Footloose v. reality, China plugs a cash leak and Josh Hamilton nears a free footlong

-  One more and Josh Hamilton qualifies for a free knee surgery….either that or a free footlong sandwich. The veteran outfielder, back with the Texas Rangers after a massive cash grab contract with the Los Angeles Angels that saw him leave Texas to ink a five-year, $125 million deal only to see his numbers dive as his health declined, prompting the Angels to trade him back to Texas two years later. Unfortunately for the 2010 AL MVP, he didn’t rediscover his health in Texas and now, he’s undergone his 11th knee procedure, having some damaged meniscus cartilage in his left knee repaired. The arthroscopic procedure on his balky left knee means Hamilton has zero chance of making the Rangers' opening day roster even though there were no issues with the surgically repaired ACL in that knee. It was clear there were issues when Hamilton had left spring training in Arizona and returned to Houston for the second time in less than a week to be examined by Dr. Walt Lowe, and even more so now that he’s undergone a whopping three knee surgeries since he last played in the majors in 2015. The ratio of knee procedures to games played in a one-year span shouldn’t be 3-0 and at this point, it really doesn’t matter that Hamilton was a five-time All-Star as an outfielder because it’s going to take six weeks of rehabilitation before he will be able to start running again. He can continue learning to play first base all he wants, but if he punches that 12th entry on his frequent knee surgery customer card before he suits up for the Rangers again, his chances to ever be a legit big leaguer again will be as shot as his creaky legs……….

- China has a big leak and now, its oppressive, communist government is looking to plug the dam. In other words, the country’s policy ministry says more than 800 people have been arrested in a crackdown on unlicensed banking operations as authorities try to stop the outpouring of money from the nation. According to the communists who make the laws, more than 380 underground banks that handled transactions totaling more than 900 billion yuan ($130 billion) were broken up in the crackdown launched last year and if you think underground banking sounds like a shady story made up by the government as its latest excuse to shamelessly trample basic human rights and freedoms, you could be right. The official story is that communist leaders allow informal finance to support entrepreneurs, but work hard to terminate any activity that threatens the state-run banking system, supports crime or helps people violate foreign exchange controls or other regulations - but mostly the part about it negatively affecting their interest and ability to keep complete control over their realm. The reason these (alleged) underground banks (allegedly) popped up was to help companies and small investors move money out of China starting in late 2015 amidst widespread fears that the yuan would take a nosedive, and in response, Beijing tightened foreign exchange controls. Now, the government is waging its war against freedom on the latest front……..

- JK Rowling knows how to shamelessly pander to her target demographic. Rowling has seamlessly transitioned from cranking out Harry Potter novels and corresponding movies to her spin-off franchise of Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them and she’s teasing her adoring masses once more with the sequel film for that series, sharing a picture of the its script on Twitter. The second Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them film is due out next November and the third one two years after that, but perhaps the most exciting news for the franchise is that after a brief cameo in the first film, Johnny Depp will become a full-fledged cast member this time around alongside returning stars Eddie Redmayne, Ezra Miller and Zoë Kravitz. Rowling knows she’s taking some heat for her cash grab/decision to turn the Fantastic Beasts saga into five movies, ensuring maximum earning potential for herself and the studio - so she has a well-written explanation handy. “I think, when you realize what story we’re really telling, you’ll understand that it can’t possibly fit in one movie,” Rowling said. “There’s a natural arc to five. You’ll see.” Yes, you’ll see when you pay out $15 to see each of those movies, lining her pockets with money on stop of the dollar-laced linings she already has in every one of them thanks to the endless string of Harry Potter revenue that continues to flow in on an annual basis, making her one of the most profitable authors and writers of all-time…..

- Cue the “Footloose” jokes, summon the spirit of Kevin Bacon and kick off your Sunday shoes in celebration, because a town bizarrely stuck in 1950 has finally eliminated a legal anachronism by making dancing legal in all its tiny confines. Welcome to Henryetta, Oklahoma, where city leaders have voted to abolish an ordinance on dancing in certain segments of town. There was an anti-dancing ordinance prohibiting any from busting a move, teaching someone how to Dougie, doing the Wobble, practicing the Electric Slide or even flapping to the Chicken Dance at a dance hall within 500 feet of a church or public school - with a massive $25 fine hanging over anyone who dared to spit in the face of this ridiculous rule. The agent for change is resident Joni Insabella, who decided last month to host a dance above her store, which is within 500 feet of a church. In response, the city’s chamber of commerce posted on social media about the event, taking the exceedingly childish and petty step of a Facebook post that labeled Insabella a rule breaker and accused her of getting special treatment, because of her husband, who's the city's attorney. "We wanted just a good, clean, fun event. As I said, we know we're in the Bible Belt. We weren't having alcohol or anything. We just wanted it to be fun for the community," Insabella said. Wanted is the key word there, because the event was canceled, but it achieved a greater purpose as Mayor Jennifer Clason decided review the ordinance. Score one for lady politicians, as the city's first female mayor recognized the fact that the dance ban infamously tied her town to "Footloose," which tells the story of a small town banning dancing and rock music. She admitted that prior to the cancelled event, she'd never heard of the ordinance preventing dancing and noted that dances have been held at the city's churches and schools without repercussions, meaning the city essentially did away with a moronic law that no one was enforcing anyhow - other than the colossal ass hats at the chamber of commerce………

Squad car sex acts, Vince Young heads to Canada and casting the next Doctor Who

- Hollywood is regularly under fire for casting white people in roles that call for actors of a different ethnicity, so why not flip the script? Actor David Harewood knows that the coveted role as the next Doctor Who is up for grabs and he believes that the man or woman who replaces Peter Capaldi should not be a white dude, as every previous doctor Who has been. Harewood, who is thought to be one of the top contenders for the role, appeared on “Doctor Who” as Joshua Naismith in the double episode ‘The End Of Time,” in 2009-2010 and whether he gets to be the next doctor or not, he wants to the show to change it up. “It needs to do something different, so I think it’s either going to be a black person or a woman. It would just bring a different flavor to it,” Harewood said, noting that Tilda Swinton is among those thought to be in the running. “She’s extraordinary anyway so I think she’d be great. “It would be a very different Doctor and maybe that’s what it needs.” He added that it’s “nice to be in the running” for the role and after playing David Estes in “Homeland” and the Martian Manhunter in "Supergirl,” he has some solid TV work in his recent past. He was also nominated for Best Male Lead at the Independent Spirit Awardf or his portrayal of a Christian miracle healer in “Free In Deed” and the native of Birmingham, England makes a good point about the identity of one of television’s top roles…….

- Alaska: The final frontier….for the Confederate flag? You might not think the state most likely to be traded to Canada in an American trade to get a lifetime supply of denim and beaver pelts would be a place where such wars are waged, but an Anchorage-area school has banned the display of the Confederate flag after some students posed with a version of the flag for photos inside the school. Obviously, once those photos circulated on social media, Chugiak High School Principal David Legg had to respond and so he sent an email to parents banning the flag from the school. The policy change came weeks after five students posed with a version of the Confederate battle flag that also depicted the silhouette of a woman and flames, sparking cries of racism and bigotry across social media. "Students, parents, staff and other community members have been significantly impacted both by this widely known event and by less obvious but equally disruptive underground currents in the community," Legg wrote. He also reminded students that they must receive school approval before making any displays or presentations on campus, an announcement that would have been more impactful a few months ago, but the district said Legg has the authority to choose what's best for the school. "A recent incident involving the Confederate flag at Chugiak High School caused a substantial disruption to the school environment," the Anchorage School District said in its own written statement. "Our schools are safe learning environments for all students and ASD supports the principal's decision to ensure a safe and productive environment at his school." The good news is that the flag may still be displayed for educational purposes, though one could argue it’s always educational because it helps identify those still stuck in 1860 intellectually and socially……..

- On one hang, it’s a bit sad to see a former AP Offensive Rookie of the Year and a quarterback who led the Texas Longhorns to the 2005 BCS national championship groveling at the feet of a Canadian Football League team, but at the same time it’s nice to see a down-and-out former NFL star humble himself in an effort to restart his career. The fallen former star in question is Vince Young, who hasn't played a game since 2011 other than any pickup games at a local park he may have found his way into, is trying to get back into football after nearly a decade away, according to agent Leigh Steinberg. Steinberg revealed in a tweet that he's reached out to the Saskatchewan Roughriders on behalf of Young, the third overall pick in the 2006 NFL draft. Young had a successful start in the NFL, but fizzled out after six seasons, mainly with the Tennessee Titans. He’s tried to get back into the game before, but maybe being in the midst of serving an 18-month probation for a 2016 drunken-driving arrest in Austin, Texas has him reassessing his life and realizing that if he wants to get anything more out of his athletic ability, he needs to do so soon, before his tank is completely empty. Other fallen NFL stars have balked at the idea of playing in the CFL, so it’s interesting to see one who views going north of the border as a viable option and one that’s not beneath him as a means of reviving his career……..

- This is the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to police violence. While some officers around the world are looking to do harm to others and abuse their power in the name of violence, a pair of cops in Argentina are all about bringing joy and pleasure to others - at least to one another, in their squad car, while on duty. These two lovebirds were caught on video getting after it with one another in their police car, which would have been bad enough because cops on duty need to have their pants pulled up and zipped at a minimum in the event that a crime or other dangerous situation arises. But what made matters worse for the duo is that they were filmed on a smartphone by a coworker in the midst of sexing it up while simultaneously ignoring a radio call about a robbery. The incident happened in the city of Rosario, where a female officer can be seen on video performing a sex act on her partner while a dispatcher alerts them to a robbery. She definitely knew that someone was rolling video on her performance, because she can also be seen putting up her hand in an apparent feeble attempt to stop her colleague from shooting the damning footage. Now, the woman and the object of her affection face disciplinary action. Getting out of it will be tough because the video captured her badge, making her easy to identify. “A disciplinary probe which will involve the suspension of both officers has been initiated,” a police spokesman said. “We condemn this extremely offensive incident for the people of this province, given that we’re dealing with public servants on duty who should be protecting the lives and security of our people.” Yes, but who can be expected to care about someone getting robbed when there’s good lovin’ to be had right inside the squad car……..

Derrick Rose devotion, Patrick Stewart says adios to Xavier and how to badly steal a Maserati

- He never quite lived up to the hype, but that doesn’t mean Chicago Bulls fans are any less devoted to broken-down point guard Derrick Rose. Rose, a Chicago native, former No. 1 overall pick and current colossal disappointment with the New York Knicks, is still beloved in his hometown. Just as new Bulls guard Anthony Morrow, who arrived in town this week and made the unfortunate decision to wear jersey No. 1, Rose's old jersey number. Rose left Chicago for the Knicks last offseason and many fans were upset even though a litany of injuries have turned him into a shell of the player he used to be. Those fans went in on Morrow on Twitter for his choice of jersey number after he suited up in the No. 1 and was on the bench for the Bulls' 128-121 win over the Suns but did not play. Following the social media backlash, Morrow tweeted out his regrets and promised to pick a new number to wear going forward. He could have avoided all this trouble if he’d only chatted with new teammate Michael Carter-Williams, who chose No. 1 after coming to Chicago from the Milwaukee Bucks in October, only to have the same ugly experience and soon switch to No. 7. It’s clear Bulls fans remember the player Rose used to be and not the ineffective, broken-down ex-star he’s been with the Knicks this season. He’s going from being the youngest MVP in league history, during the 2010-11 season, at age 22, to a guy with bad wheels who openly ruminates about worrying that going hard on the court will hinder him from being able to sit comfortably during business meetings and his children’s graduation ceremonies once he retires………

- This is a you problem, Venezuela. Your dictator is running your country into the ground, your government is the one that can't provide basic dietary and hygiene staples for your citizens and you’re the ones who sent arguably the worst skier in the world to compete at a prestigious event, inviting shame on your troubled nation. The country with the world’s worst economy (new tourism slogan?) is trying to do damage control after one of its own, Adrian Solano, delivered a truly miserable performance in the qualifying rounds of the Nordic World Ski Championships. Dude stumbled to - not out of, to - the starting block and struggled to compete in a race that was, he admitted, his first time skiing on snow. Another of Venezuela’s faults - one that can't be blamed on dictator Nicolas Maduro - is that the balmy climates that exist throughout the South American nation don’t really facilitate the snow. Solano’s trip to a training camp in Sweden was another unfortunate element of his troubles, as he was stopped by border agents during a layover in France and interrogated as to whether he was actually a professional skier. Agents asked him if there was even snow in Venezuela and accused of him of trying to illegally immigrate to the European nation. The incident with French officials prompted Venezuelan Foreign Minister Delcy Rodríguez, who launched a Twitter war against France in which he explained that Maduro had instructed him to “deliver a strong protest to the French government for the affront against the Venezuelan athlete.” An enraged Rodríguez added that "the insult against Venezuelans is absolutely unacceptable" and blamed domestic opposition groups for allegedly bringing Venezuela into disrepute around the globe. Yes, because filing to finish the qualifying round of a 10-kilometer race and finishing dead freaking last in the 1.6 kilometer cross-country sprint makes the country look amazing…….

- Pour one out for Professor Charles Xavier. Actor Patrick Stewart has announced his retirement from the X-Men franchise, a run he wrapped when production on the superhero spin-off film “Logan” wrapped up a few months ago. Xavier is of course the leader of the ragtag band of mutants and he’s been a part of seven movies in the franchise, but after he, co-star Hugh Jackman and director James Mangold watched the film together last week in Berlin, he was ready to let the world know that the ride was over. “I was so moved by it, much more moved than I had been the first time of seeing it,” Stewart said. “At one point [Hugh] reached out, and he took my hand in those last few minutes, and I saw him go [wipes tear from eye] like this, and then I realized I had just done the same thing. Then, the movie ended… and we were going to be taken up on stage, but not until the credits were over. So, we had some time to sit there and, as I sat there I realized there will never be a better, a more perfect, a more sensitive, emotional, and beautiful way of saying au revoir to Charles Xavier than this movie.” Later, that evening, he told Jackman that like his muscled co-star, he would not reprise his X-Men role ever again. Sometimes that’s code for, “Pay me a lot more money and I’ll come back as long as you want,” but in the case of a veteran actor such as Stewart, it could be true. He’s getting to the end of his career and probably wants to be choosy about the roles he takes, so surrendering the Charles Xavier mantle to someone else might sound like a wise idea……..

- That’s one way to afford a new Maserati if the exclusive Italian auto brand happens to be out of your price range. A Boca Raton, Florida luxury car dealership is currently down one $150,000 Maserati GranTurismo after a man allegedly managed to deke a salesman during a test drive. Michael McGilvary II (there has to be a proud Michael McGilvary Sr. out there somewhere) went to the dealership ostensibly to test drive the pricey sports car, but his real plan was to steal the car using a scheme that really shouldn’t have worked on a salesman with an IQ over 70. According to police, McGilvary and the salesman drove to a marina so McGilvary could supposedly show his girlfriend the car. The piece de resistance in the scam was a walk down to the dock, at the end of which McGilvary told the salesman he would get his girlfriend. Much to the clueless salesman’s shock, McGilvary didn’t return and when he searched for his prospective buyer, the valet told him McGilvary had driven off. Amazingly, for a man with such a flawless plan, McGilvary was arrested the next on auto theft charges….but without the missing car. He was held by federal authorities on a probation violation, while the salesman he fleeced might want to start looking for a new gig, one where the products customers could steal from under his nose have significantly lower value, perhaps his local home improvement store…….

Nursing home lap dances for 100-year-olds, Bosnia demands a justice redo and Charles Oakley's metaphoric middle finger

- Nothing like asking the International Court of Justice to reconsider a past decision it took months and months to reach. It takes a bold nation-state to make such a request, so meet Bosnia, which has asked the United Nation's top court to reconsider its 2007 ruling that cleared Serbia of genocide during the 1992-95 Bosnian war. Bakir Izetbegovic, the Muslim Bosniak member of Bosnia's tripartite presidency (a possible solution to our current Traffic-Cone-In-Chief problems, America?), announced the filing of that request with the ICC, a move made over the strenuous objections of  Bosnian Serb presidency member Mladen Ivanic, who contended that his absence from involvement with the request invalidated it, which is of course one of the problems with having a three-headed presidential monster running your country. Bosnia has been fighting this battle for a while now, having initially sued neighboring Serbia before the international court in 1993 over its backing for the Bosnian Serbs' war effort. Unfortunately for Bosnia, the U.N. court ruled in 2007 that a 1995 massacre in the Bosnian city of Srebrenica of 8,000 Muslims by Bosnian Serbs was genocide - for which someone other than Serbia was responsible. It was a devastating result for the Bosnians, as evidenced by the fact that a decade later, its leaders - some of them, anyhow - are still attempting to reverse it and gain the justice they believe they were unjustly denied by the ICC the first time around…….

- Enjoy Ben Affleck’s sloppy seconds, Matt Reeves. Warner Bros. has confirmed that Reeves will be responsible for directing the next Batman film, stepping in after Affleck curiously hit the eject button amidst rumors that he wanted to cut ties with the Batman franchise entirely, both as its star and director. For now, he hasn’t completely severed those links, but he will be replaced in the director’s chair by Reeves, who directed films such as “Cloverfield” and “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” neither of which was exactly hailed by anyone at all as a cinematic home run. Affleck claimed he ceded the director’s chair to focus on his role as the movie’s leading man, which is a predictable claim from a guy looking for a viable eject button. “There are certain characters who hold a special place in the hearts of millions,” he said. “Performing this role demands focus, passion and the very best performance I can give. It has become clear that I cannot do both jobs to the level they require.” Of course, because the scathing, nearly universally bad reviews of Affleck’s debut as the caped crusader in last year’s “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice” had nothing to do with him taking one giant step back from the next movie in the series. Affleck also penned a script for a standalone Batman film but is also distancing himself from that project despite the fact that filming is due to begin as soon as this spring. What we do know is that Batman’s nemesis in the film will be the DC Comics character Deathstroke, but what we don’t know is whether abdicating the director’s chair is the death stroke for Affleck’s attachment to the Batman universe……..

- It’s nice to see nursing home employees go the extra mile - or show some extra skin to make the day of an extremely elderly man who probably thought he’d already experienced his last lap dance in this world. Meet should-be Employee of the Month Brittany Fultz, a now-former worker at a Sandusky, Ohio assisted living center who tried to bring much-needed joy to the limited life of a 100-year-old resident and is now facing a charge of gross sexual imposition because of her kindness and adventurous spirit. According to police, Fultz was filmed performing a sexually provocative dance on the centenarian resident, an act she was doing as a prank and trying to make the man feel good, her attorney said. For the record, Fultz pleaded not guilty even though she was fired after the integrity-lacking co-worker who dared her to do the dance and filmed it showed the video to a supervisor, who reported it to police. Detectives claimed that during the dance, Fultz showed her breasts and buttocks while she danced in front of and on the man, who suffers from dementia. He may not have known if what he was seeing was real, but Fultz's attorney said the resident could have told her to stop but didn't. "The man knew exactly what was going on and had no problem whatsoever with it," defense attorney Geoffrey Oglesby said. Amazingly, the second caretaker wasn't charge, but according to supervisors at the facility, neither Fultz nor her (alleged) partner in crime/joy-giving works at the business any longer. If only those doing the investigating, accusing and prosecuting in this case could appreciate the rarity and beauty of a 100-year-old man receiving a lap dance/grind session from a woman approximately one-fourth his age…….

- If Charles Oakley makes an emphatic, public “eff you” gesture, you keep your mouth shut and accept it. The New York Knicks poked an aging, but still f-ing scary bear earlier this month when ass-hatted owner James Dolan banned the former Knicks fan favorite from Madison Square Garden following a bizarre incident in which security at the iconic arena accosted and ejected Oakley, after which the team alleged inappropriate, abusive and possibly drunken behavior on his part at the game. Those claims had no basis in fact, but that didn’t stop the Knicks from piling on with a clumsily worded statement blaming Oakley for the incident and inviting other former Knicks stars to the next game to sit around Dolan in a transparently lame show of faux support. Oakley has responded to the whole mess with class and dignity, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t deliver a massive middle finger to his former team by sitting next to Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert as the Knicks fell to the defending NBA champions 119-104. Oakley is a Cleveland native, so he and his crew spun the appearance as merely him attending a game in his hometown as he always done when visiting the place from which he hails. He was asked when he would attend a game at Madison Square Garden and said he wasn’t sure, even though the Knicks reversed their terrible decision recently by lifting the ban. His attorney, Fred Nance, said the Cavs offered he and his client the courtside seats when they learned Oakley planned to attend the game. "Oak will be in his hometown of Cleveland," Oakley spokesman Akhtar Farzaie said. "When in Cleveland, he always tries to attend a Cavs game." Hopefully the sight of his nemesis sitting courtside by a rival owner and once again bringing Dolan’s moronic actions to light was truly embarrassing for the Knicks owner, but given the raging tire fire his team is on the court and the joke his organization has been for the duration of his ownership, not much could embarrass him at this point………

Working with homicidal co-workers, DUI times three for a college coach and Bob's Burgers gets musical

- Now THAT is an album. “Bob’s Burgers” isn't just an adult cartoon Fox is counting on to provide a solid No. 2 to “The Simpsons” in its grown-up cartoon lineup, it’s also a musical powerhouse that will release a 112-track album that features musical numbers and covers from the show. The series has in part built its popularity on a growing reputation for its comic musical set pieces, some of them so legit that they’ve actually been covered by popular artists. The BB album will include 107 original songs, one for each episode of its six seasons, and will be released May 12 by Sub Pop. ‘The Bob’s Burgers Music Album’ has snagged some big names to be a part of the process, including five covers that performed by animated versions of St. Vincent, The National, Lapsley, and Stephin Merritt of The Magnetic Fields during past episodes of the show. The National, known for more than a decade for their heavy, melancholy indie rock tunes, have twice made cameos in Bob’s Burgers, appearing to perform a Thanksgiving song in 2013 and returning for a Christmas song in 2014. Along with the aforementioned musical acts, the album will also include songs performed by the show’s many guests and recurring cast members including Aziz Ansari, Cyndi Lauper, Carly Simon, Zach Galifianakis, Sarah Silverman, Kevin Kline, Paul Rudd and Bill Hader. For those who don’t follow the show and have never seen a single episode, “Bob’s Burgers” follows the Belcher family as they run a hamburger restaurant in an unnamed seaside community. The show is in its seventh season and has already been renewed for an eighth season………

- Someone knows how to shamelessly pander to his constituents, eh Swedish politician Erik Muskos? Muskos, a member of the Swedish Social Democrat party, is looking to give employees an hour-long paid break to go home and have sex and pitched his bold plan during a council meeting in the northern city of Overtornea. This might seem like a shameless effort to curry favor with both the lazy and lustful among his constituency, but Muskos said he’s backing the measure because he believes midweek sex breaks will improve wellness and boost childbirth in the northern region he represents. “Childbirth should be encouraged,” he said. “When sex is also an excellent form of exercise with documented positive effects on wellbeing, the municipality should kill two birds with one stone and encourage employees to use their fitness hour to go home and have sex with their partner.” Yes, because no one has the energy to get after it in the sack after working a full day, so give them time midday, when they still have some fuel left in the tank, to go home and get after it. Muskos noted that everyday stresses in life can put a strain on relationships and due to the busyness of everyday life, “Swedish couples don’t get enough quality together, which makes it difficult for them to express their love. “I believe that sex is a scarce commodity in many long relationships. Everyday life is stressful and the children are at home,” he added. “This could be an opportunity to have their own time.” Or an opportunity to claim that you’re going home for some afternoon delight simply so you can spend an extra hour napping it out in your car………

- Awfully hard for a college football coach to show his players how to grow as both athletes and men when he’s averaging more DUI convictions a year than many of them are touchdowns. Nebraska receivers coach Keith Williams has much bigger problems that finding a reliable slot receiver and the Huskers’ next big deep threat in their vertical passing game, what with being sentenced to 30 days in jail, three years' probation and fined $1,000 after pleading no contest to third-offense drunken driving. The good news for the alcoholic assistant coach is that while he’s to report to jail March 3, a Lancaster County judge said Williams could apply for house arrest. Prosecutors want him to go to jail because he never did time for previous DUI convictions and wherever he finds himself, he won't be allowed to get behind wheel, as his driver's license also has been revoked for five years. Sure, he can apply for an ignition interlock after 45 days, but at this point he clearly has some major issues to tackle first. A dude who was in his Chevrolet Camaro when he rear-ended an Uber driver's vehicle about 1:50 a.m. and was found to have blood-alcohol content measured at 0.15 percent when he already had two DUI convictions on his record is definitely too big a fan of the drinky-drinky. Nothing quite like the prospect of a guy working on the receiver depth chart from his kitchen table because a court-ordered tracking anklet won't let him leave home for the next 30 days. The Nebraska athletic department released a statement expressing its support of Williams despite the conviction, but at this point it’s fair to asking what the break-off point would be……….

- We’ve all worked with that guy at some point in our life. He’s the one who’s constantly griping about how he’s underpaid, how the company doesn’t value the amount of great work he does or the time he puts in and how the boss better show him some respect…or else. Usually that “or else” involves the person threatening to quit and go someplace he’s appreciated, but occasionally it involves a (possibly mentally ill) employee warning his co-workers that he’s either going to a) get a raise or b) murder them all in extremely painful and graphic fashion. Omar Alanis was that guy, back when he was a world history teacher at Seagoville High School in Dallas, a job he no longer holds because he was arrested after he reportedly threatened to kill the staff if he didn’t get a raise. According to police, Alanis used his school email account to message the principal and other administrators that they should pay him and another teacher the “Master Teacher Salary” and back-pay them from August of last year and suggested it should happen soon unless they “don’t want to burn alive.” Possibly reaching a bit too far in an effort to make his point, Alanis sent a second email adding that those who don’t comply with his demands would be “put down immediately by Dallas PD.” He even added an attached photo of officers with weapons and after sending his emails, he went missing for a week. Police say he admitted several times to sending the threatening emails, claiming he was standing up to the administration to bring change in regards to pay, while family members claim he is mentally ill and needs help. That could be part of setting up his legal defense when it comes to facing charges of making terroristic threats, but it’s safe to say Mr. Alanis won't be teaching students about World War II any time soon. Now isn't that ironic……..

Weaponizing pork products, Hungary's Olympic wisdom and Incubus + Skrillex

- Rarely does Polish theater get this much run publicly. Apparently the way to garner some attention is to stage a new production that alludes to murdering the country's most powerful politician and has sexual scenes involving the cross and an image of the late Polish pope, St. John Paul II, although some of the attention the play is garnering comes from prosecutors. Those legal eagles are investigating the production to determine if the play, "The Curse," offends religious feelings and acts as an incitement to murder. Yes, because people always go to the theater and do exactly what they see the overly makeup-ed, costumed thespians on stage acting out as they sing and dance around. Those two crimes can be punished with prison terms of two and three years, respectively, so it’s not a matter to be taken lightly for Croatian director Oliver Frljic. His play debuted Saturday at Warsaw's Teatr Powszechny and the politician named in his production is Law and Justice party Chairman Jaroslaw Kaczynski, which apparently is enough to get the law breathing down your neck in Poland. Another adversary for the production is the Polish Bishops' Conference, not known for its tolerance or sense of humor and which called the play blasphemous and says the scenes involving the cross and John Paul II are "extremely painful" to people in predominantly Catholic Poland. Sometimes great art is built on a foundation of pain, uptight religious leaders, so grab some popcorn and enjoy the show……..

- They’re two odd musical ingredients to mix together, so who knows what the hell will result from this unusual collaboration? Incubus and Skrillex have been pictured working together in the studio, apparently as part of Incubus’ not-much-awaited return from a long hiatus with their eighth studio album, the unimaginatively titled “8.” The band marked the announcement of their next album with the single “Nimble Bastard” and have chased that news with an Instagram photo showing band members in the studio with EDM hero Skrillex, who is believed to have a guest spot on one of the album’s songs. Guitarist Mike Einziger posted the photo from the studio, showing band members sitting around a mixing desk with Skrillex and the cryptic caption, “Nothing cool is happening right now…nothing at all.” Einziger previously spoke about the “Nimble Bastard” single and explained that the track was actually a fairly recent development. “This song actually came very late in the process of writing new music for our new album that we have coming out very soon,” he said. “We’re just about done actually and it just kind of happened in the studio and we were messing around with this musical idea and the next thing we know we had a song.” The track, he noted, is a story about someone who manages to consistently overcome adversity in life and always seems to come out of those trials looking like a rock star. One of the album’s remaining tracks will apparently be Skrillex’s chances to shine, so here’s hoping he makes the most of it………

- Only in the South. Of any corner of the United States, there’s only one region where weaponizing processed pork products is a go-to move in a dispute with a family member. It’s the perfect place for a man like Terry Bernard Ball Jr., who was recently arrested for simple battery for allegedly assaulting his mother with a pork chop and then head-butting her for not buying him cigarettes. That’s the tale being told by Athens-Clarke County police, who noted that a good, upstanding citizen like Ball was also charged with a probation violation from a prior case six months earlier. Proving once again that cancer sticks are hazardous to one’s health in more ways than one, this smoking addict was eating a pork chop at his home on Simmons Street around 7:30 p.m. when a major problem arose. Ball’s mother, for some odd reason, refused to pony up the necessary cash and make a trip to the store to buy her son’s lung darts, prompting her own child to pick up his pork and hurl it across the room at her. At least he didn’t pick up the chop, use it like a club and try to assault his beloved mother, but he did then use his head as a battering ram, head-butting mom and prompting his father to step in and restrain his son until police could arrive. As always, at least there’s a good reason police had to be called to a residence to quell a dispute that never should have happened and now, the Ball family kitchen can hopefully return to being a place of peaceful pork products…….

- The no-one-wins game of international sports chicken is down to just two foolish cities, both driving toward sure disaster at a reckless rate of speed, determined to make sure that they become the latest municipality to take on the financial albatross that is hosting the Olympics. Budapest figured out what a terrible idea it would be to continue with its pursuit of a bid to host the 2024 Summer Olympics and officially hit the eject button, leaving only Los Angeles and Paris in the race. Hungarian government spokesman Zoltan Kovacs confirmed the withdrawal, which was a joint decision by Prime Minister Viktor Orban, Budapest mayor Istvan Tarlos and the Hungarian Olympic Committee. All three deserve immense credit for making the right choice and although the measure must be formally voted on by the Budapest City Assembly, that rubber stamp is only a matter of time. The country’s governing party, Fidesz, said the decision was made to avoid "a loss of international prestige" for Hungary because the country had a very small chance of success, but the reason is irrelevant. Those involved should be saluted for their forward thinking because all that matters is that Hungary won't be wasting billions of dollars building Olympic venues that will be abandoned ruins within months of the games or constructing infrastructure that will only be needed for the three weeks of the Games. The International Olympic Committee will choose the host city in September and the worst part of this news is that residents of L.A. and Paris now have a 50/50 chance of having the Olympics shoved down their throats and plunging their town into fiscal ruin all in the supposed name of national pride………..

Pie-eating gaolies, raging bulls in New York and a Bowie monument in the works

- Pete Rose he ain’t. Now-former Sutton United goalkeeper/assistant coach Wayne Shaw is a man who, like Rose, ran afoul of his sport for intertwining athletics and gambling. Unlike Rose, Shaw is nowhere close to being the best ever in his sport and his exit from it won't really stir up much controversy. When a guy who’s nearly 50 years old and so out of shape that he’s known as the "roly-poly goalie," it’s hard to expect excellence of any kind from him, so when he was spotted eating a pie on the bench during his club's FA Cup contest against Arsenal, it wasn’t out of place. Yet there was more to the story and that’s why the Football Association and Gambling Commission have launched an investigation into a potential breach of betting rules regarding the pie-eating goalie. Seems that Shaw admitted he was aware that a bookmaker was offering odds of 8-1 on him being seen eating during the match at Gander Green Lane and knowing the game would be broadcast live, he could place a bet and bank some sweet coin by chowing down on the bench - all without doing the one thing sports fear when it comes to athletes and gambling, namely affecting the outcome of a game in the name of profit. A Sun Bets tweet claimed the company paid out a "five-figure sum" on the bet and who else would gamble that big on a seemingly trivial bet except the dude who could control whether it paid off? Shaw resigned less than 24 hours after the game and manager Paul Doswell called it “very disappointing, there's no doubt about that.” How many pies can a former professional soccer player buy with a five-figure sum……….

- Bob DeNiro, he ain’t. Yes, he was a raging bull, but this one wasn’t looking to knock anyone out on the ring - just to avoid ending up on a grill somewhere, being seared and served to hungry diners. It created quite the scene in the streets of Queens as a bold bull escaped a slaughterhouse and sprinted through the streets of the borough’s Jamaica neighborhood, prompting hardened New Yorkers to stop honking their horns at one another, rushing to their next appointment in Manhattan and snap photos for social media while asking, “What the f*ck?” The bull managed to get away from the slaughterhouse and ran through a housing project before it was cornered in a neighbor’s back yard, where police and wildlife personnel were able to corral and put him down using at least five tranquilizer darts. Sadly for the bull, its heart and escapability were not rewarded, as it died shortly after taking those find tranquilizer dart shots, the animal died - likely of stress, police and witnesses said. Officers probably won't win much support from animal rights kooks for shooting the raging bull with a tranquilizer to calm him and also injecting the animal with a syringe of xylazine, a drug used for sedation, but there weren't too many options for them and either way, the bull wasn’t going to live much longer. In this case, it died in a back  yard and was transported to a crematorium to be disposed of, depriving a restaurant somewhere of quality burgers and steaks…….

- There are so many memorable images and symbols associated with the career of iconic British rocker David Bowie, how does an adoring fan base pick just one? It is a challenge, but Bowie fans near his home base in Brixton, south London have managed to settle on one specific image to honor their icon and are now raising money for a memorial statue marking the late music hero’s London birthplace. The statue is to be shaped liked the iconic lightning bolt from his ‘Aladdin Sane’ album cover and would be situated near the heart of Brixton, just a few streets away from Bowie’s Stansfield Road birthplace. A group of Bowie fans are launched a crowdfunding project they hope will raise more than $1.2 million for the sculpture, which is to be more than nine meters tall. So far, just $25,000 has been raised. The crowdfunding campaign’s page reads: “Just as an otherworldly David Bowie landed in our lives, the memorial (is it too soon to call it the ZiggyZag?) stands embedded in the Brixton pavement – a three story tall bolt from above. A nine meter missive from another dimension, hurled from afar. Unexplained, yet utterly familiar; a poignant reminder that life does exist beyond the everyday. That music and art and curiosity are vital, positive contributors to our collective existence.” If it’s large, gaudy and draws lots of attention, then Bowie himself would be truly proud……..

- It’s nice to see Jews and Catholics getting along and making art history. It’s all going down in Rome, where the museums of the Vatican and Rome's ancient Jewish community are hosting their first joint exhibit, putting an exclamation point on decades of improved Catholic-Jewish relations following centuries of mistrust. The exhibit opens in may and will center on the menorah, the seven-armed candelabrum described in the Jewish Torah and depicted in Jewish, Catholic and secular art over many centuries. Organizers announced the joint venture in a statement that noted how the exhibit "recounts the multi-millennia, incredible and suffered history of the menorah.” One of the scintillating centerpieces of the show will be an exhibit exploring the legend of a solid-gold menorah that was kept in the first Temple of Jerusalem and later  taken to Rome after the 70 A.D. destruction of the temple by troops of the Roman emperor Titus. Visitors will be able to hear how the story of the historic menorah was lost some time during the 5th century, when may have been pilfered by the Vandals who sacked Rome in 455. Arnold Nesselrath is a Vatican Museums official and one of the show’s curators described the exhibit about the menorah's history and symbolism a fruit of "intense dialogue" developing between the Holy See and the Jewish community in recent years, one that helped "Christians recall their Jewish roots" in faith. A likeness of a menorah is frescoed on a wall of the Vatican's Borgia Apartment built for Pope Alessandro VI, a man whose papacy began in 1492, the same year Jews in Spain were ordered expelled. Rome’s Jewish Museum doesn’t have much real estate, so the majority of the 130 works on display will be hosted at the Vatican Museums' Carlo Magno exhibit space in St. Peter's Square. Mix in a recently discovered bas relief from a 1st century Galilee synagogue, ancient Roman glass, sarcophagi and memorial stone tablets from Rome's Jewish catacombs and you have quite an interfaith art collection……..

Neymar on trial, a Lost Boy seeks relevance and Jesus loses his head in Indiana

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It was an unusual one in Barcelona, the centerpiece of a region that’s spent more than a year raging against the Spanish machine in an effort to lead the region of Catalonia to independence but is now the staging ground for a revolt that’s trying to demand that the very Spanish government its people want to separate from alter its approach to Europe’s ongoing refugee crisis. Thousands of angry Spaniards marched in Barcelona to demand that Spain's conservative-led government up its efforts to accept more refugees who have fled the war in Syria and other violent conflicts, apparently because they don’t listen to U.S. Traffic-Cone-In-Chief Donald Trump’s warnings that countries like Sweden are having massive problems on account of taking in too many of those refugees. Spain promised to take some 17,000 of these displaced souls, but so far has welcomed just 1,100 of them to the Iberian Peninsula. Protestors toted  a large banner and small signs with the slogan "Enough Excuses! Take Them In Now!" as they marched through the city’s historic center, reminding the government of its September 2015 promise to bring 17,337 refugees in within two years: 15,888 from camps in Italy and Greece and 1,449 from Turkey and Libya. Despite a massive contingent of 66 refugees — 65 Syrians and one Iraqi — who arrived in Madrid last week, the number currently sits at about 1,100 and it seems the bleeding hearts of España want to extend their charity further……..

- Even one of the greatest soccer players in the world can't bend the will of the law the way he can bend a long free kick into the upper left corner of the goal, it seems. Neymar, hero of Brazilian soccer and FC Barcelona, is now Neymar, defendant in a complaint brought by Brazilian investment group DIS. The company is seeking damages on corruption charges related to Neymar’s transfer to Barcelona four years ago and has filed suit against Barcelona, Brazilian club Santos and the company run by Neymar's parents. That collective lost its appeal and will stand trial on claims that DIS was entitled to 40 percent of the transfer fee Barcelona paid Santos for Neymar but received a smaller compensation because part of the fee was concealed by those involved. But this isn't merely an instance of a matter money alone can settle; prosecutors are seeking a two-year prison sentence and a fine of nearly 10 million euros for Neymar and his father on corruption charge. But fear not, soccer hooligans of the world, because that dynamic duo are not likely to face any jail time if found guilty because they would be first-time offenders. Still, the price tag could be high, as prosecutors are seeking about $13 million from FC Barcelona and $10 million from Santos on the grounds that DIS paid nearly $2 million or its 40 percent of Neymar's rights in 2009, but received a scant $24 million of Neymar’s transfer fee because FC Barcelona claimed the transfer fee was just $74 million or so. If the claims in the suit are accurate, DIS would be entitled to an additional $4.5 million or so, and it would be another legal black eye for FC Barcelona just seven months after star midfielder Lionel Messi and his father were sentenced to 21 months in prison for tax fraud…….

- Jesus has lost his head twice now and members of an Indiana church are mighty upset about it. Twice in a span of two weeks, a Jesus statue outside a church on the south side of Indianapolis has been vandalized, with the head being removed. “It makes me sad that somebody would do something like that,” said pastor Brad Flaskamp. “I was hoping it was just a random act to destroy it in the first place.” He and his flock at Cottage Avenue Pentecostal Fellowship thought that the first attack on the inanimate likeness of Jesus was merely a random prank, perhaps staged by local kids with too much time and a wicked sense of humor, but that belief evaporated when it happened a second time. Apparently in its five years of standing guard outside the church, the statue kept its head until the last two weeks. After the first attack, the statue’s head was left on the ground next to the body and with a lot of hard work and quite a bit of super glue, church members were finally able to reattach the head late last week. Rather than stand as a monument to their determination, it apparently served as an open invitation to the vandal or vandals to come back and repeat their feat, something they did within 24 hours. “I can tell you that I don’t think it’s kids,” Flaskamp said. “It would have to be a kid that can wield a sledgehammer.” Have you seen America’s youth these days, pastor? There are some big, strong teenagers running around and they can probably wield a sledgehammer just fine. Maybe this time, build a nice cage for Jesus, stick him inside and keep him safe from the big, bad world around him…….

- Some might argue that Dante Basco is searching for his lost (boy) relevance, along with a healthy chunk of cash. If you have no f*cking idea who Basco is, don’t feel bad. Anyone who’s not a hardcore fan of obscure characters from early ‘90s films doesn’t, but so you know, he played Lost Boy Rufio in the 1991 Peter Pan movie “Hook.” Believe it or not, this E-list actor who hasn’t done anything of note in the 26 years since that film wants to revive his flagging career, er, take fans back to a magical time with a prequel movie set years before “Hook.” The movie, ripping off its title from a Skrillex song, is called “Bangarang” and this short film’s plot is described as ‘the story about Rufio, before the mohawk, before Neverland, before he was The Pan. Roofus is a 13-year-old kid who is destined to be more than he is.’ It’s described that way by a Kickstarter campaign Basco launched to fund the project. He’s reached his goal of $30,000 and now that he’s fleeced enough suckers out of their disposable cash, he’s upping his target to $200,000 and if he can hit that mark, he’ll take the idea from a short film to a feature film. “After his mother is forced to put him into a foster home, he and his rag-tag group of best friends, a Jamaican boy named Julani and a bright-eyed latina force of nature named Ella, find a way for Roofus to escape his ill fate, find his happy thought and fulfill his destiny,” the film’s synopsis reads. “The story has been reverse engineered from what was set-up in Hook. We answer all the questions you’ve ever wondered, How and why is Rufio the leader of the Lost Boys? Where does “bangarang” come from? And of course, how he gets the mohawk.” The synopsis even tackles the fool’s errand of claiming that it’s different than the millions of other sequels, prequels and remakes being churned out by Hollywood because, um, it’s not………

Dellin Betances throws shade at the Yankees, Belarus and Russia spoil for a fight and Dead Kennedys won't reunite

- When it comes to ganja seizures, this one doesn’t do much for impressing folks on account of sheer size. What is noteworthy is where U.S. Customs and Border Protection found 100 pounds of chron stashed at the Port of Sasabe, about 74 miles southwest of Tucson. When agents took possession of that 100-pound pot collection, they found the drugs hidden inside a shipment of mesquite firewood. Not just any ordinary firewood, mind you, but quality mesquite firewood, which came under scrutiny after a narcotics-detection canine was alerted to the truck. After the nosy canine started barking, officers descended on the truck and began unloading the firewood, perhaps suspecting that they might find contraband hidden underneath the cords of fire fuel. Instead, they had to look inside the wood and not under it; when they split some of the logs in half, they found them filled with the hippie lettuce and the man driving the truck was reportedly turned over to officials with Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Seizing 100 pounds of cocaine or heroin is a much bigger deal than confiscating 100 pounds of the sticky icky, so hopefully CBP doesn’t spend too much time patting itself on the back for this one. The fact that Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson could burn through that much product in one or two good smoke sessions on one of their respective tour buses means that no one is making their law enforcement career off of this search and seizure……..

- One of the truly iconic punk bands of all-time could have made a comeback, but they’re not interested. Dead Kennedys have turned down an opportunity to reunite, spurning a request for Riot Fest for the band to get back together. The punk icons initially broke up in 1986 and things took a turn for the ugly when the band’s former members sued lead singer Jello Biafra over unpaid royalties. A judge sided with the band members and ordered Biafra to pay $200,000 in outstanding royalties and damages, along with surrendering the rights to a majority of Dead Kennedys’ back catalogue. The news about the not-to-be reunion came from Dead Kennedys co-founder East Bay Ray, who claimed that Riot Fest sought to reunite the band and the he (and possibly other band members) had interest in doing the show, only to have original frontman Biafra turn down the offer. “Dead Kennedys had a sincere invitation to play a reunion show at Riot Fest in Chicago this fall. Jello Biafra turned it down. Klaus Flouride, DH Peligro and I were looking forward to doing it,” East Bay Ray wrote in a Facebook post. Wait, a guy you sued for nearly a quarter of a million dollars and ripped the rights to the catalog of a band to which you both belonged doesn’t want to join forces for a kick-ass reunion show? Bitter Biafra has also been highly critical of the band’s attempts to use Dead Kennedys music on commercials and to reissue old albums, denouncing the group’s new lineup with replacement singer Brandon Cruz as a “karaoke band.” The good news is that Dead Kennedys’ old music still kicks major punk rock ass……..

- Countdown to Russia invading Belarus is somewhere around a week now, give or take a shirtless Vlad Putin-on-horseback photo or two. It seems odd, given that despotic President Alexander Lukashenko has been in power for more than two decades and has worked to establish his nation as Moscow's closest ally, securing tens of billions of dollars in Russian subsidies. But ever the skillful autocrat, he’s also played on Russia's security fears by occasionally reaching out to the West to get Putin and Co. to cave to certain demands. Lukashenko may have played both sides one too many time and the relationship between his country and Russia has reached the rocky stage where observers are openly speculating about Russia possibly staging a "palace coup" against Lukashenko. Although the overbearing leader recently assured his nation of 10 million people that "there will be no war" between the two countries, that may only be accurate because if Russia starts an armed conflict, it will steamroll Belarus the same way it b*tch-slapped Ukraine in the Crimea region. The strategy of casing Belarus as both a good friend to Russia and a pal to Western nations may have run its course and after a scheduled meeting between Putin and Lukashenko last week was postponed indefinitely, Russia et up border controls on its previously unguarded frontier with Belarus. The two leaders have never had a good relationship, much like the one between Lukashenko and the Belarusian people, whom he has led since 1994 thanks to rigged elections allowing him to stifle both the opposition and independent media. Visa and border security issues have exacerbated tensions in recent months and when Moscow responded by unilaterally establishing border controls, Lukashenko warned the move could trigger a "serious conflict." Now, the two sides are posturing and flexing and with two hotheads in control, the chances for actual conflict are rising by the day……..

- The real games haven't started yet, but the real fire is being thrown around at the New York Yankees’ spring training complex in Tampa. In the latest example of Player v. Team death match, a.k.a. salary arbitration, the Yankees who and flame-throwing reliever Dellin Betances lost, but that didn’t stop Betances from throwing some sweet chin music at the team, especially team president Randy Levine. Shortly after an arbitrator decided in the Yankees' favor, awarding Betances $3 million for 2017 instead of the $5 million he sought, the man who’s been an All-Star in each of his first three seasons threw a 100-mph fastball aimed straight at Levine’s chin. Levine had ripped Betances' agent for what he felt was an exorbitant salary request and after the hearing, Betances said he felt "trashed" by the team during the 90-minute arbitration hearing. He also wasn’t down with Levine demeaning him by labeling him a "victim" of his agent's attempt to change the marketplace. "I was planning on putting everything behind me until I was aware of Randy Levine's comments saying I was the victim in this whole process and saying how much they love me, but then they take me in a room, trash me for about an hour-and-a-half," Betances said. "I thought that was unfair." The most subtle shot of the day came when Betances was asked whether he will constantly be available to pitch multiple innings and in the middle of innings after leading relievers in innings pitched and strikeouts over his first three years in the big leagues.  "It is fair for me to say that," Betances said. In other words, you wanna talk sh*t about me after you beat me in arbitration and portray me as some dumb jock being used as a proxy by his agent, then maybe my arm just won't feel quite as good as normal when you call on me to help you out of that bases-loaded jam in the eighth inning of a key AL East game……..

Donald Glover becomes Simba, Texas fuels the Circus-Peanut-In-Chief and college hoops + felonies

- It’s been a hell of a week for Albania. There was the revelation of (allegedly) amazing undersea artifacts the government believes will help spur tourism, an impromptu protest in which opposition leaders helped block traffic and were joined by citizens in helping demand that the current regime get the hell out of the way and hold elections to elect a new (hopefully legitimate) government and now, Albania's main opposition Democratic Party leader is insisting that the rebellion will not stop any time soon. Lulzim Basha led a protest of several thousand supporters in accusing the ruling Socialist-led government of Prime Minister Edi Rama of trying to manipulate the voting process and in the wake of those claims, Basha is vowing to keep leading revolts until the government resigns and hands over power to a caretaker cabinet to take the country to free and fair elections in June. No matter which side you’re on, the one fact everyone seems to agree on is that parliamentary elections scheduled for June 18 and for many, these elections carry high hopes of paving the way for Albania to gain European Union approval to launch membership negotiations. The governing coalition currently holding the electoral process hostage claims that there is no time to meet the opposition's demand for electronic voting, but in a post-communist nation whose elections have never been described as either fully free or fair by international observers, that might be the only way to inject even a modicum of fairness into the process……..

- There’s always been a curious line between on-court/field/track violence in sports and the legal world. That line got sucker-punched in the face over the weekend by the Daniel Webster men's basketball team, which now has not one, but two players charged with various crimes following a fight during a game that required 25 officers to restore order. The line of demarcation between a hard foul/physical play and a felony was apparently crossed when Daniel Webster guard Marquise Caudill (allegedly) assaulted a player from the opposing team following some hostilities in the course of the game. When the fight broke out, at least one teammate had Caudill’s back, as police claimed that Antwaun Boyd appeared to be inciting an already hostile crowd that had surrounded an officer Caudill is accused of threatening even though that officer was working a security detail at the game. The chaotic scene was an embarrassment to both teams and universities involved, but Southern Vermont College walked away with the win after Daniel Webster forfeited the contest. The official score for the game will go down 2-0 in favor of SVC, while the official score for the criminal portion of the contest will be recoded as a 2-0 edge for Daniel Webster. Credit to all those, fans, players and coaches alike, who turned this game into a major black eye for their schools for at least getting people to talk about small-college basketball for a few minutes………

- Don’t do that, Texas election officials. You might think you’re doing the right thing by acknowledging that hundreds of people were able to bypass voter ID laws and improperly cast ballots in the presidential election, but you’re not. Yes, conceding that voters were able to sign a sworn statement instead of showing ID and letting everyone know that chief election officers in two of Texas' largest counties are considering whether to refer cases to prosecutors for possible charges seems honorable, but what this admission is going to do is give endless fuel to the fire of America’s Circus-Peanut-In-Chief Donald Trump and his supporters who continue with their asinine claims that he actually won the popular vote because 3 million people voted illegally and apparently, he knows that all of them voted for Hilary Clinton. Officials in other parts of Texas are willing to let these errors slide due to widespread confusion among workers and voters., but the fact remains that the law requires voters to show one of seven approved forms of identification. Texas adopted the affidavit process after an appeals court ruled that the voter ID law discriminated against minorities, but the change was actually intended to help voters who could not obtain identification for a variety of reasons related to health, transportation or scheduling issues. There were roughly 13,500 affidavits submitted in Texas' largest counties and among them, at least 500 instances in which voters were allowed to get around the law by signing an affidavit and never showing a photo ID. Tarrant County had at least two dozen and yet amazingly, Trump defeated Clinton by more than 800,000 votes statewide. These disputed ballots made no difference, so Texas should have let them go and kept quiet……..

- Disney is chugging onward with its forthcoming live-action remake of “The Lion King” and while last year’s “The Jungle Book,” which featured the voices of Idris Elba, Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray in a similar live-action remake was extremely disappointing on multiple fronts, the studio is determined to keep on trotting out unoriginal content in the name os making boatloads of cash without having to actually come up with new, fresh ideas. Thus, Disney is remaking the classic 1994 animated film featuring Simba and friends in a CGI-created, live-action adaptation of the tale. Donald Glover has been cast in the role of Simba and will work with director Jon Favreau, who also presided over the ill-fated “Jungle Book” remake, which should have earned him a one-way ticket in the opposite direction from any future live-action remake of a past Disney film. Glover, who is also a recording artist under the Childish Gambino moniker, was confirmed for the lead role in a tweet by Favreau, who might also want to enlist his new leading man’s musical talents if he hopes to truly flesh out all aspects of this project and make it more of a success than “Jungle Book” ever was. The rest of the cast is still taking shape, but even if Favreau manages to enlist an A-lister for every single role from Timon to Nala, it’s going to be difficult to do the original film the justice it deserves……..

Rutgers v. wrong-colored pants, McCutchen v. Father Time and Slaves v. their musical brethren

- It is ironic that a band called Slaves are the ones urging their fellow musicians to free themselves from the constraints society attempts to impose on them, but in the end, all that matters is that someone speaks up. The British rock outfit have urged their fellow artists to “stand up and be counted” as various political and human rights issues continue to flare up and the world becomes more and more contentious and divided by the day. While some believe that musicians’ voices aren't any more important or worthwhile than anyone else’s, Slaves seem to feel otherwise. “Artists thrive under shit conditions and when terrible things happen and there are injustices, that’s when artists should stand up and be counted,” band member Laurie Vincent said. It’s heady times for Slaves, who won the Best Music Video prize at the V05 NME Awards, snagging the sort-of-coveted award for the video for ‘Consume Or Be Consumed,’ in which the pair take part in a hot dog eating contest, during which 200 hot dogs were used. Yes, a band whose award-winning video is all about downing tubes of über-processed quasi-meat product are the ones telling you that you, as a musician, need to use your platform to make a difference in the world. No one is quite sure what message the hot dog eating contest in the video sends, other than Slaves like cheap, somewhat edible food items and will use hot dogs to make their impact felt on the world…… 

- You know it’s a good protest when both lawmakers and those they represent can get with it. Such was the scene in Venezuela, where a group of enraged lawmakers blocked traffic on the main freeway to protest against Nicolas Maduro's government and to demand that regional elections be held this year, the latest in an ongoing revolt against the dictatorial leader. This one was great to see because it was a surprise protest staged on Caracas' west side and while it lasted a scant 30 minutes, it left an indelible impression after many drivers got out of their cars and joined the fun alongside their elected representatives. "We're demanding our rights, the right to elections, to the electoral timetable. The CNE (National Electoral Council) can't continue to delay the elections. The period for governors has already passed. It expired in December. We want elections," lawmaker Jose Guerra said after helping lead the uprising. Some in the crowd either a) knew about this beforehand or b) just travel with protest signs in their cars because they know what kind of country they live in and that at some point, they’re going to need a sign that reads, "Elections Now!" Legislator Jorge Millan was also on hand and proclaimed to the masses that Venezuelans needed to be permanent agents of protest to "rescue" the country. According to the noted liars of the CNE, gubernatorial elections, which had been originally slated for late 2016, will take place at some vague point later this year. Opposition leaders have continually ripped the delays as their country remains mired in a deep recession and grappling with massive inflation and at this point, it’s hard to blame them…….

- Being put out in right field is akin to being put out to pasture for a great Major League Baseball center fielder. Thus, it’s easy to understand the hurt feelings for Pittsburgh Pirates perennial All-Star outfielder Andrew McCutchen, who’s spent eight seasons patrolling center field in the Steel City. That time is over, just sooner than he expected. McCutchen thought he’d be making the decision on when to relocate to a corner outfield spot on account of declining speed and athleticism, as the great ones like to think. Instead, the team informed him prior to the start of spring training that he was going to shift over to right field this season. “It wasn't an ask," McCutchen said. "It was more of a 'say.' It was 'I have to move there.'" It was a tough decision to accept and Cutch conceded that he took it hard. "That was one of the first times that that was something I wanted to go against," McCutchen said. "It wasn't something I was ready for or I wanted to do. But as I keep saying that, I'm talking about myself. So I just had to not be as selfish and just accept that that's what I had to do and move over to right." He’s only played one game in right field in his entire career, with Double-A Altoona in 2006, but right field is generally considered the easiest of the three outfield spots to play. Successfully adapting to his new spot may be a lot more psychological and pride-related than physical for the multi-time All-Star, a move one of his predecessors in center field mastery, longtime Minnesota Twins star Torii Hunter also made, albeit when he was five years older than McCutchen……..

- Be glad they wore pants, Rutgers. Your business school should not only not be turning students away from a career fair for wearing the wrong colored clothing, it should remove that stick from up its ass and realize that it’s Rutgers Business School, not Harvard, Stanford or Oxford. The situation arose thanks to a stringent new policy forbidding blue suits, colored shirts, brown shoes and other attire, although the bias against blue suits and brown shoes is unclear in either its logic or its purpose. According to ass-hatted administrators, the dress code change was in response to students who did not dress properly in past years, but unless the attire those offenders wore was a birthday suit or a clown suit or a birthday suit, then the school clearly went eight steps too far in its legalistic overzealousness. That much was clear after the school issued a formal apology in a statement, saying it was sorry for barring students from entering a job fair when the entire purpose of a college or university is to help students find the job of their dreams to help them pay back the tens of thousands of dollars in student loans they rakced up during their time on campus. The ass hat who fell on the sword for this one was Senior Associate Dean Martin Markowitz, who explained that the school did not permit blue to avoid confusion with different shades. Ah yes, because employers do NOT f*ck around when hiring if a person shows up in navy blue, sky blue, midnight blue or powder blue. In order to assist the students it screwed over by refusing to allow them to enter an on-campus job fair specifically for them, the school those students who were turned away get in contact with recruiters.…….

Uncle Drew's terrible idea, Monopoly dumps the thimble and Albania is a stoner tourist destination

- Monopoly has aged out. Board games may as well be bored games for those under the age of 50, but Monopoly is doing its best to remain quasi-relevant outside of the time every couple of years when McDonald’s revives its popular promotion centered on the game. Over the past 80-plus years, the game has gone through various evolutions, such as the one in 2013 when Hasbro Inc. dropped one of the lamer pieces, the iron, from Monopoly. Now, it’s time to say farewell to another long-standing piece and once again, it’s a piece that no one should really miss. The thimble, which has been part of the popular board game since 1935, is being phased out and going forward, it’s more likely to see emojis and hashtags as options for your character in the game because Hasbro is trying to update Monopoly to keep it from becoming a has-been. The company is holding a worldwide contest to let people choose the eight tokens to be included in the next generation of the property acquisition game, trying to own the railroad, stage a hostile takeover of Atlantic Boulevard and Park Place and find a way to get themselves out of jail and back into the damn game THAT GOES ON FOREVER AND NEVER SEEMS TO END BECAUSE NO ONE CAN ACTUALLY ACQUIRE EVERYTHING THEY NEED TO WIN. The new tokens will be announced March 19 and they’ll be a part of a new version of the game slated to hit store shelves this August, assuming Hasbro can get people to turn away from their beloved smartphones long enough to remember that board games do still exist…….

- More catwalk, less bass line, Pete Wentz. The Fall Out Boy bassist channeled his inner runway model at New York Fashion Week earlier this week, making his not-awaited debut on the catwalk during a show at the self-important, hype-riddled fashion festival. Wentz, whose band currently sucks and has always sucked, joined fellow musicians-turned-models Desiigner, Young Thug and Fetty Wap on the catwalk for designer Philipp Plein’s marquee event. There was nothing wrong with the fashion event itself, other than the ridiculous degree of self-aggrandizement that most involved the fashion week bestow upon themselves, so it was nice to see Wentz and his musical pals join forces for event that Plein caustically termed as ‘Make New York Fashion Week Great Again’ – the umpteenth unimaginative, lame attempted recycling/repackaging of Ass-Hat-In-Chief Donald Trump’s campaign slogan. It would be even nicer if Wentz pulled a full-on Kanye West and decided to go all-in on the fashion world, perhaps in the process leaving the bland, lame and uninspiring pop-punk stylings of Fall Out Boy behind so the world would never again have to be subjected to any more of their musical drivel. So if that small taste of fashion fame tickled your fancy, Peter, feel free to devote your entire professional life to pursuing it and completely forget that four-stringed instrument thingy you used to pluck alongside those other dudes on stage……..

- Albania, THIS is how you promote your country as a tourist hotspot that the world at large simply has to experience for itself. All that drivel you were spouting a few days ago about amazing, world-class archaeological finds beneath your waters, theoretically inspiring tourists to book their tickets to your little corner of the world with haste…not sure how to put this, but that has very limited appeal. However, hearing that Albanian police have arrested a man who allegedly had 1.38 tons of dried cannabis hidden under his house, that gives your small nation some curb appeal. Yes, that particular collection of chron is no longer on the market, but its discovery hints at the fact that some very good, very mellow times are to be had if stoners want to take a trip to Eastern Europe and pay you a visit. According to a police statement, the drugs were found packed in plastic bags and hidden in underground tunnels that the man allegedly had dug under his house in a village in Vlora district, 100 miles southwest of the Albanian capital, Tirana. Authorities believe he drugs were going to be smuggled into Italy, but they could have been useful at home in Albania, as police allegedly destroyed about 2.5 million marijuana plants last year, four times more than the year before. Mix in seizing several metric tons of cannabis at border crossing points or from boats bound for neighboring Italy and Greece and it’s becoming hard and harder to get high in a country that could sorely use the dollars that come with stoner tourism……..

- When an athlete wins a world title, that championship success can imbue him or her with all sorts of dangerous hubris. Take Cleveland Cavaliers guard Kyrie Irving, whose team is in the middle of an injury-ravaged season in which one of its three All-Stars is out six weeks with a meniscus tear in his knee and the Boston Celtics are breathing down their necks for the top seed in the Eastern Conference. In other words, now is a time Irving should be locked in even more than normal and instead, we’re greeted with the über-ill-advised revelation that he’ll star in a movie that will turn his Pepsi commercial character, Uncle Drew, into a full-length feature film protagonist. "Pepsi and Kyrie Irving are looking forward to expanding the Uncle Drew universe," said Lou Arbetter, general manager of Creators League Studio, Pepsi's new in-house production company. There’s no release date, but apparently the game plan is to incorporate lost of NBA stars into the movie, presumably to mask the fact that it’s a terrible idea to take something that works on a limited scale in a 30- or 60-second commercial or five-minute promo video on YouTube and trying to extrude it out to a 90-minute (or more) feature film. "I'm really proud of what we've been able to build with Pepsi," Irving said. “And even more excited for what's ahead." You might be, but no one else is. Yes, the previous Uncle Drew videos draw plenty of eyes online, but watching one online for free is much different than paying $15 to go see it in a movie theater. Oh, and the star of the movie isn't even an actor and he’s spending his time on screen dressed as an elderly man fooling people with the basketball skills of an NBA star. What could possibly go wrong with that……..