- A very nice “screw you” from the city of Philadelphia to the Boy Scouts, with the city forcing the organization to pay what is deemed a fair-market value of $200,000 annual rent instead of the $1 a year the group had been paying. The decision is based on the Boy Scouts’ refusal to allow openly-gay scouts, causing city officials to say that they cannot legally rent taxpayer-owned property for such a minimal sum to a private organization that discriminates. Yes, for having principles and being willing to stand behind them no matter what, you, non-profit organization designed to better the lives of thousands of boys across the country, can see your rent hiked to $200,000 a year. Well done, city of Philadelphia, hiding behind politically-correct BS and using it to squeeze more money out of a non-profit group into your own coffers.
- The Miami Dolphins set an NFL record in 1972 by going 17-0, winning the Super Bowl and recording the last perfect season in NFL history. The 2007 edition of the Fightin’ Porpoises is poised to run the table as well…..in the other direction and I couldn’t be more excited about it. With a 49-28 loss to New England Sunday that was nowhere near as close at the final score would indicate, the ‘Fins dropped to 0-7 and showed that they clearly have what it takes to go 0-16. Unlike previous teams that have dangled the carrot of an 0-fer only to snatch it away at the last possible moment, the 2007 Dolphins have the right combination of qualities to make it happen. They lost their starting quarterback for the season to injury last week and this week their star running back went out with an injury as well. They have an aging, crappy defense that can’t stop anyone and an impotent, lackluster offense that can’t score enough points to compensate for the porous defense. They have broken-down, over-the-hill veterans and raw young players who aren’t in stride yet, with a bevy of underachievers to boot. They have the one of the two best teams in football, New England, in their division, which is two guaranteed losses right there. Their NFC crossover division is the NFC East, which produced three playoff teams last season, meaning that should be four more losses for Miami right there. Yes, they have everything they need to go 0-16, including a rookie head coach who already looks thoroughly overmatched. I should also point out that the St. Louis Rams are 0-7 just like Miami, but I have a bad feeling that the Rams have just enough talent and experience that when their key players get healthy, they’ll win a couple of games. But the Dolphins, they have the look of a team that can go wire to wire for the reverse perfect season.
- There’s always been an air of mystery around David Copperfield, and not just because of the way he used former girlfriend Claudia Schiffer to make questions about his sexuality disappear. No, the magician who was the forerunner to Criss Angel and others like him has always been an odd cat and an object of intrigue for many, but that many has grown to include the FBI, which doesn’t bode well for Copperfield. Agents were seen snooping around a warehouse he keeps in Las Vegas, a facility Copperfield has dubbed the International Museum & Library of the Conjuring Arts. In other words, he stores his fake collapsible swords, trick coffins, magic disappearing chambers and other stuff there. The FBI isn't saying much about why they were searching at the facility, only that the search is related to an ongoing case in Seattle. “I can say that there was investigative activity yesterday and yesterday evening in Las Vegas,” FBI agent Robbie Burroughs said Thursday. He declined to comment on the specifics of the “investigative activity,” but usually the FBI doesn’t waste that many men and that much time looking into things that aren’t a big deal. Copperfield may want to pull a disappearing act for a while, because the feds have also contacted him and expressed a desire to talk to him about the case. He has to have enough money stashed away to disappear, maybe even enough to pull another supermodel girlfriend. Hit the road, D. Copperfield, don’t want too long…..
- I don’t want to belabor the point because it’s depressing enough as is, but what a colossal, team-wide choke job by the Cleveland Indians. Up 3-1 in the American League Championship Series against Boston, the Tribe not only choked away the series, they barely bothered to show up at all for any of the final three games. Shoddy pitching, atrocious hitting and subpar defense led to three routs for Boston. culminating with Sunday night’s Game 7 win. I literally may stab anyone who tries to defend the Indians as anything other than colossal chokers right in the temple with a rusty ice pick. This season is not a success or a moral victory because they nearly made the World Series. It’s a unanimous failure because they had three chances to punch their ticket to the Fall Classic and they flamed in horrific fashion. Their two supposed ace pitchers were God-awful, with Fausto Carmona not even able to make it out of the third inning in Game 6. What a choke job, what a disappointment. You all should be thoroughly disappointed in yourselves and not the least bit proud of your season, Indians, because what you did in C-H-O-K-I-N-G away this series all abut invalidates everything you did prior to the ALCS. You all have depressed me even more than my pathetic Chicago Cubs and their lackluster playoff effort in getting swept by Arizona. At least the Cubs didn’t give any false pretenses of winning the series only to choke it away. Good riddance, 2007 Indians, you sicken me thoroughly.
- It’s been said that you should never cry at work. Likewise, you should never miss a day of work after suffering an emotional breakdown on national TV due to a dog kennel repossessing a puppy that you had given to your hairdresser’s family. Yet there’s Ellen Degeneres, canceling shows she was supposed to tape on Thursday, shows that would air Friday and Monday, but as a spokesman for Telepictures Productions said, “It’s been a long week and a tough week and we decided to take a long weekend and be back on Tuesday.” Not that I or anyone else with any sort of viewing standards watches that crap-hole of a show, but unless a loved one dies or is seriously ill or you yourself are in a similar state, you show up and you churn out those crap-tacular episodes of your talk show, E. Your little crying session inspired hundreds of your idiot viewers to phone and email in death and arson threats to the kennel, the least you could do it go on the air and tell everyone to stop harassing those kennel owners. Now if you want to scrap your show altogether and agree never to appear on TV or in movies for any reason ever again, I’m down with that, but not with your staying home for a day because your emotional boo-boos are just too much for you to handle.
- In the least surprising pot-related arrest since Willie Nelson’s tour bus was pulled over last year, British pop tart and gravelly-voiced crooner Amy Winehouse, she of the Bottom 5 Song of the Year-worthy Rehab, has been arrested and released in Bergen, Norway, along with two other members of her traveling party on marijuana-possession charges. One of those arrested with Winehouse was husband Blake Fielder-Civil, which by the way is the most arrogant sounding name this side of golfer Charles Howell III and a name that should just be changed to “Gravy Trainer Off of My Wife.” Fielder-Civil, Winehouse and another person were arrested at a hotel in Bergen shortly after 6 p.m. Friday and held overnight. They were released the next morning around 7 a.m. after paying $715 in fines, which is, as any stoner will tell you, a small price to pay to be able to get high. Next time, schedule more tour stops in the Netherlands, Amy, they tend to look more kindly on druggies like yourself.
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