Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Divas and their agents, coaches urinating on bars and the WNBA expands, prompting wild enthusiasm from no one

- Am I supposed to be outraged that Don Imus back on the air? If so, I’m missing the boat because when I heard that the controversial, loudmouth radio personality had landed a new gig, I wondered what’s the big deal? To the best of my knowledge, Imus didn’t use any racial slurs, especially not the “n” word. He didn’t advocate lynching, hanging or otherwise killing people of a different race simply based on their skin color. He said something moronic while trying to be funny and while the term “nappy-headed hos” is neither clever nor funny and should have gotten Imus suspended and/or fired, it definitely shouldn’t prevent him from getting another opportunity to host a show. He didn’t commit a crime, he committed an act of extreme stupidity and insensitivity. Reports have him returning to the airwaves as early as December, most likely on WABC-FM in New York. Among the many who are in a tizzy over Imus’ impending return to broadcasting is Kim Gandy, president of NOW, the National Organization for Women. She likened Imus being given a second chance in radio to “a bad dream.” citadel Broadcasting CEO Farid Suleman, on the other hand, agrees with me and his opinion carries more weight than Gandy’s because Suleman’s company owns WABC and he’ll be the one giving Imus that second chance. “He didn’t break the law,” Suleman said, stating the obvious. To be fair, I’ve never been an Imus listener and I don’t plan on listening to him if and when he returns, but there is no reason to deny him this opportunity. If he screws this one up, then that’s on him and he probably won't make another comeback.

- I love Manny Ramirez. I had to say that before I said what I’m about to say, because right now I can’t be too kind to the man that many have glossed as Man Ram. Man Ram is a masher, a legendary power hitter with an almost savant-like ability to hit even though he seems like the biggest doofus in baseball. He has long, dangling dreadlocks that go down past his shoulders, he’s famous for using other players’ bats, batting gloves and mitts, wearing other players’ uniforms shirts and pants and has done things like wearing sunglasses with a built-in MP3 player during a game. While with the Cleveland Indians in the mid-1990s, he once told a clubhouse attendant to go have his car wash and that there was money in the glove compartment to pay for it. The attendant opened the glove box and found literally tens of thousands of dollars in $100 bills inside, left there by Man Ram. As much as I love all of those things and many other things Man Ram, I can’t get with Manny’s act Tuesday night in the American League Championship Series Game Four. Now with the Boston Red Sox, Manny was facing his former team, the Indians, and his Sox were behind 7-2 when Man Ram came to the plate and launched a massive home run. However, in spite of his prodigious blast, with his team way behind on the scoreboard and behind in the best-of-seven series by a 2-1 count, you’d think Manny wouldn’t do much showboating over his home run. You, of course, would be wrong. He raised his arms to the sky, stood in the batter’s box and admired his handiwork – well, after that epic bat flip. The funny thing is that I’m not one of those people who bashes guys for styling and profiling after they hit home runs. Most of the time, I have no problem with it. But when your team is that far behind and you hit a home run, you should keep it to a minimum so you can get back to the dugout and celebrate with your teammates, because the goal is to come back and win, not to celebrate your own greatness. If your team is ahead or if your home run ties or wins the game or even pulls your team within a run or two, feel free to flip your bat, to stand and admire your shot or to take your time circling the bases. When you’re down by five runs, though, keep the antics to a minimum, Man Ram. Even you, in all your wacky greatness, should not be profiling that much after a home run in that situation. Your team is on the verge of elimination and even you aren’t dumb enough not to realize that.

- When you think of dignity and class, how can you not think of Baylor University football? What’s that? You’re saying that having one of your football coaches urinating on a bar and getting arrested is neither dignified nor classy? Well that’s an awfully cynical way to look at it. Yes, Baylor offensive line/tight ends coach Eric Schnupp was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and reckless exposure after taking a leak on the bar early Sunday morning at a Waco-area bar called Scruffy Murphy’s. The citation will garner Schnupp a $258 fine on a Class C misdemeanor charge, according to the Waco Municipal Court. It will also earn him an indefinite suspension from his job by the university, with head coach Guy Morriss saying that the suspension is indefinite and will last “until this situation is resolved.” Asked to elaborate, Morriss declined, and really you can’t blame him. One of his coaches acted like a total lush, a drunken idiot who is supposed to be somewhat of a leader and mentor for the college kids he coaches. Although most of the players on the team probably drink anyhow, having an authority figure getting so hammered that he’s taking a leak on a bar doesn’t help matters. The police didn’t even have to make a special stop at the bar to arrest Schnupp, as they were already there to help a woman who had passed out in a restroom stall. A bar employee had the misfortune of seeing Schnupp drop trou and do his business, so the employee alerted the police, who cuffed the intoxicated coach and hauled him off. Call me crazy, but don’t most guys roll with a wing man or two when they go to a bar? If you have a wing man, shouldn’t he take care of things like getting you out of a bar before you piss on it and get arrested? Either Schnupp has no real friends or they just like seeing him make a fool of himself. Either way, coach, you need to find a better way to take the edge off after a hard week, perhaps drinking at home. Whatever keeps you from urinating on any more bars, my man…..

- Michelle Wie and Joss Stone used to be promising, fast-rising talents in their respective professions, golf and music. They were talented teenagers with impressive skill sets, achieving great success before they even became legal adults and seemingly on their way to big things. Somewhere along the way, both of their careers got sidetracked and they went from prodigies to spoiled, self-important brats who are such a pain in the a** that they can’t even keep an agent. Both women are now in search of new agents after their relationships with their previous agents went sour. Greg Nared, a former Nike business manager who the William Morris Agency hired to shepherd Wie’s wayward career, resigned Monday at the end of the LPGA season, ending a year I’m sure he’ll be desperately trying to forget. "After careful consideration for my future, I have resigned effective immediately," Nared said in a statement e-mailed to The Associated Press. "I'm very grateful to the William Morris Agency for the opportunity to work with world-class athletes. It has been an invaluable experience and I'll forever cherish (it)." Reading between the lines, you can see that what Nared was really saying was, “This year was a hellacious nightmare, I can’t take one more minute of dealing with this spoiled brat and her overbearing parents and I’d rather manage on the World Badminton Tour for $25 a week than to continue working with Michelle Wie.” Nared actually replaced Ross Berlin, a former PGA Tour executive hired by the William Morris Agency as Wie's agent. Berlin had disagreements with Wie's parents on her schedule, particularly in late 2006 when Wie was taken out of her senior year at Punahou School in Honolulu to play a European Tour men's event in Switzerland, then the following week outside Pittsburgh on the PGA Tour at the 84 Lumber Classic. She finished last in both events. This year wasn’t much better, with Wie ending her season with a 76.7 scoring average, breaking par only twice, failing to record a single round in the 60s and making only three cuts. Nared was in the middle of Wie’s big controversy of the year at the Ginn Tribute in South Carolina in the spring, conferring with her on the 16th tee moments before she withdrew. Wie was 14 over par through 16 holes when she quit, and it appeared as though she was trying to avoid the LPGA's "Rule 88," in which nonmembers are ineligible for one year if they shoot 88 or higher. Wie then showed up two days later at the McDonald’s LPGA Championship to compete, apparently healed from her injury in miraculous fashion. Event host and LPGA legend Annika Sorenstam labeled the move disrespectful, which pretty much sums up Wie’s entire act right now. As for Joss Stone, she’s also parted ways with her most recent manager, deciding that she’s better off acting as her own representation. She’s gone through four managers in five years and two or her former associates believe that she’s headed for trouble. Keeping in mind that these are people Stone has fired and thus they have an ax to grind with her, one of them said in an interview that, “Joss wants to manage herself, but you have to consider her lack of understanding of the challenges in front of her…..when it comes to her career, she’s convinced that she’s right and everyone else is wrong.” Sounds like Stone and Wie have a lot in common; both are about the same age, enormously talented yet failing to accomplish nearly as much as their talents would seem to dictate. They both think that they know what’s best and won't listen to anyone else, so their agents keep quitting or getting fired. Both of them are developing reputations as divas, prima donnas and b*tches who can’t be dealt with. The thing to watch will be which of them, if either, can pull out of their nosedive first. Stay tuned…..

- The sports world is abuzz today because of a franchise announcement that is sure to revolutionize the basketball world. The titan of a sports league that is the WNBA has responded to pressure from its tens and tens of fans and added a new franchise in Atlanta. Forget for a minute that the only reason the WNBA exists is that for all of its ten-plus years in existence, the NBA has pumped money into it to keep it afloat out of some misguided sense of fairness to women’s sports or just plain charity. Forget that WNBA attendance is more pathetic than attendance at a Pauly Shore film festival, just rejoice in the fact that Atlanta now has a shot at having an actual legitimate professional basketball team. After being subjected for years on end to the perpetual nightmare and abortion of an NBA team that is the Atlanta Hawks, the city might actually have a winning pro basketball team on its hands. For the Hawks’ sake and for the sake of their beleaguered, inept GM Billy Knight, just hope that the new WNBA franchise doesn’t challenge the Hawks to a game, because the Hawks would probably lose that contest. And no, WNBA, my taking the time to write about you here doesn’t mean you’re an actual legit league, I just needed a quick, easy joke to finish this thing off.

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