- Elect Fred Thompson as your next president and strike a blow at anyone who doesn’t look or talk like you or isn’t an American citizen. It may sound extreme, but it’s basically the immigration (anti-immigration, rather) platform of Thompson, who is seeking the Republican presidential nomination. Thompson basically wants to persecute illegal immigrants with every resource available and take every measure short of building a 75-foot-high fence around the entire country, wrapping it in razor wire and running 25,000 volts of electricity through that bad boy. That may actually be part of Thompson’s plan, he just hasn’t gotten around to announcing it yet. He wants to double the number of Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, boost the border patrol to at least 25,000 agents, prosecute illegals and their employers (yeah, good waste of tax dollars there) and give illegals virtually no chance of ever becoming citizens. It’s a good thing this idiot has virtually no chance of being elected, because he might be the one candidate who’s actually meaner, angrier and more militant than Sen. Hank Clinton.
- Even if you can’t produce good music, interesting TV or anything else to keep me from calling you the worst innovation in the history of both television and music, you can still help people in this world. Take a lesson from the yahoos over at American Karaoke, whose Idol Gives Back campaign raised $75 million this year, including $30 million which went to six different charities in Africa in the amount of $5 million per charity, one of which is an AIDS prevention organization. Personally, my campaign would be called Give Idol Back, and it would offer the entire American Karaoke franchise and everyone who’s ever been associated with it to any country willing to take it off our hands. I really wish we could donate money to get this show off the air and keep it off the air, and to prevent people like that effeminate, whining waif Clay Aiken from ever making another album, because if that were the case, I and a lot of other fans of actual good music would be 100 percent behind that cause.
- I’m disappointed to hear that AT&T has scaled back plans to blanket all 62 square miles of the city of St. Louis, Mo. (inside city limits) with Wi-Fi signals as part of a new project. An entire city with Wi-Fi signals would have been cool and innovative, expanding the concept from its usual locales like airports and coffee shops and taking it to the masses. Instead, the company will launch a smaller pilot project in downtown St. Louis and see how it goes before deciding whether to take it to a grander scale. The scaled-down version of the project should be up and running by early next year, so keep your eyes and ears open to hear how it turns out. I know I’ll be watching….
- I’ve never felt any urge to watch the FX network’s plastic surgery drama Nip/Tuck, mostly because it seems like a gratuitous T&A session with little or no actual effort put into writing, plot strategy or intelligent dialogue. However, I’m willing to make a deal with the network and the show’s producers; if you all can us your Nip/Tuck magic to turn Rosie O’Donnell from the orca-fat, loudmouthed, stupid, fowl, bad-haircut-sporting loser she is into a semi-attractive, non-repulsive human being who I could stand to watch for more than five seconds without throwing up, I promise to be a devoted fan of your show for life and its biggest honk for the rest of my life. You see, O’Fat will be reprising her role on the show as the wealthy Dawn Budge this season, It can’t be a coincidence that her character’s last name is one letter away from being fudge, can it? Nor can it be coincidental that by changing one more letter, in her first name, it would read Down Fudge. To quote on Donald Trump: “Rosie is disgusting, both inside and out. Rosie is a loser.”
- My interest in the NFL is low this year for various reasons, but that hasn’t stopped me from seeing that Patriots coach Bill Belli-jerk is the most classless, arrogant, piece-of-crap a-hole in all of sports and loathing him for it. On the heels of the Spygate scandal in which he openly cheated and showed no remorse, Belli-jerk has developed a weekly habit of absolutely and deliberately humiliating whichever overmatched opponent his team has on its schedule. No game better illustrates this point than Sunday’s contest against the Washington Redskins. The Patriots were routing the ‘Skins, 24-0 at halftime, 38-0 after three quarters and yet there was New England’s first team offense and defense, going full bore to hammer the Redskins into the ground deep into the fourth quarter and keep on pounding them even after it was clear to even Stevie Wonder that the game was over. Patriots quarterback Tom Brady didn’t take a seat on the bench until the middle of the last quarter after his fifth touchdown of the day, this one putting his team up 45-0 after a drive in which they actually had the gall to go for it on fourth down despite being up by more than five touchdowns. First, that’s as classless and bush league as it gets, because if you’re up five touchdowns in the second half, there is no need to purposely embarrass your opponent and make no mistake, that’s exactly what this is. It shows no respect for the game or for your opponent. Second, it’s plain stupid, because you’re risking the health of your starters by playing them in a game you already have won, and as we’ve seen over and over, it only takes one play for a star like Brady to teat his ACL and be done for the year. Normally I would never this, because it’s bush league and no NFL coach would do it, but if I’m the coach of an opposing team and Belli-jerk pulled this kind of crap against my team, I’m ordering my guys to purposely play reckless and dirty and to try to hurt the Patriots’ stars and starters, because that would teach them a lesson and maybe then Belli-jerk would pull them out.
- Thank God that the board controlling the Golden Gate Bridge has more spine and soul than the sellout owners of pro sports franchises (and many colleges) across America. The board has rejected proposals to help finance the bridge’s operating budget with corporate sponsorship deals. You all know of places like Safeco Field in Seattle, Gillette Stadium in New England, Network Associates Coliseum in Oakland, the TD Waterhouse Center in Orlando, etc. The names of these venues sound lame and they are, but they are in place for one reason - $$$$$. Proponents of the sponsorship deals for the Golden Gate Bridge argued that they would raise $3-4 million annually toward the bridge’s $150 million budget and help ease the strain of its projected $81 million deficit for the next five years. The Golden Gate Bridge brought to you by Tostitos……just doesn’t sound right. Props to the board for proving that not everything in America is for sale to the highest bidder.
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