- I hope this isn’t an indication of how you’re going to be handling the rest of the 2008 Summer Olympics, China. Having Jackie Chan sing the official theme song for the Beijing Olympics is akin to the United States having an aging, past-his-prime action star like Don Johnson (looking for a…..heartbeat….) or David Hasselhoff belt out the Olympic theme for the Games in this country. The song, We Are Ready, doesn’t exactly scream Grammy, plus it raises the question of how ready the Chinese really are and how they got that way. Are you all ready because of that 8-year-old girl who ran more than 2,000 miles across the country, 39 miles per day, to “celebrate” the coming of the Games? Or are you ready because of the copious amounts of hookers that are reportedly going to be on hand for the Olympics? Also, the fact that Chan recorded the entire song in less than three hours in a visit to Beijing doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. He’s not exactly a musical legend like John Lennon, with the game to drop into the studio and hammer out a great song in a few hours. Stick to making bad action movies with Chris Tucker, Jackie, and leave the singing to professionals.
- Joe Francis, I can’t say that I feel at all sorry for you, bro. And that’s not just because you’ve seen more naked college and high school chicks than the rest of the American male population combined and probably had sex with many of those girls. No, I don’t feel sympathy for the founder of the Girls Gone Wild franchise as he sits in a Nevada jail because he should probably have been in jail dozens of times before and he’s gotten off, so eventually he was going to run into legal trouble he couldn’t weasel out of. His undoing is the same as Al Capone’s, the same as Wesley Snipes’…..yup, tax fraud. Francis has been in jail since April, when he was initially jailed for contempt for yelling at attorneys during a mediation hearing in a federal lawsuit brought by women who were underage when Francis’ production company filmed them back in 2003, engaging in all sorts of raunchy activity. That lawsuit was eventually settled, but Francis had his bond revoked on criminal charges related to a 2003 arrest when he was charged with having $700 in cash as well as prescription and anti-anxiety drugs on his person while in the Bay County jail, all of this items being contraband behind bars. Federal officials then dropped in with tax evasion charges of their own and extradited Francis to Nevada, where he now sits awaiting trial. As he waits, he’s waging an impotent, lame campaign for his freedom, claiming that’s he’s being treated like a terrorist (No you’re not, Joe, not unless you’ve been subjected to water boarding, having electrodes strapped to your body, etc.). That’s a bad play, because trying to equate yourself with something like that just pisses people off even more. As part of his campaign, Francis is running ads on various websites showing pictures of him during a 2004 White House visit, which proves….I don’t know, not much. Bottom line for Francis is that he makes $29 million annually from his business ventures, so he can afford to pay his taxes and whatever fine the IRS wants to levy against him. Like I said, Joe, Capone learned it, Snipes learned it; you can commit all sorts of crimes, you can make criminally bad movies, but if you cheat on your taxes, you will go down.
- Make all the cosmetic changes to your event you want, Tour de France officials, just know that those changes don’t mean a damn thing as long as your sport remains as dirty and drug-ridden as it is. Tour officials announced yesterday that the race course will be altered for the first time since 1966 and will not begin with a full road stage instead of the individual time-trial race that had kicked things off for decades. The changes, which will also include less mountain terrain than in the past, are designed to rekindle interest in the race. However, what the Tour really needs to do if it hopes to regain fan interest is to start right now with drug testing every single rider who plans to participate in next year’s race and keep on testing them two or three times a week right up through the end of the race. With Floyd Landis, the Tour’s 2006 champion, making a mockery out of himself and his sport by continuing to fight the ruling that he cheated and must forfeit his title, and with dozens of riders and some entire teams booted from last year’s race due to positive drug tests, a clean race is the only thing that will really make a difference for fans – and even then, cycling is a fringe sport at best.
- Apparently 5 a.m. brawls at Waffle House restaurants maker for good album sales, because Kid Rock’s latest album, Rock N’ Roll Jesus, is currently second on the Billboard album charts. Granted, he’s sharing chart space with other musical luminaries and icons like Colbie Callat (who?) and Rascal Flatts, so it’s not really that noteworthy of an accomplishment. Also on the charts, in the top spot actually, is Bruce Springsteen, proving that is he and will forever be America’s working-class hero. The Boss’ album, Magic, holds down the top spot for now, although when you’ve got Colbie Callat breathing down your neck, you can never feel too secure. Meanwhile, on the New York Times bestseller list, two great books top the list: I Am America (And So Can You!) by satirist, comedian, TV host and South Carolina presidential candidate Stephen Colbert, and Clapton, the autobiography of legendary musician Eric Clapton. Pick one or both up, they’re great reads.
- Thanks, but F-you. That’s the message Alex Rodriguez and his agent, the abrasive and loathsome Scot Boras, are sending to the New York Yankees by exercising A-Rod’s opt-out clause in his contract without even sitting down to negotiate with the Yanks on a new contract or extension of his current deal. A secondary F-you goes out to the rest of baseball by the Rodriguez-Boras team announcing the opt out during the deciding game of the World Series, that shows a total lack of class as well. But with the Yankees prepared to offer him a deal reportedly in the $25-30 million range, A-Rod chose to walk away in search of his ultimate goal in life – more money. His flight is aided by Boras, a greedy, arrogant bastard of an agent who will lie, manipulate and do damn near anything else in search of the almighty dollar. That his biggest client is a total mercenary whose teams always improve once he leaves makes for a perfect match. Yes, the Yankees would have missed the playoffs without him this year, but he did nothing to help them win once they got there, and in the Apple, that’s what really matters. All that said, I still hope A-Rod breaks Bar-roid Bonds’ record, which only proves that Bonds is the most detestable athlete of our generation. But back to A-Fraud: He and Boras have to know, as does everyone else who follows baseball, that no team has ever won a World Series or even come close while paying one player as high of a percentage of the team’s salary dollars as the deal A-Rod wants would equate to. He’s showing that making the most money is what matters most to him, not being a champion. It would actually be fitting for him to sign with the Yankees’ arch nemesis, the Boston Red Sox, because at this point, the Sox have morphed into the Yankees, i.e. winning titles, outspending everyone else, having annoying, arrogant, omni-present fans, etc.). So chase your payday, A-Rod, just realize how little everyone thinks of you as you whore yourself out for a few extra bucks.
- No. Hell no. Those are the only two acceptable responses for Congress to give to W.’s request for $46 billion in additional funding for the war in Iraq. With the current cost of the war running a tidy $10 billion per month and the total cost of this debacle at right around $455 billion for four-plus years of fighting, W. doesn’t deserve another dollar to finance his own Vietnam. And save it, Republican honks trying to say that if you oppose throwing more money away on this war that you’re unpatriotic because you’re not supporting our troops. I support our troops, namely I support them coming home right now and getting out of a dangerous place they never should have been to begin with. Don’t take my word, though, listen to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.: “The cost of this war grows every day – in terms of dollars, lives lost and our reputation around the world,” Pelosi stated. “The choice is between the Democrats’ plan for responsible redeployment and the president’s plan to waste another trillion dollars on this war. We must end this war.” Well put, Nancy, well put. Although I do think our national reputation is irrevocably f’d up by this point, but otherwise you’re right on the money. We must end this war…..now.
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