this is the first leader you meet coming into the military. Glass may have been removed from his post in February and he may face up to 11 years of confinement, dishonorable discharge, reduction in rank and forfeiture of pay and benefits, but this gives people like me one more example to point to when asked why we would never, ever consider enlisting no matter how much you paid us. In addition to all of the very valid points I listed at the beginning of this paragraph, tack “crazy, abusive drill sergeants” to the list, would ya……
- Brace yourself, because I’m about to shock you: gambling and organized crime have close ties to one another in these here United States. You’re floored, aren’t you? I mean, who would guess that a group like organized crime would have anything to do with a fine, upstanding segment of our economy such as sports gambling? I find it hard to believe too, but sure enough, a sports gambling ring being run out of the high-stakes poker room at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa was broken up this week. Since March 2006, the operation took in more than $22 million in bets on college and professional football and basketball, according to New Jersey Attorney General Anne Milgram. Of course, gambling on sports, either college or pro, is illegal everywhere in the United States except Las Vegas. Organized crime is also illegal everywhere including Las Vegas, so I am deeply shocked and offended to find out that it still exists here. I mean, who are these guys, with no respect for the rules and laws of this country? Oh, that’s right, they’re criminals….plus when you have your own president and his administration routinely trampling all over the Constitution, you can’t be that pissed when other citizens do the same. The lesson here, of course, is that if you want to lose large chunks of your money gambling on sports, Vegas is still the place to go. As always, what happens there stays there, along with most of the money you take with you when you go.
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